I told my husband tonight to get some emotion showing ASAP or I am leaving

[T.H. Oughts]

Well it has come to the stage tonight when I had to do one of the hardest things I've done in my llife.... I told my husband that since I have not been getting the emotional love and support from him I have been asking for the last year that I will leave him after 15 years of marriage and 17 years total together and two kids.

I can not live in a comfortable home with a nice guy, great sex but no emotions (good or bad) from him.

A partnership of marriage is ment to be through thick and thin... but when the thin parts happen I need some emotion or hugs from him, hell I don't even get.... "how was your day honey."

I am leaving if I have to, to make myself happy. I have seen my Mum live a life with a non-emotional husband and I see what years of that can do to a person...

If I have to live my life alone for the rest of my life in my own home then I will.... but if I have a partnership with a person I expect support with emotions if they are either happy or sad emotions....

I have begged for emotions for months and years now.... nothing has been given.... his main retort is. "If you change a lepards spots then it would not be a lepard anymore." I want the leopard, I just want it to show the emotion that I had 15 years ago....

I asked him tonight if he would fight for me to have me stay.... he said, "you are your own person TH, if you have made up your mind to leave I can't change it"....

 

[SINthysist]

Maybe it's hard enough for him to live up to his own self-image...

An image in which emotions don't play a part. We men are taught that and play into it.

He may not be able to reconcile the idea of an emotional man under the strong man others look up to. As a sensei that is.

Just a thought. Good luck with it. That's about all I have to offer.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

An image in which emotions don't play a part. We men are taught that and play into it.

He was shown how to love by his parents, they did all the right things when he was growing up.... he is great with our kids.

It is always hard to write about all of ones thoughts here in a post, I wish I could explain what is exactly happening but I don't think Laural and Manu have enough coffee and match sticks in stock.

 

[horny_giraffe]

You sound ambivalent.

 

[SINthysist]

Like I said, wish I had something to offer. I gave what little I had (you know the military, the fights, the hard life working construction really has seemed to drain me of a lot of emotions. Few things really get me going one way or the other. I feel sort of clinical towards most things. Sometimes I think we begin to shut down to protect ourselves...).

Best wishes, I'll get off now and make room for those whom have had to deal with this issue.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

You sound ambivalent.

Can't find that in my dictionary, lol. What does that mean.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Best wishes, I'll get off now and make room for those whom have had to deal with this issue.

Thanks, your smiles and wishes mean a lot right now.

 

[LadyG]

Oh dear, this sounds like me. My s/o is emotionless. Nothing affects him and on the occasional time when it does, it lasts for 5 minutes and then back to normal.

Hell, the response to "I love you" is "yeah me too" or "You know, so why do I have to tell you and if you don't know, then that's your problem".

Needless to say, we have drifted so far apart, there's not much left anymore and it's time to move on. Soon.

 

[horny_giraffe]

Can't find that in my dictionary, lol. What does that mean.

Sometimes I think "ambivalent" is the only word in my dictionary.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Sometimes I think "ambivalent" is the only word in my dictionary.

Ya still didn't tell me what it means, lol

 

[bknight2602]

Well it has come to the stage tonight when I had to do one of the hardest things I've done in my llife.... I told my husband that since I have not been getting the emotional love and support from him I have been asking for the last year that I will leave him after 15 years of marriage and 17 years total together and two kids.

.....................................................

I asked him tonight if he would fight for me to have me stay.... he said, "you are your own person TH, if you have made up your mind to leave I can't change it"....

I am in somewhat similar conditions, except mine have been no sex, just concern and emotions. They are fine but I think it takes both to make a relationship work.. Hope everything works for you.

 

[Orlanth]

TH, I have never been marred, so I don't have much of a idea.

But, could there be something wrong? Bothering him?

 

[T.H. Oughts]

But, could there be something wrong? Bothering him?

I've been asking him that question for a year now.... I know there is no other person in his life except for his Karate....

Cool av, now I know what you look like

 

[takingchances42]

My heart goes out to you, T.H., and I wish you the best of luck.

I will play devil's advocate on one thing, even though I will likely get shot down in flames for it. There are a LOT of very nice, attractive divorced women out there in the late 30s and older age range, who are seeking attractive, fun, stable, emotionally supportive and sexually exciting men -- and not nearly enough such guys to go around. The competition can get pretty fierce, and many of them end up celibate or settling for less in a relationship than they were getting with their ex-husbands. At least that is what I consistently hear from women friends, as well as women I have dated. I am not saying that they say they regret the divorces, but the outcomes are often lonely.

Is he willing to go to counseling with you?

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Re: Re: I told my husband tonight to get some emotion showing ASAP or I am leaving

They are fine but I think it takes both to make a relationship work..

Yep if I tell my friends I am leaving him they are going to think I am nuts.... he is a nice guy, great body, good lover, good father, honest, hard working... but can not show emotions which really they can not see the non emaotional thing from my point as he is all laughter and fun when out entertaining.....

When I told him a couple of weeks ago that my best female friend of 15 years had just told me she had Lukemia and I was sitting there in front of him crying my eyes out he did not even come give me a cuddle... he sat on the chair next to be and said. "Don't dwell on it, it will only upset you more." FUCK!!! I had just been told that my friend had been given a possible life sentence....

 

[SINthysist]

Karate is a DEMANDING mistress...


(Sorry, I know I said I was going, I really am, but, it's true, I'm here to testify!)

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Is he willing to go to counseling with you?

I asked for that about 3 months ago but he said he was fine but if I wanted to go chat with someone to sort out my head that was fine.....

 

[Orlanth]

I've been asking him that question for a year now.... I know there is no other person in his life except for his Karate....

Cool av, now I know what you look like

maybe a Counselor might help?

Thanks, the Av I did to get a laugh out of everyone.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Karate is a DEMANDING mistress...

But I wasn't wanting threesome with a Dojo....

 

[SINthysist]

I've seen so much death that I just can't deal with it. I put it on ignore. One of my worst failings as a human being is I cannot be around people who are dying, especially my dear friends. It's like the kid in the movie, I see ghosts...

I cannot keep myself together if I allow the slightest emotional response and many of these people are looking to ME to be strong, like a pastor, but I'm just a man, and have no more control than an animal over his instincts, so I bury it. Deeper and Deeper, calmer and calmer, more and more detached...

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Well it's 11.30pm so I better go try and get some sleep so I have a straight head as much as possible in the morning...

All your thoughts mean a lot right now as I am not going to go tell my friends here until the total last words comes from him....

 

[SINthysist]

Who would? They are stinky, smelly places.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Who would? They are stinky, smelly places.

lol, thanks for the smile

 

[horny_giraffe]

Ya still didn't tell me what it means, lol

Ambivalence is when a man is stranded on a desert island with the most gorgeously beautiful woman that he has ever seen is his life. And she has AIDS.

 

[bknight2602]

Re: Re: Re: I told my husband tonight to get some emotion showing ASAP or I am leaving

Yep if I tell my friends I am leaving him they are going to think I am nuts.... he is a nice guy, great body, good lover, good father, honest, hard working... but can not show emotions which really they can not see the non emaotional thing from my point as he is all laughter and fun when out entertaining.....

When I told him a couple of weeks ago that my best female friend of 15 years had just told me she had Lukemia and I was sitting there in front of him crying my eyes out he did not even come give me a cuddle... he sat on the chair next to be and said. "Don't dwell on it, it will only upset you more." FUCK!!! I had just been told that my friend had been given a possible life sentence....

I feel your pain, I wish you luck in the pursuit of fulfillment. I am still looking, and playing to satisfy my desires.