I would like to recommend...

[Whispersecret]

With Interest by Jazz E.

This is some of the best non-consent I've come across here, and I just had to give it a plug. I do not know Jazz E, but I am a new fan of his.

This story of Penelope and how she comes under the control of the man in charge of her bank loan is vividly written. It's hot, yet doesn't skimp on characterization. I adored seeing the relationship between the two characters develop.

If you like your erotica with equal parts plot and sex, read all five parts of With Interest. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Post your reactions here and/or send them directly to Jazz E.

Edited to add:

Well, I'm not surprised the link didn't work. I'm a bonafide tech-goof ball. Scroll down a couple of posts for Sexy Chele's handy link that actually works! Thanks SC!

 

[Guest]

The link didn't work.

 

[SexyChele]

Here is the link for anyone interested.

 

[Judas Mondas]

Jazz E is very very good.

I agree with you, Whispersecret, the story "With Interest" by Jazz E is very good and very well written.

I sent Jazz E feedback on all the chapters but have not received any acknowledgement.

His style seems familiar. Seems I have seen it on another site, maybe SubShop.

 

[Whispersecret]

I wrote Jazz E with my compliments and then again to tell him about this thread. I haven't gotten a reply. Still, it's a holiday weekend here in the States, so maybe he's out of town and doesn't have access to a computer. OR, maybe he's like me and sometimes puts off responding to email.

Hopefully he'll respond in some way.

 

[Axeltheswede]

I tried

You caught me by surprise, Whisper. When I saw you were recommending a "non-consent" story, I thought it must be good.

Sorry, I got as far as "his sword poised at her fleshy sheath" or some such verbiage as that. For a non-pirate tale, that was a bit much. I couldn't shake seeing humor where there shouldn't have been any.

As the keeper of the sacred "Erotic Terminology" book, I don't have to tell you how the wrong term can derail a story. The protagonist was such a weasel too.

I should qualify my reaction. When it comes to taste, I still eat lutefisk every holiday season.

 

[scarlet vixen]

Axel,

You're missing something. It's a first person story. The narrator is not Will Shakespeare or Susie Bright, but a seedy loan officer, perhaps with not a lot of education. The language is appropriate to the narrator.

IF there was a third person story that said (author's words, not the character's) "his sword plunged into her sheath" I would agree. If that story said "her boobs were fuckin' amazing", yes, a problem. BUT if a story has a first person narrator, or even a character who's a college freshman, then, for him to say,
"Her boobs were fuckin' amazing." is quite in character, and even testimony to the author's being a good writer.

 

[Axeltheswede]

recommending story

Seemed like our weasel of a loan officer was fairly literate. But, I never mistook him for Willy Shakespeare.

His language and terminology was fairly consistent, up to that point. I found the change jarring, and not credible. Writing in first person doesn't negate the need for a consistent voice.

I have made the same mistake in one of my first person stories. I got called on it, and I deserved it. Lesson learned and passed along.

 

[scarlet vixen]

Hi Axel,

It seemed you objected to 'sword' and 'sheath' as bad writing.
What you say now, is that the first person voice is not consistent, and those words jarred you, presumably because of their inconsistency with the previous ones.

Let's look at the narrator's words. I don't claim the author perfectly solved the problem but the narrator mostly employs either clinical ("semen") or slang terms ("pole"). But there are a number of times he gets into hyperbole and flowery terms, and I find that NOT inappropriate for this literate officer trying for effect:

Examples:
"tortured my super sensitive bone"
"my meaty schlong"
"my spitting spurting rod"
"staying at her post, as it were"
"glowing comfort of her boob flesh"
"succulent mammaries"
"my sword just touched her sheath"
"nozzling gallons of come into her welcoming snatch"

I give these terms in order of occurence; they pop up fairly regularly. Of course they are 'bad writing', but they fit the hyperbolic dude. Further, I submit , in reading down this list, that the 'sword' entry does not really seem particularly out of place. In context, it would NOT "jar" the reader, I submit.

It fits right in, IMHO. The author has handled the first person narration quite well.

So I don't see the evidence for your second criticism, either. Maybe your dislike for the story has other causes, and you're certainly entitled to your dislikes.

 

[Axeltheswede]

recommending story

This is story feedback. I said I was jarred by his terminology and the story just seemed silly after that. I wasn't making any claims about "readers".

At that point, the story lost any erotic appeal for me. I didn't go through the rest of it to see if he was consistent. I really didn't care.

You like it. I didn't, and I stated my reasons why. Tearing into my comments doesn't make your case any stronger.

 

[Ukin]

Well, I did read Part One of the story and I have read the comments on this thread.

I personally thought it was well written, albeit in a style that I don't personally write in...mine tend to be the third person type. However, having read that story, I am going to try and write one in the fist party style.

I must say though, I think it is rude not to reply to feedback sent by mail..I reply to all of mine, be they bad or good...IF they leave an email address..and so far, only 2 haven't...and they were bad responses...one quite rude to be honest...damning my style of writing...but I do respond and I implore all recipients to do the same, even if it out of courtesy.

Ukin

 

[Whispersecret]

Hey, we're all entitled to our opinions. I liked it. The prose wasn't purple enough to bother me.