I Read the News Today... Oh Boy !

BLANTYRE (Reuters) - A Malawian court has convicted a Catholic priest and a nun of disorderly conduct after they were caught engaged in a sexual act in a parked car with tinted windows.

The Malawian priest, 43, and the 26-year-old nun from neighbouring Zambia spent the night in police cells after being caught in the act on Wednesday, police said.

Passers by alerted police at Lilongwe International Airport after the parked Toyota Corolla, which had tinted windows, began shaking in what police described as "a funny manner".

A court in the capital Lilongwe handed down suspended jail sentences of six months with hard labour after the pair pleaded guilty to charges of idleness and disorderly conduct.

"These people were caught in a sex act," Assistant Superintendent Kelvin Maigwa told Reuters.

Officials in the Roman Catholic Church, whose priests are barred from sex or marriage, declined to comment.
 
ROGERSVILLE, Tennessee - With their cell doors accidentally left unlocked, four county jail inmates escaped only to return the same night — with beer.

The Hawkins County Jail inmates, who bought four cases of beer before returning to the jail, were charged Monday with escape and introduction of intoxicants into a penal institution, the Kingsport Times-News newspaper reported Tuesday.

"I guess they thought if they came back they wouldn't be charged with escape, but they were wrong," Sheriff Warren Rimer said.

Ridgy Dean Coleman, Jimmy Joe Stapleton, David Wayne Blizzard and David Allen Hopkins escaped Thursday night when their cell block doors were unlocked and a faulty control panel failed to alert jailers, Rimer said.

Two of the inmates walked out through a fire exit, left the door propped open with a small Bible and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They walked to a nearby market and bought the beer.

The inmates did not raise alarm at the store because they were wearing street clothes borrowed from other prisoners. The crowded jail doesn't have enough orange jumpsuits for all of its inmates.

The sheriff pointed out that all 36 inmates on the cell block might have tried to escaped while the doors were unlocked.

"At least they came back," he said.
 
My favorite of all time.....Why would anyone ever steal an aligaor named....Mr. Cranky Pants ??


SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — Would you upset an alligator named Mr. Cranky Pants? Some thieves who chanced it soon changed their minds.
The four-year-old alligator was stolen from a reptile park north of Sydney over the weekend, but officials at the zoo said Monday the thieves may have underestimated his moodiness and let him go.

"Mr. Cranky Pants is a cranky pants, he gets moody and so they probably messed with the wrong alligator and dumped him," said Al Mucci, from the Australian Reptile Park in Somersby on New South Wales state's central coast.

Thieves had scaled two barbed-wire fences and climbed into an alligator pit before stealing the 4-foot beast, Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio said Monday. Park officials then raised the alarm, concerned for his safety.

Following a tip from the public, rangers found the reptile in a nearby creek.

"He looks relieved to be back. You can tell with alligators by their eyes whether they're stressed or not stressed, and he looks glad to be back," Mucci said.

 
SALISBURY, Md. - A woman who stole $4.52 worth of fuel was ordered to stand outside the gas station Friday wearing a sandwich board sign that declared: "I was caught stealing gas."

Sherelle Purnell obeyed the court order, although by the time she arrived 90 minutes late to her noon sentence, the crowd of people that gathered to watch her had dispersed.

"There were parents who came with their children, wanting to teach them a lesson," said Jan Phipps, manager of Gordy's Tiger Mart, which pushed for the unorthodox punishment.

Purnell, 18, who was caught on surveillance tape speeding away from the gas pump, walked along the convenience shop's grassy storefront as passing drivers honked horns and made catcalls.

Andrew Black, who stopped by on his lunch break, was critical of the punishment and converted an old beer poster into a sign protesting high gas prices.

"What is this, the Middle Ages?" said Black.
 
I know someone who will appreciate this one...

MIAMI (Reuters) - U.S. researchers have unearthed what they say may be the oldest known brewery in the Andes, a pre-Incan plant at least 1,000 years old that could produce drinks for hundreds of people at one sitting.

