I tried going to my first munch...

[dolf]

In my pretty limited experience MastrJ, I think for Doms our age, its easier to find a submissive woman and train her into a sub than look for a ready-to-go out the box sub.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind a McSub myself.

i'm thinking mcDom....and supersize.....

 

[DVS]

I was just hoping ot meet some other people with an interest in BDSM and maybe if I were lucky meet some single subs that I could chat with. I chose to hit the one I did because I figured there would be a better chance of the people NOT all being married couples. The only other area munch group I've been able to find is in Milwaukee. From the sounds of things, they're a group of couples. The Madison group was meeting on campus at UW-Madison, so I thought the number of 40 something married couples would be lower.

Sorry about your experience Helene. I'm stuck in a small town myself so I have to be willing to drive an hour or so in order to make a meeting. I can defintely appreciate your wariness going into the munch. Maybe if I actually make a meeting that happens I'll look so much the better without a bunch of cheesy come-ons.

Well, Helene's experience isn't the norm for a quality group. Not at all. Everybody is allowed their own opinion and nobody tries to change that opinion in any way. Those are the rules of most groups.

Sure, there are those idiots who like to think they are cool and suave, and seem to take you under their wing. But if the whole group seems to be wondering if you are attending the after munch party, I'd say that is a pretty sure sign that the munch is used just as a draw to get fresh meat to attend the party.

Then, you could attend the party and have a great time, too, but I'd be very skeptical of such a situation, if it were me. And I'm a Dom! If I were a sub, there would be no way I'd attend the party after if I came to the munch alone, for the first time.

There are rules within most legitimate groups that allow a newbie to take their own time with things, and escalate at their own pace. There should be quality members who will answer any question you have about the group or its members and help a newbie in their quest, whatever that quest might be.

Now, don't consider all groups to be of this caliber, because they aren't. And, just like there are ass holes out there that like to market themselves as Master Doms, just to get some cute tail, there are groups (probably started and run by these same low life types) that aren't any better. I'd think groups in small towns would be more likely to be able to do this. The larger the city, the less likely they could get away with it.

It's a crapshoot, in many cases, but I'm lucky living in a city where all groups actually have good people in them. They are social groups, and educational, too. Nobody tries to force or even influence anybody into anything, or they suffer possible expulsion from the group. There are bi-laws to govern what happens, and even a Sgt. in arms to watch the door, in many cases.

But, if you've never been to a munch, you don't know what to expect. It's just like meeting a Dom for the first time. If you've never subbed, you don't know what to expect, either. And, that's just too bad.

Now, Helene, I can see why you were asked by several to join in on that after party. I'd ask you to join my party, too. But, mine would be a party of two. And, it would be me doing the munching!

 

[sincerely_helene]

Now, Helene, I can see why you were asked by several to join in on that after party. I'd ask you to join my party, too. But, mine would be a party of two. And, it would be me doing the munching!

Should I bring something wooden to hang on to?

 

[Netzach]

If you can GO TO CHICAGO for an event or something, do it.

That's my advice.

I've heard Satyricon meets not exactly all that regularly, but they are pretty cool. If they have a contact address email it and ask what's up.

 

[heckle]

If your planning on going to your first munch, go to it! Once you get there, someone should greet you and intriduce you around. The first munch that I went to, I met some very good people. The first perosn who met us asked us a little about ourselves to see what we were about and what our interest was. When we mentioned rope bondage, he told us that the "resident rope couple" was not going to be at the munch but would be at the next one. We sat at the table with a single Dom who was also very nice, curtious and helpful with answering questions. The munch had good discussions and a couple of good games. The munch ended and we went home. We did not get invited to any "after munch party" or anything. We left with a good feeling. We went to a "nilla night" event where alot of people got together and went bowling. It was fun and we got to meet more people. We got to know them and they got to know us in a non-bdsm activity. At the next monthly munch, we met even more people to include the "resident rope couple" and exchanged ideas. We eventually became members of this bdsm group and have felt like family. Never been pressured into anything and always been given the respect of others.

