ideas?

[mary jane]

I'm hoping someone out here can give me some advice. For about a year now, my best friend and I have kind of been playing around with the idea of getting us, her husband, and my husband together. I knew she was interested in other women and other couples, but I was never sure if it was just safe musings over the net, or if she was really as into it as she seemed. Well, I started writing stories, mostly for my husband, but they became for our friends as well. I discovered I have a talent for this, for which I am rather proud!, and my response was wild! My friend (and her hubby!) waited eagerly for my next story, as did my hubby. Everyone was totally turned on by my story of two couples who start as friends and become each others sex toys. This is all great, and I'm kind of enjoying this sense of power I get from being able to make other people react so strongly to my words! , but last night my friend and I talked and took that next step by saying we were both serious about this. Now we live far apart, so nothing even COULD happen anytime very soon, but I'm sort of freaking out. I love these friends with all of my heart! And this is a very attractive couple, as well. I guess my problem comes in my own head! I'm feeling that rush of "nice girls don't", and "this has gotta be wrong!". I am definitely attracted to our friends, and as a story, this is a real turn-on! Amazingly, it doesn't feel quite as wrong about her, but I guess that's because a woman feels lees like I'm cheating. But, wow! it's really scaring me to feel this burning desire to be found attractive by her husband, too! Other than as a passing, momentary rush, I haven't allowed myself to feel this for another man since I took my vows, and maybe because I have permission to do this now, I feel I have permission to feel finally too? I can't imagine ever being attracted to her husband in the everyday sense! We'd kill each other inside a week for sure! LOL But just for his body...and what he stirs in me when I imagine being under his control...*shudder!* wow! O, God! can someone help me sort this out, please? I feel like I'm going crazy!
Hugs! Mary Jane

 

[LexusTech]

It's Good to Grow

I want to congratulate you for growing in feelings and in expressing those feelings. Just as you discovered your joy and skill in writing erotica, you can also find a new sexuality and tenderness in letting yourself go with another. I have similar struggles and I found that I was freed up as I freed up my wife. I encouraged her to feel, imagine and act as she wanted sexually. I helped her to dress more seductively and not to run if another paid her compliments and/or attention. I want her to have it all physically and as I did that she responded by helping me to meet her friends and flirt openly with them. We haven't actually swapped yet but it is only a matter of finding the right couple. She did have sex with a single, gal friend one afternoon and she told me about it. She was so happy with my joy for her that now we are more open with all our feelings. This is not a tit-for-tat exchange; we will both have meaningful opportunities as time goes on. We have after ten years of marriage reached higher expressions of sex than we ever thought possible. Give freedom to others and you will be more free. You can write me at firstprise@aol.com

 

[mary jane]

Thanks, Lex! I recently turned 30, and whoever said a woman peaks at 30 was very right in my case LOL I really never felt as I do now...had sex more as a duty, in order to get it over with for a couple of weeks. But lately, my DH has had to suffer with my insatiable appetite more than daily! I just have a difficult time resolving the feelings inside me of, "will our friends be disgusted? appalled?" With each story I've passed on to them, I've waited by the instant message box until they finished reading, just praying they weren't thinking, "Pervert!" LOL Like most people, I have my own sexual "issues", and fears. It just scares the hell out of me to think of putting a rift in this friendship in any way!!! But it is thoroughly exhilerating, and amazing to be discovering this new world and myself, even at my age!

BTW, if anyone who posted on that dog message is reading, thanks for the laughs...so relieved the people who would respond to something like that were you and not that guy...and thanks guy for helping me feel a whole hell of a lot less depraved!

 

[Juliet]

Wow

Reading your post brought back so many scarey memories of me not to long ago. My husband and I started exchanging fantasies one night and I was absolutely astonished when he told me one he had thought of many times was to see me with another man. I was shocked, hurt, and angry at first. Afterall, how could the man I had given myself to for 15 years ever even think of such. Anyway, after a lot of arguing, crying and some really terrible times we finally learned how to talk about it. Through many nights of pillow talk I realized that he wasn't wanting to give me away to someone else just open up a part of me that I didn't even know existed. Now to try and make a long story short....many months later we have friends that we have gotten together with many times and have found it equally exciting to explore our fantasies with them. She and I have grown into amazing friends and up to this point have not had any physical contact between the two of us with the exception of a few caresses and warm touches while the four of us have been together. I have enjoyed on more than one occasion watching her with her husband and with my own just as I have been with hers. We have always been in the same room together with the exception of a couple of nights that my husband was not there and therefore it was just the three of us.

I too have had the thoughts of "good girls don't do these things" and "the feelings of guilt about breaking my vows". But I have come to realize that first of all....if good girls don't open themselves up to others and to their spouse and become completely at ease with their sexuality than I don't want to be a good girl. My relationship with my husband could not be any stronger than it is right now not to mention that we have the most incredible sex imaginable. I feel I am more in tune with my own sexual desires than I knew was possible and can express myself better than ever. Second of all I feel I have more than obeyed my vows because everything we have done, we have done as a couple and both look forward to growing as a couple for another 15 years. Even the couple of times he wasn't there, I have shared every detail with him that was as much of a turn on going through the details with him as it was going through the act itself.

I am 34 and I can tell you I agree totally with the prime at 30 thing...these have been the best years of my life.

Feel free to email me should you have any specific questions that you don't wish to post on here.

The only other thing I would like to add is that you will get so many different opinions about the friend thing...some will say stay away from friends....some will say go for it. To me you just need to go with your instinct. I have many friends and there are very few I would share my husband with not to mention even bring up this subject with. I know he would say the same. The other thing is be completely honest with yourself and your husband. If you hold back the least little bit of your feelings it could definitely come back to bite you in the end. Good Luck!!

