I Shall But Love Thee Better After Death

[BadForm]

OOC: This is a closed thread between ARaynes and myself. If we need anyone extra, we will specifically recruit for those characters. Feel free to read, enjoy and give feedback.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: How Do I love Thee?

IC: She had to get home to him, she had to. She couldn't believe they had had such a dumb fight, and that she'd stormed out of the house this morning in a rage. The lunchtime news on the radio had sobered her up, warning of an incoming storm. It was going to be a big one, and that approaching danger made her want to tell him she didn't care about what had been said, that she loved him.

Eleven years they had been married, eleven happy years for the most part. Oh, they'd had their fights, but they always made up. The latest one was over whether they should get a pet. She didn't like dogs and he did, but in the end why should she care? He would look after it. It wasn't worth the fight.

Rain was already pelting the road, making its surface slick as she reached the city center. If she didn't make it home quickly, she would be caught in the maelstrom. She sat impatiently at a red light, waiting for it to change. Green. She pushed her foot down on the accelerator and picked up speed rapidly. 30, 40, 50. She didn't like storms, lightning was one of her biggest fears.

A flash of lightning struck a street ahead and to her right, shorting the lights there. Distracted, she failed to notice the grease spot. Her car skidded, pitched across the meridian, spun twice and careered into the path of a diesel truck. The driver skidded, panicked and tried to decelerate. The truck began to jacknife, forcing him to adjust the steering. Her car was hurled from the road, tumbling once in the air as it smashed, roof first into the overpass.

The ambulance came quickly. They managed to get her out and get her to hospital. Someone checked her id. Someone called her husband. But someone was too late. By the time he arrived, she was dead.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

He drove in a mad panic to the hospital. This couldn't be happening. He kept searching wishing and praying to whatever god would listen. This could not be his wife, his Mariah that had crashed. This was all just a mistake.

She was on her way home and finding him not there she would sit and cry until he came home and found her and begged her forgiveness. Forgiveness for wanting a dog, to take his time from her.

He arrived, almost forgetting his keys in the car, he ran inside to see that the woman they had was not his wife but another man's wife. He didn't want to see his wife in a hospital bed, he didn't want to see her hurting. He wanted to see her as she was last night, in bed, sleeping her arms around the little teddy bear she kept close to her at all times at night.

He saw her, but not as he had wished. "Jonathon Dozier?" The doctor asked walking up to him.

"Yes, yes, how is she? Please tell me she is ok?" he grabbed maddly at the doctor's crisp white coat, not worrying that water splashed from his hair into his eyes. He didn't worry that he colar of the doctor's shirt was nearly choking him. He worried about his love. His wife. The one that would never leave his side for better or worse.

"Please sit." the doctor said, guesturing to the seat behind Jonathon. Jonathon sat, waiting for the doctor to follow. "You wife was in a horrible accident. She was nearly dead when they brought her in. The surgeons and I went to work on her immediatly, but there was too much bloodloss. I am sorry, Mr. Dozier, but your wife has passed on."

Jonathon sat there not believing the lies the doctor was saying. It couldn't be. This wasn't funny. This was a way his wife was getting back at him for the fight. "Your lying!" He screamed at the doctor, his eyes filling with tears. "You don't know what you are saying. She is here. I know I made a mistake. MARIAH! I AM SORRY!" he yelled down the corridor, wanting and hoping beyond hope that her words would come floating back to him. "I am alright Jon dear. Come to my room."

But no words came. He didn't hear her voice. He didn't see her face. There was no Mariah.

"May I see her? One last time?" He asked, wanting to see his wife, to know that she was really gone to him.

"Yes, follow me." The doctor said, walking him to two double doors dismally marked, MORGUE. They walked into the room, a sheet covered body lying on the table. He almost said no before the sheet was pulled back, but he couldn't handle not seeing her.

He looked. The woman there was not his wife. She was some bloody imposter. There was not a sparkle in her lovely eyes, no shine to her hair. "Mariah." He whispered, getting closer to her. "I am sorry I didn't protect you." His lips pressed to hers, cold already. There was nothing behind the corpse, just a body in a cold room filled with nothing. Like his heart.

