Ignore this, please.

[LadyDarkFire]

I'm about to start ranting, this is a product of a bad week, and somethings that are just bugging me.

I am so bloody sick of being a convienience. Sick of Friends that I only hear from when they need something, sick of people who assume that I will forgive them and immidiately start helping them again. I am SICK of being an assumed helper. Every freaking time a person needs something proofread for a class, everytime they need a shoulder, every time there is a problem with a romance, I get called. Yet, when I get depressed, aside from a rare few friends, I could be talking to an empty room for the help I get.

Is it something about my personality? Does my visage scream "I'm here only to help you"? What is it?

Getting the "Well you should come out with us, you'll feel better" speech does not help. Ever single friend within close range, and most of the ones in far range, are all attatched. It doesn't help to have my closest friend within State limits acting like a twitter patted caffine addicted ditz. Why can't people just respect the fact that, during the Valentine's Day season, I don't feel like watching them make out, then being a shoulder the first time anything goes wrong in the relationship?

I don't know, anymore. I'm lonely in a sea of faces, I'm hurt while I continue to help others, and I'm really sick of being ignored until needed. I'm sick of being a handy emotional dumping ground, all the while getting fucked over by my ex boyfriend and his current light of love, who I used to help out on a regular basis!

 

[lobito]

Lady, you can't let it all get to you, so bad. This happened to me over the last two weeks, and it's not worth worrying about. Take it from me.

I help ANYONE I possibly can, and eventually I just have to take time for me, and say more or less, fuck you everyone else, it's about ME today. Pretty much anyone here at Lit who knows me on a personal level, can attest to that.

Hang in there,

Lobito Lindo

 

[llee69]

Sorry Lady, but I not only didnt ignore this, I even read it! Not once, but 2 times. Yes, every word read 2 times.

The first time I have to admit was because I was reading it about me. I read it the second time because I knew it was really about you.

Being about 15 years older then you I have built up many walls to "protect" me. Yea not only do they keep the selffish people out, they keep out damn near everybody. Not quite what I built them for.

I feel for you, not sorry for you, just feelings.

Well Now I gotta go be eithe silly or sexy, I dont know which!

 

[Rubyfruit]

LDF, try being selfish for a while until you can gain a balance.

Stop all involvement with your ex and his girlfriend. That part of your post seemed to resonate your hurt more so than the rest of it.

You need to take control of your life. And that might look like being selfish for a while. Who cares. Do it anyway.

May I also suggest that during this time you work on your boundaries so that this problem doesn't crop up again? People take advantage of you because you let them.

You can't change what people in your life will do. All you can change is your response to it.

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Thanks, mainly this is just a problem with stress. I guess I should elaborate, otherwise, that rant won't make much sense unless you know me (Moridin, Nighthunter).

In the late summer of last year, I met a guy who I fell in love with. Problem is that after 2 break ups (both by him, the first one being while I had taken a weekend trip to see him, at his request, the second being on my Mother's birthday), countless hours crying over him, being jerked around, and generally treated like a servant, I found out that he had not only had a history of this sort of thing, but had started seeing another woman about 3 days after popping the question to me. This brought me low at an already bad time in my life, and I spent about a month crawling out of that hole. I shut off all communication with him right after I learned what he had been doing. The only common place we shared was an IRC role play which I was generally around at times when he wasn't.

Seperate from that, about a week after the first break up, a woman who I considered a friend asked me to role play with a friend of her's, since he was new to the chat. I did, and ended up stepping into nothing but trouble. The man has a sever problem distinguishing fantasy from reality. He interpretted an In Character Love spell, and general niceness, as Out Of Character Love. Needless to say, when I got back together with the man mentioned above, bad things ensued. Since the final breakup, I have learned a few things. A. The woman who asked me to role play with this unstable character KNEW of the condition, and deliberately withheald the information to, and I am quoting a saved and witnessed conversation, "see how things would unfold." B. The Unstable character was using one of my characters, has suffered a general worsening, and suffers from fits of rage (one of which was directed at me, I am glad he is at least 200 miles away), and is still allowed to role play with unwarned characters in the same venue. C. The Ex and this woman have gotten together (about 3 days after he broke up with me the second time). Tidbit of knowledge C was learned in a Wonderful (insert dripping sarcasm into that word) phone conversation with my ex, who called me to get me to deal with the unstable character to end the problem of my character being used by him.

I was called after clearly severing contact, to gloat over his new relationship, have someone to occupy his time, and to help him solve a problem for his new fuck toy. Can we just imagine how this boosted my confidance?

