i walked into a full scale interventnion this morning!!

[Chris_Xavier]

With homosexual men and women in today's classrooms, I don't see where mis being a sub would really come into play in terms of her professional career.

However, people's misconceptions about what it means is kind of scary.

I think it safe to say, mis, that whatever you decide... your Lit friends are here for you.

 

[intothewoods]

MIS - I'm so sorry she violated your trust. That's awful.

 

[Netzach]

With homosexual men and women in today's classrooms, I don't see where mis being a sub would really come into play in terms of her professional career.

However, people's misconceptions about what it means is kind of scary.

I think it safe to say, mis, that whatever you decide... your Lit friends are here for you.

This is totally off most people's charts of acceptability.

I can see how wanting to teach would really put you into the closet completely, door tightly closed. You're quite right to be careful about it.

I'm not saying sue, I'm saying talk to a lawyer, esp. if you know one you trust.

 

[BiBunny]

mis...i am SO sorry you are going through this. No matter what, it was a blatant violation of trust.

Two small things no one has brought up yet.

If the Dr's that she told about your situation were HER superiors in the practice, and she is required to report on her cases to them, you cannot sue her for violating Dr/patient confidentiality...at least in the case of talking about you to the other Dr's.

As far as becoming a teacher, you already have a mental health record. While it may not look "great" if all of the BDSM allegations come out, the fact stands that you already may have a more difficult time due to you past/present mental health needs. Depends on the school/state, but when they do a complete background check it will come up.

i'm not trying to be a wet blanket on the "go sue" crowd, and i think you have a case, but this issue is not as clear-cut as others are making it out to be.

Take Care of yourself.

You could be right. The way I read it, this chick called mis' OTHER doctor (like her family physician or something), who WOULDN'T be her superior, but that was just my reading, and it could be totally way off the mark. Either way, she still broke the doctor/patient privilege by talking to mis' parents, since she's legally an adult. I still think she should talk to a lawyer about her options.

 

[Retrieval]

Holy shit.

Sharing personal information? I would have hit the fucking roof!

Is she some kind of radical feminist or something?

Can't she bare the thought of any woman submitting to a man?

The bitch needs to be brought down a level.

 

[Netzach]

I'm a fairly radical feminist, and you can see what I thought of her.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[BiBunny]

I'm a fairly radical feminist, and you can see what I thought of her.

Ditto.

 

[graceanne]

I don't view it as a lawsuit issue, as much as a reprimand issue. Going to superiors, ehhh... possibly reasonable, although poorly handled. Confidentiality was broken when the parents were told about private things discussed in therapy, unless MIS gave the therapist permission to divulge details of those therapy sessions. Regardless, the therapist did more damage than help today, which means the chain of command would benifit from knowing what happened, and the therapist deserves to have a note placed in her employment file.

Did she give permission to divulge details to her parents? Cause what I read was she was told if she didn't bring her parents in then, that the therapist would tell anyway. That was a threat.

 

[NemoAlia]

Well in her fucked up little brain this is probably some kind of imminent self harm fantasy. A wet dream of savior assholes everywhere.

YES. I got hospitalized involuntarily once for my self-destructive sexual tendencies.

 

[Netzach]

YES. I got hospitalized involuntarily once for my self-destructive sexual tendencies.

Holy shit. Are they still treating "hysteria?"

I'm literally ill.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hi mis!

I'm not an attorney, and I don't play one on TV. I'm sorry this happened to you. I won't repeat the tons of advice you've already gotten, I'll just say I'm here, feel free to PM if you need an ear to bend or to vent at...

{{{{{HUG}}}}}

 

[minx1]

*hugs* Mis, so sorry you had a bad experience hon

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. CM gives great advice of which I can't think of anything much to add. I would certainly be going to whichever governing body she is licenced by, and seeking legal advice as to what you can do to protect yourself from further disclosure on her part, if not compensation for the problems and stress she has caused unnecessarily.

These are the type therapists I hate working with...my former boss was so good, she not only told a rape victim she was disgusted she wanted to discuss the rape in a session because it was vile and made her sick to be in the same room with her knowing what she had done, but told the rest of the staff if ever we got a call from someone saying they were going to kill themselves that we should put them on hold for 10-15 minutes during which time they would have hung up as they were only looking for attention. Needless to say I never followed her advice in terms of how I worked, and when she went on vacations and passed her clients onto me, they usually decided not to go back to her when she returned. There are good and bad therapists, it is just a matter of hanging in there and finding those who know they are supposed to leave their personal values and judgements at the door and out of therapy.