He didn't remember getting home. He just remembered walking in and dropping his keys and jacket to the floor. It seemed so empty now without her. So alone.

He sat on the couch, putting his knees up to his chest. "Mariah." He said to himself, the first of many tears to come falling down his face. "I am sorry."

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

The rain had stopped, thankfully. Mariah shook herself as she made her way over to her doorstep. What had happened? She remembered the car crash, and that was it. She'd woken up in some hospital or other, dazed and confused. She managed to find her way home, not talking to those around her. They didn't seem to care that she was a woman walking alone through a storm, but that was the city for you. Nobody had time for anyone else.

The door opened to a cold house, dark as though nobody was home. And yet, she had seen Jonathon's car in the driveway. He had to be here. She called out to let him know she was home at last, and received no answer. Then she went into the darkening living room and saw him there. His head was hung in his hands. He was weeping like she had never seen him before. She forgot her own problems for a moment and went over to comfort him.

"John," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder, "John, what is it? What's wrong?"

 

[ARaynes]

For a moment he lifted his head thinking he had heard her. Looking around the room though he knew she was gone. His love. The most precious thing in his life was no longer there.

He stood up, stretching his body. Tears seemed to just fall anymore. Walking over to the piano that she loved to pay he picked up their wedding photo off the top. She looked so beautiful in her white dress. So loving and caring. She was happy.

In all his life all he had wanted was a wife like Mariah. They both had careers, and that did eat up a lot of their time, but they had something that would last millions of years. An undying love for one another.

He carried the picture to the phone on the bar in the kitchen. Making himself a scotch he picked up the phone and dialed her parent. "Hi, Julia, are you sitting down? We need to talk....." A breif silence. He started to cry more openly now. "Julia, I need you to come here. Something has happened..." He broke off, not able to speak about her...not wanting to actually admit it to himself, let alone tell her parents. "Mariah, .....she was.in a car accident...." He spoke ti so fast he was afraid she didn't catch it. "NO, she .......she's dead Julia." He heard her start to cry as the phone dropped. Of alll things this was the hardest. Telling her parents. Her father picked up the phone. "Yes, I am here. That is ok. No, I miss her so damn much. What am I going to do?" .........sildence on the other end. ......"I have to go, I will see you when you get here."

He hung up the phone and started to walk into the bedroom, carrying his scotch. "I am so sorry Mariah." He said once again, putting his tumbler on the nightstand and picking up her teddybear. He lay down, pulling the teddy close to his chest, smelling her sweet fragrance. "My Mariah."

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

He looked up at her and she smiled reassuringly. He was still distressed, but she could help him with whatever problem he was going through. They always helped on another. Whether it was by just listening and talking, or by helping in a more concrete way, they always managed to work things through together. Except... Except he wasn't looking at her. His gaze was fixed in the distance beyond her as if she couldn't even see she was there. Was he so distraught that he was disconnected from the real world?

"Jonathon," she said. "Jonathon, I'm here."

He stood up and walked over to the telephone. She wondered who he was calling and listened quietly. It was her parents. He was talking about her car accident. But, how did he know? She had woken in hospital. Had they called him. Then no wonder he was distressed when he arrived and she wasn't there.

Then she heard the rest of the conversation. Fatally injured? No! She wasn't. She was right here.

"Johnathon!" she called out, trying to break through whatever madness he was suffering. "Jonathon!"

She reached out to take his shoulder in her grasp. Her hand sliced intangibly through his flesh, coming out the other side in a disgusting, grisley vision. She recoiled at once. Dead? She stared at her hand. Dead? Her mind replayed the events following the accident. Dead? She hadn't opened the door had she? She wasn't feeling anything, was she? She could see, and she could here, but the world was intangible. She wasn't standing on the floor, she was floating on it. She was... Dead?

"No!" Her unheard scream resounded in silence through the house.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

His dreams were filled of Mariah that night. Loving visions of days long past. A chill when through the air as he pulled the cover closer.

He saw her, called out to her. "MARIAH!" His voice echoing on silent ears. "I need you baby. Please don't leave." He saw her as he did the day they met, her hair flowing in the wind, caressing her cheek. Her long blue sundress clinging to her tight body, showing every curve she possessed.

