I was called a heartless Bastard today

[SeaCat]

And I tend to agree with the one calling me that on the heartless, but not the Bastard. (I do happen to know my father.)

It started with one of my patients crying on my shoulder. She was disheartened. She had received some bad news from her MD. She has a small Tumor in her brain.

She knows what this means, she has been fighting her cancer for four years now. (I have been taking care of her and her husband for that time.) She knows her prognosis, her MD was honest with her about it. (Maybe six months, if she's lucky.)

She cried on my shoulder this morning about it. I held her and wiped away her tears. Then she asked me for my advice.

I told her she had a choice. She could fight it, or she could give in to it. She could deal with the treatments and their affects, or she could live out the rest of her now short life in relative comfort.

A short while later her husband came in and asked me the same thing. I answered in the same way while giving him more information.

Later in the morning when her MD came by again she informed her they had come to a decision. She would stop most treatments other than pain mangment and enter Hospice. (Which was what the MD had recommended by the way.) The MD asked them what had changed their minds and they told her.

The MD talked to me afterwards and loved how I had given them the information. She mentioned this to the patients R.N. who A) didn't agree with the choice on religious grounds, and B) Doesn't like me being in medicine in the least. (Because I am both male and Caucasion.)

The R.N. braced me about this. She informed me that I was a heartless Bastard because I gave this patient information on her options and allowed her to make her own choice, one not weighted by a religious system.

Oh and the first thing the patient will do after leaving the Hospital? She intends to go on a cruise to Alaska with her husband. (Something she has always wanted to do but never quite got around to.)

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

You're a good man, Cat.

 

[Guest]

I agree with Rob.

She made the right choice and so did you.

 

[starrkers]

Should I ever be in a similar position, I hope there's a similar heartless bastard to give me the info I need.
Cat

 

[jomar]

You heartless non-Baptist bastard!. Wait. You non-Baptist heartless...wait. You non-believing, non-Christian...wait. Nothing's sticking Cat. I believe you done good.

Most times I like spiritual people over religious people.

 

[R. Richard]

Why is it that so many people want to make personal decisions for other people?

If a normal person, furnished with full information, can't make their own decisions, then the system that trained the person has failed big time.

 

[JustBarelyLegal]

I want a heartless bastard in that situation too. Fuck the sugar coating and be honest with me.

Cat

 

[Handprints]

Good for you!

I've recently had my fifth major surgery for the condition that is eventually going to kill me (although I'm giving the Marlboros an honest shot at the title, along with the Tsingtao beer and the abs machine at the gym (stroking out while staring at a hot little hardbody always seemed like a good way to go)). Knowing exactly what you face, how much it will hurt/incapacitate/disrupt your life, what the range of outcomes could be and how your current condition influences expectations are all essential parts of living with medical problems. I hope God calls your favourite RN home mui pronto.

(PS: this isn't a sympathy troll - I'm good for another 20-30 years, easy.)

 

[Lisa Denton]

The R.N. braced me about this. She informed me that I was a heartless Bastard because I gave this patient information on her options and allowed her to make her own choice, one not weighted by a religious system.

Cat

The patient had I am sure, been told of her options by others, but they told her and left quickly to leave her to her decision.

You took a moment of your time, cared, offered opinions and comfort. She needed that more than anything.

She asked, and you answered, truthfully. The R.N. who didn't like it should never have spoken to you like that.

You should file a report, leave out anything which was not specifically stated, like gender, race, or religion. Simply file a report that a patient asked you for your opinion, you gave your opinion, and the R.N. called you a bastard. State very clearly that you felt even if she were right, you didn't like the objectionalble term she threw at you. Whether or not any action is taken this will help you, or someone else in your position, in the future if it happens again. By being ON THE RECORD.

It is not only MD's who have a god complex, many R.N.'s forget the TEAM effort in health care, and those who express thier opinions with expletives need to be reminded that they are part of a team, and they don't lead the team.

The DON may ask her to apologize to you, if so, accept it with your usual aplomb graciously. With your wit, you may want to blow her mind by accepting her apology and inviting her and hubby/boyfriend over for a barbecue next time you are smoking pigs or turkeys or whatever you are always talking about, I forget. She won't accept the invitation, but she may re-think her attitude towards you and others.

JMO

 

[scheherazade_79]

You did the right thing

 

[christabelll]

I can't stand condenscending health care people...
I have been known to take them down verbally - and refusing their "care".

Last year I was in a severely life threatening situation... I was drugged out of my mind (literally) the pain was so acute, they operated and I almost bled to death on them, there was one nurse who talked to me as if I were a two year in need of scolding. In spite of the multiple tubes and drains and iv's I came up out of my bed (mistake!!!) and told her to get the hell out of my room if she couldn't talk to me like an adult.
My doctor's came in pronto - and explained clearly what was going on, what they had had to do to keep me here, and apologized for the nurses behavior. They brought me a different nurse and she and I became "team workers" to get me well again.
SHe confided in me in the wee hours one morning that the other nurse was constantly complained about with her condenscencion toward patients who didn't get up and run a day after surgery (10 inches vertically down my belly)....

I appreciate honesty and frankness when it comes to all my options... They finally listened when I told them I would rather be in my mind and in pain than out of my mind and oblivious - changed up my meds and yeah it was excruciating, but I was able to talk intelligently and not hallucinate that there was a fridge full of green apples that I wanted so badly!!! -

So SeaCat - don't stop being real with your patients. Don't stop being on the level and providing the neccessary information to those who need it most - the patient and their families...

