I'll do you if you do me

[mistyfox]

I am fairly new to literotica dn so far I'm loving it. I would REALLY appreciate any comments on my work, both positive and negative. I'd appreciate constructive criticism.
Below are some links so a few of my stories.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=50772
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=50773
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=54338

I will be more than happy to review your work as well and provide my own comments.
Thank you so much!

Misty

 

[open assed slut]

i really enjoyed those stories. my favourite was 'controllers' that was fab! what i really loved was the fact that it sounded so real, i read many stories which u just think 'thats great but its not likely to happen'. i've been reading the stories on here for a while but i've only just finished writing my first. its called 'finally' and if u'd like to read it u can find the link below...

i'd really appreciate any comments!

keep up the good work and i'll look out for more of your stories!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=56907

 

[mistyfox]

Thanks

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate any and all comments on my stuff. I have read 'Finally' and emailed my comments. Great starter!
Misty

 

[80niner]

3,600 words cut to 2.863 words

Mistyfox..

I did a line edit on your story. I won’t critique it except to say it is a nice little story and I enjoyed it.

I cut over 700 words from your story
.
What I do in my rewriting is try to eliminate every word I can. What I suggest is that you print this out and then try to figure out why I did what I did to your story. Hope you aren;t upset at what I did.

80niner


Controllers
by mistyfox ©

Things were slow, but vigilance was essential. I checked my watch. Forty-five minutes until my shift was over and the airport closed. In the Air Traffic Control tower, small overhead bulbs gave just enough to see the panels and buttons. Outside the tower, only the runway lights were visible.

It was warm up there. I unbuttoned my top as much as I could without popping out. The other controller had run downstairs to grab a drink. I liked working here. I felt comfortable with my coworkers. We were like family; knowing intimate details of each other's lives. During the slow times there was an occasional card game but lengthy conversations took up the majority of the shift.

Of the ten controllers and only three were women. After growing up in a family of boys, I got along better with men than I did women. Women could be petty. Men, for the most part, were easy going. I could be myself around men. When I didn't feel like applying make-up, I didn't and I didn’t feel I'd be looked down on.

On the days when I spent a little time on my appearance, the stares I caught in the corner of my eyes made me feel sexy. The two other women were pretty much the same. If you decided to be Queen Bitch, you wouldn't last a week. No one was better than anyone else. In a crisis, you all had to work as a team, or you wouldn't survive.

Stephanie came back up with two Cokes, and Sam, her boyfriend of two years and fellow controller. Sam worked mornings. They didn't get to spend a lot of time together, so he'd come at night to pick her up. He happened to be early tonight. I didn't mind since we weren't expecting any more traffic tonight.

"Hey, Brit," he said casually. It was a play on words. My name was Brittany, but I was also from England.

"Sam." I nodded at him and took the Coke Steph offered me.

Sam was a good guy, and good looking too. Rugged would be the appropriate word. I thought about him on a few occasions, unprofessionally, but would never come between Stephanie and him.

"What are you doing when you get off?" Steph asked.

"The usual," I replied. "Home, hot bath, curl up with a good book."

"You need to get out more, Brit." She had a look of pity on her face.

"Still been slow?" Sam changed the subject and took a seat in the back of the room. The tower was only 15 feet in diameter, so nothing was very far away. He propped his feet on the desk we used to type our reports.

"The usual. I don't expect anything in tonight." I still wore my headset but moved the mike away from my mouth.

Sam took out the well worn deck of cards from the desk drawer. He removed them rom the box and shuffled them. "Anyone up for a game?"

"Sure, what the hell." I leaned on the console.

Stephanie took the other seat and said, "What's your game, baby?"

"Poker?" He looked back and forth between us. "Maybe strip Poker?"

I blushed at the thought of beating the pants off this guy. Poker was my game. My brothers and I played while growing up. I was good by the time I was thirteen. "You're on," I said, not realizing that Stephanie was looking at me, strangely.

"Really?" she asked. "I didn't think you'd agree."


"I'm not a prude, you know." I said a little meaner than I meant.

Sam shuffled and dealt. Two pair. Not bad. "One," I said sliding my card over to him. Excellent, full house. This was going to be too easy, I thought.

"Read 'em and weep, girls." Sam said laid out a straight.

"Damn it, Sam!" Stephanie giggled as she showed her hand with a pair of two's. Her shirt came off without so much as a hesitation.

Sam gazed at my cleavage. "C'mon, Brit, your turn." A note of cockiness appeared in his voice.

"Keep your shorts on, love." I unbuttoned the rest of my shirt. "At least for this hand." I took off my top, exposing my new Victoria Secret bra.

We played several more hands. Things were nearly even between Sam and me. Poor Stephanie had not won a hand and was down to her panties. I had my bra and panties. Sam was down to his skivvies. One more win for me and I might not have to fantasize about what he looked like naked. Luck was not with me that hand. Off came the bra. Dead even now. The one winning the next hand would see the other two buck naked.