Then he saw her on their wedding day. He always joked that she should have never worn white, for she was not as innocent as she put on. Her smile glistened as a silent tear fell down her check as he said his vows.

"My beloved Mariah. The tender heart that I have now found. I claime only to love you, cherish you and want nothing for you but your happiness. Today I make you my wife, my love for all eternity."

He kissed her, holding her tight, then her body changes, turning bloody and matted. No longer the woman she was, but the woman that lay on the gurney in the hospital. Her body became limp in his arms, as he once again kissed her pale lips, her eyes no longer seeing the love he possessed.

He hugged her again, this time feeling her body turn to dust and dropping to the floor.

He woke, looking at the clock. It was 3:30am. Stepping from his bed he went to the living room. He put his wedding video on the vcr and began watching the events of the best day of his life. The only events he wanted to return to.

"I let you down Mariah. I am sorry." He said as he watched her beautiful body dance across the screen.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

She watched him sleep, sitting on the dresser at the foot of the bed, disturbing nothing. It was painful. Not that she was dead, that was lost in the pain of losing him. He was her love, her heart, her very reason for being and now he was not even aware of her existence. As he tossed and turned she felt the blackest of depressions well inside her.

He mumbled in his sleep, reciting their wedding vows as if wishing that would bring her back to him.

"Oh, Johnathon," she cried softly, "I am here. I am here..."

It was futile, and she knew it.

He awoke with a cry later on, and she could imagine what his dream had been. Something about losing her, that was his worst nightmare. It had to be, it was hers and they were both living it. She followed as he went down to the living room, but when he put on the tape of their wedding, she turned away. It was too painful. Too painful by far.

She drifted across to the huge bay window and watched the moon from beyond the curtains. Was there a god? Oh, if there was she would be the purest of saints just to spend another night with him. She needed him more than she needed herself. It was trite nonsense, she knew it. But that was how she felt now she could not have him. Her lips began to mumble the little she remembered of the Lord's Prayer, hoping for a sudden flash of healing light that never came.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

He flipped the VCR off, no longer able to watch her beaty dance accross the screen.

A loud voice came over the TV. "Have you lost a loved one? Do you need a conclusion to a chapter that was never finished? Come to Elaine's Mediums for your past. Here we can tell you the last things your loved one wanted you to know. WE also do psychic reading and palm readings. So, come on down, or call 555-PALM that is 555-7256"

He flipped the tv off. What bullshit. LIke that would ever happen.

He somehow felt like she had never left, felt like she was there, but he knew it was just his imagination pulling at whatever string it could grasp. He went to the computer and turned it on. The internet popped up, something that he didn't use often. They had a great sex life and except for the occasional, "GOTTA MASTERBATE" moments, he only used it for research for work.

He started looking at pages and links. Everything seemed to make him think of her though.. The women, they were not as pretty as Mariah. They didn't have her voice, her breast, her body. They weren't there to cook him dinner, or help him with laundry.

He thought it was odd that he would think of the household chores at the loss of his wife. Smiling he looked at her picture next to the computer.

"Mariah, This is the hardest thing I will ever go through. To think that I was going to ask you for a child soon. Now,, I would do anything to hold you in my arms. To cradle you like I did so many times before. Whisper I love you in your ear." A tear slid down his cheek as he spoke. "I would hold you though and never let you go."

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

Mariah remained at the window, only half aware of what was going on in the room. The moon was so bright tonight, full and rounded as it crested the roofs of the city. Its ethereal beauty only seemed to mock her more as even this dead lump of rock looked more alive and vibrant than she would ever be again. Why hadn't she gone away? Was there no heaven? She had never believed in it, though in desperation she almost prayed there was now. Yet if she was still here then the scientists were wrong too. She must have been more than just a body. What held her here in this interminable agony? The answer was obvious. Love. Her mind dwelled on the number of people who had grown to love each other so well. Did they all end up like her? Was the world teeming with the spirits of the dead, forever parted from the ones they loved? It was too painful to believe.

