I THINK this is hoax....

Cheyenne

Ms. Smarty Pantsless
Joined
Apr 18, 2000
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INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
on the
Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State
for the
Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by
Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year
of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City

INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her
life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE,GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could
have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex it at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions;
mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed durning the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights,she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while his (sic) huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must
insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already
half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

copyright 1894 The Madison Institute.
 
Gasping in utter disbelief between hardly controlled giggles

Well - at least I KNOW now why I had always such a bad feeling about getting married *lol*
 
I think we broke all the rules..........Big time..............
 
If that applies to us here then.....

We're all going to hell.
 
I think not,,,

Now that I have cleared the laughter tears from my eyes and see the keyboard again,,,

MY GAWD,,,:) that has made my day,,, That is just too funny,,,

Too bad that it was intended in all seriousness when it was published,,,

All I can say is,,, YOU'VE COME A LONG WAYYYY BABY!!!

Wait a minute,,, that described my first wife to a tee ( damn history buffs). ,,,:rolleyes:

>>>STILL laughing my old ass off !!!!<<<<
 
For some reason, when I read this piece, the first thing that I thought of was to share it with all of you! I think it was the irony of posting it on a porn site that had me smiling.
 
OMG!!!!

Geez what a joke!! Thanks for sharing Cheyenne...I have never read anything so hilarious! I'm glad it's not that way now....or I would definitely be an outcast...I guess I am not the "proper" wife :D I have one question? How in the world can you just lie still???? That could blow your mind!

This writer of a proper wife they must have come out of the Quakers!

ROTFLMFAO
 
Ok so this person wants women to lie still? Yea right I cant lie still when im getting it once a night and this poor chickie is getting it once a week maybe even once a month. I would tear that poor guy apart!!
 
~LOL~

humm... marriage becoming an orgy of sexual lust?? BRING IT ON!!! And just out of curiosity, where are all those men that would demand sex almost every day?? I've never dated one of those... :(
 
I have read some similar diatribes against sex from the Victorian era, but they did not go into nearly the explicit detail that this one does. Also, there is mention of photos of naked women and sex, which were still pretty rare in 1894 (although they DID exist). These factors lead me to believe that this is a modern-day hoax, not something written in 1894. Nevertheless, it is VERY funny.

And goddess_euphoria, there ARE men who want sex every day. Not sure I'd like it if he DEMANDED it, but being COAXED into it even when you're not in the mood is VERY nice. A ten-minute back rub while he softly kisses my back and his cock hardens against my ass, then he rolls me over and fingers and kisses and licks me for maybe 10-15 minutes more, and somehow I always seem to GET into the mood.

-- Latina
 
Re: ~LOL~

goddess_euphoria said:
And just out of curiosity, where are all those men that would demand sex almost every day?? I've never dated one of those... :(

Demand it every day, nah I wouldn't do that, but like it every day, YES PLEASE!!! :D:D
 
Hahaha Hehehe, OMG that was so funny........

:p
 
Yes, someone else emailed me that this was a hoax that went around 2 or 3 years ago. Still funny, though. :D
 
Well if this is a hoax my grandmother has the oldest copy of it. She has a book by that tile authorand date that has that exerpt in it, and it was givern her by her mother, which would seem to date it right.

But then again if its a hoax someone did a good job of it
 
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