I'm probably setting myself up for a world of hurt here, but I think I owe you guys and explanation. Why I really don't know, since most of you have been less than kind about the whole situatin to say the least. I guess its something I feel I should do nevertheless.
I've been told about some of what was said in my absence, and I've read really all I care to on the topic. Here's my side of the story, if anyone cares to read it.
Here's what's been happening and what happened. There's more to what was going on than most of you know. I told a few people on the board, but it seems none of them were too willing to come to my defense either.
There was and still is a lot of shit going on. When I posted about my visit to the dentist and what I found out I didn't tell the whole story. To have the condition I have in someone so young (relatively), my dentist suspected I may have MS or another autoimmune condition. I do. I have MS. I had an MRI a couple of weeks after that (the dentist visit I mean), and that's when I found out.
It hit me really hard. On top of everything else that was going on, and having to find the money to get the immedaite problems fixed, plus pay for school, I did a stupid thing and tried to call in a debt from the asshole I met from the internet. That opened a whole can of worms and I was being harassed by him and his wife nearly day in and day out by e-mail, by phone, and in the mail. He also started threatening my boyfriend. I had to press charges and get a restraining order against him.
I had too much to drink that night. Alcohol always makes me depressed anyway, and on top of all that it didn't help. I went home and took most of a box of benadryl. My room mate came home the next day and found me somnolent and sick and took me to the hospital. Grey (Nik) stopped by the next day looking for me and my room mate told him what happened.
I wish he wouldn't have come here and said anything (and no, we are not the same person) but he was understandably upset and thought, like I did, that I had friends here who might be concerned. In retrospect, I'm glad he did, because now I know who my real friends are and it's no one here.
He told me he had posted and that Laurel and some of you wanted to send a card or flowers. It's true I did say no, given what I had been going through with the other guy, I didn't want anyone else from the internet getting involved in my personal life. Guess no one can really understand that unless you've gone through it. That's also the reason I didn't answer a lot of e-mail from you guys, even before that except for a couple of people. I just don't need that situation again.
I'm really appalled at some of you. As Grey said, I guess it's easier to doubt when you're not face to face with the person. Don't bother with an IP trace, after some of the threats and people going too far, I'm using a proxy whenever I'm on the net from now on. And it doesn't just have to do with this, I value my privacy and guard it now more tightly than I ever have before. I just feel bad for the poor girl who got harrassed by certain people who had nothing to do with this.
Where am I now? I'm getting better, at least mentally. I'm seeing a psychologist, but I am still refusing medication for both medical and personal reasons. I'm learning to deal with things step by step and to be more accepting of myself and the things that happen to us all day to day. It's going to take a long time, but I can see now that none of it by itself is worth taking my own life. My boyfriend and I are still together, and he's been very supportive through it all. So have a lot of my friends, and it's strange how it's no one I"ve met online.
You can say whatever you want. I know what happened, and I've tried to explain it the best I could, but after what's already been said, I have no reason to return here after I submit this. Like I said, I wanted to explain this for myself, and because I know some people may have been hurt and in doubt from a misunderstanding. I don't see why it had to be picked apart anyway, and that just reinforces in my mind why people here are no one I need. I don't mean to sound cruel, but it's the truth.
Take care all, and best wishes....and I do mean that. I can't say how I would have reacted in the situation, but I do think things went quite a bit further than they should have.
I've been told about some of what was said in my absence, and I've read really all I care to on the topic. Here's my side of the story, if anyone cares to read it.
Here's what's been happening and what happened. There's more to what was going on than most of you know. I told a few people on the board, but it seems none of them were too willing to come to my defense either.
There was and still is a lot of shit going on. When I posted about my visit to the dentist and what I found out I didn't tell the whole story. To have the condition I have in someone so young (relatively), my dentist suspected I may have MS or another autoimmune condition. I do. I have MS. I had an MRI a couple of weeks after that (the dentist visit I mean), and that's when I found out.
It hit me really hard. On top of everything else that was going on, and having to find the money to get the immedaite problems fixed, plus pay for school, I did a stupid thing and tried to call in a debt from the asshole I met from the internet. That opened a whole can of worms and I was being harassed by him and his wife nearly day in and day out by e-mail, by phone, and in the mail. He also started threatening my boyfriend. I had to press charges and get a restraining order against him.
I had too much to drink that night. Alcohol always makes me depressed anyway, and on top of all that it didn't help. I went home and took most of a box of benadryl. My room mate came home the next day and found me somnolent and sick and took me to the hospital. Grey (Nik) stopped by the next day looking for me and my room mate told him what happened.
I wish he wouldn't have come here and said anything (and no, we are not the same person) but he was understandably upset and thought, like I did, that I had friends here who might be concerned. In retrospect, I'm glad he did, because now I know who my real friends are and it's no one here.
He told me he had posted and that Laurel and some of you wanted to send a card or flowers. It's true I did say no, given what I had been going through with the other guy, I didn't want anyone else from the internet getting involved in my personal life. Guess no one can really understand that unless you've gone through it. That's also the reason I didn't answer a lot of e-mail from you guys, even before that except for a couple of people. I just don't need that situation again.
I'm really appalled at some of you. As Grey said, I guess it's easier to doubt when you're not face to face with the person. Don't bother with an IP trace, after some of the threats and people going too far, I'm using a proxy whenever I'm on the net from now on. And it doesn't just have to do with this, I value my privacy and guard it now more tightly than I ever have before. I just feel bad for the poor girl who got harrassed by certain people who had nothing to do with this.
Where am I now? I'm getting better, at least mentally. I'm seeing a psychologist, but I am still refusing medication for both medical and personal reasons. I'm learning to deal with things step by step and to be more accepting of myself and the things that happen to us all day to day. It's going to take a long time, but I can see now that none of it by itself is worth taking my own life. My boyfriend and I are still together, and he's been very supportive through it all. So have a lot of my friends, and it's strange how it's no one I"ve met online.
You can say whatever you want. I know what happened, and I've tried to explain it the best I could, but after what's already been said, I have no reason to return here after I submit this. Like I said, I wanted to explain this for myself, and because I know some people may have been hurt and in doubt from a misunderstanding. I don't see why it had to be picked apart anyway, and that just reinforces in my mind why people here are no one I need. I don't mean to sound cruel, but it's the truth.
Take care all, and best wishes....and I do mean that. I can't say how I would have reacted in the situation, but I do think things went quite a bit further than they should have.
