I'm bored
- Thread starter lilminx
- Start date
ExLimey
Cruising the blueline
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2001
- Posts
- 2,707
Joke for ya...
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
l. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
l. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Woodmiester
Recess is over
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2001
- Posts
- 8,024
underside of clouds over water, some shading done
might not be all that exciting
might not be all that exciting
alexandraaah
tangential
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2001
- Posts
- 11,259
I love this one...
but then again, I think like a child.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3737/button_making_machine.html
but then again, I think like a child.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3737/button_making_machine.html
G
Guest
Guest
Bobbit Hillbillies
G
Guest
Guest
lilminx said:
*slowly entering room to really bad music*
"here I am!!"
so, do you want me to do a little dance first, then make a little love? Or a lot?
Dillinger
Guerrilla Ontologist
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2000
- Posts
- 26,152
Is this like - here I am now, entertain me?
Geez - demanding lil' minx, aren't you?
Ok.. I'll do my part... *sigh*
Subject: 103%
103%
Something to ponder about your level of performance.
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If - A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K =
8 +1+ 18+ 4 +23 +15+ 18 +11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E =
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
Check this out..
A T T I T U D E =
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T =
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that:
Hard work and knowledge will get you close,
Attitude will get you there,
But bullshit will put you over the top.
Geez - demanding lil' minx, aren't you?
Ok.. I'll do my part... *sigh*
Subject: 103%
103%
Something to ponder about your level of performance.
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If - A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K =
8 +1+ 18+ 4 +23 +15+ 18 +11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E =
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
Check this out..
A T T I T U D E =
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T =
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that:
Hard work and knowledge will get you close,
Attitude will get you there,
But bullshit will put you over the top.
christophe
back by popular demand
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2001
- Posts
- 9,377
Click on my Av its interactive and the pants come off!lilminx said:
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Cute song, Foxy
I know you do, sweetie
If I only had a web cam, you'd get your free show..... you could tape dollars to your monitor....
Dilly might wear you out though...... unless he uses his hard work and knowledge, then he'll cum up juuuuust a little short
lilminx said:
I know you do, sweetie
If I only had a web cam, you'd get your free show..... you could tape dollars to your monitor.... Dilly might wear you out though...... unless he uses his hard work and knowledge, then he'll cum up juuuuust a little short
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Not a male stripper, but my best buddy, my son.
lilminx
...
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2001
- Posts
- 19,004
Thanks Storm. Sometimes it's the thought that counts.
Since I"m asking people to entertain me, I'll add a funny link.
Bartenders! Have you ever seen this happen?
Since I"m asking people to entertain me, I'll add a funny link.
Bartenders! Have you ever seen this happen?
Dillinger
Guerrilla Ontologist
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2000
- Posts
- 26,152
lilminx said:
Forget the post- I want to see cock!!!!
This one?
http://soiuser.hyperchat.com/dillinger/dillinger2.jpg
Or would you prefer - something more up close and personal?
G
Guest
Guest
lilminx said:
Aw, thanks.
I'd send you som smutty pix of me......if I had any
