I was a bit upset....

[PoliteSuccubus]

I mentioned today that my daughter was bi and the person I was talking to said "Well how could you let her?" and then went off on the vein that I must have been a horrible parent to allow this to happen.

And I had to pretty much sit there and listen to it when it would have been easy to open up my mouth and tell her some of the things her children do that I know of and she doesn't.

I told her instead that my daughter was a mature and insightful person and that her sexuality wasn't any of my business. Her health and welfare was. Since my daughter was drug free among other things (OK, a bit of a cheap shot considering her son had been caught on school grounds with pot last year) that I thought I'd done a fine job.

She asked how could my daughter's sexuality NOT be my problem. I told her that if my daughter was having sex, which she isn't, then I would make sure she had protection against disease and etc. That would be my concern that she stay healthy and safe. But her sexuality wasn't.

She said if it had been my son I'd feel different. I told her my god son was gay, and I didn't.

She left in a huff. Somehow I don't think we will be having dialog again soon. Do you?

 

[SweetCherry]

PS, something tells me you won't be, but really, if I was you, I'd not wanna talk to someone like that. Anyone who could be so judgemental isn't worth it, IMO.

Hugs to you.

 

[Image]

The fact that your daughter was able to share this part of herself with you is proof enough that you are a good parent... Glad you're not letting her get to you.

 

[Queersetti]

She asked how could my daughter's sexuality NOT be my problem. I told her that if my daughter was having sex, which she isn't, then I would make sure she had protection against disease and etc. That would be my concern that she stay healthy and safe. But her sexuality wasn't.

That's the crux of the issue right there.

Your daughter's behavior is within the realm of your responsibility, her identity is not.

 

[Pookie]

I mentioned today that my daughter was bi and the person I was talking to said "Well how could you let her?" and then went off on the vein that I must have been a horrible parent to allow this to happen.

I believe much of this type of reaction from your friend is because many still think you can choose your sexual orientation. You probably shook up her own beliefs with what you said, which made her wonder about her own children. Until she becomes better informed and comfortable with her own self, I doubt she will want to discuss this with you again.

I so wish every GLBT son and daughter could have parents like you. It's tough enough growing up in a society that looks down on you as bad. Having supportive parents can help build strong self esteem for a teenager/young adult.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Re: Re: I was a bit upset....

That's the crux of the issue right there.

Your daughter's behavior is within the realm of your responsibility, her identity is not.

Setti is right.

And PS....
Congrats on being so insightful as to know the difference.

 

[69forever]

RE: I was a bit upset

No PS. I don't think you two will be having dialog anytime soon.

Your means of dealing with it was both straight foward and
insightfull. Something I'm sure she found most unsettling.

The problem is that these people pass their bias on to their
children. It's good that you have enough open communication
with them to help them deal with that.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

It just irked me.

Irked is the word of the day.

IRK. *shakes a fist then laughs*

And thanks 'Setti for saying in like ONE sentence what I was trying to say.

And thanks everyone.

One parent for rent!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

[sarcasm]You should send your kids to one of those re-education camps, where they can learn to be straight....

You know, either they will [change' and be filled with self-loathing forever, or they'll still be gay/bi, and now will also hate you forever, it will be a perfect solution![/sarcasm]

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

You know, I considered that...

But then she won't want to support me in my old age when she's a rich and famous actress.

Plus the tution was too high and she hates pink.

 

[ffemtp]

I think your approch is correct. Let your daughter make her own way in life. If a parent object to what there children do it may push the child away and they may never find their home.

As a straight male i kinda wish i had open talks with my parents at times. I am at fault on some part of that by not starting the comverstions but we all learn.

 

[sexy-girl]

sometimes i forget that it can cause difficulties on parents that way

i have to ask though do you have a protocol or something with your daughter about discussing her sexuality ... im just curious to hear how parents deal with that ... is your daughter out of the closet ?


sorry i hope you don't mind me asking these questions perhaps i should of asked in pm's


im not sure if i'd want my parent to reveal my sexuality even though i am "out" ... im odd though with some things

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Sexy Girl, the reason that I post on this board (other than having many friends here and likeing bi men) is that because I am a mother of a bi girl and godmother of a gay guy: Both 17.

So I don't mind that you ask.