The University of Florida said on Thursday that its archeologists and researchers from the Field Museum in Chicago found the brewery at Cerro Baul, a mountaintop religious center of the Wari empire that ruled what is now Peru hundreds of years before the Incas.

At least 20 ceramic, 10- to 15-gallon vats were found at the site some 8,000 feet up in the mountains of southern Peru.

"You get the idea that this is massive production, not just your basic household making beer to consume by itself," Susan deFrance, an assistant professor of anthropology at the University of Florida, said in a statement.

Patrick Ryan Williams, assistant curator at the Field Museum, said the site was remarkable for its size. Small-scale brewing is known to have been done in the Andes for thousands of years, he said by telephone from Peru.

The Wari civilization thrived from about A.D. 700 to 1000, conquering all of what is modern Peru before swiftly and mysteriously declining.

The brewery is thought to have produced "chicha," an alcoholic drink derived at the time mainly from a berry of the molle pepper plant. Modern chicha is made from corn.

Last year University of Florida archeologists discovered what they think are halls for "ritual intoxication" at Cerro Baul, where Wari noblemen apparently feasted and drank.

Mike Moseley, associate chairman of anthropology at the university, said the halls "become a place where politics are negotiated and economic decisions are made." Williams said each nobleman would have consumed up to 2.6 gallons of chicha per ceremony.

The site appears to have been destroyed in a closing rite. The Wari burned the structures, threw their mugs into the embers and laid down a half-dozen necklaces of semiprecious stones as they left, said Moseley.
 
I think this is a GREAT idea for a thread!

Thong stunt blamed on 'triple-dog dare'
July 29, 2004

SCOTTSBLUFF, Neb. (AP) -- Two men who were arrested for walking through a Wal-Mart while wearing women's thong underwear blamed the stunt on a "triple-dog dare," authorities said.

The men, ages 35 and 36, bought two pair of underwear at the store Tuesday, went into a bathroom and came out wearing only the thongs and T-shirts, police said.

Witnesses said the men walked through the store and out to their car.

Police caught the men in the parking lot, and reviewed a surveillance tape before arresting them for public indecency and disorderly conduct.

When asked why they were wearing thong underwear, one of the men said a friend "triple-dog dared" them. They will not be prosecuted, authorities said.
 
Italian Police Seek Huge Breasted Woman

The 46-year-old woman, who has been identified only by her initials AM, slipped out of her hospital bed following the surgery and disappeared.

Doctors at the clinic in Rome say that apart from the unpaid bill they are also concerned for her health as she requires close monitoring following the surgery.

Dr Jamal Salhi said: "She told me that she needed the surgery because she worked in a hostess bar and that clients preferred big chested women.

"She went from a size four to a size eight which is the largest you can get in Italy. When she came to my surgery she said: "I want the biggest chest possible."

"'It has since emerged that she gave false information when she arrived at the clinic and apart from running off without paying, as with any surgery she needs to be monitored afterwards."

Dr Salhi then revealed it was not the first time he had been the victim of a fraudster. He said: "This has happened to me several times before, the most recent was last December.

"A man had a penis enlargement and disappeared without paying. We still have to be paid for that operation."

Police spokesman Adriano Lauro said: "We have issued a warrant for the woman's arrest and also one for her husband following the complaint from the clinic."
 
This lady is really educated....

KEY WEST, Fla. - A woman who was upset about lobster divers in the canal behind her house in the Florida Keys was arrested after allegedly shooting at them with a handgun.

Mary Alice Workman fired a shot near a pontoon boat Thursday as others warned divers participating in the state's annual two-day sport lobster hunt, witnesses told investigators. No one was injured.

In a telephone interview Saturday with The Associated Press, Workman said she fired into the water and could see the bullet's downward path.

"That's my canal, and they have no business in there," Workman said. "They was taking the lobster, and we're not going to have no more lobsters."

 
I used to live here...It smells like that anyway

COLUMBIA, S.C. - Drug users and prostitutes are turning up their noses at the condemned buildings they once frequented in Richland County. Deputies here have begun using a chemical spray that makes the places smell like a skunk has come calling.

