I think it's over

[Esclava]

Oh, KC -

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. But the "KC" I remember - who always had encouragement, strength and support in great quantities for ANYONE who needed it - is still inside you. Now is when you must draw from that well. And if you think your well is empty, look around you on these boards ... there are many here who would welcome your bucket to draw from theirs.

You may be physically battered, you may be emotionally beaten and you may be spiritually broken ... but you are NOT defeated! I can only echo the many wise words from those in this thread who truly care for and about you. Just because the relationship failed, doesn't mean YOU are a failure. You have come to a lot of mountains and made it over or around them. This time in your life is no different and it, too, shall pass.

Give yourself time to heal ... give your heart time to recover and your love - and desire - will come again - I promise! Be well and at peace, sweetie,

Esclava

 

[pink]

i feel this way now. i gave some serious thought to dating a while back. i went through the whole process of meeting new people. After meeting a couple guys, i decided i just didn't have the energy for this. i've come a long way from past experiences but i'm still drained.


i feel like this might be a permanent state of mind. i'm extremely happy but alone.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Today we spent our first real summer day at the pool. My first day to just relax in a long long time... And I did.
I relaxed and I was calm and comfortable and not worried I was gonna be told I was lazy and good for nothing and how I did nothing all day.
Here is the weird thing, Relaxing was the most productive thing I have done in months.
How can that be?


Anyway, whilst relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what i what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

 

[CutieMouse]

Today we spent our first real summer day at the pool. My first day to just relax in a long long time... And I did.
I relaxed and I was calm and comfortable and not worried I was gonna be told I was lazy and good for nothing and how I did nothing all day.
Here is the weird thing, Relaxing was the most productive thing I have done in months.
How can that be?


Anyway, whist relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what is what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

It sounds a little like somewhere along the line you began to associate lack of worth, with yourself as a submissive... because the list you made up there? The men I know (and respect) who identify themselves as a PYL would read that list and only feel it increases your value and worth as a submissive person worth loving.

 

[Kajira Callista]

It sounds a little like somewhere along the line you began to associate lack of worth, with yourself as a submissive... because the list you made up there? The men I know (and respect) who identify themselves as a PYL would read that list and only feel it increases your value and worth as a submissive person worth loving.

I dunno. That would seriously make me have to admit that I was a submissive not worth loving before... and I don't think that is/was the truth.
I think that when I love, I love people too much. So much that I would rather take their hurt then watch them have to. That lead to a place where the hurt was so much that i couldn't take it for that person any more and I almost lost me too.
When saying less then I am worth, I did not mean that in a lack of worth way. I meant it is time for me to toot my own horn in a sense.
I'm worth lots. Anyone who really knows me knows how much.
I want someone who is worth as much. I just feel weird expressing that.

 

[Netzach]

I dunno. That would seriously make me have to admit that I was a submissive not worth loving before... and I don't think that is/was the truth.
I think that when I love, I love people too much. So much that I would rather take their hurt then watch them have to. That lead to a place where the hurt was so much that i couldn't take it for that person any more and I almost lost me too.
When saying less then I am worth, I did not mean that in a lack of worth way. I meant it is time for me to toot my own horn in a sense.
I'm worth lots. Anyone who really knows me knows how much.
I want someone who is worth as much. I just feel weird expressing that.

Wanting someone at your fighting weight isn't a sub/dom thing really, but a "I'd like the relationship to have a remote chance in hell of working" thing.

 

[CutieMouse]

I dunno. That would seriously make me have to admit that I was a submissive not worth loving before... and I don't think that is/was the truth.
I think that when I love, I love people too much. So much that I would rather take their hurt then watch them have to. That lead to a place where the hurt was so much that i couldn't take it for that person any more and I almost lost me too.
When saying less then I am worth, I did not mean that in a lack of worth way. I meant it is time for me to toot my own horn in a sense.
I'm worth lots. Anyone who really knows me knows how much.
I want someone who is worth as much. I just feel weird expressing that.

No nononononooooo, I didn't mean to imply you were a submissive not worth loving before. Exactly the opposite - you're spectacular and way way more lovable than you were treated.

Hitting the "damn I kick ass as me" place can be a little disconcerting, I know... it gets better.

