I Run Star Trek

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I’m convinced of it.

Years ago I attended the first screening of "Star Trek Generations" (before the music had been added, before the titles, and before they airburshed out the wires that held up some of the space ship models -- cool). Afterwards I wrote a couple of very specific suggestions on my comment card. I said that the ending where Malcolm McDowell kills Kirk by shooting him was boring because Kirk didn’t die more heroically. And I wrote that Picard’s nephew needed to be in the Nexus scene because it was his nephew’s death that made him first question the cruelty of time.

Both scenes were remade exactly as I suggested.

LOL Of course I realize that probably half of the people in the screening made the same suggestions, and that the producers were most likely considering the changes anyway.

But the other day I wrote an e-mail to Paramount regarding a line in their promos for “Enterprise” -- the one that goes “We’ve always wanted to leave the Galaxy, and this September we will!” I pointed out that no one in Star Trek leaves the Galaxy. Ever. The Galaxy is too big. Even the Enterprise would take, like, two or three centuries just to reach the edge of the Galaxy. And I said that it was a damn embarrassing mistake to make in a promo for a new Star Trek series.

Well, I just saw the new promos, and the line’s been cut.

I Run Star Trek.

Tomorrow I tell Paramount to make Deanna Troi do a nude scene in the next movie.

And Jordi? Oh -- he is soooooo gonna die.

 

[Pyper]

Yes, but this thread really should have been called "Star Trek is My Bitch".

 

[Starfish]

I've seen the porn Sex Trek. It sucked. Did you run it too?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Yes. It was supposed to suck. That was kind of the point. LOL

Also, I'll be directing Paramount to burn all those stupid Klingon dictionaries and send all of Walter Koenig's checks to Davey Jones.

 

[Problem Child]

Are you the guy that suggested they make all the rocks out of styrofoam and spray paint them grey in the original series? The really huge ones that bounce a couple of times when they hit the ground?

Dude, if you came up with that, you're awesome!

Also, I really enjoy the fact that Yeoman Rand and lieutenant Uhura had really huge tits.

That wasn't you...was it?

 

[Siren]

ah PC the simple pleasures in life eh?

 

[Problem Child]

The story lines for the original Star Trek sucked?

Honeybritches, they may have had fake rocks and toy spaceships, but the writing on that show was excellent. Probably one of the most original TV shows ever.

Now I'm going to look at tits.

 

[Siren]

Well I thought it was laughable

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I'm pretty sure that since I was a child both Desilu and Paramount could hear me when I yelled at the TV during "Star Trek", so, yeah, the boobs are probably mine. I must have been sick the day they hired Tuvok, though. Sorry I missed that one. Sorry everyone. A black Vulcan doing a Nimoy impression. Sorry.

I've also decided that Q will be in every episode from now on, and every episode will take place in the Holodeck where something has gone "wrong" with the safety protocols, and every episode will have one anoymous security officer, usually Hispanic or Irish, die in a phaser blast, and every episode will also feature at least one of those laundry lists of historical events that include made up shit in the future ("I've read all the great political papers like the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence, The Martian Compact, The Horse Nebula Diaries, The Very Important Asteroid Belt Treaty ..."), and, of course, each episode will have one green woman.

And Kirk will be back.

Oh yes. He will be back.

 

[sexy-girl]

MMmmmm green women

 

[ranajja]

And Kirk will be back.

Oh yes. He will be back.

Hurrah! Hurrah!

Don't get me wrong--I adore Picard

But Kirk was--well, there'll never be another like him...


BTW, Scotty was always my favourite, so thanks for bringing him back on that episode on TNG.


Now, is there any truth to that rumor that Hulk Hogan will be on the new series as a Klingon? I actually think that would be obnoxiously cool...

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

You're welcome. Sorry for making him so fat. Just trying to be realistic. I also apologize for George Takei forgetting how to act.

 

[Never]

sexy-girl:
"MMmmmm green women "

I'm fond of borg ladies myself..

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Really? Then let me re-print this, in case you missed it the first time:

--------------------

STAR TREK VOYAGER

Seven fell against a bulkhead as her Kenetic Displacement Implant failed. Kim hit his com badge.

"Ensign Kim to sick bay. Emergency beam out."

"Acknowledged." said the Doctor.

