I'll call you tomorrow...

[dr_mabeuse]

I was talking to a bunch of people, and one girl was just about in tears because she'd had a date the other night with a guy she really liked, and he said (& I quote): "I'll call you tomorrow."

Of course he didn't. It was the day after and she was still waiting.

It broke my heart to hear how she and her girlfriends parsed and analyzied those four words: "He definitely said 'tomorrow'," "He definitely said 'I'," "Did he say 'tomorrow night'? Or evening?" "Did he say he'd call on your cell phone? Does he have your number?" "Maybe he was in a car wreck." "Maybe he hates me," "Maybe he doesn't want to look too eager?" &c &c

Having been on the male side of the "I'll call you tomorrow" thing, I know how cavalier we men can be about such things. "I'll call you tomorrow" can mean what it says, or it can mean in a day or two, or a few days, or someday. We just don't take it as legally binding, or even literally binding. I couldn't make her believe that though. She was crushed.

I think it's one of those mars/venus things. Anyone have any opinions?

 

[TheEarl]

I am such a girl. If I say or hear "Call you tomorrow," I take it that there will occur a phone call the day after today.

And I'd probably turn into paranoid questionny person if that call wasn't forthcoming.

The Earl

 

[logophile]

I just laugh when a man says he'll call me tomorrow.
Because he won't.
It's not something most men say if they're really going to call...

 

[sophia jane]

I just laugh when a man says he'll call me tomorrow.
Because he won't.
It's not something most men say if they're really going to call...

Sadly this is true. I rarely believe he will actually call. But I do hope for it, and wait for it, on the designated day. And I do get disappointed that he doesn't.
So yes Dr. M, women take it literally. Of course, even worse than "I'll call you tomorrow" is the just plain "I'll call you" which usually translates roughly into "I think you're boring and I don't have the guts to tell you that I hope I never call or see you again."

SJ

 

[logophile]

Look at that! Sophie and I are in the same mood again.
I think I'll call you Soph. We can wallow in it together...

 

[Guest]

I am pretending I did not read this thread.

 

[Guest]

perspectives are such odd things. add to this, voice inflection & facial expression and you get a bevvy of such bizarre meanings.
im watching
i see
i love you people...
"I'll call you tomorrow" is such a cliche...it would burn my nostrils

 

[Guest]

Sadly this is true. I rarely believe he will actually call. But I do hope for it, and wait for it, on the designated day. And I do get disappointed that he doesn't.
So yes Dr. M, women take it literally. Of course, even worse than "I'll call you tomorrow" is the just plain "I'll call you" which usually translates roughly into "I think you're boring and I don't have the guts to tell you that I hope I never call or see you again."

SJ

Yes. This is exactly true. And the inexperienced woman is always taken in by this lowly ruse.

And even those with lots of dating experience hope that he calls.

Perhaps it is the male equivalent to the female's "I just want to be friends."

 

[Guest]

Yes. This is exactly true. And the inexperienced woman is always taken in by this lowly ruse.

And even those with lots of dating experience hope that he calls.

Perhaps it is the male equivalent to the female's "I just want to be friends."

Bingo!

I think you're on to something there.

Now wouldn't it be so much easier, for both sides to simply be honest with each other?

"Hey, I had a good time and I like you, but I'm not sure if I want to start something serious with you just yet. Let's just play it by ear, ok?"

Ya know, I'd much rather hear that than some of the lame shit I have heard over the years.

 

[Celtic Princess]

If you want to talk to the guy tomorrow, why not ask for his number?

Waiting for someone to call me back just doesn't work for me, that goes for anyone, including men I date. If I hear, "I'll call you tomorrow" and they don't call, it's okay. If I had really wanted to talk to them, I would have talked to them because I would have had their number. *shrug*

I tend to be one of those very direct people and I'm also a control freak. If I left it up to the person I liked to call me back, I would be giving them a measure of control over how I feel. Now, if I called and they didn't answer, or didn't return my call, it's a different beast entirely.

 

[Guest]

 

[carsonshepherd]

Oh, and men who say "I love you but I'm not in love with you" should be drug out into the street and shot.

Bwahaah! it's not as bad as "It's not you, babe, you're great. It's me."

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Bwahaah! it's not as bad as "It's not you, babe, you're great. It's me."

"I'm just a beautiful free spirit, I touch your life and then I'm gone."

 

[Belegon]

Bwahaah! it's not as bad as "It's not you, babe, you're great. It's me."

I actually never got that so much. I used to get a lot of, "I'm sorry, but you're just so intense."


Because I am. Oh, not that you would know it at first. But once I trust/like you, I can get very intense. Some people revel in it, or are even drawn to it in a moth/flame way. Others get scared.*


* and recent events remind me that some people do all three...

 

[carsonshepherd]

"I'm just a beautiful free spirit, I touch your life and then I'm gone."

"Cause, you know, I just gotta follow my own agenda, babe...."

 

[Guest]

"Cause, you know, I just gotta follow my own agenda, babe...."

A stallion has to run, carson. Run wild and be free.

*giggle*

 

[impressive]

"Tomorrow" means tomorrow to me -- regardless of whether a date says it or the dentist's office. If either doesn't follow through, my trust/confidence in that person/business is damaged. Repeated damage, and I'll just jettison the worthless baggage and move on. If someone doesn't respect me enough to do what they say they're gonna do ... then I don't need them in my life.

