I'd like the women to answer this

[phoenix1105]

but guys can too Lets say you meet someone, doesn't matter where. Things start to get more involved. When do you spill the beans about your fanties?

 

[emap]

I am so going to assume you mean fantasies, if not what the heck are fanties?

Anyway, the best time to talk fantasies is after you get intimate and you both enjoy the other in bed and continue seeing each other.

 

[A_Kefka]

I'd say after you have been intimate and are comfortable, but before you get the point that you will be totally heartbroken if the person freaks out. Of course I haven't had a relationship where my kinkier fantasies came up, although some friends who I though I might date but ended up not know.

 

[phoenix1105]

I suck at the speling....

I am just really afraid if and or when I meet smeone new. It seems likeonce you open up to someone, you get hurt....

 

[A_Kefka]

Risk and Reward are usuallly related. You risk freaking someone out, but the reward is finding someone who is ok with your fetishes and hopefully shares them.

 

[RedHeadedGlory]

Generally as soon as possible. That way neither of us waste the others time.

And the earlier you get rejection out of the way the easier it is (as opposed to after you've developed serious attraction and are more apt to take things personally).

 

[romantic_always]

I agree with everyone here. Regardless of whether these fantasies become fulfilled, it is important to address them as part of your sexual desire and express them to the person you want to possibly fulfill them with. It is a daunting task, I know, because you are entrusting someone with your deepest sexual thoughts, but it can also help to express to your lady friend that this isn't something you're pressuring her on; you just want her to be aware of your thoughts and receive your openness with respect and any feedback she may have.

It could go well, you never know

 

[iswallowloads]

I think the best time is right after sex. But not after the first time. I don't enjoy sex unless my partner does. So usually after the third or fourth time, while we're laying there cuddling or whatever, I'll just start asking her about stuff.

I always start by asking her how she liked it, what she liked or didn't like, etc. Then I move on to ask about her experiences, which not all women are comfortable talking about. Either way, next step is to find out what she wants to do that we haven't done together yet, or what new things she might want to try. I've been both pleasantly surprised and a little freaked out (which takes a lot).

Then, maybe just out of appreciation that I'm genuinely interested, after my quizzing, they almost always start asking the same questions I asked them. I've only been with two that didn't ask me anything, one was kind of a meek/timid person and I think she was scared of what I might say, and the other just didn't give a shit.

Anyway, if you let her know that you really care about pleasing her, and she's a halfway decent person, she'll at least ask. No guarantee that she'll be into the same stuff, but at least you'll know.

 

[Etoile]

If it's a fantasy I'd wait until the relationship is established. If it's a need then you should disclose it up front.

For example, if you're bisexual, and you plan to continue having sex with the other gender (whatever your partner isn't), then you need to inform them up front.

If you're submissive, and you cannot be happy without someone dominating you (professional or otherwise), then you need to bring that up first.

If you have a fantasy about a bisexual threesome, but you're not sure, or you just like talking about it but wouldn't do it, that can wait. See how your partner feels.

If you have a fantasy about someone tying you up, spanking you, etc. that can wait. Maybe your partner will be into it too.

Hope that makes sense.