Then came Valentine's day, which is heralded by my dear guy friend going twitter patted over his newest light of love, my other guy friend. I knew my friend (nicknamed affectionately, Tink) was gay, but to see him acting like a giggly cheerleader (in a well over 6 ft male body), just depressed me further. So, I turned to alot of my friends around here, all of whom I have been, in their own words, a great shoulder and ear for. I would get about halfway through the first part of that story, and suddenly, they'd have something to do, some bit of advice to walk away after delivering, and a sympathetic pat pat on the head (I REALLY hate being shorter than my friends). The only ones who were even willing to listen to the entire story were my brothers (Moridin187 being one of them), and two in passing friends from this board. My brothers are all going through their own problems, so it was not the right time to tell them. Suffering from finding out the betrayal of a girlfriend, having just been dumped (over the phone) by a girl not 20 minutes earlier, and suffering from sever seasonal affect disorder, my brothers do NOT need my problems. *sighs* So, after all of this, I called my dearest, oldest friend. She and I have been friends since PreKindergarten, have seen eachother through numerous things, and have been close for years. I hadn't talked to her recently because she is at a Southern California college, and is incredibly busy (as am I), and we'd lost contact. Her statement, not 3 words in: "Oh, I know you're going through this crisis, and I am sorry hon, but you know, I do have an appointment with my stylist, and also I need to get some homework done. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow, kay? Oh, and while I have you on the line, could you send me down those books I wanted to borrow from you last time I was up there? You're a Doll, Thanks." *bangs head on desk*

Apperantly, when it comes right down to it, I've got a personality that says "Please whipe your feet here" or "Hello, I'm here only to help you." Is it so bad to want friends, who you've helped on more occasions than you can remember, to listen to you for once? I get dragged out to their parties, called to pick them up when their drunk and can't drive, asked to do countless things, including babysit a sick cat, a very finiky orchid, and a dirty house for two weeks. I'm not suggesting that I'm owed anything, but hell, house sitters, nannies, cooks, maids, and butlers get paid. For my friends, I've done the work of these positions, because they were in spots. What ever happened to returning the favor by having a cup of coffee and lending a shoulder to a friend? Is it too much to ask?

 

[Draco]

LDF.I'm truly sorry to hear about your drama. Feel free to chat or PM Me. You always make my days a little brighter, so hopefully I can return you the favour...

Draco.

 

[SilverVeil]

I know exactly where you are coming from and you can please feel free to call me sister if you like.

One question I have had to seriously ask myself if this : " Where does the caretaker go when the care taker needs some taking care of ? "

I had to totally shut my " friends " out of my life due to this same problem. I can sympathize with the lonely feelings too. They are what drew me here to Lit in the first place. Hell, even to this very day when I go to the store it is not unusual for me to buy something for every one else, and nothing for myself. When I went to the book store with a $75 return of some books I got as gifts, I ended up spending $65 of it on my b/f. Bet you do the same thing. I feel guilty if I buy a lot of things for me.

You need some " me " time. Turn off the ringer on your phone. And let your machine answer to screen calls for you. Go buy some books you have been wanting to read. Or if the budget will not support that .... go to your library and check out some. Make it a point to buy something for yourself every week. A manicure, or a facial, a massage, new slippers, a new coffee mug and a new brand of coffee or tea.

You have to think of yourself sweets... cuz ain't nobody gonna think for you. I buy myself flowers when I want flowers cuz if I wait for someone else to buy them, I am going to be waiting a long time.

I have one friend who insists on telling me the same shit over and over and over. Even when I have told her she does this, she still persists. She is so narrow minded and focused on her self, that one time I actually told her I was so depressed I was thinking suicide was the only way out of my problems and she just breezed over it and continued on with bitching about her husband and kids. Kinda dense that one is.

If you ever need someone to listen to you..... feel free to PM or e-mail me. I KNOW what it is like and it sucks balls to be in the position.

 

[SilverVeil]

Oh yeah .... forgot to mention, if you have a beauty school around your area, you can get some really cheap deals on the beauty things for yourself and you are helping a student learn.

 

[Lady Violet]

it never ceases to amaze me
how often people look down
when passing by a stranger
always wearing a frown

why not look up, and see the sun
the sky a brilliant blue
and remember all the wonderful things
that have become a part of you

your smile, your laugh, your zest for life
we all know its true
so how can people say or do
awful things to hurt you?

your aura is filled with love
its something they wish to acquire
because nothing beyond hope
compares to Lady of Dark Fire

*hugs* For you my friend.
Lady Violet

 

[Tim1]

I'm sorry

Rubyfruit was right on one thing. You can't get taken advantage of if you don't let them.

Helping others is a wonderful thing to do. When the help (no matter what it is), becomes too much or they take advantage of you, shut it off.

There is nothing wrong to expect true friends or even loving family to return help when you need it. If that isn't happening......then neither is the case....

Good luck, I have been in your shoes at some points in my life.

 

[llee69]

This poem has helped me out thew the years. I have it posted several places in my house for those times of need.

I hope it helps.



Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods there be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
--William Ernest Henley

 

[Lady Violet]

Making sure LadyDarkFire gets her poems.