i walked into a full scale interventnion this morning!!

[morninggirl5]

in answer to some questions



~none of us, my parents or i, feel that going public is the right thing to do becuase of my future career. however, we all agree there must be a next step, whatever that may be.

Going public isn't the same thing as seeing an attorney and filing a complaint with the state board. Check with your state, if it's like most all publicly available information will be anonymous - here in Georgia they use your initials. Even if you do file suit, the therapist will have a much greater interest in keeping things quiet - her professional reputation and license is on the line.

About being a teacher -- it's not the middle ages. Or even the 1800's. We can be single and have a personal life now. Unless you live and want to work in a very small town, the only thing that will keep you from getting a teaching job is a criminal record. Once you have a job, there are still morality clauses in most contracts, but enforcing them is usually done when criminal charges are involved. Flaunting your personal life isn't a good idea, but as long as you keep it behind closed doors, it's nobody else's business.

 

[somberReality]

The therapist not only broke the confidentiality rules but he/she put in his/her own opinions into the mix, which are all signs of a horrible shrink.

I smell lawsuit!!!

 

[somberReality]

Holy shit.

Sharing personal information? I would have hit the fucking roof!

Is she some kind of radical feminist or something?

Can't she bare the thought of any woman submitting to a man?

The bitch needs to be brought down a level.

This anger makes me all hawt. booyah!!

 

[SweetErika]

I'm also so very sorry your trust and rights were violated, mis.

Admittedly, I'm curious as to why your parents (or dad?) dislike A if they accept you and are kinky themselves. Is the ill will a result of the therapist's abuse allegations alone, or have your folks had problems with, or misgivings about, him in the past?

Cutie's advice for you and your parents to write a detailed account while it's still fresh is excellent. I was lucky to speak to a friend who happened to be an attorney right after my auto accident; he gave me the same advice, and two years later, that account is very helpful for my lawsuit. It was also helpful when I made statements after the accident and wrote up a review for my attorney.

My friend also advised me to keep a journal documenting my medical care, pain and suffering following the accident. I did so for several months, and that too is coming in handy. So, I'll pass on the same advice to you - document all effects of your therapists actions, including emotional pain, effects on your relationship, stress, conversations, etc.

If you never need this stuff, it only took a little bit of your time, but it could be invaluable if you go to the licensing board or take legal action.

 

[Chicklet]

I'm not saying sue, I'm saying talk to a lawyer, esp. if you know one you trust.

has anybody got a fancy list of kink friendly professionals in the area? I know there's a list of doctors and lawyers in Portland... there's bound to be more in New York...

 

[Chicklet]

i feel furious, betrayed, and vulnerable. i will never step foot in that office again.

my thoughts are with you on this. I've had some trust issues with therapists in the past, and I know firsthand how much it hurts. And that was BEFORE I was an adult. I can't imagine how I would feel if someone betrayed me like you've been betrayed. I feel awful for you.

I absolutely agree with you on never setting foot into that office again.

 

[FurryFury]

Therapists are very flawed humans in my experience. That's not to say there aren't some good ones but I've personally come in contact with more that were bad for the patient I cared about than ones that were good.

As they are human beings, you have to be objective enough to see where they are blind and what strange hot spots they might have or you can run into some very bad shit.

It gets hard when you make a connection with a therapist. All kinds of shit happens emotionally for you both then.

Clearly this therapist totally wigged. What she did was wrong.

I've seen worse, believe it or not, life threatening stuff. Stuff that was mostly done for money though the therapist might have convinced his or her self it was also best for the patient. Still this is unbelievable to me.

In my society, I believe that I would get fewer or no jobs if my reputation wasn't wholesome. It should make no difference at all that I'm Bi curious or into BDSM or even that I like metal but it does and that sucks. That's just reality.

Hopefully none of this will get out in public. You deserve better.

I'm not the suing type but many of those in the so called helping professions should be called into account!

 

[nowgirl]

I don't post much here but wanted to tell you to take care of yourself! It's difficult enough just to be in therapy. Youve made that positive leap to move forward in your life and now this.

Give your parents some time to come around to your relationship with A. Just seeing the two of you get through this together - seeing his love and support for you - should help them see why you love him and why they should love him, too.

And do try to find a therapist who sees your submissiveness as a part of who you are. It will be an important part of talking about you!!

You're probably a little gun shy & not sure where to turn. When I was looking for a therapist - I started on the internet & there were a ton of resources.

I finally found a service that provided the names and specialties of 100's of therapists, psychologists, etc. Someone called me and asked me specific questions about what I was looking for & they gave me several names to check out. I had to do some footwork & talked to about 6 of them - it was kind of like a first date or an interview! At first I felt kind of uncomfortable doing this but they seemed to expect it.

 

[SubKekiLee]

MIS

I am sorry you are having to go thru this.. My thoughts prayers and hopes go to you, DOnt let anyone try to change you... {{{{{MIS}}}}}}}

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Sweetie I am sooo sorry this happened to you. Sending cyber hugs your way

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MIS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[sexycaz22]

I am really sorry to hear what happeend, dear. I also send hugs:

{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}

And hope everything will work well for you.