In seconds their atoms were ripped apart and pulled through a sub-space variance until they were reassembled aboard Voyager's Sick Bay. Seven was conscious, but confused.

"What happened?" asked the Doctor, waving a whirling medical tricorder.

"I don't know." said Kim. "We were examining the Cube. No drones anywhere. Like we thought, it's adrift in space. Seven found a communications array she'd never seen before. It's new Borg technology. Anyway, she touched it,
the machine activated, and she fell."

"Her Nano-Cerebral Module is being bombared by a transwarp frequency." said the Doctor.

"How is that possible?" asked Kim. "We're not moving in transwarp."

"No, but a communication of some sort is." said the Doctor. "Help me isolate her. If she's receiving Borg communication..."

"She could become dangerous." finished Kim.

"Precisicely."

Seven felt her body lift. The hands touching her, Terran and Hologram, sent shivers of sensation through her legs. A curious wetness dampened her suit. Her nipples, still flesh, though supported by a metal undercarriage, stiffened. Her nose picked up keen odors in the room, of skin and hair. She swooned with an urge she'd felt only in Sector Zero, but much stronger. She recognized carnality, but had never before reached such a stage of arousal.

Kim left to make his report, while the Doctor entered his readings into the computer. They didn't notice Seven's long fingers running down her suit to the dampness between her legs. Pushing and rubbing through the fabric Seven ministered her sex as best she could. She tried to stop. When these sensations had come to her before, she had always managed to restrain herself. Not now. She could not be stopped now, no more that she could stop the Event Horizon of a collapsing White Dwarf. She dug and dug at herself until the shimmering material of her suit ripped and her fingers found purchase on blessed flesh. "Ahhhh!" she sighed, as she wiggled into the tear, wetting her fingers with a pungent juice. She found a tiny nub, pressed, and rolled her eyes back. "Yes!" she screamed.

"Seven?" said the Doctor, looking up from his station. The images received by his matrix scanned a bank of possible programmed responses, chose one, and commanded the Holo-Emitter force fields to lift the matter used to create the EMH's left eyebrow. "Oh my."

Seven heard the Doctor's voice, lept off the bed, still reeling from vertigo, but determined to satiate herself. About her she could hear the faint hum of the security force field. "Doctor," she said, "I require your assistance."

The Doctor stepped through the force field, his body sputtering an electronic yellow as the passage momentarily disrupted his program.

"You should lie down, Seven." he said.

"Computer," said Seven, "Disable EMH Holo-Emitters outside the security field, and program to erase Emergency Medical Hologram program from all Voyager sub-systems should the EMH move without. Security override Seven of Nine Alpha, Alpha, Zero, Two, Zero."

"Affirmative." answered the computer.

"Seven?" started the Doctor, confused. Before he could ask why Seven had trapped him inside the Security Field he
found himself thrown down upon a medical bunk with Seven on top of him. "You're suffering from a transwarp redirect of your Nano-Cerebral involuntary programming..."

"Irrelevant." said Seven, tugging at the Doctor's uniform.

"What are you doing?" asked the Doctor. "Let me give you a sedative."

Seven had to move fast. The wetness inside her was growing, and the need would not come undone. She realized what the problem was. The uniform WAS the Doctor, created out of loose matter, held in place by force-fields. There was nothing underneath them but replicated molecules used for substance.

She suddenly recalled a conversation she'd had with the Chief Engineer, during an unguarded moment brought about by too many Kalaxian Ales she'd traded for two replicator coils. "Computer!" she said, breathlessly. "Alter EMH program. Augment with sexual attributes from program Belanna244."

"What's happening?" said the Doctor, overcome with a sudden influx of new data. "I can, feel something..." he said, suddenly squirming.

"I've added sensation to your matrix." said Seven, "and this."

She pulled down his pants, altered now to remove, and reveal beneath a human penis, fully functional, and growing.


"What have you done to me?" yelled the Doctor. "How dare you. You can't do this!"

Seven swooned. The phallus called to her, beckoned her. She gave in to the sensations flooding her body. Mounting the Doctor she guided his penis into her, filling her. She snarled with lust. More. She wanted more.

"Computer!" she said. "Augment newly programmed EMS penis by four centimeters."

