If Only Men Came with Instructions

Isabella Thorne

Saucy Ambassador of Tarty Foreign Affairs
Joined
May 5, 2000
Posts
3,084
Well... it being Friday and all ... I thought you might enjoy this ... all in fun of course ... cause really, men just rock my world ... with or without the instructions ... lol ;)

A WOMAN'S INSTRUCTION BOOK ... FOR MEN

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason you're sick of him.

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.

Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does already.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving -they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop" (unless they're used together).

Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day and he will be back to his usual self.

All men are like chickens with their heads cut off when they see beautiful women pass by.
If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden he is probably checking out the women behind you.
__________________
Happy POETS Day!
~Piss On Everything, Tomorrow's Saturday~
 
"Who gave you my list?"

"Man Isabella!,how did you know that was me?"

"Are you sure you not looking threw my window?"

That was very humorous,and any man that can't laugh at that,needs to have a attitude ajustment,because he is taking life too seriously.

Very funny stuff.And when do you want me to mail you my instuction manual?(LOL)
 
Yeah and if.....

They could only come in pieces, custom peices - so you could put one together - just like you wanted.

What would you put together?
 
In Just Seven Days ... I can make you a man

Sparky Kronkite said:
They could only come in pieces, custom peices - so you could put one together - just like you wanted. What would you put together?
... oh Sparky dear ... I think the "Charles Atlas Song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show best sums it up ... ha ha ha ..

A weakling weighing ninety eight pounds
Will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground.
And soon in the gym with a determined chin
The sweat from his pores as he works for his ca-ha-hause.
Will make him glisten and gleam.
And with massage
And just a little bit of ste-he-he-he-heam.

He'll be pink and quite clean.
He'll be a strong man - oh honey -
Transylvanians. But the wrong man.

He'll eat nutritious high protein
And swallow raw eggs.
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms and legs.
Such an effort - if he only knew of my plan.
In just seven days, Transylvanians.
I can make you a ma-aa-a-a-an.

He'll do press-ups and chin-ups,
Do the snatch clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand.
When, in just seven days - oh baby ...
I can make you a ma-aa-a-a-n

~Frank n Furter~

..... what Nitelight? Women always read instructions ... it is men who throw away instructions without reading them ... lol ... no seriously ...

Morty .... send that instruction manual of yours up north anytime you want baby ... i will be sure to read and memorize every word ... ;)
_________________
I wouldn't change a thing in men ... I love them just the way they are.
That way I can be like the Church Lady and do the "Superiority Dance" ... ha ha ... Well, isn't that special?
 
Oh, Izzy....

Instructions would make us all so predictable. Human behavior is so varied that there would have to be a book for everyone, with daily updates, as circumstances change. You would be spending more time reading and filng than you would in the relationship.

The best instruction I can give to a married man is DO EVEYTHING SHE TELLS YOU. The best instruction that I can give to a married woman is BE FAIR AND REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS. That's no joke, by the way. The scientific literature bears it out.

blue
 
R Nitelight said:
Men do come with instructions. You dames just toss them away without reading them.
What a man thing to say! Women always read the instructions, it's you guys who wing it and are left with interesting and crucial looking pieces left!
 
Thanks for the laugh, I REALLY needed it!

Custom pieces...hmmm and exactly where would they warehouse all the pieces? I'd be interested in the waranty and replacement costs for worn out or mildly damaged parts...*s*
Can I have a full color catalog please?
 
Tweedle Dee

I came up with a really simple solution to being frustrated with men and ready to kill the next one who look my way. Temporary lesbianism. It also gives you a nifty perpective into why men get fed up with us. I really never knew it was just as hard for Men as it is for women until I started dating women. Wonderful insight. It would also make everything a whole lot better if guys would tell us what they want, and if we would do the same. Oh well.. I'll keep dreaming.
 
Well I must say it would be nice if us men only came when instructed to. No more birth control worries. No premature ejaculation probs. And the timing could always be right too if you both want to cum together!!!

And btw Women may read the instructions but alot of times they have to ask the men for help figuring them out! So you need both a man and a woman to really get any use out of instructions. Otherwise men won't read them and the women won't get much use out of them. *that is a joke btw*

Btw. Ewwww on that getting out of the bath to pee one. Hope that guy washed his hair and face first at least. YUCK!

[Edited by wolfy on 10-27-2000 at 01:33 PM]
 
Instruct me baby...destruct me baby!

If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

Really now?;) And about the "harder" thingy...



Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does already.

Oh Yeah? Ask my wife that one! :D

I don't need no stinkin instructions!!!
*muttering*
now what are these extra parts for???
 
It looked so good in the catalogue ...

... It's like trying to assemble Ikea furniture ... neither man nor woman can do it ... it is so fucking impossible lol ...

ha ha wolfie on the coming thing ... i thought of that when i posted it ... even though the joke was sent to me, i created the title ... i wonder if a lot of people thought that too ...

and oh yea bout peeing in the bath thing too but i didn't write the joke .. but maybe "shower" would be more apropro ... at least as per George Costanza .. ha ha ...

one piece Vixen? ... i kinda like the whole package myself *licking my lips thinking bout men and more men and more men ... hmmmm*

ohhhhhhh and yea, women too, Jinx ... and more women and more women ... ha ha i am so fucking naughty ...

and ummmmm Thumper ... darling Thumper ... i really don't want a bald man ... i want a man with long blonde hair ... they "are" harder ... :)
____________________________
You know you shook me ...
You shook me all night long.
 
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