He was talking again, drawing her attention with his words. A child. He wanted a child? She became furious then, spinning away from the window and darting over to him.

"WHY?" she screamed in his face. "Why didn't you say? If I'd been a mother I'd have been at home! I wouldn't have been in that crash! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY?"

It was irrational, stupid. She didn't blame him for the accident. She had been the one driving too fast in bad conditions. It was entirely her fault and underneath she knew that, but she had to rationalise what had happened and just for a second, blaming Jonathon allowed her to do that.

She stopped and placed a ghostly hand against his cheek, pulling back as it began to slide through. "I-I'm sorry Jonathon. Oh god, why can't you see me?"

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

For just a moment, a fleeting moment, he thought he saw her by the window, by the window and heard her voice. He shook his head knowing that it had to be his imagination. She was probably in Heaven, though she was never one to believe that stuff. Neither of them had been.

A chill ran through his face and he stood up the grab a sweater. He never did change out of his wet clothes. ::I must be getting sick.:: He thought. He stepped to the bedroom grabbing some clothes. His silk pajama's she had bought him for his 30th birthday. He threw on his terry clothe robe and went to the couch to sit and watch tv.

HBO was the first channel that popped up. Some movie called Sixth Sense. It brought a tear to his eye. He wished so bad that that was true, that ghost exhisted. But the thought of her just roaming around him, never to touch him again hurt.

"Just to kiss you one last time, to hold you in my arms, I would give eternity to be with you...."

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

Mariah let herself float on the sofa next to her husband as he watched the tv. At least, she thought, she could pretend they were still watching together. Even if she couldn't curl up with him, at least she could be there. But the movie... She had seen it once before, and thought it was just a good story. Now... Now things were different. She ached worse during every scene where the psychiatrists wife failed to see him. It was all she could do to prevent herself trying to smash the set in frustrated anger. It felt like a madness eating at her soul.

She heard his sobbing voice as he spoke of the desperation of wanting to hold her and kiss her again. He would give eternity, and she would gladly. Eternity like this was a dreadful prospect. But there was nothing she could do. Nothing anyone could do.

She drifted through the house, revisiting every room as she reminisced about the times they had shared together. The gym they had built in the basement. The meals they had eaten in the kitchen. The sensuality of the showers they had taken together. So many things they had shared. Every room, every fitting, was a memory. If a ghost could cry she would have been bawling with grief.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

He finished watching the movie, only to realize it was time for him to shower. He hopped in, the water warm on his skin. He washed as he normally did, his hair then his body.....washing away the filth of the day. But time came to do his normal routine and he was not sure if it was morally right. He had just lost his wife. How could he masterbate now?

But his thoughts carried him to where he would be at the moment had she still been alive. His hands flowed with the water to his cock.

He thought of how he would kiss his way to her delicate mound. Kissing his way down, each breast. He thought of how she would taste as his tongue floated in to grab the nectar she held within.

He couldn't help it. Tears came to his eyes as his hand delicately stroked his cock, making it harder. He closed his eyes as his left hand held him up, holding the wall. His hand slipped over his head, caressing it as if it were her tongue. She was great at doing that. Licking his head, taking his cock in her mouth, her chin popping on his balls as he thrusted madly into her.

Now, whether it was the passion he felt for his wife or the need of release from his tensions, he began to get close to coming quickly. His hand stroekd his cock, his balls tightens, his muscles followed his ball, beckoning his seed to shoot forth as if she was there trying to suck him dry.

His body rocked, not able to control himself as he shot forth, feeling his hand and the tears slide down his face. It was the first time he came crying all the while.

He rinsed and dried. "For you my love." He said while dressing.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

Mariah watched her husband shower. Her widower, she reminded herself and choked on the hellish word. He had a beautiful body, and a wonderful dick. He always filled her when they made love, touching her through both size and expertise. Her mind flashed to the many nights she had watched him masturbate in the shower. Sometimes known, sometimes hidden. She enjoyed it. Sometimes she would join him, sucking him or straddling him and making love. She wanted him so badly. But what could she do? All she had was fantasy.

