If...

[scheherazade_79]

If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there'd be no room for tinkers.

A thread to make you think, and possibly transport you a nightmarish world beyond your imagination.

Consider the following scenarios, then write down how you would cope with each.


1. An employer has asked you to an interview over lunch. Everything is going well until your steak arrives. It's so tough that you can feel your jaws aching as you answer the interview questions. The employer asks you why you think you'd be great for the job, and just when you open your mouth to reply, one of your front teeth drops out and lands on your plate with a faint clatter.
What do you do?


2. You're on a first date with someone you fancy the pants off. You decide to go to the cinema to watch a quiet romantic film. In the middle of it, you notice your date's purse fall to the floor. Eager to impress, you do the right thing and pick it up for them. But as you do so, the pressure on your stomach forces out a loud an unexpected fart. Several people turn round.
What do you do?

3. Things are going well between you and your partner, and after several months of dating, she suggests that you meet her parents. Her parents are extremely posh and live in something that could only be described as a mansion. At some point in your visit, you feel the call of nature and hasten to the bathroom. After finishing your business you realise, to your horror, that there's one turd that won't flush away, no matter how much you persevere. It's not as though it's a small and insignificant one either.
What do you do?

4. Your at a serious board meeting when suddenly you hear a noise from your pen. As subtly as you can, you lift it to your ear, only to hear a distinct voice coming from your pen and telling you what you should say in the meeting.
What do you do?


Discuss.

Bearing in mind that you're all creative people, I expect creative answers.

 

[AppleBiter]

1. I would naturally be very embarrassed and very upset. I would cover my mouth with my napkin as quickly as possible and explain to the future employer what had just happened. I would call the waiter to my table and ask to speak to the manager and when the manager arrived, I would tell them what happened in a calm, but straight-forward and stern manner, explaining that I expected my future employer to receive full compensation for both meals. In doing so, I've demonstrated my ability to remain calm under pressure, to assert my needs, and to negotiate a fair compromise. Everybody wins . . . except that now I'm toothless.

2. I laugh and apologize. What else can you do?

3. Run. Fast and far. Never return.

4. I seek professional help as soon as possible. When your pen starts talking to you, it's time to take a long vacation and settle yourself on to the couch of a shrink.

 

[carsonshepherd]

2. I just wanted to publically confess that something like that once happened to me. I will say no more because I don't like to talk about it.

 

[impressive]

1. An employer has asked you to an interview over lunch. Everything is going well until your steak arrives. It's so tough that you can feel your jaws aching as you answer the interview questions. The employer asks you why you think you'd be great for the job, and just when you open your mouth to reply, one of your front teeth drops out and lands on your plate with a faint clatter.
What do you do?

Move to West Virginia.

2. You're on a first date with someone you fancy the pants off. You decide to go to the cinema to watch a quiet romantic film. In the middle of it, you notice your date's purse fall to the floor. Eager to impress, you do the right thing and pick it up for them. But as you do so, the pressure on your stomach forces out a loud an unexpected fart. Several people turn round.
What do you do?

Bow.

3. Things are going well between you and your partner, and after several months of dating, she suggests that you meet her parents. Her parents are extremely posh and live in something that could only be described as a mansion. At some point in your visit, you feel the call of nature and hasten to the bathroom. After finishing your business you realise, to your horror, that there's one turd that won't flush away, no matter how much you persevere. It's not as though it's a small and insignificant one either.
What do you do?

Go to the household staff ('cause there's gotta be at least one) and explain that the previous user neglected to flush. Inquire where the next nearest bathroom is ('cause there's gotta be at least four more) and make a pretense of using it while the staff remedies the other problem.

4. Your at a serious board meeting when suddenly you hear a noise from your pen. As subtly as you can, you lift it to your ear, only to hear a distinct voice coming from your pen and telling you what you should say in the meeting.
What do you do?

Look for the hidden cameras.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Excellent answers, Apple Biter. Far more enterprising than mine, which are:

1. I'd try and pass off the tooth as a bit of gristle and carry on answering the question regardless. I'd probably spend the rest of the interview enjoying the novelty of being able to poke my tongue out through the gap.

2. I'd probably have a fit of the giggles and let a couple more out by accident in the process. It happened to me once on the pier in St Petersburg, Florida.

3. I'd try weighing it down with toilet paper and poking it down with the toilet brush while I flushed. As a last resort I'd comment loudly on the turd in the bathroom and try and make out that someone else left it there.

