I would like to get some feedback on my stories

[darkheart69]

Read them all or just what you like but let me know if you like them. I am thinking of putting a book together and truly value your opinions.

 

[damppanties]

A link is always nice

darkheart69's memberpage

 

[English Lady]

I started with "force or fantasy" as non consent is one of my favourite topics but i found one of my "no-no's" in the first paragraph.


I hate with avengence the way people give out facts and figures instead of describing a person. i don't need the girls exact height and weight, it means nothing to me,its just numbers,an impression of her actual form is much more helpful.

i couldn't read on because my pet peeve stopped me at that point...*L* call me stubborn!

Next i tried "the morning". I find that stories made up out of pure sex are very difficault to write and write well. I felt that you need more description more depth and more personality to the story. it really didn't do anything for me....but then maybe thats just me

With the wild adventures of Andy,the same no-no appeared in the first line. again i would not read further as it is just oneo f my pet peeves.

"The Virgin" starts out very well,poetic,gentle and loving but about half way it turns a little mechanical in the sexual act but i think this is far and away your best story.


Hope that helps

 

[Rainbow Skin]

I don't think you should be looking to make a book.

These stories are very crude, with no plot, nothing but sex, and cliched sex at that. Well, I've never seen a porn film but I gather most of them are like that too. And they sell. So possibly there are books out there that consist of nothing but this stuff, and book publishers who would consider touching it.

Even so, you would need to understand the basics of writing. Like punctuation: you just run whole sentences together with not even a comma. No quotation marks around speeches. Numerals instead of words. Saying the same word over and over again, like 'mound' and 'button' and 'manhood'.

I'm afraid I think most people will just click Back on seeing the first paragraph. Too many of the most common faults.

 

[darkheart69]

I started with "force or fantasy" as non consent is one of my favourite topics but i found one of my "no-no's" in the first paragraph.


I hate with avengence the way people give out facts and figures instead of describing a person. i don't need the girls exact height and weight, it means nothing to me,its just numbers,an impression of her actual form is much more helpful.

i couldn't read on because my pet peeve stopped me at that point...*L* call me stubborn!

Next i tried "the morning". I find that stories made up out of pure sex are very difficault to write and write well. I felt that you need more description more depth and more personality to the story. it really didn't do anything for me....but then maybe thats just me

With the wild adventures of Andy,the same no-no appeared in the first line. again i would not read further as it is just oneo f my pet peeves.

"The Virgin" starts out very well,poetic,gentle and loving but about half way it turns a little mechanical in the sexual act but i think this is far and away your best story.


Hope that helps

Thanks for reading my stories I will take all constructive critisizm and try to build from it.

 

[darkheart69]

 

[darkheart69]

I don't think you should be looking to make a book.

These stories are very crude, with no plot, nothing but sex, and cliched sex at that. Well, I've never seen a porn film but I gather most of them are like that too. And they sell. So possibly there are books out there that consist of nothing but this stuff, and book publishers who would consider touching it.

Even so, you would need to understand the basics of writing. Like punctuation: you just run whole sentences together with not even a comma. No quotation marks around speeches. Numerals instead of words. Saying the same word over and over again, like 'mound' and 'button' and 'manhood'.

I'm afraid I think most people will just click Back on seeing the first paragraph. Too many of the most common faults.

I am sorry that the structure of my sentences and my punctuation were not perfect. I was putting these out here so that anyone with a real imagination could read it and enjoy them. Most of the readers on this site understand how to read a story without trying to be an english teacher. But on the other side I will work on better plots and punctuation as I continue to write so thanks for the critisizm. And I will still write as many books as I choose.

 

[damppanties]

BTW I will still write that book.

Writing is quite okay. Are you thinking of publishing?

 

[darkheart69]

Writing is quite okay. Are you thinking of publishing?

Yes I will probably put together a book of short stories.

 

[damppanties]

You probably should think about getting people to edit your work.

 

[darkheart69]

You probably should think about getting people to edit your work.

Now that is what I call good advice. I have been thinking about that alot lately. So thanks and it is something I will definately take into consideration. By the way your stories are pretty hot too.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I think you might benefit from trying the volunteer editors program here on lit. I haven't used it myself, but hear good things about them and seeing one of your works deconstructed and then rebuilt in a good way could be highly valuable if you think you are going to try to get published.

-Colly

 

[darkheart69]

I think you might benefit from trying the volunteer editors program here on lit. I haven't used it myself, but hear good things about them and seeing one of your works deconstructed and then rebuilt in a good way could be highly valuable if you think you are going to try to get published.

-Colly

Thanks Colleen Your an inspiration to good solid constructive critisizm. I think that is very sound solid advice.
Thank you.

 

[damppanties]

By the way your stories are pretty hot too.

