I want to tell someone!

[Volz]

I'm a bisexual female. 23 and married. My husband knows I'm bisexual and is very ok with it, but I want to tell someone else! I want to be able to talk about it with someone other than my husband and get a different perspective on the feelings that I have.

I don't have any close friends, my best friends are my sister and my mom. I can't imagine telling one of them. It seems harder because I'm married. I was telling my husband the other night that I could just picture their reaction if I were to tell them. "How can you be bisexual if you are married?" "If you're bisexual, why did you get married?" etc. I guess it all feels like no one will even believe me just because I'm married.

In highschool, I told my boyfriend that I was and wanted to try something with another female friend of his. He told her (which was ok with me) but then she told everyone and anyone and I was a 'queer' the rest of my highschool days. Even my closest friends abandoned me.

So, maybe you can see my reluctance a little. Besides worrying about someone's reaction if I were to tell them, I just flat out don't know who to tell!


Ugh!

 

[Questor38]

I can relate!

It. took me forever it seems like to even be able to tell my wife that I was bi! It was over a 10 year period of curiousity for me and then I finally decided to tell her. I had to...it was eating away at me and I hed to tell someone. She was wonderful about it all and said that she pretty much had the idea all along! That was a true relief for me! There are still only a few people that I have trusted to tell since then because I don't really need to be hassled by anybody that has no clue as to who or how I am! I truly hope things work out well for you and I will try to stay in touch!

 

[sudoenim]

Hi Volz. You don't mention how much experience you've had (overall) or if you've been with a woman since you married.

Does your husband only know your thoughts and fantasies or has he agreed that you can go ahead and do it? There's a big difference between accepting something in theory and actually witnessing it.

I'm just thinking that at least some people know, i.e. your husband and the women you've been with, for what that's worth.

Also, why do you think it's so important to YOU that others know your orientation? Are you happy with your life in general? Seems like this is the crux of the matter.

Maybe there's a support group in your area that you can look into. It is a great relief to reveal a secret to sympathetic listeners and be accepted for yourself.

Well, you've always got us while you ponder this!

 

[GreenEyeBiChick]

Hi Volz,
Well, at least you've been able to tell your husband- that's a HUGE step! I'm sorry that that immature chick in high school ruined things for you like that, I bet it makes it a lot harder to want to share your bi feelings with others...
I'm also 23, Bi and married... however, my husband doesn't know that I'm bi, and I'd rather keep it that way for now, lol... but I agree, you can always come here and talk about it!

 

[LindaL]

The fact that I'm bi is known to few people; my husband, my girlfriend and her husband, and another girlfriend of mine. That seems sufficient for my real life. Frankly, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone else right now, though that may change, depending on how my relationships change.

But places like this are an excellent resource for elaborating about that part of me to others. It feels safe, and the feedback and support is quite nice.

So I would say: don't be in a hurry to tell just anyone. Give it time, when it's right to talk about it, you'll probably have a sense for it.

That's my opinion anyway, for whatever that's worth.

 

[Volz]

Re: I can relate!

It. took me forever it seems like to even be able to tell my wife that I was bi! It was over a 10 year period of curiousity for me and then I finally decided to tell her. I had to...it was eating away at me and I hed to tell someone. She was wonderful about it all and said that she pretty much had the idea all along! That was a true relief for me! There are still only a few people that I have trusted to tell since then because I don't really need to be hassled by anybody that has no clue as to who or how I am! I truly hope things work out well for you and I will try to stay in touch!

Well, telling my husband was no big deal for me. It mostly came about when I would say that certain females were hot or something. But one night we did have a serious talk about it. I had to tell him that I wasn't kidding and that I was seriously bi. It wasn't just some fantasy/curiousity thing.

Thanks for the warm wishes and feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[Volz]

Hi Volz. You don't mention how much experience you've had (overall) or if you've been with a woman since you married.

Does your husband only know your thoughts and fantasies or has he agreed that you can go ahead and do it? There's a big difference between accepting something in theory and actually witnessing it.

Actually, I've had no experience FF at all. But to me, that inconsequential. I don't feel that I need to be with another woman to know that I would enjoy it and like it very much. Much the same way most inexperienced people know they prefer someone of the opposite sex.

As far as wether it being fantasy or real, he seems a little nervous about me experiencing (mostly nervous if he weren't there ) but he understands that it's something that I would really like to do and will probably regret if I never give it a try.

I'm just thinking that at least some people know, i.e. your husband and the women you've been with, for what that's worth.

Also, why do you think it's so important to YOU that others know your orientation? Are you happy with your life in general? Seems like this is the crux of the matter.

It's not so much important that others know that I'm bi for the sake of knowing, but I just think it would be really nice to be able to talk to someone about my feelings and whatnot. I like being able to talk to my husband about it and I do alot, but it would also be nice to get a bit of a different perspective, etc.

Maybe there's a support group in your area that you can look into. It is a great relief to reveal a secret to sympathetic listeners and be accepted for yourself.

Well, you've always got us while you ponder this!

The support group just doesn't seem the same. I would much rather talk to someone I was close with, someone I know on a personal level.

And I soooo much love this place! It's absolutely wonderful and I'm glad I found it. I've learned so much in the little time that I've been here. It's just amazing.

