I'd LOVE some feedback

[CelticFrog]

In my signature file are the links to all three of my submissions. I would appreciate input on ANY of them!!!

The first two chapters of Paying the Rent are in Erotic Couplings, but the third (sorry Laurel! I should have done it myself) was classified into Exhibition/Voyeur.

Thanks so much in advance to everyone who reads, I am REALLY looking for constructive criticism or further ideas for continuation.
I also welcome ideas for separate stories.

PMs are accepted too, just not as quickly responded to

Ang

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

I was only going to read the first chapter and offer my feedback, but then I was sucked into the story and read all three. Very, very good. I don't know if there were any typos or other mistakes upon first read because the story was so good that I forgot to look for them. Normally I won' t read chapter stories but I'm damn glad I did with this one. I hope you continue with this story, I would love to read more. Everything flowed well and the sex scenes were steamy. Again, fantastic job!

As far as ideas for continuation, possibly having her ex see her on the net and contacting her, or a family member seeing her. Good luck on future chapters.

Wicked

 

[CelticFrog]

WHOA...

Wow... thanks, Wicked. Didn't expect such rave reviews! I appreciate that so much!

Honestly, I doubt there are *very* many grammatical mistakes, even less spelling errors. I was raised with a stickler parent who never hesitated to point such errors out in speaking or writing (going so far as to tell us every time we pulled out PlaySkool toys that it was spelled wrong!) so that was not my main worry. That would have been readability, sex appeal, and the story's ability to "suck you in", so to speak. Thanks for the phrase!

I hope your review entices more to read and post!!!


Ang

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Yes, excellent. Nicely three-dimensional, with the right amount of incidental detail, and clear characters from the beginning.

So here's a ritual quibble. Starting a story with waking up, or with an alarm clock, is cheesy anyway. But you then move into an extended flashback, which repeats some of her impressions in the first paragraph, and which ends with her going to bed, then waking up to her alarm clock again. The whole first paragraph could be dropped. The second is a good start. If there's anything in the first that you wanted saved - the detail about books or cost, perhaps - you could drop it in later where the rest of the description is.

-- Now I've read all three parts, and can't add to what Wicked-N-Erotic has said. It continues to flow so well.

 

[CelticFrog]

Thanks Rainbow...

I appreciate your candid feedback. I agree about the extended flashback/alarm clock thing, but I couldn't put my finger on what *I* felt was wrong about the story until you pointed that out. I will work on that -- I feel my weakest quality as an author is opening paragraphs.

Any suggestions to work on that?

Ang

(just cause I like frogs)