I suppose I should have expected this.

[SeaCat]

Well I suppose I should have expected it.

A while back I told ya'll about a young woman my wife and I took into our lives. She had some problems, problems that we were willing to overlook. She had a history, one that we accepted. She seemed intent on turning her life around. We were there to help her.

A couple of months ago she left for New York. She went up there to be near other parts of her family and away from her Ex. At first we heard from her on a weekly basis, then the calls and the returned calls started slowing down. My wife and I accepted this, she was busy. She was working hard to pay off her debts.

Last week I heard from her brother, a good friend of mine. He called to let me know that she had hooked up with her Ex again. (She had paid his airfare north.)

She called me yesterday and told me it was over between her and us. She said that she felt we were stopping her from growing and from bettering herself. She never did mention getting back with her Ex.

I suppose I should have expected this. Most of her family down here wanted her to get back with him. She finally caved in, she finally started giving the bottom feeders in her family what they wanted. (Her brother on the other hand wants nothing to do with her or her Ex. He has promised, and I believe him that if he ever catches the Ex he will stomp him into a grease stain. Maybe this is why her brother and myself get along. We feel the same way about wife beaters.)

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

Crap.

Sorry, Cat.

 

[MagicaPractica]

*sigh* Yet another woman who can't/won't hear people telling her that deserves to be respected and doesn't respect herself enough to believe it. What a sad cycle. *taking a moment to pray for the friend who followed this path and thank God for the one who didn't* God bless her.

 

[SeaCat]

Crap.

Sorry, Cat.

Don't be sorry Rob.

It is, as it always was, her choice.

Just as it was my choice to feel for her. Just as it was my wife's choice to take her into our family and life.

We all live and learn.

I somehow don't see my wife and I risking this any time soon. We have learned our lesson. What could have been something incredible, what could have been something that allowed all three of us to grow and love, what could have been something beautiful is now history.

Maybe my views are wrong. Maybe the idea that love is limitless, the idea that love can be shared, the idea that people can love more than one person is wrong.

It's going to take a long time before I will be able to bring myself to trust another.

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

Love is limitless. People are not.

I know what you mean about trusting though.

*HUGS* for you and your wife. You're good people.

 

[oggbashan]

One of the first things a controlling and abusive person does is make sure his/her victim cuts ties with friends and family, particularly those that can help the victim resist.

If you can, Cat, you should stay in touch. She may need you again.

BUT - this is likely to happen again and again.

Og

 

[jomar]

What Ogg said. It's a tough cycle for the abused to break free from.

 

[asian_princess]

Dearest Cat.

How I wish I could take the pain of this experience from you and your beautiful bride.

And leave nothing but the beauty that was, and the always beautiful hue of what could have been.

But then, we would not be what you always value... continually growing and learning as humans.

I know the heart and hope you had for this woman and what you three could've brought to each other... and I'm sorry that that bud will never be given a chance to bloom... but i hope you don't feel as though all you put into it has gone to waste. Did you not learn something about yourself and the immense capacity for you to love? About the love you and Wife have for each other? About what joy there is still left to explore?

It stings. I know. Well, I can only imagine.

But I hope, while it has wounded your ability to trust for a time, it won't be permanent. And most of all, I hope it won't lead to you doubting what you believe.

You taught me love is limitless.

And my life and the way I love has changed for knowing that.

Never doubt that.

And life will bring again, the twists and turns to make it the wild ride you want it to be again.

And i know, you will meet it head on, with faith and strenght and courage... and therefore you will be worthy of the rewards it brings for those who are brave enough to reach out with both hands...who let go of the safety nets we all shackle ourselves to for fear of falling.

My thoughts are with you both... as always.
As is my faith and belief in you.

xo

 

[SecretLove69]

Cat

I’m sorry for your pain – the betrayal you feel but, please don’t totally give up trusting. Don’t punish someone else by not giving them opportunity to know you.

I tried not trusting and all it left me with was an aching need to be wanted. I know – oh God do I know – how hard it is to put yourself out there and then just wait for the rug to be yanked out from under you. Having experienced this more than I care to remember – I think it’s left me a stronger person. More determined to stand up and step out on faith again.

