If its a true story does it count?

[Causeyouwantto]

Tonight I had my girl friend over to watch a movie. We haven't seen each other for a couple of days so of course our cuddling on the couch turned into something much better.

As I lay between her legs looking into her amazingly blue eyes my lips on her neck I whispered how much I missed her. Her neck is so unbelievably sensitive that just the tip of my tongue and the warmth of my breath was enough to make her moan and squirm.
Grabbing a handful of her blonde hair I pull her head back to expose her neck more and kiss her harder, biting her gently on her ear lobe. " Did you enjoy making out with your girlfriends?" I ask.. Looking at me and biting her lip as if embarrassed she tells me to stop that. "I can't wait to fuck you in front of your friends" I whisper softly in her ear. Our kisses soft and gentle grow more frantic. Parting her mouth with my tongue I run it over her perfect white teeth.
Running my hand along her side and over her ample breasts I pull her shirt low to expose her breast. Taking one perfect brown nipple between my teeth I bite down hard enough for her to gasp with pleasure. Moving my other hand down I pull her shirt low enough for her other beautiful tit to feel to cool air in my living room. She begins kneading it on her own.
I look up at her with her nipple still in my mouth and see her eyes starting to glaze over like they do when she's really starting to get turned on. "That makes you such a slut, I love it" Closing her eyes she reaches down to feel my tight stomach. Reaching lower she undoes my jeans. Pulling them low I move up again to kiss her as I grind my cock against her. I run my hand up her leg to spread her wider and slide it down to rub her pussy through her jeans.
Undoing her pants I tug them off and do the same with mine. She's laying in front of me with her white panties covering her waxed pussy. Softly I kiss the inside of her thighs, moving up. With more force I kiss her warm pussy through her panties, feeling her wetness already soaking through. The smell of her pussy fills my nose as I move the cloth aside with my tongue and lick her clit. Taking it in my mouth I gently suck then bite it.
As always she starts to twist and buck against my mouth. I can feel her juices covering my face as I come up for a breath. Moving my body up I kiss her mouth. " Lick it off" I tell her. As she licks her own wetness from my face I slide my cock into her. Slowly I fill her pussy as I our lips touch, I open my mouth and let her tongue explore. Pulling back so just the tip of my cock is inside her I plunge it back in, starting a rhythm. " "Bet you can't wait to feel my cock inside you while your friend sits on your face can you? " I say into her ear. I'm starting to pant her pussy is so tight and so wet. I actually feel it get wetter as she thinks about what I'm saying to her.
Pulling out I pull her thong off and tell her to open her mouth. Slowly I feed them into her mouth and then kiss her through them. Her pussy has soaked them and they smell and taste so delicious. Sliding my cock into her again we fuck and make out over and around her panties. She's reached down and is fingering her clit as I slide in and out of her pussy.
Stopping again I tell her to roll over. As she does she looks back at me over a shoulder. "What are you going to do?" she asks shyly. Sliding my cock into her from behind I force her head down into the couch. Spitting on my other hand I run my fingers against her ass. "No" she says and tries to get away. " It hurts" Holding her by the shoulders I pull my cock out and place it against her ass. " You like when I hurt you slut, remember" Pushing against her I can barely get my cock inside her. Her ass is so tight. " No No No" she cries so I grab her by the hair to force her to look back at me.. " Take it like a Slut" I growl. Fucking her ass I can only get a few inches in her as her protests turn to moans. She's touching her clit from underneath. Suddenly she pulls away and turns around. "Your cocks to big I'm only a little girl" she says. Grabbing her by the hair again I force her head to my cock. Eagerly she opens her mouth and lets me gag her with my cock. "Thats so dirty" I tell her as I throw my head back and moan. Her mouth feels so good. taking my cock out of her mouth she lays back down. As I spread her legs and slide inside her I whisper in her ear" if that hurts so much why does it make you so wet hmm?" "Stop it" she murmers.
Pulling out again I tell her to lay flat on the couch. Straddling her face 69 style I lower my balls into her mouth. Greedily she takes one then the other into her mouth. Reaching down I press her tits together and being fucking them with my cock. "Lick my ass you little slut" I tell her. Feeling her tongue against my ass makes me fuck her tits harder.. Leaning back I press my ass against her face. Forcing her to tongue my ass deep. Reaching forward I spread her legs and being to rub her clit. Calling her a slut and telling her to fuck my ass with her tongue I rub her harder. Slapping her pussy from time to time. "Don't stop" She gasps barely being able to get her breath I continue to rub faster and harder till she begins to cum. Bucking and twisting her tongue never stopping. I stop and lean forward taking her pussy in my mouth and lick her clit that is so big and hard driving her craszy as she cums again.
Once she stopped grinding her pussy against my face I get off and spread her legs again. Her pussy is so hot now as I slide into her I look into her eyes and tell her its my turn. Starting slowly then building faster I pound her pussy. New moans come from her as I groan about how good she feels and how I'm going to fill her pussy with cum. Suddenly I pass that stage where you know you can't stop. Plunging my cock deep and hard I call out her name as I start to cum. Each stroke sends a hot load deep inside her until I'm spent and collapse on top of her.
Leaving my cock in her I kiss her face and her lips. I look her in the eyes and tell her how I lover her. Finally I pull my cock out and let her lick and suck the last of my cum out and then sit beside her letting her rest her head on my lap as I cover her with a blanket.
Its amazing how quickly she fell asleep after that. As I sipped from a glass of wine and watched the last of the movie.

