If marriage vows were real!

[Betticus]

Spurred by the jailbait thread.

Pipe up and add in your own version of what some marriage vows would be if reality were to rear its ugly head and take over the voices of the bride/groom during the reading of the vows.

Oh, this should be fun.

P.S. Doesn't have to be from your personal experience but should be real stuff that you know of happening with married couples.

 

[coy_one]

I promise to love, honor and cherish you until something happens that you physically are disabled and it requires me to do more work than I used to.

 

[LadyAgie]

I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as you make more money than me.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Marty Blase, the author of these vows, writes: "My fiancee and I agreed a long time ago that we wanted to write our own wedding vows, and as a spur-of-the-moment idea, I suggested the following. To my disappointment, she didn't quite go for it..."

Pastor: Will you answer me right now
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now
Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife?
Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife,
Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold
Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold,
Just as I have at this time told,
Yes, I will love her all my life
As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad?
Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad,
Whether we're happy or sad,
Yes, I will have and I will hold
Just as I have already told,
Yes, I will love her all my life,
Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich?
Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich,
And I will love her in a ditch,
I'll love her through good times and bad,
Whether we are happy or sad,
Yes, I will have, and I will hold
(I could have sworn this has been told!)
I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife,
And if you'll love her all your life,
And if you'll have, and if you'll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you'll love through good and bad,
And whether you're happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you're poor, and when in wealth,
And if you'll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you'll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified.​

 

[Betticus]

I promise to love, honor and cherish you while you are in the room watching me like a hawk with a mouse backed into the corner. When you aren't looking I'll fuck your friends.

 

[lumi]

I promise to love, honor, and cherish you ...
just don't expect me to tell my family about you.

... for richer and for poorer...
unless you emasculate me by getting a better-paying job than mine.

... forsaking all others ...
it doesn't count if you're out of town or I'm drunk, does it?

 

[Betticus]

I promise to isolate you from your friends and family
I promise to beat you and control you (not in a good way)
I promise to quit my job and live off of your income
I promise to take your paycheck, dignity and pride
I promise when your brother kicks my ass to lie and say I will change.

 

[FurryFury]

I promise to love, obey and cherish (however the hell that goes) you until death does us part or you up and fucking leave me.

 

[graceanne]

Well, I'm sure doing the dishes (for him) is in the contract somewhere.

How 'bout this?

I promise to show you who I really am, and not who I've pretended to be.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

I promise to love, obey and cherish (however the hell that goes) you until death does us part or you up and fucking leave me.

Or my favorite version: I promise to love, honor and obey until death do us part or you fuck up and I leave you.

 

[FungiUg]

Mine would have been something like: ... until I discover I prefer girls.

Which I can't really blame her for; after all, I prefer girls too!

 

[FurryFury]

Or my favorite version: I promise to love, honor and obey until death do us part or you fuck up and I leave you.

Not for me, I never leave. Men leave.

I'm stupid loyal.

Yep.

Maybe someday I'll grow up and leave. Then again, maybe I'm mostly grown up and happy.

 

[Exogenous]

Ah, a marriage made in Dr. Suess heaven? For some reason I have this image of a married couple speaking in Suess-ise for the rest of their lives.

Now, that would be quite a tough type of speech restriction for a sub, especially if the sub could do so without laughing. Wonder what the punishment would be for breaking the restriction and/or laughing?

One crop, two crops, three crops, four.
The feel of your crop, I want more!

Yes Sir, please Sir, I am yours,
I'll wash the dishes, and even the floors!

Marty Blase, the author of these vows, writes: "My fiancee and I agreed a long time ago that we wanted to write our own wedding vows, and as a spur-of-the-moment idea, I suggested the following. To my disappointment, she didn't quite go for it..."

Pastor: Will you answer me right now
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now
Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife?
Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife,
Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold
Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold,
Just as I have at this time told,
Yes, I will love her all my life
As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad?
Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad,
Whether we're happy or sad,
Yes, I will have and I will hold
Just as I have already told,
Yes, I will love her all my life,
Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich?
Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich,
And I will love her in a ditch,
I'll love her through good times and bad,
Whether we are happy or sad,
Yes, I will have, and I will hold
(I could have sworn this has been told!)
I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife,
And if you'll love her all your life,
And if you'll have, and if you'll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you'll love through good and bad,
And whether you're happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you're poor, and when in wealth,
And if you'll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you'll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified.​

 

[NemoAlia]

I promise to love, honor, cherish, and judge you until death do us part.