End of story.

 

[R. Richard]

I think that an adult needs to have a sort of filter for their personal life. It is much easier for someone you date to fib a little rather than tell the truth when the truth might be unpleasant. An adult needs to use the filter to determine if what is said is a fib or not.

That said, when the lady you date says, "Let's just be friends," she means in another life in the FAR distant future. Of course, I have never had this happen to me personally (well, under a million times for sure.)

 

[AppleBiter]

I was talking to a bunch of people, and one girl was just about in tears because she'd had a date the other night with a guy she really liked, and he said (& I quote): "I'll call you tomorrow."

Of course he didn't. It was the day after and she was still waiting.

It broke my heart to hear how she and her girlfriends parsed and analyzied those four words: "He definitely said 'tomorrow'," "He definitely said 'I'," "Did he say 'tomorrow night'? Or evening?" "Did he say he'd call on your cell phone? Does he have your number?" "Maybe he was in a car wreck." "Maybe he hates me," "Maybe he doesn't want to look too eager?" &c &c

Having been on the male side of the "I'll call you tomorrow" thing, I know how cavalier we men can be about such things. "I'll call you tomorrow" can mean what it says, or it can mean in a day or two, or a few days, or someday. We just don't take it as legally binding, or even literally binding. I couldn't make her believe that though. She was crushed.

I think it's one of those mars/venus things. Anyone have any opinions?

Sounds like your friend needs to buy a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." It's for situations exactly like the one you just described. It teaches her to respect herself enough to realize that if he doesn't call when he says he's going to, he's not that into her and it's okay, because he's not worth her time. Just my 2 centavos.

AppleBiter

Here's a link to it on amazon, if anyone is interested:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...03-0578881-7307018?v=glance&s=books&n=507846]

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Bwahaah! it's not as bad as "It's not you, babe, you're great. It's me."

Okay then, let me judo this conversation in a slightly different direction.

Guy has a date with this girl, and he has a pretty good time, but he wants to think it over before committing to another go.

What should he tell her?

"Maybe I'll call you."

"Let me think about calling you."

"I had a moderately good time. Let me think it over and then I'll call you."

"I'll call you for sure, and then I'll lie to you."

"We should do this again some time."

"Had a great time. So long."

Or should he have to come to a decision about seeing her again right then and there?

 

[impressive]

Everyone approaches decisions differently. I am an "intuitive feeler" (in terms of the MBTI), so I make such decisions quickly -- some would even say impulsively. Others need to mull.

For the mullers, I'd advise NOT saying anything concrete.

How about: Here's my number. Call me if you would like to do this again sometime.

 

[SnoopDog]

I was talking to a bunch of people, and one girl was just about in tears because she'd had a date the other night with a guy she really liked, and he said (& I quote): "I'll call you tomorrow."

Of course he didn't. It was the day after and she was still waiting.

It broke my heart to hear how she and her girlfriends parsed and analyzied those four words: "He definitely said 'tomorrow'," "He definitely said 'I'," "Did he say 'tomorrow night'? Or evening?" "Did he say he'd call on your cell phone? Does he have your number?" "Maybe he was in a car wreck." "Maybe he hates me," "Maybe he doesn't want to look too eager?" &c &c

Having been on the male side of the "I'll call you tomorrow" thing, I know how cavalier we men can be about such things. "I'll call you tomorrow" can mean what it says, or it can mean in a day or two, or a few days, or someday. We just don't take it as legally binding, or even literally binding. I couldn't make her believe that though. She was crushed.

I think it's one of those mars/venus things. Anyone have any opinions?

I think you're absolutely right.

I also sometimes do call a little later to make it a suprise. I know that can be mean, but....it works.

Snoopy

 

[Guest]

Everyone approaches decisions differently. I am an "intuitive feeler" (in terms of the MBTI), so I make such decisions quickly -- some would even say impulsively. Others need to mull.

For the mullers, I'd advise NOT saying anything concrete.

How about: Here's my number. Call me if you would like to do this again sometime.

I like that approach. Fair and honest.

As for mulling, I think women tend to arrive at those decisions fairly quickly.

And if it takes you a few days to decide whether or not to see a certain person again (and you aren't already in a relationship, have intense job stresses, or other type of condition which would prohibit rational thought) perhaps you should not.

Ever.

Never ever.

Well, except for a life-threatening life-boat situation.

Then all bets are off.

 

[logophile]

How about: Here's my number. Call me if you would like to do this again sometime.

That's usually what I do, if I'm interested.

The thing is, if a guy is interested he will usually say, "Can I call you?" or "When can I call you?" And he'll ask when he should call... For instance:

"Can I call you?"
"Yes, I'd like that."
"Tomorrow?"

At least that's how it goes in the early stages.
When he finishes a date or conversation with "I'll call you tomorrow," you know it's insincere.

That's my experience anyway.

 

[LadyJeanne]

The only time I believe a guy will actually call again is 1) if he ends the date with "When can I see you again?" or 2) I have absolutely no interest in him.

But once I trust/like you, I can get very intense. Some people revel in it, or are even drawn to it in a moth/flame way. Others get scared.

So...what if you really, really like one of those who gets scared? Do you just let them go, or have you figured out a way to ease their fears?