So the best part of all this is its all true.. I'm currently sitting in the cum stain we left on my couch. Her scent still filling my head.

I have the best girlfriend ever because she's a slut and loves it.

Thoughts?

Mister C

 

[KarennaC]

Edit it and submit it.

 

[OhioBrian]

Amazing... yeah don't stop the stories.. but seriously... take pictures throughout!!! we're going insane here reading that.. and wanting to photo evidence along w/ it!!

 

[Causeyouwantto]

Thanks for the comments.

I kind of misunderstood the purpose of this section. I've edited her up and submitted it to be put on the Lit site.

Fingers crossed for the first timer.

Mister C

 

[Guest]

I kind of misunderstood the purpose of this section. I've edited her up and submitted it to be put on the Lit site.

Fingers crossed for the first timer.

Mister C

Good luck with your submission. I assume this is going under either Erotic Couplings or Non-Consent/Reluctance.

Question: is the version above exactly what you've submitted? Several reasons for asking--your paragraphing (as shown above) probably won't be accepted, although stranger things have happened; you repeatedly switch tenses during the story; it's often difficult to tell which character is speaking; and there are numerous grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors.

There are some readers who don't mind these things much if the story is hot enough, but there are many more who do and who will savage your story in their votes and comments.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Cause, hi.

Can I take your post in two parts.

Of course all pieces of writing are welcome. I would just suggest that if you post 'true stories' it's best not to mention the fact and edit out the more boring parts. A quite large number of stories here begin, 'this is a true story' and that is a bit of a turn-off.

Given that, just post your true story and let us take it as fiction.

Second, can I back Gnome and say that I quite like your story but have a problem with your editing. Shorter paragraphs and more dialogue would be good.

Anyway, welcome, be posted and be damned.

Elle

 

[Causeyouwantto]

Constructive Criticism.

Thanks for taking the time to pass on some good advice. Alas I'm a rookie.
Will these tips in mind for the next time for sure.

Cheers

Mister C

PS I did re-edit the paragraph and change some of the wording. I'm not sure how to add dialogue though as I am lucky enough to be with someone that my every fantasy is can be a reality. I'll work on that..

 

[Guest]

I'm not sure how to add dialogue though as I am lucky enough to be with someone that my every fantasy is can be a reality. I'll work on that..

It's easy enough, really--you've got the basics in your story already.

This:

Grabbing a handful of her blonde hair I pull her head back to expose her neck more and kiss her harder, biting her gently on her ear lobe. " Did you enjoy making out with your girlfriends?" I ask.. Looking at me and biting her lip as if embarrassed she tells me to stop that. "I can't wait to fuck you in front of your friends" I whisper softly in her ear. Our kisses soft and gentle grow more frantic. Parting her mouth with my tongue I run it over her perfect white teeth.