 

[neonflux]

has anybody got a fancy list of kink friendly professionals in the area? I know there's a list of doctors and lawyers in Portland... there's bound to be more in New York...

REFERRALS:

CM already gave one link, which I'll repeat:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75

Another resource - San Francisco Sex Information. Even though based in San Francisco, they are kink-positive and they've got a huge list of regional referrals.

Info on talking to someone via phone:
http://www.sfsi.org/call.html

Info on talking to someone via email:
http://www.sfsi.org/email.html

MIS, I am also both sorry and enraged that you had to go through this. As someone who works with youth in "uber-liberal" San Francisco and is open publicly about my sexual orientation but NOT my kink for this reason, I understand your professional concerns. I don't think that this incident will spell the end of anything. She is enjoined by HIPPA not to share this with the outside.

I really hope that you will follow CM's advise - you can even further ensure that the therapist in question is stopped from doing further harm to you and ensure that she is censored professionally without putting yourself in the position of having to deal with a public law suit.

In any case, I am also here for you.

Neon

P.S., Speaking from the perspective of someone who works in the health system, what complicates it all is that there is a movement nationwide to get health professionals involved in reporting domestic violence - in some states (including mine, California) there are now laws requiring the breaking of confidentiality to report same. The difficulty/danger for those of us in BDSM is that many folks have never been trained to recognize/understand the difference between a consensual BDSM relationship and partner abuse.

 

[neonflux]

MIS, thinking about this a little more.

Is it possible that your therapist and the others to whom she spoke are part of the same practice (or public health center/facility) and already had access to your records? if so, your therapist already probably has the written permission she needs to share your case with them, but the WHOLE TEAM would still be bound by HIPPA. the thing with her telling your parents was against the law - wonder if she actually would have done it but if not, then she was manipulating you in a really awful way.

I know that your first need is to take care of your relationship with your parents.

Still, with all of that on your plate, you need to protect yourself. I second CM's suggestion that you talk to the therapist that doesn't think it's a big deal and get his/her "protection." Perhaps it will buy you the time to take care of yourself and the damage that this woman caused.

{{{{{{{ BIG HUGS }}}}}}}

Neon

 

[myinnerslut]

thank you everyone for everything. today i went out to dinner with A after work and broke down in tears over this. he has been amazing and supportive about everything im going thrugh now and i love him all the more for it. in anaswer to someones question, my father never liked A becuase A is dating his baby. it would be the same no matter who i was dating. my father is going away for a few days on buisness and we will work out the next step when he gets back.

 

[graceanne]

thank you everyone for everything. today i went out to dinner with A after work and broke down in tears over this. he has been amazing and supportive about everything im going thrugh now and i love him all the more for it. in anaswer to someones question, my father never liked A becuase A is dating his baby. it would be the same no matter who i was dating. my father is going away for a few days on buisness and we will work out the next step when he gets back.

I was kinda wondering. You say your parents are kinky, but that your dad doesn't like A. It sounds like your dad was just looking for a reason to dislike A. I used to say that I could marry Jesus Christ, reincarnated, and my mother wouldn't like him. *shrugs* It's difficult, because you can't take their opinion on that person to heart - they'll always dislike him. Ya' know?

 

[SweetErika]

I was kinda wondering. You say your parents are kinky, but that your dad doesn't like A. It sounds like your dad was just looking for a reason to dislike A. I used to say that I could marry Jesus Christ, reincarnated, and my mother wouldn't like him. *shrugs* It's difficult, because you can't take their opinion on that person to heart - they'll always dislike him. Ya' know?

This is neither here nor there, but I find that philosophy of always disliking a kid's SO when the child is happy and being treated well really sad and unloving.

Putting the man he is aside, my parents love my husband because he makes my life better with his love and care. All three of them share the same goal of loving me and supporting my happiness. If my parents didn't like him or see that commonality, I can imagine feeling like they didn't really love me (which I basically define as 'doing the higher good for the other person' BTW) or have my best interest at heart.

Perhaps some of the parents who take this perspective would benefit from a reminder that everyone has the same goal, wants the kid to be happy and being asked what it accomplishes to dislike a significant other who loves and treats them well. Maybe if they saw they were working against that goal and hurting their kid, they'd change their minds, or at least behavior.

 

[graceanne]

This is neither here nor there, but I find that philosophy of always disliking a kid's SO when the child is happy and being treated well really sad and unloving.

Putting the man he is aside, my parents love my husband because he makes my life better with his love and care. All three of them share the same goal of loving me and supporting my happiness. If my parents didn't like him or see that commonality, I can imagine feeling like they didn't really love me (which I basically define as 'doing the higher good for the other person' BTW) or have my best interest at heart.

Perhaps some of the parents who take this perspective would benefit from a reminder that everyone has the same goal, wants the kid to be happy and being asked what it accomplishes to dislike a significant other who loves and treats them well. Maybe if they saw they were working against that goal and hurting their kid, they'd change their minds, or at least behavior.

I never really understood it either. In some cases it's a matter of that parent just can't imagine anyone's good enough for their child. In my mothers case it's cause she doesn't like people who don't kiss her ass. *shrugs* That's not entirely fair - my mom doesn't like most people, ass kissing or not. My mom is a very introverted person.

