I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me

[Zilla]

We started talking about moving in together and all the sudden he's saying he doesn't think he can handle living with me AND my kid. I said, fine, let's not move in. He is moody and angry and won't tell me why and I can see the wheels cranking in his brain. I live 1500 miles away, we've been talking about me moving there for months and months. Now I am going to go see the condo he just bought and spend some time with him next week looking for a job and stuff like that and suddenly he is getting cold and hostile about me moving there. Not because of me, of course, but because of my son. He knew I had a kid when he got involved, why would he start with this shit now? What the fuck is this? He is going to break up with me, isn't he. Goddamn it.

 

[busybody..]

Yes, take it from someone who would act the same way.

Make other plans!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Breathe deeply, babe...it could simply be the sort of male stress that comes with alot of different large changes in lifestyles. Very often, men hide their doubts and fears in hostility towards tangential issues to the ones that are especially frightening. Have you really sat down and talked about it yet?

 

[Darkthought]

If he doesn't want to be around your child, you don't need him anyway.

Dump him and move on, there's a many more out there, and I'm betting a bunch of them live hundreds of miles closer.

What do I know though, ask Dr. Phil.

 

[Guest]

he sounds like a jerk. also sounds like he doesn't want that much responsibility and if thats the case then you mine as well move on from him.

 

[cowgirl heaven]

Whoa whoa whoa........don't bring the panic on yet.

Could be he's just not quite ready for the bigger committment. Has he been married before??

I would say just give him a bit of time.........we all have bad days. Long distance is really tough because your not right there to hug away the blues and second thoughts.

In the mean time keep your head up

 

[red_rose]

Boys are stupid.

Except for Johnny Mayberry - that guy's pretty insightful at times.

 

[Lancecastor]

Sounds like it.

 

[Darkthought]

Boys are stupid.

Girls have cooties.

 

[Zilla]

he sounds like a jerk. also sounds like he doesn't want that much responsibility and if thats the case then you mine as well move on from him.

Yeah, this is what has been running through my head all day.

Why do men react with hostility to things that scare them? He hung up on me and was mean to me earlier, I hadn't said anything rude. He has never done that to me before. Why is he being like this? What is his problem? Two weeks ago he was all gung-ho, he bought a fucking two bedroom condo instead of one of the one bedrooms he had been looking at so that my son would have a room. So we could live with him. Now, 3 days before I get there to go job hunting he freaks out and starts acting like a person I don't know. What GIVES!? I am so hurt and frustrated. Is he going to come back around and give me some lame excuse about being afraid or has he already made up his mind to break it off?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I've been in a similar situation, and I had acted in ways that seemed cold and uncaring. Mostly, it was fear about not being able to live up to expectations, hers and (probably moreso) mine. I felt like I had to be perfect, like I had to MAKE thinks perfect, which put alot of pressure on me, and on the relationship. Things ended up falling through, not because I didn't love her, or because I didn't want to live with her, but because I wasn't confident in myself, and I took it out on her.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Yeah, this is what has been running through my head all day.

Why do men react with hostility to things that scare them? He hung up on me and was mean to me earlier, I hadn't said anything rude. He has never done that to me before. Why is he being like this? What is his problem? Two weeks ago he was all gung-ho, he bought a fucking two bedroom condo instead of one of the one bedrooms he had been looking at so that my son would have a room. So we could live with him. Now, 3 days before I get there to go job hunting he freaks out and starts acting like a person I don't know. What GIVES!? I am so hurt and frustrated. Is he going to come back around and give me some lame excuse about being afraid or has he already made up his mind to break it off?

Just as an aside, and I know it will be a bitter pill to swallow...but if you want it to work, DO NOT ACCUSE HIM OF ANYTHING! If it is nerves and lack of confidence, accusations will only make him feel that his doubts are justified.

 

[Mischka]

He's not ready to live with you, and he's lashing out in an immature manner because he doesn't know how to handle it appropriately. Do you really want to expose your son to this, to show him this is how women ought to be treated?