Becomes this:

Grabbing a handful of her blonde hair, I pull her head back to expose her neck more and kiss her harder, biting her gently on her ear lobe. "Did you enjoy making out with your girlfriends?" I ask.

"Stop that," she says, looking at me and biting her lip as if embarrassed.

"I can't wait to fuck you in front of your friends," I whisper softly in her ear.

Our kisses soft and gentle grow more frantic. Parting her mouth with my tongue, I run it over her perfect white teeth.

The change is that you show her speaking instead of telling the reader about it. Whenever reasonably possible, show, don't tell.

To your credit, she gets more dialogue later on, but it would probably make the story hotter and more believable to give her a more active voice in the proceedings, maybe by agreeing with you.


I look up at her with her nipple still in my mouth and see her eyes starting to glaze over like they do when she's really starting to get turned on. "That makes you such a slut, I love it."

"Yes, she whispers, "I'm a slut." Closing her eyes she reaches down to feel my tight stomach. Reaching lower, she undoes my jeans.


I know this story is based on real life, but your reader wasn't there and you have to make the characters as real to the reader as the experience was to you. Usually, a straight recounting of what was done and said won't accomplish that. You'll have to either let the reader into one or more characters' heads (what they felt and/or thought), or give the characters more dialogue, or both.

Of course, it may well happen that readers will love your story, so feel free to disregard everything I've said.

 

[tenicka]

I agree with the previous posters as well, but may I suggest putting somewhere in either the title or the start that this was a true story. That might really attracted people to it as well, and they may enjoy it more knowing it was true.

Just my 2 cents from a newbie too.

Happy writing!

 

[silvastormcloud]

It really is amazing the difference a good editor can make to a story.

from a readers point of view it draws you into the story twice or three times as well

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I know this story is based on real life, but your reader wasn't there and you have to make the characters as real to the reader as the experience was to you. Usually, a straight recounting of what was done and said won't accomplish that. You'll have to either let the reader into one or more characters' heads (what they felt and/or thought), or give the characters more dialogue, or both.

Of course, it may well happen that readers will love your story, so feel free to disregard everything I've said.

I agree totally. If you think of TV/film you don't often see a conversation where both parties are visible at the same time. Each character talks to camera in turn, making the viewer feel they are 'there' as Gnome said.

In the best docudrama a real story is slightly fictionalized to get the viewer (reader) to feel they are 'there' rather than hearing a narration.

I echo gnome's last sentence.

 

[Causeyouwantto]

Will improve.

With all the great feedback I'm sure that my next try or re-edit of this one will be much better.

At the end of the day though.. Is there like a place for this type of story, like should I bother continuing on. In all seriousness it really is just based on our sex life. haha I don't know if people are interested in that or more in the fictionalized events

Thoughts?

Mister C

If you haven't seen them yet.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=627117

My slutty muse.

 

[Guest]

At the end of the day though.. Is there like a place for this type of story, like should I bother continuing on. In all seriousness it really is just based on our sex life. haha I don't know if people are interested in that or more in the fictionalized events

There's an audience for virtually every type of story on Lit; the obvious exceptions are underage, rape, bestiality, and gratuitous violence (Lit prohibits them). Without a doubt, you'll find people to read your stories and some that like them.

Whether your stories are based on real-life events is not the question. Some writers describe events that are based, at least loosely, on their own experiences or on the experiences of others. Some just make shit up. One good thing about basing your stories on the sex life of you and your girlfriend is that you have a ready-made stock of stories to tell.

The biggest factor in how many read like what you write depends on how well you write it--which is why virtually all the advice you've received is about how to improve your writing. That doesn't mean that you have to be an award-winning writer. It does mean that you have to be a good-enough writer to tell your stories effectively... and that requires close attention to the mechanics of writing because, as you've seen, poor writing technique gets in the way of the reader enjoying the story.

But the most important question is this: do you enjoy writing? Not just the votes or comments from readers that you may receive, but the actual process of watching something move from your head onto the screen. Do you feel a sense of accomplishment, pleasure, and/or pride when you finish?

If the answers are yes, then by all means keep writing; that alone will help you become a somewhat better writer.

If the answers are no, then quit. If you don't enjoy writing, it's highly likely that we won't enjoy what you produce.