She drifted over to him and knelt before him, taking his flesh-penis in her ethereal mouth as his hand went back and forth. Oh so many nights had she done this, never thinking one day she wouldn't be able to. She could not feel him, save as a mist, an intangible, untouchable other. Yet the memory and the pretense was erotic. She let her hand stray between her legs, feeling the only 'solid' thing to her, spirit. She was surprised to find that her touch still aroused her and she let herself gain pleasure from the half-felt penis in her mouth.

"Yes, Jonathon," she sight softly as she felt his orgasm approach.

She sped her own hand further, determined to reach her explosion at the same time as his. Another jerk, a stuttering motion and she saw the white fluid shoot towards her, and out through the back of her head. That ended her pleasure at once. It was too strange to enjoy. She knelt in the shower before her husband and began to sob without the tears that could only come from a living person.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

The rest of the morning went as good as could be expected. He fixed his breakfast, ate and cleaned his dishes. He knew she always liked a clean kitchen.

He sat, waiting for her parents to call again. They should be in town for the funeral that was to happen tomorrow. That brought on thoughts of her funeral. Could he actually do that? Could he actually stand in front of all their friends and famliy and tell his wife good bye and see his friends cry without shedding a tear.

He grabbed a paper and pen, ready to write her eulogy. It had to be done, and he knew that, but the words could not come out. She was too special. Too right. Too perfect.

It was late in the afternoon before her parents called. He was tempted not to answer it, but he did.

"Yes, the funeral is tomorrow at noon. No, I will be fine. I am going to bring her red dress. Yes, that is the one. The chinese one with the dragon. Yes, that is it. She looked beautiful in that. No, I will order pizza or something. Ok, I will see you at noon. Don't worry, I will be fine."

But the fact remained that he wouldn't be. Not when he felt her. He felt like she had never gone, but yet he couldn't hear her or touch her. His sight would not pick her up in the room.

Thoughts of suicide entered his mind. He once took the knife, the sharpest in the block, and put it to his wrist. But be it couwardess or what, he couldn't glide it across his wrist.

"I fail you once again my love." He said to her, before falling asleep on the couch.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

She watched in horror as he took the knife in his hands and prepared to slice and was relieved when he put it down. She wanted to be with him more than anything, it was true. But what proof did she have that if he was dead too, they could be together. What if there was some place for the dead and he went there, leaving her here, along. At least she could see him now. Besides, the thought of him causing himself pain over her was more than she could take.

Then she heard his words. He felt he had let her down. She so wanted to tell him she wanted him to live, even if it meant they could no longer touch. But that was the point. They couldn't touch, he couldn't hear her. There was no way she could let him know.

She left him sitting there while she tried to clear her head. Was there anything she could do to make herself known to him? Anything at all? She couldn't think of it. She drifted from the house and into the street, watching the neighbor's children play in their garden. They seemed so happy, unaware of how brief life could be. She had been that way once, and the memory was like a knife through her heart.

A low growling, spitting noise started down behind her. She turned around to see what was going on and saw the stray tom cat that had taken up residence in the neighborhood crouching against the wall. Its hair was on end. Its ears were peeled back, flat against its head. Bare teeth growled as it waved an unsheathed set of claws towards its attacker. Mariah looked around for what had frightened it, but saw nothing. Then she realised the cat was looking at her.

"You can see me, can't you?" She asked, kneeling down and reaching out a ghostly hand to the creature.

It slashed its paw through her, catching nothing but air. With a terrified scream it ran away, and left her thinking. What was it about a cat that could let it see her when her own husband could not.

 

[ARaynes]

He slept and when he woke he only had about and hour and a half before the funeral. He rushed getting ready, putting on his suit, grabbing her dress. He was going to be late and he knew it. Worst thing was, he still hadn't been able to write her eulogy.

He arrived at he funeral home with thirty minutes to spare. He met her parents and hugged knowing that they probably would never see him after today. After all, wasn't this the last time they would see their daughter?

As everyone seated the funeral directer said a few words. Basically saying who she was and condolenses. Then it was his time to go up and say a few words.

"Family and friends, Thank you for coming."

He broke off, already feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.

"uh, I uh.....don't really know what to say. I always thought it would one day be her up here to tell me goodbye...."