Personally I am thankful that my Doctors and my nurses were as frank as they were... it gave me the bolstering I needed and though it took 12 weeks for me to be able to get around without feeling like my head was spinning and my belly to quit draining....The blunt reality was sincerely appreciated.

So heres a "health" to you and more power to you!

 

[Adi87]

You're a good good man, Cat

 

[buxxxom]

In her case, which mirrors my dad's, winning the fight against the cancer doesn't necessarily mean a longer life; it means a better "what's left." If she can die with those she loves around her, and in relative comfort, she's won the battle.

There are worse things than death, dying without dignity is one of them. You helped her save her dignity, Cat.

 

[Remec]

The world could certainly use a lot more such heartless people if that's what the term means. Good job, man...*thumbs up*

 

[Stella_Omega]

I can't stand condenscending health care people...
I have been known to take them down verbally - and refusing their "care".

Last year I was in a severely life threatening situation... I was drugged out of my mind (literally) the pain was so acute, they operated and I almost bled to death on them, there was one nurse who talked to me as if I were a two year in need of scolding. In spite of the multiple tubes and drains and iv's I came up out of my bed (mistake!!!) and told her to get the hell out of my room if she couldn't talk to me like an adult.
My doctor's came in pronto - and explained clearly what was going on, what they had had to do to keep me here, and apologized for the nurses behavior. They brought me a different nurse and she and I became "team workers" to get me well again.
SHe confided in me in the wee hours one morning that the other nurse was constantly complained about with her condenscencion toward patients who didn't get up and run a day after surgery (10 inches vertically down my belly)....

I appreciate honesty and frankness when it comes to all my options... They finally listened when I told them I would rather be in my mind and in pain than out of my mind and oblivious - changed up my meds and yeah it was excruciating, but I was able to talk intelligently and not hallucinate that there was a fridge full of green apples that I wanted so badly!!! -

So SeaCat - don't stop being real with your patients. Don't stop being on the level and providing the neccessary information to those who need it most - the patient and their families...

Personally I am thankful that my Doctors and my nurses were as frank as they were... it gave me the bolstering I needed and though it took 12 weeks for me to be able to get around without feeling like my head was spinning and my belly to quit draining....The blunt reality was sincerely appreciated.

So heres a "health" to you and more power to you!

Thank you for this post, Christabelli.

 

[Liar]

Primum non nocere
First, do no harm

Such a vauge principle to go by, when it's clear that you and the R.N. have different opinions on what constitutes 'harm'.

Still, that's kind of not what this is about...

You should file a report, leave out anything which was not specifically stated, like gender, race, or religion. Simply file a report that a patient asked you for your opinion, you gave your opinion, and the R.N. called you a bastard.

Right on, it's petty name calling and plain unprofessional. And if I read the first post correctly, you informed her of her options, and the consequences of each of them, you didn't really push the patience's opinion one way or the other. If you did, and tried to persuay her to choose one over the other, then yes, you'd be as wrong as the R.N, who'd do the same thing.

Again, "First, do no harm". And there is IMO no greater harm than to violate another person's freedom and integrity. Whitholding the truth and taking away options, does just that.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

The MD talked to me afterwards and loved how I had given them the information. She mentioned this to the patients R.N. who A) didn't agree with the choice on religious grounds, and B) Doesn't like me being in medicine in the least. (Because I am both male and Caucasion.)

The R.N. braced me about this. She informed me that I was a heartless Bastard because I gave this patient information on her options and allowed her to make her own choice, one not weighted by a religious system.

How could you do such a sick thing? Letting someone make their own decisions without God! You.. You should be...

You should be taken out into the streets and thrown a parade

 

[moonlight elf]

And I tend to agree with the one calling me that on the heartless, but not the Bastard. (I do happen to know my father.)

It started with one of my patients crying on my shoulder. She was disheartened. She had received some bad news from her MD. She has a small Tumor in her brain.

She knows what this means, she has been fighting her cancer for four years now. (I have been taking care of her and her husband for that time.) She knows her prognosis, her MD was honest with her about it. (Maybe six months, if she's lucky.)

She cried on my shoulder this morning about it. I held her and wiped away her tears. Then she asked me for my advice.

I told her she had a choice. She could fight it, or she could give in to it. She could deal with the treatments and their affects, or she could live out the rest of her now short life in relative comfort.

A short while later her husband came in and asked me the same thing. I answered in the same way while giving him more information.

Later in the morning when her MD came by again she informed her they had come to a decision. She would stop most treatments other than pain mangment and enter Hospice. (Which was what the MD had recommended by the way.) The MD asked them what had changed their minds and they told her.

The MD talked to me afterwards and loved how I had given them the information. She mentioned this to the patients R.N. who A) didn't agree with the choice on religious grounds, and B) Doesn't like me being in medicine in the least. (Because I am both male and Caucasion.)

The R.N. braced me about this. She informed me that I was a heartless Bastard because I gave this patient information on her options and allowed her to make her own choice, one not weighted by a religious system.

Oh and the first thing the patient will do after leaving the Hospital? She intends to go on a cruise to Alaska with her husband. (Something she has always wanted to do but never quite got around to.)

Cat

Never heartless, Cat. You are never that. I've wished several times that I were one of your patients.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm confused.......how can someone with such a huge heart be heartless?