4. I'd go to the bathroom and jam it inside my ear so I could listen some more. Then I'd take it to pieces and see if there was some kind of device fitted. If there wasn't I'd definitely go and see the nearest shrink.

 

[scheherazade_79]

2. I just wanted to publically confess that something like that once happened to me. I will say no more because I don't like to talk about it.

That's not fair, Carson. You have to share with us what happened - just in case any of us find ourselves in a similar predicament. We might learn from your mistakes.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Go to the household staff ('cause there's gotta be at least one) and explain that the previous user neglected to flush. Inquire where the next nearest bathroom is ('cause there's gotta be at least four more) and make a pretense of using it while the staff remedies the other problem.

I like it - calm and devious under the most difficult of circumstances

 

[erise]

1. Try to make the best out of it. "See? Now I desperately need this job so I can pay the dentist bill."

2. First of all, I would wonder why my date was carrying a purse. Second, I would just sit down as if nothing special had happened. Unless it's a stinker. Then I might consider an apology. I'm not what you'd call easily embarrassed.

3. It's a turd. I placed it in the turd dispenser. Why is it my problem if they have a badly flushing toilet?

4. Ignore it for the time being, in case I have gone suddenly insane. When I'm by myself, see if the thing still talks.

 

[scheherazade_79]

2. First of all, I would wonder why my date was carrying a purse. .

LOL! Good point. Ok, purse can be substituted for wallet, or credit card holder, or anything else that a person of either sex can carry around with them.

 

[carsonshepherd]

That's not fair, Carson. You have to share with us what happened - just in case any of us find ourselves in a similar predicament. We might learn from your mistakes.

When in a car with a group of friends, including a guy you have a crush on, under no circumstances let them make you sit in the backseat on the hump.

 

[TheEarl]

1. An employer has asked you to an interview over lunch. Everything is going well until your steak arrives. It's so tough that you can feel your jaws aching as you answer the interview questions. The employer asks you why you think you'd be great for the job, and just when you open your mouth to reply, one of your front teeth drops out and lands on your plate with a faint clatter.
What do you do?

Smile (close-mouthed) and look slightly sheepish. Explain about the meat and discuss briefly with him the quality of the food and the possibility of disrupting the lunch by calling the manager over. then answer the question when he and I have relaxed again.

2. You're on a first date with someone you fancy the pants off. You decide to go to the cinema to watch a quiet romantic film. In the middle of it, you notice your date's purse fall to the floor. Eager to impress, you do the right thing and pick it up for them. But as you do so, the pressure on your stomach forces out a loud an unexpected fart. Several people turn round.
What do you do?

Smile and look sheepish again. Apologise and laugh about it with her. A sense of humour and a good smile will get oyu out of most embarrassing situations. After all, it wasn't as though I did it one purpose.

3. Things are going well between you and your partner, and after several months of dating, she suggests that you meet her parents. Her parents are extremely posh and live in something that could only be described as a mansion. At some point in your visit, you feel the call of nature and hasten to the bathroom. After finishing your business you realise, to your horror, that there's one turd that won't flush away, no matter how much you persevere. It's not as though it's a small and insignificant one either.
What do you do?

Actually, I know the answer to this one - allow the cistern to fill fully and cover the surface of the water with a couple of sheets thick layer of toilet paper. Then flush again. The paper will drag the turd away with it.

It's quite worrying. I have a good IQ and an aptitude with logic puzzles and verbal reasoning. And I've used it to work out how to flush a toilet successfully.

4. Your at a serious board meeting when suddenly you hear a noise from your pen. As subtly as you can, you lift it to your ear, only to hear a distinct voice coming from your pen and telling you what you should say in the meeting.
What do you do?

Follow the advice of the pen if it appears cogent. If, however, the pen appears to be babbling nonsense, then put it away in your pocket to muffle its noise and use another pen. Sort out craziness vs possessed pen issues later when you have time.

Did these blind. Now looking to see what everyone else wrote.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

3. It's a turd. I placed it in the turd dispenser. Why is it my problem if they have a badly flushing toilet?

Damn you Erise! I was drinking, not snorting that Coke!

The Earl

 

[scheherazade_79]

It's quite worrying. I have a good IQ and an aptitude with logic puzzles and verbal reasoning. And I've used it to work out how to flush a toilet successfully.

Did these blind. Now looking to see what everyone else wrote.

The Earl

Earl, you're a genius

 

[TheEarl]

Earl, you're a genius

Always nice to hear.

The Earl