If you were God, what would you do first?

[yevkassem72]

In my case, I'd create brand new sulphur deposits in Lynchburg, Salt Lake City, and the Vatican. But that's just me.

 

[elsol]

TV Evangelists

 

[yevkassem72]

TV Evangelists

What about them?

 

[carsonshepherd]

On the first day, I created a cheese that was both fat-free AND delicious.
And the people rejoiced!

 

[carsonshepherd]

And the dogs, they shall talk, so that my dog may tell Me why he won't stop licking himself.

 

[cloudy]

And the dogs, they shall talk, so that my dog may tell Me why he won't stop licking himself.

there's an old indian story about why dogs sniff each other's butts.

 

[jomar]

And the dogs, they shall talk, so that my dog may tell Me why he won't stop licking himself.

As if you don't know.

 

[Grushenka]

And the dogs, they shall talk, so that my dog may tell Me why he won't stop licking himself.

Wonderful thought. Imagine if animals (even plants!) could speak to us. (I'd love to know how animals curse, or schmooze. )

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Give Fred Phelps amoebic dysentery. And all of his disciples.

 

[neonlyte]

Cancel Religion.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I quote the movie "Time Bandits"

Evil: God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!
Robert: Slugs.
Evil: Slugs! HE created slugs! They can't hear. They can't speak. They can't operate machinery. Are we not in the hands of a lunatic?
Evil: If I were creating the world I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, Day One!

nuff sed

 

[Grushenka]

Cancel Religion.

And, either way, leave us solid proof of 'his' existence or non-existence.

 

[FatDino]

Resign and get down on Earth to find myself a girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

[yevkassem72]

Disavow all of the silly sexual restrictions in various religions. Keep the good stuff like the Golden Rule. Denounce the crusades and jihads.

Or do all of that stuff through a new prophet, who would have to be a lesbian. I just think that would be cool, a religion founded by a lesbian. Have a new revelation put down in a book, with new commandments. And call the new bible The Book of Sappho. Just for kicks.

 

[rgraham666]

The first thing I'd do is resign.

I'm nowhere near wise enough to have that much power.

 

[yevkassem72]

The first thing I'd do is resign.

I'm nowhere near wise enough to have that much power.

That's probably true of all of us. Which makes me wonder about the existence of God.

On the other hand, wise enough or not, I'd have a hard time letting go of that kind of authority.

 

[maggot420]

The first thing I would do is get really really drunk.
Then I would make some more crop circles.

 

[elsol]

What about them?

I would judge them as they have judged others.

I would heal the sick and feed the hungry.

I would visit my wrath on the leaders of the world.

And then I would walk into a bar and say "Fuck his porsche, babe. I'm God! Chocolate for the rest of your life will be calorie-free. Can I create you a drink?"

The wallet would say "Motherfucking Creator of All!"

 

[Chantilyvamp]

Build a stable tunnel/bridge with gas stations and restaruants/hotels from here to the states.

cure cancer...

see my father one more time...

then step down...i've had enough of being in control

 

[elsol]

And then I'd stroll into the Vatican look at my Voice on this here existence and shout out "Bitch! YOU should be getting most poontang of ALL! WTF!"

And no, I wouldn't step down... ever.

 

[Guest]

Change Scouries keyboard so that it only wrote things that were humble and nice to others rather than himself.

 

[yevkassem72]

Pull Zeus's number and fuck a bunch of mortal women.

 

[elsol]

Oh yeah... and I would gather all the religious leaders of the world with all their books and scrub through them going.

"I didn't say that."

"Didn't say that either."

"Okay... who said I said that? I want his fucking ass!"

 

[elsol]

And I wouldn't talk to a single atheist the entire time... just to fuck with them.

 

[elsol]

I would make it so every child on the cusp of being molested turned into a 2000 lb enraged, rabid saber-tooth tiger.