These damn tears he thought to himself.

"I guess I should say some words about the beautiful flower that I held in my possesion at one time. I remember meeting her, and knowing then and there that I would marry her. *cough* I uh....loved her more than life itself, and that is what hurts most. She was so kind and caring always giving more than she ever took away from anyone. I remember one summer a few years back, a little girl was found lost on the beach. She was crying and holding her head in her lap, because her mommy was gone. Mariah, in all her glory, walked up to the little girl and bought her ice cream and walked around for a good hour trying to find the girls mom. The mom was so grateful that she tried paying Mariah, but Mariah only shook her head, and looking at me said, ....."

He stopped, trying to regain his composier. "She said, "I have been given my reward already." Again a pause......

"Today, we lay her to rest, and I hope that whereever she is, she has been given her reward. That she knows how she was loved and cared for beyond her wildest imagination. For if she is happy where she is, then I have no other choice but to be happy for her."

He looked out at the group of people, gloomfilled faces. "Thank you all for comeing here and giving her such a great send off."

He couldn't put it any other way. To do so would make him realize that she was never coming back. That he would never hold her again.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

Mariah did not want to go to the funeral with him. She could not take another reminder that she was dead. And she really could not face Jonathon's eulogy for her. She knew he loved her, and that was always a pleasure. But for her, to hear him bid her farewell would devastate her.

She wandered the neighborhood, trying to find out if anyone or anything else could see her. People couldn't. She could walk up to where they stood and they would not respond. When she touched them, sometimes they seemed to act as thought they had felt something, but only a breeze or sudden chill. Dogs whined and covered their heads when she walked by, as though they could tell she was there, but not make out what she was. Cats, it seemed, were the ones most responsive to her. Even they reacted with fear.

Eventually she just returned home, wondering what she could do, how she could use the fact that cats could tell she was there to force Jonathon to be aware of her. Her mind dwelled on ghost stories from her childhood. Could she possess them? She had no idea, but felt uplifted at least in the possibility of new hope.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

He mingled at the funeral, the last to leave as they buried her. It wasn't her though. It was just a body. She had left long ago.

He was thinking of the last time he saw her when he walked into the house and dropped his keys in the bowl next to the door. A routine he had done so many time since they had bought the house seven years ago.

She was upset with him. Her car sped from the driveway. He hated that. To think that her last thought of him would be that of him upset because she didn't want a dog. Funny. All over a pet.

He looked up, and for some reason out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw her, his Mariah. "Mariah, is that you?"

He shook his head. He felt stupid. How could he see her when she wasn't here?"

He walked over to the couch and undid his tie and took his jacket off, throwing both over the edge of the corner. "I am just leaving it there for a bit." he said allowd as he used to do. She would always get annoyed with him for his clothes lying around the living room.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

She spun around to face him at his voiced vision of her. Could he truly see her? She approached and tried to get his attention, but couldn't. Was he seeing her, imagining seeing her or perhaps just catching glimpses of her. Wasn't that the plot of some movie they'd seen once? Someone occassionally seeing their deceased loved one? So the question then became, how did she expand that? How could she manage to get him to see her all the time?

He cast his jacket on to the furniture, a habit she had always found annoying, and at once said, almost apologetically, that he would move it shortly. If it was possible, her heart would have bled over that. Had she been such a poor wife? Had she really been so judgemental that she made him afraid even to relax in his own home? She had. She had just heard the evidence as her husband apologized even after her death. There had always seemed plenty of time to make up, and they enjoyed making up when they fought, but she could never have known just how little time they actually had together. She looked at him sadly.

"Leave it there as long as you wish, honey. Leave it anywhere. It doesn't matter. I was wrong," and she began to sob in dry ghostly sorrow once more. "I'm sorry, Jonathon. I'm so sorry."

 

[Akashla]

Sorry to interupt

OOC: I just had to say i love this story... it gives me goose pimples!

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

OOC: Akashla I am glad you are enjoying it. Read and have a good one.

IC:
Seemingly out of no where he thought he heard her, "Jonathon".