I wake every morning hoping that today will be better than the last – if it isn’t – well, I tuck myself in bed at night and think “I’ve survived another day and I’ve learned something and I can go on.” Like it says in my Sig line – “she who limps still walks” - so I stagger forward rejoicing.

My heart to yours.

 

[SeaCat]

One of the first things a controlling and abusive person does is make sure his/her victim cuts ties with friends and family, particularly those that can help the victim resist.

If you can, Cat, you should stay in touch. She may need you again.

BUT - this is likely to happen again and again.

Og

I know Ogg. I know this all too well. I have worked with the abused fo way too many years not to know it.

And yet she was free. She was standing on her own feet and doing well. Then her family stepped in and everything turned.

Ogg she was free of him. That's what hurts the most. She was free of him and chose to go back. She had been free of him for a couple of years. She knew what he had done, she knew how her life had been destroyed by him. (Hell sh had sunk a six inch steak knife in his belly.) Yet she chose to go back to him.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

Dearest Cat.

How I wish I could take the pain of this experience from you and your beautiful bride.

And leave nothing but the beauty that was, and the always beautiful hue of what could have been.

But then, we would not be what you always value... continually growing and learning as humans.

I know the heart and hope you had for this woman and what you three could've brought to each other... and I'm sorry that that bud will never be given a chance to bloom... but i hope you don't feel as though all you put into it has gone to waste. Did you not learn something about yourself and the immense capacity for you to love? About the love you and Wife have for each other? About what joy there is still left to explore?

It stings. I know. Well, I can only imagine.

But I hope, while it has wounded your ability to trust for a time, it won't be permanent. And most of all, I hope it won't lead to you doubting what you believe.

You taught me love is limitless.

And my life and the way I love has changed for knowing that.

Never doubt that.

And life will bring again, the twists and turns to make it the wild ride you want it to be again.

And i know, you will meet it head on, with faith and strenght and courage... and therefore you will be worthy of the rewards it brings for those who are brave enough to reach out with both hands...who let go of the safety nets we all shackle ourselves to for fear of falling.

My thoughts are with you both... as always.
As is my faith and belief in you.

xo

AP

Yes you do know me. Better than most. Therefore you know my pain. (Why no reply to my PM damn it? I've been worried.)

Yes I have lost, at least temporarily, my trust in people. Yet there are some who still have my trust and my love. (They know who they are.)

Yes this hurts but I shall endure.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

Cat

I’m sorry for your pain – the betrayal you feel but, please don’t totally give up trusting. Don’t punish someone else by not giving them opportunity to know you.

I tried not trusting and all it left me with was an aching need to be wanted. I know – oh God do I know – how hard it is to put yourself out there and then just wait for the rug to be yanked out from under you. Having experienced this more than I care to remember – I think it’s left me a stronger person. More determined to stand up and step out on faith again.

I wake every morning hoping that today will be better than the last – if it isn’t – well, I tuck myself in bed at night and think “I’ve survived another day and I’ve learned something and I can go on.” Like it says in my Sig line – “she who limps still walks” - so I stagger forward rejoicing.

My heart to yours.

Hey there.



You know what I'm saying.

Cat

 

[poppy1963]

One of the first things a controlling and abusive person does is make sure his/her victim cuts ties with friends and family, particularly those that can help the victim resist.

If you can, Cat, you should stay in touch. She may need you again.

BUT - this is likely to happen again and again.

Og

This is so true....and it's the hardest thing to choose to do. To figure out the "limits" and how much you remain available to support any efforts she makes to "break the chains".

God bless you, Cat...I didn't know about all this til now.

Just trust your gut in the moment when things dealing with her arise. Don't try to plan ahead on how you will respond...trust your gut at the time it happens. I've found that's the best thing. If she seems genuine...it probably IS....if it feels manipulative...it probably IS...(which doesn't rule out she may need help...just also trust your gut in "do we be kind or do we handle her with tough love here". No easy task. But this kind of thing tends to continue to toss people in the tides for lifetimes...not only the abuse victim...but those that care for them as well.

es and hugs to you and your wife for helping her!