Between my daughter and I when she came out to me and knew I was ok with it, she came out to everyone. And she knows I use (and I use this word lightly) our relationship as a springboard for many conversations with my youth group and others and supports me in doing so. If she didn't, I wouldn't.

There are some topics she doesn't like me to bring up and tells me straight forwardly not to talk about them. So I don't.

In my everyday life I like to lead by example. And in this I lead by example by proudly saying I love my daughter. That is always what I say frist. And then I say AND she bi AND she's got a temper AND she's stubborn.

I never say BUT she's bi BESIDES her temper DISPITE her stubborness.

Because then I'm qualifying my love outside of those things instead of includeing them in the whole package of her being someone I love.

When she came out to me she said "Mom, I think I might be bi." I looked at her and said "I don't care as long as you give me grandchildren." A visable weight lifted off her shoulders and she said "Wow, that was easier than I thought it was going to be."

I hope this answered your qestion?

 

[sexy-girl]

When she came out to me she said "Mom, I think I might be bi." I looked at her and said "I don't care as long as you give me grandchildren." A visable weight lifted off her shoulders and she said "Wow, that was easier than I thought it was going to be."

I hope this answered your qestion?

but what if she had said she might be gay ?


but yes it does answer my question ... i think everyone has some things they would rather their parents not mention to their friends ... its not that i have a major issue with it and after i made my post i realized that my mother probably has actually said to some of her friends about me being gay before they knew me


i guess it depends on the situation but usually i prefer people to know me a little before they know im gay


by the way it sounds like you have a good attitude with it and thats cool ... i was lucky with my parents and it sounds like your daughter was lucky with you

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Truthfully, if she had said she was gay, I would have said the same thing.

I wanted six children, and I only have her and so I'm holding out for grandkids. And lesbians can have kids too.



The funny thing is she's already dated the hottest girl at her work and all her guy friends are jealous and think it's so un-fair. *smothers a laugh*

 

[69forever]

Ahhh PS...if only I'd have had the loving support you give your
daughter...seriously, so many of us have to fight to overcome
the puritanical, bigoted, homophobic upbringing we got.

Praises dear lady...

 

[niteshade]

It was really funny when I told my mother that I was bi... She looked at me a little strangely, and said "It took you this long to notice?" Apparently, she knew before I did. Kinda spooky, when you think about it.

Anyway, I know you don't know me, but I think it is great that you are supportive of your daughter. I think communication is the main thing that kept me from being drug addicted, gang related, pregnant, or permanently drunk.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

In about six months you'll all prob meet my daughter; she'll turn 18 and wants to join Lit.

I'll have no secrets left!

 

[69forever]

Oh My!!!

Mother and daughter online at the same time....
Are you going to be drawing straws for computer time or do you
each have one? That is funny and wonderful at the same time.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

We each have our own, and we are very alike and very different at the same time.

I was 24 when I had her, so next year I'll be 42 and she'll be 18. However, it shocks Glam when I remind him how old I am. He has this vision of me being in my twenties coz I tease him a lot.

 

[69forever]

Me thinks that about makes me the old timer here...

18 at heart...50 for real. Still in the closet about being bi except
for one very special lesbian friend. This society sucks...and then
you wake up and it still sucks. Good to have this outlet.

 

[Queersetti]

In about six months you'll all prob meet my daughter; she'll turn 18 and wants to join Lit.

I'll have no secrets left!

She and I are so going to dish!

 

[Queersetti]

Me thinks that about makes me the old timer here...

18 at heart...50 for real. Still in the closet about being bi except
for one very special lesbian friend. This society sucks...and then
you wake up and it still sucks. Good to have this outlet.

We're glad to have you!

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

She and I are so going to dish!

Ok, that's it, I am SO going to tell her she can't tell anyone she's my girl!

 

[ExistentialLuv]

It is so great you and your daughter have a close enough relationship and friendship that she could open up to you. My mom was the first one I told and she supported me almost 100%. Blamed my friend though for my change. I must say, her remark was that of an ignouramous idiot. Every once in awhile she still hints around to me getting back with a guy, not latly though, as she see's how happy I am with my love. It seems so typical of someone who is ignorant, to blame the parents or someone else for the sexuality of another. They obviously have no clue.