Catalina

 

[Blushing Bottom]

The-rapist

Your therapist needs a therapist.

I am so sorry you were subjected to this. As you may or may not know I am in the psychiatry field and sit on treatment teams and in therapy sessions all day. This would have NEVER happened to one of my clients. Not one of the highly professional individuals would have taken such an approach no matter what their own personal beliefs might be. A good therapist is always non-judgemental and is supposed to be the client's advocate not adversary.

If you do indeed need therapy please don't stop getting it just seek someone without petty, biased personal opinions.

That's all.

 

[WriterDom]

What I find amusing is I've never met a soul who majored in psychology who wasn't kinky. Even one of my ex-subs who went to a bible college. It shouldn't be hard to find one more accepting.

 

[the captians wench]

According to HIPAA it doesn't. It really doesn't. You are a day over 18 I would call around to some lawyers.

BDSM is NOT on the DSMV any longer, also, and the current going idea is that a behavior is a problem if YOU think it is. If A was keeping you from going to work or functioning and you were pissed about it, THEN your therapist is there to help, not just because she doesn't like your relationship style. Where do they FIND these people?

To be fair to your parents:

No one wants to think about their girl being hit by her BF. Even on the ass. Even if she loves it. My dear mother, who is FINE with my identity and choices and gear and whatnot, was NOT fine with tales of me bottoming early on. Not at all. I figured that out quickly. You will have to talk to them calmly and rationally and convince them that A has you on a pedestal and do some damage control. Which I totally think you can do - I think if they really are confronted with you being happy they'll be OK, but details and mental pictures are not good.

My mom is very suportive of me, but she doesn't like the idea of some one hitting her baby girl. *giggles* She never will like the idea, even after her baby girl made her her own flogger to try out. But it keeps her eyes open. Like with this last relationship, she kept a very close eye on it, and me. She became more interested in my life and my views on things than she ever was before, and with as much damage as I allowd done to me, if she haddn't been
asking questions all the time, I believe there could have been a lot more done.

When I first started into this, I tried it out a bit with my then hubby. It probably wasn't the best time to try it out, because he was becoming controling and abusive. But when mom saw a bruse on me, I'd tell her if they were "happy bruses" or if they were ones that I didn't intend to be placed on me.

This lifestyle can put you incontact with some real asshats who use bdsm as a guise to cover up their abusive nature. From what you talk about I don't think A is one of these people mis. But you can't always see it yourself.

You have every right to feel violated, and she did violate your rights. And she manipulated you, like netz said, she couldn't have talked to your parents with out your permission acording to the new hippa laws. You had to call them in or she could risk her job telling them what's going on. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I hope you find some one else you can feel comfortable with who will at least listen to your ideas of the kind of relationship you want.

 

[myinnerslut]

in answer to some questions

~there was clearly a threat of if you dont bring your parents in here, ill tell them anyway without you

~she went far beyond what she said she would tell my parents and shared some very personal things

~the doctors she spoke with were not her superiors. one was on an equal level to here and the other is just some guy she knows i the field

~i spoke to my parents this morning, all three of us got sleepless nights. and they support me and feel that things were handled wrong. considering i got the kinkyness from them, im not surprised they decided to support me once they had a chance to digest everything thata happened.

~we dont know what the next step is, but i refuse to return there and told my parents i did not want them to speak with her either. my mother agreed. my father, i believe so.

~none of us, my parents or i, feel that going public is the right thing to do becuase of my future career. however, we all agree there must be a next step, whatever that may be.

also, the relationship between A and my parents has been shattered. since they now know everything about our relationship, and my father openly said he dislikes A, A does not not even want to come in the house anymore f my parents are around or will be around.

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

Oh Mis I am so sorry that you had to go through that yesterday....Giving you *BIG HUGS*

 

[RJMasters]

Really sorry to hear about all of this that happened to you, myinnerslut.

You should try to get your records back from her and also ensure that she doesn't continue to violate your privacy by a letter threatening action should she do so. Also I would include in the letter that should this somehow become public knowledge because of the breach of confidentialty she caused, there will be legal action to follow.

Regardless, I know this must be a hard thing to face and I am sorry you have to face it. I am glad that your parents are understanding and supportive.



~RJ

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Daddyslilpet]

It'll be ok, sweetie. No one has to go public about anything.