Sam's deal. First card, King of hearts. Next card, ten of hearts, Next one, Jack of hearts. Come on, I pleaded to the invisible card god. Six of clubs. Hello up there! A little help would be nice. Ace of hearts. There we go. "One." I slid the six over to Sam. Our fingers touched and I saw excitement brighten his eyes. As well as a little movement in his thin boxers. Four of spades. Shit.

"Time to show, ladies." Sam spread his cards and clasped his hands behind his head. Four queens. Bastard, I thought, smirking. It was only a game, but I hated to lose. I had nothing.

"Bye, bye bottoms." He grinned like a schoolboy. Stephanie stood and wiggled out of hers. "You're next, Brit. Let's see it." He was smug, but fair is fair. I stood, noticing the clock seeing that the airport was officially closed. I hooked my thumbs in the sides of my panties and decided to give him a show. Never mind that Steph was there. This was their idea. I lowered one side, turned and lowered the other. I slid them slowly over my ass and turned to face them. Stephanie's eyes were as wide as saucers. I could see through Sam's boxers. He was rock hard. I kicked my panties away. Sam gasped as he realized I was bald down below.

"Nice," he said gruffly.

I looked to see Steph’s reaction to her boyfriend complimenting my shaved pussy.

A slow grin crossed her face. "I never figured you were the type," she said.

"I'm full of surprises," I replied. "What now?" I watched Sam’s hand creep toward his cock.

"Truth or Dare." He cleared his throat.

I turned the inside lights off. The runway lights, on a timer, had shut off earlier. All that illuminated the tower were the panel lights. It was enough.

"Sounds better than a book." I watched Sam fondle himself. "Who goes first?"

Steph said, "I will since I totally lost at cards."

She looked at me. "Truth or dare?" she asked.

"Truth," I said. Call me a wimp. I wasn't ready for a dare, yet.

"Have you ever been with another woman?" She asked.

"No." I looked her in the eye. Still looking at her, but directing my question toward Sam I said, "Truth or dare?"

"Oh, I'm all for a dare," he said.

I decided I would be easy on him to start. "Remove the boxers."

He stood and proved himself to be quite well endowed and definitely erect. I felt myself grow moist. He was bigger than I imagined. I thought of Stephanie and our friendship if anything happened tonight. In life, there is always a line you can come very close to crossing but things will return to normal if you back away. But once that line is crossed though, things can never be the same. We were close to that line.

Sam stood, naked, the soft glow of the panel lights behind him illuminated his pubic hair, making it look like peach fuzz. “Well, Steph, your turn. Truth or dare?”

She giggled. “Truth.”

“Have you ever wanted to have a threesome?” He looked at both of us.

She looked at her feet, and shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve thought about it.”

Sam’s erection did a little bounce at her answer. She looked down. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. His hand touched his hardness. That sent a shiver up my spine.

Over Sam’s head was a handwritten sign someone had put up as a joke. It was the Air Traffic Controllers slogan, “You get it up, I’ll guide it in.” I chuckled to myself. Sam was up right now.

Something came over me. I was filled with a desire to cross the line, to be wild and crazy. Always straight-laced and unwilling to take a dare, an animalistic urge now throbbed inside me. My heart beat faster and all I knew for sure was that I was going to be with Sam. That thought made me wet.

Steph looked like someone who had just swallowed the canary. “My turn.” She looked at Sam. “Choose your poison. Truth or dare?” Her shy façade slipped away to reveal an almost evil grin.

“Dare.” His voice was a low growl.

“Taste her.” Her words didn’t hit me at first. She had just told her boyfriend to eat me out! My heart beat faster. I wondered if he’d do it, or if Steph was calling his bluff. As far as I knew, they had had a monogamous relationship. Of course, what people did in their bedrooms was their business. That was something Steph and I didn’t talk about, despite being close.

Sam, his chest rising and falling with desire. pointed to the chair. “Put your ass on the edge.”

I did as was told. I sat, with part of my ass hanging off the chair. Sam knelt and cupped my ass cheeks in his hands. Steph turned to get a better look at us. He was close enough for me to smell him. He smelled like he had just taken a shower. I looked across my belly at his face. He looked as though he had been waiting for this moment. He lowered his face. I looked up at Steph to see her rubbing her nipples with her fingertips. I couldn’t believe she was ok with this!

Sam licked me. His breath was hot and his tongue wet and rough. It felt good and I realized that it had been too long since I had gotten any. I leaned back on my elbows and tilted my head to enjoy it. His tongue flicked on my clit. I felt my wetness run down my ass. I let out a small moan. His tongue made circles around the nub, then he sucked me all in. Sucking and biting gently, while his tongue made licking motions made my insides quiver. He expertly let his tongue slide into my pussy. He lapped the juices now freely flowing. He slid his index finger inside me. I thrust my hips forward at the intense pleasure it gave me.

