I'd like to get some feedback...

[MissVictoria]

I'd like to get some feedback on my story "Emily's Attic". Just a warning, its not a story that you can skim through, or you will miss a lot.

Oh yes, this story is also for the halloween contest, so vote if you do read it! You can get to it through the link in my signature.

Thank you so much!
-V

 

[Marxist]

EXCELLENT

The good:
As anyone who reads this board knows, I do not like the incest stories. But EMILY'S ATTIC does what few others do in the category in that it intelligently addresses the taboo in a supernatural light. The story is very well written and has a good bit of gothic suspense yet finds a nifty way to balance the erotic element in doing so.

The bad:
Technically,not much, just a few misspellings and tense shifts stood out. I also wondered about the ending, wishing for more foreshadowing leading me away from the inevitable in a ghost story (death, destruction, ruin of some sort). Could we have more doubt in Emily as to the supernatural origins of the ghost? Maybe the introduction of another human element (boyfriend / spurned lover) could lead her and the reader astray and her punishment coming as more of a surprise. How would you do that? Don't know exactly. But you are a very good writer and capable of quite a bit.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. A very solid 5

MARXIST

 

[lilminx]

I enjoyed this story. It was erotic and exciting, and I liked the ominous ending.

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

I'd like to get some feedback on my story "Emily's Attic". Just a warning, its not a story that you can skim through, or you will miss a lot.

Oh yes, this story is also for the halloween contest, so vote if you do read it! You can get to it through the link in my signature.

Thank you so much!
-V

I liked the story, but was bothered by the change from
first-person (I ... ) to third person (she ... ) near the beginning.

I don't see a reason for the first-person point-of-view.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Fabulous

I'd have maintained one narrative instead of switching. I find it hard to do sometimes, too. So I can understand the error.

If, however, I missed a point you were trying to convey, let me know. It could help get what is in your head (or mine) into the readers'.

That said, I'm done here. I get in trouble when I prattle.

 

[MissVictoria]

The P.O.V. switch was intentional, and I suppose my only point in doing so was to create sort of a more personal introduction to the character before the story started. If it was a novel it would have been a few pages before the actual story started, and probably would have been all in italics, who knows.

But so many people have complained of it, that I think perhaps I was wrong to do it.

 

[MissTaken]

I emailed you MissV.

Basically, I also loved the story and was completely enraptured .

 

[Rrrosyn]

narrative

I had a feeling there might be a pont, since there was an obvious break after the first bit. Still it was pretty obvious and perhaps whoever said it, "unecessary" too.

The story and writing stand so well on their own. The intro is soon forgotten by most.

I stand by fabulous as my comment.