Thank you.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Darkheart69 wrote:

Thanks Colleen Your an inspiration to good solid constructive critisizm. I think that is very sound solid advice.
Thank you.


I hope it turns out to be of help to you.

-Colly

 

[peachykeen]

I am sorry that the structure of my sentences and my punctuation were not perfect. I was putting these out here so that anyone with a real imagination could read it and enjoy them. Most of the readers on this site understand how to read a story without trying to be an english teacher. But on the other side I will work on better plots and punctuation as I continue to write so thanks for the critisizm. And I will still write as many books as I choose.

If you ask for feedback about your writing, then you are going to get feedback about your writing. You can't then say "Well I assumed that people would have enough imagination to see what I was really trying to say even though I couldn't really be bothered too make sure I was doing it properly."

Who pray tell do you think is going to be interested in publishing your books if you can't be arsed to pay attention to basic grammar?

btw you might be surprised at how many actual English teachers there are in these parts...

 

[darkheart69]

If you ask for feedback about your writing, then you are going to get feedback about your writing. You can't then say "Well I assumed that people would have enough imagination to see what I was really trying to say even though I couldn't really be bothered too make sure I was doing it properly."

Who pray tell do you think is going to be interested in publishing your books if you can't be arsed to pay attention to basic grammar?

btw you might be surprised at how many actual English teachers there are in these parts...

There is a difference between being a good critic and just being a mean asshole. The person that got under my skin was saying give it up instead of giving me some good advice on how to write properly. If a person wants to be a real critic thats one thing but when they lash out just to be a prick thats another thing all together.

Thanks

 

[falcon29]

You complain that somebody was acting like an English teacher. When the grammar and spelling are so bad that it's hard to read, I just quit.

Well, you asked for feedback. Criticising your grammar and spelling isn't "trying to be an English teacher." It's letting you know what you did wrong. It's criticism.

I read your "Andy" story. There were a lot of cliches. There were a lot of uses of standard, pulp porno images: "throbbing cock", Huge cockhead", "11 inch cock", to name a few. There were some misspellings.

Also, there is no information about why the hell this guy, who "grew up in the mean streets of L.A." needs a babysitter. Although I hate cliches, it's lacking in what they call "backstory".

You do need to either proofread your work a few more times or submit it to an editor.

I see potential. Still, if I were you, I would just salt away the stories you've written so far and keep writing. A publisher wouldn't use of the ones you have posted, at least in their present form.

Think about the difference between erotica and pornography. In some ways it is the same difference that censors see: i.e. "Is the sex integral to the plot?" (well, first, IS there a plot?)

When I re-read some of my earlier stories I cringe at them. The worst part is that when I wrote them I thought they were great!

Don't identify with your stories. They came from your mind, but they are not you. When people say 'bad things" about them, they aren't striking out at you, but the aspect of yourself you have made public in the story. Maybe they know what they are talking about, maybe not. But...they are the readers. If you write for yourself, that's great. Write whatever the fuck you want and be happy. But if you are writing for others, you need to write things they can identify with and enjoy.

 

[hiddenself]

If you write for yourself, that's great. Write whatever the fuck you want and be happy. But if you are writing for others, you need to write things they can identify with and enjoy.

Hear hear!

 

[darkheart69]

You complain that somebody was acting like an English teacher. When the grammar and spelling are so bad that it's hard to read, I just quit.

Well, you asked for feedback. Criticising your grammar and spelling isn't "trying to be an English teacher." It's letting you know what you did wrong. It's criticism.

I read your "Andy" story. There were a lot of cliches. There were a lot of uses of standard, pulp porno images: "throbbing cock", Huge cockhead", "11 inch cock", to name a few. There were some misspellings.

Also, there is no information about why the hell this guy, who "grew up in the mean streets of L.A." needs a babysitter. Although I hate cliches, it's lacking in what they call "backstory".

You do need to either proofread your work a few more times or submit it to an editor.

I see potential. Still, if I were you, I would just salt away the stories you've written so far and keep writing. A publisher wouldn't use of the ones you have posted, at least in their present form.

Think about the difference between erotica and pornography. In some ways it is the same difference that censors see: i.e. "Is the sex integral to the plot?" (well, first, IS there a plot?)

When I re-read some of my earlier stories I cringe at them. The worst part is that when I wrote them I thought they were great!

Don't identify with your stories. They came from your mind, but they are not you. When people say 'bad things" about them, they aren't striking out at you, but the aspect of yourself you have made public in the story. Maybe they know what they are talking about, maybe not. But...they are the readers. If you write for yourself, that's great. Write whatever the fuck you want and be happy. But if you are writing for others, you need to write things they can identify with and enjoy.

Thank you...... This is exactly what I was looking for to help me improve my writing. I can accept being told at this point my writing skills leave alot to be desired. But you actually point me in a direction that could help so thanks for the comments and the feedback.