“No.” Steph spoke in a voice I had not heard her use before. “I said TASTE her.”

He looked at her and I saw his chin, wet from my juices.

“Come here.” She bent and kissed him, licking his wet chin.

I sat , amazed at this scene.

“My turn.” She moved so they could switch places. Sam stood, as erect as ever and moved nearer to my face. Steph knelt and slid her finger up my pussy. I didn’t know what to think, but she started moving it in and out. The eroticism of what she was doing blew my mind. She used one hand and her tongue to play with the outside. The other hand’s fingers fucked me on the inside. I had never in my life done anything like this. It was weird to think a woman was doing this, and I was incredibly aroused.

Sam stood over me, stroking his hard cock. I reached out and grabbed him. He let out a guttural moan. Bringing him closer, I positioned him so I could take his cock into my mouth. His reaction made me even wetter. I let my tongue explore the head of his cock. I made little circles, then grabbed his shaft and began to stroke.

He stood directly over me, cock in my mouth, Steph licked my wet pussy. God it felt so good. Steph brought me to the brink of orgasm three times, but I was too wrapped up in seeing how many groans I could get out of Sam to let myself fully climax. It was awesome.

Steph stood and went to the bag she brought to work every day. She retrieved a large towel she used after showering at the gym. It was still damp, but she spread it on the floor. She lay down on it and motioned for me to come closer.

“Sit on my face,” she said. She looked at Sam and pointed to her pussy. He got the message. He knelt and she raised her ass. He licked his finger and slipped it inside her wet box. “Mmm,” was all that came from her mouth. She looked up at me and raised both arms, reaching for the back of my legs. I knelt above her face.

Sam’s fingers, moving in and out, brought soft noises from Steph who was busy, licking and sucking on my pussy. Sam’s every move turned me on. Steph used her fingers on me, inside and out. I didn’t know if it was more exciting watching or experiencing, but I almost felt guilty that my mouth was the only one not doing anything. I reached out and bending slightly, grabbed Sam’s chest and raked my fingers across it, leaving a slight trail where my nails had been. He shuddered and stopped.

Straightening, he fixed his gaze on me, his eyes almost black with intensity. Steph momentarily stopped her licking and looked at him. With a quick movement, he grabbed her hips and thrust his rock hard cock into her. She let out a scream and I moved so that I became an observer at this point. He rammed her a few times, riding her hard. Steph’s eyes rolled back in her head as she cried for more. Sam’s eyes never left mine, as if he was looking for for me to make the next move. I felt awkward, not knowing what to do. I was getting wetter by the minute and didn’t like not being a part of the action.

My insecurity changed to boldness. I slid over to Sam and pushed him so that he came out of Steph and was forced to lie down. He lay next to her and in a crouching move, I put one leg between them and flipped my other leg over so that I sat on him. Pain shot through me like a wave of adrenaline, but soon turned to ecstasy as I started moving up and down his shaft. He kissed Steph, who licked her own juices off his chin. She rolled over and stood. She lowered herself so she was facing me and all but sitting on Sam’s face. I continued to ride him, and played with my clit.

I closed my eyes. I was startled when I felt Steph’s hand caress my breast. She leaned in and for the first time I was kissed by a woman. I tasted her cum as her tongue slid into my mouth. It was almost sweet. I was aroused in ways I never felt before.

Sam thrust his hips, moving expertly inside me. Steph continued kissing me. She fondled my breasts. I was on the edge of climax. I felt the heat start in my upper arms and thighs. It grew warmer as I circled my clit with my fingers. I let the heat move toward my center. I felt the heat as I came with force. My pussy throbbed. Sam was still moving in and out.

“Oh my God,” he said to Steph, “her cum is running out.” Steph reached down and wiped across Sam’s dick. She licked her fingers and looked at me, smiling.

“Are you ready yet?” she asked Sam.

“Holy shit, her pussy is so fucking wet! She’s going to make me cum!” He practically threw me off him and Steph’s mouth was on him. “Oh, fuck,” yelled Sam.

On cue, Steph removed her mouth and stroked him until his cum shot her in the face. Sam grabbed her hair as his body convulsed. She licked off the end of his cock as he came.

“Wow,” he said after his body stopped quivering. “That was awesome!” He looked at me, grinning. “I never knew that a tight ass like you could be so fucking incredible. Sure you never did that before?”

“Never.” Thoughts ran through my head a thousand miles an hour.

Steph, cleaning herself with the towel, looked over at me. “Do you have any idea how long we wanted at that pussy of yours? What do you think? Was it everything you’d hoped for?”

I started to pick up my clothes. I winked as I got dressed. “I wouldn’t be upset if it happened again.”

-

 

[OT]

MistyFox,

I tend to be an impatient reader. That doesn't mean I don't like long stories, it means that every word needs a darn good reason for being. So I guess I agree with 80niner. A nice story but a little on the wordy side.

O.T.
peek at my prose