Talk to the doctor who took her gossip (because that's what she did - gossip) calmly and didn't feel there was any problem with your life choice. Tell him you feel violated, feel she threatened you (bring your parents in or I'll tell them anyway) and broke confidentiality/HIPPA laws, and that you are asking for advice on how to have her reported to any governing bodies/face professional censure.

Sit down and write out what happened in the entire session. Have your parents do the same - that way you know what happened when it's all still fresh, and if you need the information for later, you've already done the work.

Excellent advice CM!

MIS... {{{HUGS}}} So sorry to hear this, I'm happy to hear that your parents are behind you though. I think eventually they will come around about A too given time. Stay strong, you can do this.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

.. You should try to get your records back from her and also ensure that she doesn't continue to violate your privacy by a letter threatening action should she do so. Also I would include in the letter that should this somehow become public knowledge because of the breach of confidentialty she caused, there will be legal action to follow. ..

I second this. Have a lawyer send her the letter on his/her letterhead. I can't believe you've had to put up with this crap. Let me know if I can do anything for you.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

mis, as EG said, I'm not a lawyer, don't even play one on TV (see the "CYA notice" below ), but I do know a bit about this sort of issue.

1) As many here have said, your "therapist" violated a number of legal, professional and ethical canons. You *do* have some recourses that do not involve public disclosure of your name or lifestyle. (More about that below.)

2) While your parents have grave concerns about A and his treatment of you, I think that some more discussion with them about how your relationship works for you will greatly reduce/alleviate those concerns. Your father may never entirely get over his distaste for your (mutual) activities, but with some more understanding of how the things you and A do actually make you feel, he may be able to separate that from his feelings in regard to A. It will take some time, though.

3) Regardless of anything else, as has been pointed out, DSMV no longer classifies BDSM as a mental illness, and her insistence that your relationship is wrong, abusive, blah blah, is an additional violation of her professional duties.

Please do, as the others have suggested, the following:

A) Make an appointment with the doctor who didn't find your relationship to be a big deal. Discuss your concerns about her behavior with him, and your feelings of betrayal. Ask him if he knows of any area therapists - and/or attorneys - who are more kink-friendly (you might want to use a different phrase - he might not be familiar with that one) or at least more understanding of "alternative lifestyles."

B) Make an appointment with an attorney to discuss your options. While I understand that you may not want to file a lawsuit against her because of the potential for publicity and subsequent outing that could create professional issues for you in the future, I know that when one reports a misbehaving professional (doctor, lawyer, etc.) to their professional association (AMA, ABA, etc.) and/or licensure boards, one's identity is revealed only to that association/board (and may in some jurisdictions be allowed to be redacted/concealed through representation by an attorney), and while any disciplinary action against the professional is reported to and by the media, the complaining party's name is not revealed to them.

C) Most important - please continue to know and understand that your choice of "lifestyle" is your choice. You are an adult; you have not been - and from what I've seen here, though it's obviously limited, couldn't be - deemed incompetent to make adult choices by an appropriate authority. CM suggested a book for your parents - When Someone You Love Is Kinky - and I would second, third and fourth that motion. (Carried by acclamation! ) Even a partly open-minded reading of that by your father will likely go a long way toward alleviating his issues, as well as opening the door for you to be able to more frankly discuss your relationship/"lifestyle" with both your parents.

Remember, too, that many of us here have had similar issues - perhaps not with a reasonably trusted therapist but in other circumstances - and some of us are almost always here to "talk to."

ETA: (Since I'm getting senile) Have the *attorney* demand on his letterhead your records be delivered to his office in a sealed envelope/folder, as you wish to have no further direct contact with her in any manner, and specify that she is to make no copies of those records, nor to discuss your case with any other person in the future, with the possible exception of attempting to defend herself in front of a professional/licensure board that is meeting to determine if she will be allowed to keep her license.

x bunches and bunches

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think one of the biggest mistakes this therapist has made apart from the obvious is since she has been your therapist for quite a long time, she has like many parents not realised (come to terms with) you are now an adult capable of making decisions for yourself and having adult relationships. No doubt she also finds the idea of you having sex as uncomfortable. It is not excuse and far from professional, but sometimes happens when professionals have known you pre-adulthood. I would still go ahead with whatever steps you can to stop her treating anyone else the same as she has you, and retrieving your records with a clear message she is not to have made and kept any copies.

Catalina