 

[mary jane]

Thank you so much Juliet! (BTW, beautiful name! That's what we plan on naming our next daughter!) I've been so fortunate that my hubby and I have really grown together sexually. We really have never fought about sex, and each have wanted to, shall we say, push the envelope, in the same way at the same time. This fore into the unknown I must admit, I appear to be slightly more enthusiastic about than he is. I'm still attempting to gauge whether or not he is playing innocent thinking I might not want him to appear to enthusiastic, or if he is uncomfortable enough to call it quits as anything more than a fantasy. Like I said, though, we live far away, so we have plenty of time to determine those things.

I feel on one level, of course the vows are no conflict! we agree on what we're doing! But, it's that nagging voice in my head that keeps saying "it's wrong". I think I can get past that aspect, I mean, it is kind of a turn on to be "bad"! LOL I guess I won't really know until some time goes by and this isn't quite so new and (I'm not sure the word for it, but it feels like new, fresh, giddy, teenage, bubbly---all rolled into one! Like a virgin playing 7 minutes in heaven for the first time!)

As for the "friend thing", I don't imagine I could do something like this with a sranger--hell! I'm not even certain, were we to meet somewhere today, that I wouldn't start giggling and not be able to stop long enough to GET physically involved! If it were anyone, I think it will be this friend. Besides, I can honestly say, I've never before considered it with any other woman. I do worry though that it could impact our friendship in any number of negative ways. I'm certain she's as turned on by me as I am by her, so I don't worry about that aspect, more the problems that could occur by swapping hubbys. We women have been known to get just a wee bit catty, shall we say! LOL I wouldn't want any hurt feelings.

Thanks everyone!

 

[Juliet]

Believe me Mary Jane I completely understand about the catty thing....Not just that but women can tend to be alot more critical of each other than men and women are. When we were first in the discussion stage with our friends I told my friend right up front that the hard part for me would be her. Not necessarily doing things with her because honestly this was an area for both of us that was never even thought of until recently. It was more knowing she would be watching me with her husband and vice versa. Not to mention that she is a more petite woman than I am. I went through struggles of my own about me not doing anything for her husband because he was not accustomed to being with a woman that was not so petite. Your mind can play many games on you if you allow it to take control.

You will find very quickly that it is not what the other man does for you...or what the other woman does for your husband that will be the real excitement in it. The true excitement is feeling your spouses eyes on you watching your every move.

Another thing is that even though we have been with them many times I am still not past the giggly stage. I hope I never get passed it! The four of us have really enjoyed being able to learn things from each other. Even when things have not worked out we have enjoyed openingly discussing things and/or laughing about what went wrong. We found out very quickly that it is not an exact science but the unpredictableness adds to the excitement.

 

[mary jane]

Yes! Juliet, I know just what you mean! My situation is a little different in that my friend is very well endowed and I am smaller. I just keep thinking, "he can't possibly find me attractive!' then the whole cycle starts of, are either men just going along with our fantasy for our sake, and not really enjoying being with us? Does this make sense? (Sorry if I'm rambling. None of this is really well formed in my own head yet!)

Good to know (about the giggles! LOL)! I couldn't do this with anyone who didn't have a sense of humor!

 

[mary jane]

Another Question...same subject

Okay, folks...I really want your opinions! How would you feel in this situation if you were my friend or her hubby, or my hubby...knowing the background, that we've all pretty much agreed this could be fun, but only really discussed us chicks playing. Then you realize that i am actually physically attracted to her hubby as well. My friend has said she's not ever really thought of my hubby "that way" just as a friend. However, I was REALLY freaked out discussing this with her, and I'm pretty sure she thought I was asking because I was jealous and worried she was "moving in on my territory" so to speak LOL. Actually, I was hoping she was hot for him, so I'd feel better about my feelings for her better half! Damn! I know I'm analyzing this to death, but I can't seem to help it. What are your thoughts??? Hugs! m.j.

 

[robbied]

A thought on the whole situation

I've been reading your posts and I have some thoughts for you Mary Jane. I don't know if they'll help, but at least they'll provoke thought.

The self-consciousness you describe is in my opinion one of the main reasons many people who would love to have an arrangement like this do not. What if he enjoys sex with her so much more than he enjoys it with me, and he loses interest in me completely because of it? What if I enjoy the feel of her husband's penis more than my husband's? And what if that makes my husband jealous and he resents me for it? All these thoughts are valid fears and I presume very common.

However, there is another way to approach this. Many people live lives where they go from one partner to another and maybe have 3, 4 or even more serious partners throughout their life. People casually date and sleep with so many people in their lifetime, so why just because you have found the person you love should that completely stop? Does this idea seem far out? It admittedly does to me, even as I write it. But what exactly is the problem with it? Anything I can think of leads back to the self-concsiousness issue. If my wife wanted to sleep with another man, I'd be afraid that this was because I wasn't desireable anymore. But if it is something that you choose to do together, and you support and encourage each other to the point that you understand that you do indeed love each other more than anything in the world, but you want to allow each other to experience the pleasures you'd have were you not together as well.

There's a fine line between love and sex, and that line needs to be understood by all parties. I agree with doing this with friends as opposed to strangers, because you can trust that levels won't be pushed where they're not supposed to go. And by simply talking about it with your husband as you are, you are already way ahead of the game. Just keep talking about it and don't push any actions. You can say you're seriously interested in the idea, but you would never want to do it if he wasn't as interested.

If I was your husband and you said that to me, I'd be floored. Floored because if you could come to me with that, then I would know I could trust you with anything. I'd know you would never cheat, because even when it came to a desire to have sex with someone else, you were still being honest with me. And you're not expecting to be the only winner in the game.

I've hope I've left you somewhere positive with these thoughts.