 

[Volz]

Hi Volz,
Well, at least you've been able to tell your husband- that's a HUGE step! I'm sorry that that immature chick in high school ruined things for you like that, I bet it makes it a lot harder to want to share your bi feelings with others...
I'm also 23, Bi and married... however, my husband doesn't know that I'm bi, and I'd rather keep it that way for now, lol... but I agree, you can always come here and talk about it!

My husband is very open-minded himself (not bisexual though I wish I could change his mind ) so it really wasn't a big deal for me to tell him. Of course I don't think I told him until after we were together for 4 years (before we got married) but I think mostly that was because I wanted to be sure myself before I told anybody.

And like I said, I'm so grateful for this place. It's absolutely wonderful!

 

[Volz]

So I would say: don't be in a hurry to tell just anyone. Give it time, when it's right to talk about it, you'll probably have a sense for it.

That's my opinion anyway, for whatever that's worth.

And that's exactly what I'm waiting for. I don't want to tell just anybody. I want to share it with a close friend, but I just don't have any.

I am hopefully starting a new job soon with a larger company and I'm hoping that there will be other people my age that I can become friends with. I would really like to find one close friend.

 

[SweetErika]

Volz, I feel exactly the same about telling people. I can just hear my very open-minded mom asking why I got married and telling me it's cheating. However, from my perspective, it's an important part of me, but it's inconsequential to people who aren't involved...I'm having friendships, and what I do in the bedroom isn't anyone's concern. I wouldn't tell my mom or certain friends the details of encounters with my husband or if we were swinging, so why share that I'm having sex with women? So, I just leave it at talking mentioning female friends. I wouldn't lie if asked directly, but I am keeping it private for now, and maybe forever.

Something that's helped me a lot is making friends who are also bi, and especially married and bi. Even joining a bi women's group has made it easier.

 

[Volz]

Volz, I feel exactly the same about telling people. I can just hear my very open-minded mom asking why I got married and telling me it's cheating. However, from my perspective, it's an important part of me, but it's inconsequential to people who aren't involved...I'm having friendships, and what I do in the bedroom isn't anyone's concern. I wouldn't tell my mom or certain friends the details of encounters with my husband or if we were swinging, so why share that I'm having sex with women? So, I just leave it at talking mentioning female friends. I wouldn't lie if asked directly, but I am keeping it private for now, and maybe forever.

Something that's helped me a lot is making friends who are also bi, and especially married and bi. Even joining a bi women's group has made it easier.

You get it! lol


It doesn't seem that most people I run into (on Lit) understand what I'm talking about. Being married makes it so different, especially if you're wanting to come out AFTER you're married.

Thanks SweetErika, and I may just PM you sometime if you wouldn't mind.

 

[SweetErika]

You get it! lol


It doesn't seem that most people I run into (on Lit) understand what I'm talking about. Being married makes it so different, especially if you're wanting to come out AFTER you're married.

Thanks SweetErika, and I may just PM you sometime if you wouldn't mind.

Yep, I do get it. Give it some time, and I'm sure you'll find a lot of people on here in the same situation, but feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[flyrv9]

Well, if you feel you are Bi, then you are Bi. If your Mom (should she find out) doesn't like it - that's her problem, not yours. As long as you are comfortable with you - that's what counts.

 

[Questor38]

Bumpity Bump!

Hiya Volz!
Just poppin in to give the thread a "Bump"! Looks like you are gaining support and friends here! Been busy myself trying to get in the holiday spirit. Hope to chat with ya soon and I'll drop ya a pm too!

Happy Holidays

 

[Questor38]

Oh Yea! PS.

Read your story Volz and I really loved it! Kinda helps me keep my hope up!

 

[anne27]

I am extremely sorry for the bad experience you had in high school. It's going to taint your perspective, no doubt.

This issue is one I'm struggling with myself right now. My hubby and I are both bi. His opinion is it's his business and no one else's and he doesn't have the compulsion to share it with his family and friends.
To me, it's so much a part of who I am now, it's almost like being dishonest by not sharing it with those I am close to. I have a couple of friends who know, but it's a very small circle and I can't really discuss how I feel or the intricicies of what being bi-sexual means to my life. I'd love to just be able to shout it at the top of my lungs, but it's just not practical. Not where I live. Not with the young children I have. So, I feel like a liar and swallow the desire to share and go on.

Best of luck to you on your journey! I wish I had answers.

 

[SnowWolfy]

hey Volzs

thank you for having the courage to share this with the group here. Even though its the net it still is a step in the realization of who and what you are in life. Hugs

I have a selet few freinds in my life that know I am bi-sexual and my x-wife knows because she is also....and it was a giant openeing of our relationship. Even though we never did find that special someone to play with for me....grinz we did have fun with a girlfriend of hers.

I do not believe that I could ever tell any of my family members...they just would not understand it.

good luck with this......kotc

SW

 

[Volz]

Wow, didn't realize this became 'active' again.

Thanks all for the kind words and support. I've come very close to telling my sister but just haven't managed it. She is my best friend, but being family kinda hinders thing a little. lol


Anyway, thanks again. I really appreciate all you guys!



Volz

 

[Daisy May]

ooooooooooooooo