"No!" screamed the Doctor. But as his new Holo-Organ grew he felt it squeeze between the folds of Seven's genitalia and ensconce itself within her vaginal canal. "Oh my!" he sighed, drunk with the new sensation. He was encouraged to push.

Seven felt his thrust and fell on top of him. "More." she whispered in his ear. "More."

But the Doctor's ethical program was still intact. "Seven. You're not in control of your actions. You must not allow yourself to be controlled by the transmission you're receiving. Concentrate! This is not all appropriate behavior aboard a Federation Starship. I'm not sure of the exact regulation, but I'm sure that..."

In the back of her mind Seven heard and understood the Doctor's words. But the Receivers in her Nano-Cortex compensated, overriding her bio-neuro commands. Her lust rose, her pulse quickened, and her hips plunged down,
and up, sending the phallus deep inside her body, and rubbing it against her swollen human nub.

The Doctor shut his eyes tightly, fighting the fantastic sensations shooting through his matrix. He tried to push her off him. "Seven...Listen to me...You have to stop....I can't let you do this...I can't let you..."

Seven squeezed her thighs, pinning the Doctor to the bed. Reaching down she kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

"Resistance..." she whispered, "is futile."

 

[rambling man]

Kirk just came from a different era, when we believed that one John Wayne, or one Clint Eastwood, Gregory Peck, whoever....we believed that one good man could save the world/galaxy/spaceship....we've lost that belief somewhere....

Is that a bad thing or a good thing?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Couldn't you have done something with that priceline.com fiasco? Those monologues were stupid. Though good job on Kirk's Miss Congeniality bits. He made Candace so good that I couldn't believe it was Candace.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

The Priceline monologues were a straight goof on Shatner's albums. (You haven't LIVED until you've heard his dramatic rendition of "Tambourine Man"). And when I rent "Miss Congeniality", I know I'll be renting it ONLY for Shatner.

 

[rambling man]

Shatner has albums???????? I'm going to die...and when I go to Hell I will hear William Shatner singing Subterranean Homesick Blues

 

[ranajja]

"Resistance..." she whispered, "is futile."

ooooooh!

I read this one when you posted it a previous thread. Very cooool, DCL.


And I think Shatner's priceline commercials were a hoot!

 

[livin_simple]

Kirk just came from a different era, when we believed that one John Wayne, or one Clint Eastwood, Gregory Peck, whoever....we believed that one good man could save the world/galaxy/spaceship....we've lost that belief somewhere....

Is that a bad thing or a good thing?

But....wait!!
Granted Wayne and Peck aren't able to save the universe....
But I've not yet written off Clint Eastwood



SO DCL:
Are you also the one responsible for Cpt Janeway??

 

[Always]

Shatner has albums???????? I'm going to die...and when I go to Hell I will hear William Shatner singing Subterranean Homesick Blues

that's just WRONG... poor Dylan....

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I think I am responsible for Janeway, because I always felt Star Trek should show female captains. Paramount must have been reading my mind for a very long time.

I am also resonsible for Robert Picardo taking the role of the Doctor. A friend of mine was shooting a film with him (Wagons East -- don't ask) when he was offered the Voyager role. He wasn't sure he wanted to it. My friend and I were chatting about this one day when we decided he was an idiot. My friend told him this at a screening later that week, and he agreed with us, and accepted the part. So, there you go, more proof of my power.

However I take no responsibility for that stupid tattoo on Chakotay's face. Thing looks like a Boston subway map.

 

[ranajja]

Waitaminnit...

However I take no responsibility for that stupid tattoo on Chakotay's face. Thing looks like a Boston subway map.

I liked the blue tattoo. I also thought Chakotay was hot--okay, for the first coupla-three seasons anyway...

I also had the major cutes for Riker...

 

[Gaucho]

Does this mean that there's going to be a nude hot tub scene in the next movie with Troi and 7 of 9?

And just how are you going to bring Kirk back?

And what about Odo? And Kira (now that she's a heavy on Dark Angel)?

C'mon, answer man. Give!

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Shatner's alive. You screw around with the spacetime continuum. You telling me you can't come up with 300 scenarios? Deep Space is over and done with...it took a deep space dive into the deep space deep end. Odo will have his own comic book, but that's it. As for hot tub scenes I find them anti-erotic. Have you ever tried to actually FUCK in water?