daughter
Dreamer
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,561
New poet on the scene. Hope you all will take time to check out rnabokov. His work, I want to kiss you while you scream makes me wanna holla. For those who don't know urban idioms, that's an endorsement. 
The opening borders cliche, but the poet supports it with engaging and lush imagery. I'm weary of using elipsis, too. I wonder what the poet would think about using dashes instead. No shortage of familiar terms. Still, I'll argue the poet has a good draft. He creates a good metaphor, develops it and is consistent with it. The punctuation needs tightening. Might re-consider some word choices, but the draft clearly has merit.
A favorite section:
I wet my fingers and find you open
cage you my animal with muscles sinew
hard flesh rippling
my arms and legs are flexed, unyielding
hold you slithering arching twisting clawing
Love the visuals. The cadence in the poem is magnetic. The poem is primal, sensual, and intense without ripping your flesh. Definitely gets the blood flowing and quickening the breath.
Here's the link:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30474
Thanks for the read, poet.
Peace,
daughter
The opening borders cliche, but the poet supports it with engaging and lush imagery. I'm weary of using elipsis, too. I wonder what the poet would think about using dashes instead. No shortage of familiar terms. Still, I'll argue the poet has a good draft. He creates a good metaphor, develops it and is consistent with it. The punctuation needs tightening. Might re-consider some word choices, but the draft clearly has merit.
A favorite section:
I wet my fingers and find you open
cage you my animal with muscles sinew
hard flesh rippling
my arms and legs are flexed, unyielding
hold you slithering arching twisting clawing
Love the visuals. The cadence in the poem is magnetic. The poem is primal, sensual, and intense without ripping your flesh. Definitely gets the blood flowing and quickening the breath.
Here's the link:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30474
Thanks for the read, poet.
Peace,
daughter
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