 

[sheath]

Sounds like time for a long, honest talk...just tell him how you feel. But Johnny is right, do NOT accuse. That only sets up defenses and gives him a reason to act out about things that bother him. ASK him if he feels a certain way, don't say, "I THINK you feel this way..." Never put words in his mouth. That will make things harder.

And I agree...don't panic yet. It could just be last minute jitters. Everyone gets them, some people just can't hide them as well as others.

Good luck.

S.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

He's not ready to live with you, and he's lashing out in an immature manner because he doesn't know how to handle it appropriately. Do you really want to expose your son to this, to show him this is how women ought to be treated?

This could be it...or, a week into it, when he sees everything is going to work, he'll go back to his normal loving self. Long distance, it is going to be hard to work this out, but you two are really going to have to sit down and hash things out.

 

[bad kitty]

It must be one of those days... I think mine broke up with me too.

better days will come. I hope

 

[WaxNWane]

I've got nothing valuable to add to the conversation...but that is one swanky website. I like the retro 50's style.

 

[Zilla]

Thanks WaxNWane.

I just have this dreadful feeling. He said he was going to call me later, but I have this notion that he's not going to. I don't know why. And if he does I am bracing myself for, "Don't come down to Texas on Friday, this is too much pressure for me, this isn't going to work out."

This fucking sucks. I just want to talk to him and get some comfort from him but all he says are things that make me even more upset. This morning he was talking about how much he loved me and this evening he is hanging up on me. We've never had a fight. I am just insecure maybe. But maybe not? God I don't know, I wish he would TALK to me about this. I feel terrible, just really really bad.

 

[Zilla]

He still hasn't called. It's amost 10 pm there! He must be home, I know he is. I want to call him but I don't want to seem pushy or desperate. I just want some fucking answers. I don't know what to do. The phone is taunting me.

 

[cowgirl heaven]

Get on the phone and call him. Then you at least won't be wondering what if?????

I would just try to be as casual as possible......just say you're calling to say you wanted to say goodnight. If you feel up for it ask him if he would like to talk things over.....if not just say I called to say I care about you and when you're ready to talk about things give me a call.

Good Luck! PM me if you want to talk

 

[Zilla]

I want to so bad, but I can't bring myself to. I'm posting here to destract myself from the damn phone. I hate this shit, I just need to talk to him and find out what is going on. Why won't he call??

 

[Mischka]

He said he was going to call me later, but I have this notion that he's not going to.

If he said he was going to call, then let him make the call. If he doesn't, then you have to reassess the situation and have a serious talk with him tomorrow.

You sound incredibly nervous, as I'm sure he is too. Maybe neither one of you are really ready for this. But from the few things you've mentioned about his behavior recently, I know I couldn't tolerate being treated like that by someone that I thought I loved.

 

[just pet]

Not knowing the whole situation, I would recommend giving him a little space. Changes are hard, especially for some. We scare ourselves with big plans as they start to come to fruition.

Moving in is a big step. Let him work it through in his head.

Your instincts to wait for him to call are good. Trust them, and him. He has two people with needs getting into his space. His behavior probably has nothing to do with you. Take heart in what you have built together. In the next few days perhaps sleepovers in the new place. First just you, then you and your son. See if you like living with him.

The most important thing is communication. Let him know how you are feeling, and as stated so well before, listen to him without putting words in his mouth.

 

[sufisaint]

Be grateful he showing signs now, I would never expose my child to someone who resents them being around, children are very perceptive and feeling unwanted or having to compete for a parents attention is a horrible thing for a child... Don't move in. Just my opinion...

 

[Killswitch]

I dont know if you will see this or not Zilla, but one thing.....if he calls fine, if plans are good fine....but do everyone a favor if you havent....seriously discuss his role where it comes to your kid.

Spell it out clearly....whatever it is.

Avoid the noid further down the road.