Either way, over the years she's come to respect K, even if she doesn't like him. I don't think they'll ever be buds - they're too much alike. (Except he's nicer - not friendlier, just nicer.)

One of the things my mothers also learning is not to piss off the person with the power. She also doesn't like my brother in law, but she's learned to be polite to him or he won't bring the kids up for her to see. Not without threats from my sister. I tried to explain it to her, why I'm polite to him, but she had to learn it herself.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Hi myinnerslut.

A small hijack to wish you well and warm wishes.

That's all.

 

[myinnerslut]

as much as i keep telling myself im getting over this, i still cant sleep through the night, this is one my mind too much. im close to tears all the time. im so angry at everything. and i feel like i shoulkd be getting over this but i cant

 

[Netzach]

There are no "shoulds" about getting over 2 days into it. What happened to you sucked, was abusive, was wrong, and would put anyone into an emotional tailspin - ANYONE.

Hang in there. Keep talking to people you feel OK talking to. It'll be OK, and if it's not OK now, THAT is ok.

 

[the captians wench]

as much as i keep telling myself im getting over this, i still cant sleep through the night, this is one my mind too much. im close to tears all the time. im so angry at everything. and i feel like i shoulkd be getting over this but i cant

One thing that I learned form the hospis councilors is that healing takes time. There is no time line to go by, you'll "get over it" when you are ready to. It's okay if it only takes a few hours, and it's okay if it takes a few days, weeks, how ever long it takes. How ever long you need to completely process this is how long you need.

 

[dolf]

she's a bully.
she's abusive.
she used her position of power over you.

imo, she's little better than a rapist.
were i closer & were we friends i'd be knocking on her door to tell her just that.

of course you feel violated

 

[DVS]

You already have been given some great advice by others. But, if you don't mind my adding my two cents...

For sure talk to that other doctor, as CM suggested. Also, how did she share your records with him and other doctors? Did she just talk to them over the phone, did she consult with them personally, or did she actually send them copies of your records and they responded with their opinions that way. This would be something I'd ask the other doctor, to see how she consulted him.

She might also want to do damage control, once she realizes her mistake, or once her superiors realize it. She should not be allowed to use your personal information in any way, in her attempts to squelch a backlash over what she has started. She has already breached the doctor/patent confidentiality rule with your parents and maybe with other doctors, which threatened your future career goals, The sooner she's stopped, the better.

I'd also follow what CM said about writing down what happened in her office. I see a problem with what you said that she said...that if you didn't tell your parents, she would. Sure, you were threatened, and she was out of bounds by doing that. But, because you and the psycho doc were the only two in the room at the time, she could say she never said that and it was you who felt it necessary to tell your parents. As long as your parents remember this as happening the same as you do, that helps a lot.

Make sure to find out if they remember HER saying it was HER idea to talk to them. It would also be nice if they heard her admit to "threatening you" into calling them in, if you didn't. Of course, the phrase "threatening you" would not come from her lips. That's why I put it in quotes. She might say she only suggested it, and it was totally your call.

I'd make sure you get all of your records back, and like others have said, WITHOUT making any copies. I wouldn't want her to have anything of mine in her possession for future seminars, conventions or meetings with other members of staff she might happen to find "necessary for your cure."

A stern letter from a local credible law firm, on their letterhead to her superiors is warranted. You can carbon copy her. It should state the issues of that day and the possible repercussions to your future professional life and personal well being, all at the hands of her irresponsible and illegal acts.

Not that they should threaten going to court, but they should mention further legal action, if your complete records are not returned, from all associated parties, by sealed courier delivery, without haste. No copies are to be made and no further viewing of your personal information is allowed.

You should also demand that she be counseled and properly reprimanded by superiors in her field, resulting in censurer and/or possible dismissal from employment.

This woman is a danger to the mental stability of her future patients and she needs to be exposed as such. It really bothers me when educated professionals do such stupid things. We trust them to help us when we need it. Her actions are resulting in the opposite.

 

[catalina_francisco]

as much as i keep telling myself im getting over this, i still cant sleep through the night, this is one my mind too much. im close to tears all the time. im so angry at everything. and i feel like i shoulkd be getting over this but i cant

You will take time to get over this, and likely have residual effects for quite a long time if not forever. She not only abused your trust, but sought to disempower and intimidate you and was successful. Although I know it will be difficult, especially right now, please do something about what she has done because not only will it perhaps prevent others having to go through the same or similar circumstance, it will eventually help in your healing and moving forward. She is more than likely feeling safe because of your long history with her, and your age...prove her wrong and take back your power.

Catalina

 

[Chris_Xavier]

You will take time to get over this, and likely have residual effects for quite a long time if not forever. She not only abused your trust, but sought to disempower and intimidate you and was successful. Although I know it will be difficult, especially right now, please do something about what she has done because not only will it perhaps prevent others having to go through the same or similar circumstance, it will eventually help in your healing and moving forward. She is more than likely feeling safe because of your long history with her, and your age...prove her wrong and take back your power.

Catalina

What she said..

Awesome comments there cat.