I'd appreciate any thoughts...

[Guest]

I'm having trouble with quite a bit of my work lately, stuff I'm just beginning to retrieve and start working on again, but do you have any idea how hard it is to find people who will read and tell you what they think of something?

If you'd like to see what I'm have trouble with, the link is below. I would appreciate ANY kind of feedback, even trolls and flames. *grins* Besides, I've crossed enough bridges and lit enough cigarettes to deal with both.

http://blog.myspace.com/angedeguerre

 

[fieryjen]

Following this link, it's a bit difficult to figure out what you were talking about, because you have so many entries and creative pieces on your blog. It may help to clarify that.

You might want to consider trying to find an editor over at the editor's forum that gives constructive criticism concerning your plot, characters or whatever you are looking for. Just post and explain what you need, and someone may volunteer.

 

[Kev H]

See PM.

 

[Guest]

Really I just wanted thoughts and opinions on any and all of it... I'm having a fit of complete self-doubt today, and can't find a damn thing I like about anything... which is sad, becuase Haunted finally got posted!

 

[BlackShanglan]

The Story Discussion Circle forum on Lit is a great place to receive detailed and thoughtful analysis. It's helped me many a time.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Thanks Shanglan. Love the AV btw... *grins and skittles off to brood*

 

[minsue]

Following this link, it's a bit difficult to figure out what you were talking about, because you have so many entries and creative pieces on your blog. It may help to clarify that.

Agreed. There's just too much on there and in too difficult a format to read properly. I'd be happy to read and give my two cents (if it's worth that much ) if you have anything specific in mind that you want to send.

 

[CopyCarver]

The Story Discussion Circle forum on Lit is a great place to receive detailed and thoughtful analysis. It's helped me many a time.

Shanglan

Yep. The Editor's Forum is another good possibility.

 

[Guest]

I've had a couple editors from another writing group look at them... they picked apart sentence structure and gave nothing to improve the story proper... *sighs* Lately I just feel like I'm feeding trolls.

but if you'd like to see what I'm most concerned about getting reviewed right now... here's a link. you have to start with the second story on the third page (which is where the link should take you, and work backwards from there, but this series and my chain story are all I'm even going to attempt to worjk on for the next couple days.

http://loveinaminor.livejournal.com/?skip=4

 

[Stella_Omega]

Depending on what kind of community you want to connect with, I'd recommend double-posting everything to livejournal.com- I prefer it, because there is less of the spambot shit. Anyway, I just friended you at myspace.

and... sadly... the black background makes the words difficult to read...

 

[Guest]

How do I get mine to look as spiffy as yours Stella? *envy*

 

[CopyCarver]

I've had a couple editors from another writing group look at them... they picked apart sentence structure and gave nothing to improve the story proper... *sighs* Lately I just feel like I'm feeding trolls.

but if you'd like to see what I'm most concerned about getting reviewed right now... here's a link. you have to start with the second story on the third page (which is where the link should take you, and work backwards from there, but this series and my chain story are all I'm even going to attempt to worjk on for the next couple days.

http://loveinaminor.livejournal.com/?skip=4

Like Leacock's epic hero, I galloping in four directions at the same time today, but I'll give your work a good read tomorrow and get back to you. Promise.

 

[Stella_Omega]

How do I get mine to look as spiffy as yours Stella? *envy*

Google "myspace templates download" and browse... If you follow the directions on the different downloads, it mostly works pretty well. I kept it simple and tweaked the colors some.
My livejournal I edited using the S2 templates editor, you can reach it from your mylj portal, where it says settings, and then the top link under that is "manage" and when you click on it, you get "customise" as an option....
endless hours of time-wasting fun!

 

[minsue]

I've had a couple editors from another writing group look at them... they picked apart sentence structure and gave nothing to improve the story proper... *sighs* Lately I just feel like I'm feeding trolls.

but if you'd like to see what I'm most concerned about getting reviewed right now... here's a link. you have to start with the second story on the third page (which is where the link should take you, and work backwards from there, but this series and my chain story are all I'm even going to attempt to worjk on for the next couple days.

http://loveinaminor.livejournal.com/?skip=4

I must admit, I'm still confused. Your link goes to two stories, one called Irony and one called Phantoms. Are you saying they are part of a series &/or chain that you want reviewed?

 

[Guest]

I must admit, I'm still confused. Your link goes to two stories, one called Irony and one called Phantoms. Are you saying they are part of a series &/or chain that you want reviewed?

Pretty much, yes. There's a whole series of short vignettes on there, all involved with Ashlee and Drakalen. It starts with Phantoms, then Irony, then backwards through the list... lj doesn't have a way to change it from ascending to descending order. *le sigh* Even if you don't have anything to say about them (although I really wish people would) you can read them over. They seem to keep most people entertained.

BTW... "Haunted" which is here on Literotica, is part of the same series.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

If you're talking about your "Irony" story, the main fault I see is with the constant shifts in verb tense from past to present and back again. There's some punctuation problems too, but nothng fatal.

I only read a few para's, but your imagery is quite striking. It does tend to get a bit thick and overwrought after a while, but that's probably just my own personal tastes. (Too much florid description chokes out the action and gives things an asthmatic feel, in my opinion).

Fix the tense thing and it should be pretty good, though.

 

[Guest]

If you're talking about your "Irony" story, the main fault I see is with the constant shifts in verb tense from past to present and back again. There's some punctuation problems too, but nothng fatal.

I only read a few para's, but your imagery is quite striking. It does tend to get a bit thick and overwrought after a while, but that's probably just my own personal tastes. (Too much florid description chokes out the action and gives things an asthmatic feel, in my opinion).