I know not every group or munch ends up like this. We consider ourselves very lucky to have found the people we did. The group or people is very good and friendly. They help others out (non-scene wise) when it is needed, and do what we can to make sure that problems do not happen. I am not saying that it has been problem free. But, when problems happen, they are taken care of internally and if it is bad enough, the people involved are not invited back. But this is to be expected everyplace. How problems are handled says alot about the people. Bickering is minimal and good times are had by all. Everyone is respected, treated as adults and alot of common sense is used by all.

If your first munch experiance does not live up to your expectations, give it another try (unless it was that bad). If itwas that bad, try to find another. We drive an hour to munches and an hour to parties. That is closer than some I have heard about. Going to munches is another way to meet fellow lifestylers, make friends and possibly learn from others or share your knowledge.

 

[MastrJ]

Well, I found out about another munch in my general area for this Sunday. I emailed the contact person to find out where, but haven't received a reply back yet. Hopefully I do. It's down in Racine/Kenosha and that's where I went to High School and college. There's actually a decent chance I'll run into people that I know there. Now I just have to hope the person emails me back with the location, etc.

 

[bluntforcemama]

What kind of Dom would you be if you did what I said?

Don't mind me man, I'm a well known dickhead.

Oh, this is interesting. I think he just humbled you.

 

[MastrJ]

Well, to continue the trials and tribulations of my tale, I received an email back from the contact person and an invite to join their online list. So it looks like I shall definitely be attending my first munch this Sunday.

Is it normal for a group to keep the location under wraps until a few days before the meeting? Have other groups had a lot of trouble in the past?


Myst: Who humbled who? I certainly didn't feel humbled.

 

[Guest]

Well, to continue the trials and tribulations of my tale, I received an email back from the contact person and an invite to join their online list. So it looks like I shall definitely be attending my first munch this Sunday.

Is it normal for a group to keep the location under wraps until a few days before the meeting? Have other groups had a lot of trouble in the past?

Good Luck..

I feel lucky ..The only "group" that I have been to a munch/meeting with was very nice, and they had a fairly wide age range. The Plarties that I attended with them were VERY well run.. *grin* And a lot of folks passed the time in observation, or conversation, or whatever that was not directly "activity related".

One thing though...A lot of the people involved held responsible positions, where knowledge of their activities might cause them problems. So, yes, they were VERY careful about locations..etc..
It might be a good idea to have some confirmation in hand before making a long drive.
Hmm The group I was involved with had a "Board" and you could contact one of them via their website.

 

[MastrJ]

Yeah, I realize that there may be members that want to keep things quiet. I just didn't think the location would be so seemingly secret. However, knowing the area, I have a REALLY good idea as to where the meeting will be. (There are only so many decent sized restaurants with seperate banquet areas that are convenient for both areas.)

 

[bluntforcemama]

Myst: Who humbled who? I certainly didn't feel humbled.

Here is what I see: You managed to humble Marquis. He felt an obligation to explain himself to you after your comment about your "lethal" avatar. Of course he will deny this. I almost said no one like to be humbled in public...

 

[Marquis]

Here is what I see: You managed to humble Marquis. He felt an obligation to explain himself to you after your comment about your "lethal" avatar. Of course he will deny this. I almost said no one like to be humbled in public...

I find no dishonor in being humbled by the great MastrJ.

Your pathetic attempt however was as transparent as it was inane.

God I hate when the ugly girl in the club spills her drink on me to try and get me to buy her a new one. Sorry baby, all you get is a drycleaning bill.

 

[bluntforcemama]

God I hate when the ugly girl in the club spills her drink on me to try and get me to buy her a new one. Sorry baby, all you get is a drycleaning bill.

Oh, stop. You flatter me!

