I would love feedback on my interracial love stories.

[sweetestsin316]

I have had my stories up since September. So I decided it was time to ask you readers about it. I love positive and negative feedback if you have any. If you haven't read it yet here is the link http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1621333&page=submissions

 

[monoblanco]

Hi there Sin,

I just read the first, Late Night Phone Call.

A couple thoughts:

In general I don't have anything against using 1st or 2nd person perspective, but when you do, you've got to be very careful some readers tend not to like it. But it's your story, so totally your call.

You got some issues where you switch from present to past to perfect tense. Make sure it's consistent throughout.

The back and forth of your dialog is clear and has a nice flow to it, but I noticed at one point your female character at one point refers to her pussy as 'her', but just before that it was 'yours'. Be careful with possessives like that. They can easily confuse the reader if something gets out of place.

Also, you use a lot of exclamation points. Like, a lot! I recommend only using them for dialog, and then sparingly. Consider removing them from narration.

Finally, since it's your last line of dialog, I assume it's a pretty big deal:

You bring the animal in me out!

Consider this instead:

You bring out the animal in me.

Hope it helps and keep writing! Great story!

 

[sweetestsin316]

I appreciate your honesty

Thank you very much for your feedback. I am a new writer and need to know these important points.
I appreciate the way you worded everything and will definitely use these points as I continue writing.

Glad you enjoyed the story.