Fix the tense thing and it should be pretty good, though.

Bless you... I'm frantically taking notes on this between a sudden flurry of inspiration on my chain story (due Wednesday, ack!) and like a dozen other things... thank gods for a good playlist and strong coffee.

 

[ghostwriteriv2]

problems writing?

... just getting back involved in Lit under a new name, but...

1. Never write. Tell. I probably do over 15,000 words a week on average and haven't written one. I'll add that in the old days, when I began doing it for a living, Walter Winchell actually wrote almost everything I did. I just heard his voice on the mental radio. You're probably too young to remember him, so think baba wawa or someone... <huge grin>

2. If you can't even think of a topic, tell how your head is working on finding one. Hal Boyle made a decent living his last years writing for the AP that way.

3. Flip the brain to physical descriptions rather than anything else. There's always something in the room to describe. Red? What kind of red?

mark - ghostwriteriv@yahoo.com - I'm not subscribed to any threads.

 

[CopyCarver]

I've had a couple editors from another writing group look at them... they picked apart sentence structure and gave nothing to improve the story proper... *sighs* Lately I just feel like I'm feeding trolls.

but if you'd like to see what I'm most concerned about getting reviewed right now... here's a link. you have to start with the second story on the third page (which is where the link should take you, and work backwards from there, but this series and my chain story are all I'm even going to attempt to worjk on for the next couple days.

http://loveinaminor.livejournal.com/?skip=4

It sounds like you’ve run afoul of the infamous “failyahhh to communicate.” Many editors—including myself—are reluctant to risk hijacking a writer’s story by getting heavy-handed with plot, characterization, or other elements of content, unless we know that’s what you’re requesting. Line editing, copy editing, and content editing are very different breeds of felines, and your editors may not have known what you wanted.

Since dr_mabeuse already covered “Irony” succinctly and well, I’ll focus on “Phantoms.”

Obviously, this is a very dark story and not always a “fun read” but it’s well-conceived and well-executed.

You’ve done a good job of plotting logically, but avoiding predictability--a tough balancing act sometimes. There is enough uncertainty about the ending to keep readers reading, but the denouement isn’t so off-the-wall (within the context of the paranormal) that a reader will feel tricked.

Strong start: a short punchy first sentence as a “grabber” followed by an interesting array of specifics.

Your imagery is vivid and strongly communicative—both in content and in phrasing—but it may be a bit overdone in places. Paring a bit would probably sharpen the chosen elements. Your description of the effects of opium, for example, is a good example of enough, but not too much—for my taste, anyway.

I know you don’t want to hear about the nuts and bolts of sentence structure, punctuation, etc. but there are a couple significant problems that transcend stylistic preference:

There are tons of formatting glitches (first 13 paragraphs running together into a monolith, some standard graphs in the middle, and another big block of run-ons at the end.) This could be Net-generated; if they’re in your manuscript, I’d break the text into bite-sized graphs, if only to avoid intimidating potential readers.

There are several verb tense clashes e.g. “waves” and “snatches.” It’s possible you’re intentionally reinforcing the immediacy of the memories; if it’s inadvertent, a tense change is a quick fix.

Retired English teachers will almost certainly flame you about the many sentence fragments. Personally, I think they work in terms of pacing and dramatic impact. I’d call a STET on them. Just be aware that you’ll hear about it from those who disagree.

In all, you have an approaching-final-draft of a strong story.

This is just an overview, of course. If you'd like to discuss specifics, don't hesitate to shout.


BTW, Never feed trolls: good nutrition just encourages the varmints to reproduce.

 

[Guest]

Yes! You summed it up exactly..

My mother's an english teacher (and they never retire, they just leave the school system, lol.) so I can see the grammatical/sentence structure issues clearly... but this has been a rough-draft-in-progress for going on two years, and I haven't fiddled with the little stuff on the individual pieces... too busy trying to get each piece sketched out and in place first. Unfortuneately... I keep getting lost on my trains of thought and losing the feel for the stories themselves. This is a definitely a case of seeing the big picture so clearly you lose track of the details.

I appreciate the candor and thoughtful input everyone has given me so far... it helps enormously. *grins* Enough so that I've already started editing Irony and Requiem in Roses, punching them up and clarifying points. As soon as I get through with them, I'm planning on starting the long, involved process of getting them polished enough for posting on Literotica...

 

[CopyCarver]

Yes! You summed it up exactly..

My mother's an english teacher (and they never retire, they just leave the school system, lol.) so I can see the grammatical/sentence structure issues clearly... but this has been a rough-draft-in-progress for going on two years, and I haven't fiddled with the little stuff on the individual pieces... too busy trying to get each piece sketched out and in place first. Unfortuneately... I keep getting lost on my trains of thought and losing the feel for the stories themselves. This is a definitely a case of seeing the big picture so clearly you lose track of the details.

I appreciate the candor and thoughtful input everyone has given me so far... it helps enormously. *grins* Enough so that I've already started editing Irony and Requiem in Roses, punching them up and clarifying points. As soon as I get through with them, I'm planning on starting the long, involved process of getting them polished enough for posting on Literotica...

Looking forward to seeing them up and running!

 

[Stella_Omega]

It sounds like you’ve run afoul of the infamous “failyahhh to communicate.” Many editors—including myself—are reluctant to risk hijacking a writer’s story by getting heavy-handed with plot, characterization, or other elements of content, unless we know that’s what you’re requesting. Line editing, copy editing, and content editing are very different breeds of felines, and your editors may not have known what you wanted.

yep- I've deleted my comments, as they were absolutely off on the wrong tangent. I do apologise, I don't know what got into me, and I hate stepping on toes that I didn't know were there...