 

[Kajira Callista]

No nononononooooo, I didn't mean to imply you were a submissive not worth loving before. Exactly the opposite - you're spectacular and way way more lovable than you were treated.

Hitting the "damn I kick ass as me" place can be a little disconcerting, I know... it gets better.

So I'm still submissive?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

....Anyway, whist relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what is what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

YAY!

(And, fixed that last word for you.)

And, what CM & Netzie said.

 

[Esclava]

So I'm still submissive?

Ohhhhhhhh ... honey - without a doubt!!!

Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

Ohhhhhhhh ... honey - without a doubt!!!

Esclava

purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[CutieMouse]

So I'm still submissive?

Oh hell yes!

 

[RawHumor]

So I'm still submissive?

Yeah, but a more attractive one now.

I mean, not that you weren't attractive and good before... but knowing that you deserve someone who respects you is a big bonus.

Self-worth is an attractive quality.

 

[Kajira Callista]

it was always there. weirdly, people did not see it. I didnt go through what i went through because of low self worth. I stuck it out and tried to fix it because i had self worth.
shit just happens sometimes i guess. maybe i'm a bit broken but im still breathing so its a good day is my outlook as of today.

 

[nh23]

So I'm still submissive?

I don't think it's something that can go away. It's not a virus.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I don't think it's something that can go away. It's not a virus.

I was worried it was gone. Paniced when i felt like it was.
I have to protect her for now but not forever because people love ta knick ya when you are downa nd she is fragile right now.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Not to worry, little kajira...

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

You are worth far more than you give yourself credit for. Strong, compassionate, intelligent, capable... The man who EARNS your trust and surrender will have a prize worth having.

And you will know better how to recognize it when someone is actually earning your trust and respect, and yes, your love and submission. You will not sell yourself short again.

 

[graceanne]

Today we spent our first real summer day at the pool. My first day to just relax in a long long time... And I did.
I relaxed and I was calm and comfortable and not worried I was gonna be told I was lazy and good for nothing and how I did nothing all day.
Here is the weird thing, Relaxing was the most productive thing I have done in months.
How can that be?


Anyway, whilst relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what i what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

It doesn't sound unsubmissive to me, it sounds healthy.

As subs one of the big things we discuss and are taught is about boundaries and limits. That it's ok to have them, and it's ok to expect them to be respected. Then we're given checklists and things to help us figure out out limits and boundaries.

All you did was add to you limits list. You want an SO who is not broken. You want to be loved for you who are. You won't take anything less than what you want. Etc. They might not be on any checklist, but they're very important limits to make for yourself.

*hugs* I'm so glad to hear what I just heard.

 

[Homburg]

Today we spent our first real summer day at the pool. My first day to just relax in a long long time... And I did.
I relaxed and I was calm and comfortable and not worried I was gonna be told I was lazy and good for nothing and how I did nothing all day.
Here is the weird thing, Relaxing was the most productive thing I have done in months.
How can that be?

BEcause you needed it. You need decompression time like that just like you need air, food, and water.

Anyway, whilst relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what i what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

Because you aren't used to seeing yourself this way.

Reading this, I have the feeling that you'll be just fine. Give it time, darlin.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Anyway, whilst relaxing I decided that half of my dilemma right now is I will no longer settle for a person who is less than I'm worth.
I no longer want to help fix people who are broken in a relationship sense.
I want to be loved because of, not in spite of, who I am.
I want what i what I want and nothing less will do.
I would rather be alone then make the same mistakes I have made in the past.
Why does that make me feel so very unsubmissive?

It's not that you're being unsubmissive. It's that you're realizing that it will take someone exceptional to be worthy of your submission.

 

[minx1]

I don't think it's something that can go away. It's not a virus.

lol, sometimes I wish it was.

24 hour bed rest, some drugs and ''cured''

fankuveymuch

 

[nh23]

lol, sometimes I wish it was.

24 hour bed rest, some drugs and ''cured''

fankuveymuch

LOL I know the feeling. I remember Rebecca wrote something once that has always stuck with me. It was in a thread about if submission is a gift. (I won't comment on that I promise. *lips sealed* NO..oops)


Gift ? No.

Irrevocable responsibility, socially isolating at times, a burden . Yes.

Life could be so much simpler.
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=25098513&postcount=20