He looked around once more, trying to find her, but finding nothing. Again he lay back on the couch. Perhaps, if he talked to her then she would come back.

That is stupid, he thought to himself. Words could never bring her back.

He sat there in a debate with himself and soon his illogical side took over. "Mariah, your funeral was today. Not once did I say goodbye. You would have loved it."

He pictured her sitting next to him on the couch, slowly leaning over to lay her head in his lap. It was a total non sexual touch, but pleasent all the while.

"It wasn't goodbye I wanted to say after all. It was how much I miss you....your body laying next to me in bed, you sitting across from me at the table while I watch you slurp up spagetti noodles." His eyes once more began to tear, with tears he didn't know he had..a smile crossing his face at her memory.

"I miss you darling. You were everything for me and now, I ..I don't know how to get to you again."

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

She sat next to him, gazing deeply into his eyes as he spoke. She was sure of it now. He was catching brief glimpses of her, or hearing brief words of her speech. That was useless though, she couldn't hold him to her, knowing they both wanted to be together, when he could not even see her properly, or hear her distinctly. It would be better for him if she simply drifted away. It would hurt, but he could heal and get on with building a life with someone new. It would be for the best, and she could not bring herself to do it.

She lay her ghostly hand on top of his fleshy one, trying desperately to avoid sinking into him. Her eyes unfocussed in anguish as she gazed into his face.

"I-I'm sorry, Jonathon," she said. "But I can't let you go. I need you, honey. I can't face life... or death... or whatever this is... without you."

She had to find a way. There had to be something she could do. Cats, she thought. What could she do with the cats in the neighborhood to try to influence him, to show him he was still there. She gazed at his face knowing she must find some way of trying.

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

John sat there flipping channels. Larry Fringer....uh, no. Days of Our Hives....:Oh, John, this isn't your baby:: Larry Fringer glamerously done. NO. Uh, ....That stupid pychic jamacian....geez, whatever...

There was nothing on. He left the tv on Larry Fringer, maybe that would kill him. Then that commercial came on again.

"Have you lost a loved one? Do you need a conclusion to a chapter that was never finished? Come to Elaine's Mediums for your past. Here we can tell you the last things your loved one wanted you to know. WE also do psychic reading and palm readings. So, come on down, or call 555-PALM that is 555-7256"


Would there be an end to the pain of knowing she was forever lost to him. He decided to walk and sit outside, watching the kids play. What a beautiful neighborhood this would have been for kids. They would have been beautiful.

That damn pesky cat of the neighbors was there. He was always hissing at him. Never stayed around after hissing, just hissed and ran. One day my pretty kitty, you will not be around anymore.

Perhaps I should get a dog now....nah.....His thoughts left off.

 

[BadForm]

Mariah Dozier

Mariah stared disbelievingly at the flickering images on the tv screen. She had never believed in that psychic mumbo-jumbo, but then again, she had never believed in ghosts. It had to be worth a try. Maybe, just maybe, a psychic could see her the way that a cat could, except they would not be afraid. If there really was something to the paranormal, and she was proof of that, then a psychic would be used to dealing with the dead, wouldn't they?

Elain's psychics, where was that? Damn, did they have to take the address of the screen so quickly. They focused on the telephone number, obviously doing a much better service on calls than walk-ins. Phones were useless to her though, she had no way of touching the material world. She would have to watch for it again.

Outside the cat hissed at Jonathon and fled. She drifted out to where he was and stood behind him. Mariah laid her hands on her widower's shoulders and softly kissed the cheek which felt no more than mist to her.

"Soon, beloved," she murmured. "Even if you cannot hear me, know it will be soon."

 

[ARaynes]

Jonathon Dozier

A chill hit the air.....or him....for a moment before fleeting away. "Well, it seems to be colder without you here dear." He said.

He could remember all the nights they sat outside watching the world go by in slow motion. He would have cried had he any tears left.

"Shall we go in and get some dinner? I haven't eaten in a while and I am starved." He asked it in a way he would have asked if she were there, not being able to give her up in speach as well as in his heart.

Going in he put on her favorite cooking music before cooking her favorite meal. This was his way of letting her go, or was it his way of keeping her?