 

[Marquis]

Oh, stop. You flatter me!

Kindness?

I am disarmed.

 

[heckle]

Is it normal for a group to keep the location under wraps until a few days before the meeting? Have other groups had a lot of trouble in the past?

Some groups do, some don't. Most of what I have seen don't. There are many people in the lifestyle who hold jobs that could be put in jepordy if there involvement came out. I can tell you that people have no problems finding information (dates, times, location) for the munches of the group that we belong to. Heck, I run the website and the information on our munches is posted for all to see. As for having to be approved by a "board" before coming to a munch, that makes absolutly no sense at all! To be invited to a play party, I can see the use for approval but not a munch.

Well anyway, good luck on your first munch!

 

[MastrJ]

Let me clarify. I was waiting for approval to join the Yahoo group they use. I was just waiting for the owner of the group to be online and hit the button letting me join. I didn't have to apply to board of people to be allowed to attend the munch.

 

[Guest]

Let me clarify. I was waiting for approval to join the Yahoo group they use. I was just waiting for the owner of the group to be online and hit the button letting me join. I didn't have to apply to board of people to be allowed to attend the munch.

Oh..I didn't have to apply to any board..As a matter of fact I schlepped in with a existing member...Hmm It was just that the board had open contact info listed on the site..It was part of their job you see.
I'll PM you the website, though I doubt it will do you any good due to distance.
Nice folks.. Very nice..They made me feel quite welcome..

 

[RJMasters]

Luck to you J. Hope you have a good time. Keep us updated as to how things went when you return.

 

[heckle]

Let me clarify. I was waiting for approval to join the Yahoo group they use. I was just waiting for the owner of the group to be online and hit the button letting me join. I didn't have to apply to board of people to be allowed to attend the munch.

My misunderstanding. Mailing list shoudl be setup like that. The group I am involved with had an issue about a year and a half ago. We were renting playspace (about 2000 sq feet worth) from a Vetrans/Biker group. It was in the upstairs area of the clubhouse. The clubhouse was in an Industrial zoned area and was being used "officially" as a Vetrans outreach center (yes, it really was). One of the biker prospects got kicked out on bad terms and decided to contact the local zoning board about some "zoning violations" (subrenting space to us). The zoning board forced them to close and we had to move our playspace.

Why do I relay this information? Just to remind that until we (the people in out lifestyle) are accepted as normal people, we will always face unjust prosocution. This also leads to keeping tighter control on who is welcomed into all of our little circles.

SO, now that your on the mailing list (hopefully), perhaps you can get to one of the munches and let us know how it went.

Good luck!

 

[MastrJ]

No problem Heckle. I started reading your post and was confused until I realize that I had used some poor wording in my previous post.

Thanks for the link Ek. It is a little too far away for me in real time, but that won't stop me from combing through the website and gleaning whatever information I'm able to.

RJ, the munch will be meeting at the spot I thought they would be. The food will be good and they have a separate dining area that will mean discussion won't be totally restrained while we're there.

 

[MastrJ]

Well, I went to the munch this last Sunday. It was pretty nice. There were only seven other people, but they were nice and didn't exclude me as the new person. The conversation was fun, and ranged from vanilla to spicy. I'm definitely going to try going one or two more times to see if there are more people that make it. The only thing that kind of bothered me was the age of the people. I was the youngest there at 33. Everyone else seemed to be in their 40's or higher and were talking about children that were of age and no longer living at home.

 

[Marquis]

Well, I went to the munch this last Sunday. It was pretty nice. There were only seven other people, but they were nice and didn't exclude me as the new person. The conversation was fun, and ranged from vanilla to spicy. I'm definitely going to try going one or two more times to see if there are more people that make it. The only thing that kind of bothered me was the age of the people. I was the youngest there at 33. Everyone else seemed to be in their 40's or higher and were talking about children that were of age and no longer living at home.

I'm only 22 bro, imagine how I feel!