Skunk Shot, made in New Zealand, contains synthetic skunk oil in a gel-like substance and was originally intended as a cat and dog repellent.

It's a stinking solution for a disturbing problem in some neighborhoods. Vagrants' use of the buildings has taken a nose dive, Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott said.

The Los Angeles County sheriff's department began using it 18 months ago, said Lt. Shaun Mathers. In the Compton area near Los Angeles, abandoned buildings had been a hot spot for people to hang out and drink until they got a whiff of Skunk Shot.


"There's nothing cool about sitting around drinking beer when it smells like a skunk," said Mathers, who sells the product to other agencies as a side job.


 
JULY 21--Prosecutors have decided that Melissa Harrington, Nebraska's notorious nudity enthusiast, will finally have to face a judge next month. Harrington, 22, who uses the name Melissa Lincoln on her X-rated web site, came to the attention of Lincoln cops last December when they reviewed online photos showing Harrington posing nude on city streets and in a local bar. Her site allows paying customers to "watch as I show off at bars, in parks, downtown, and wherever else I can think of." While police issued Harrington a citation last December for violating a public nudity ordinance, her arraignment was delayed while Lincoln prosecutors mulled dropping the case. But this week the city attorney sent Harrington a notice to appear August 12 for arraignment in Lancaster County Court. If convicted, she faces a maximum of six months in jail and a $500 fine.

DECEMBER 30--A 21-year-old Nebraska exhibitionist who operates an X-rated web site stocked with photos of her posing naked was ticketed yesterday by Lincoln cops for violating the city's public nudity ordinance. The proof, as it were, was in Melissa Harrington's postings. Her web site includes photos of her topless--and almost bottomless--in a Lincoln bar called the Marz Intergalactic Shrimp and Martini Bar (according to Harrington's site, the offending photos were taken in late-November). Harrington, a wannabe porn star and nude model, notes on her site that, "I like being naked in public, I like it even more when there's alot of people there to watch." Other photos show the part-time web designer naked in a downtown Lincoln alley and topless on a Harley near a baseball field. Cops specifically charged Harrington in connection with the bar photos since they were able to confirm the pictures were shot in the Lincoln establishment. Harrington is scheduled for a January 29 arraignment in Lancaster County Court and, if convicted, could face a maximum of six months in jail and a $500 fine. In a message posted yesterday about her "little run-in with the Lincoln Police Department," Harrington pledged to fight the public nudity charge and asked web site visitors to "donate a few dollars to my legal defense fund."


http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/nakedlincoln3.jpg
 
JULY 16--While everyone else is obsessing today about the criminal sentencing of that Stewart gal, we're far more interested in the travails of one Mandy Lee Waldridge. The 24-year-old Kentucky woman was nabbed yesterday on gun and drug charges and tossed in Paducah's McCracken County lockup. According to the local sheriff, Mandy Lee was in possession of methamphetamine, which probably goes a long way towards explaining her distinctive approach to posing for the below mug shot.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/0716041melons1.jpg
 
13-Year-Old Spends $2 Million On Ebay

ROGERS, Ohio - A 13-year-old boy spent about $2 million from a school computer buying a helicopter, a jet and other items over the Internet using a password belonging to a friend's mother, authorities said. The woman discovered the purchases the day the helicopter's owner called and asked how she intended to pay for the aircraft. She is having the purchases canceled. The $1.1 million helicopter is a used military model. The boy has not made it clear what he intended to do with his purchases.
 
First Ever Nude Tennis Tournament to be Webcast May 14th

Land O'Lakes, FL - May 6 /Xpress Press/ - Lake Como Nudist Resort (www.Lakecomoresort.com) in Land O'Lakes, Florida announces it is hosting the first ever nude tennis tournament to be webcast worldwide May 14, 2003. www.tennisinthebuff.com will have the privilege of presenting for webcast -- the first ever tennis tournament from a nudist resort. Beautiful Lake Como Resort has exceptional tennis facilities, and has opened its doors for the world to see the healthy fun and exercise enjoyed by nude tennis players.
 
Driver Beaten Up for Observing Speed Limit

Fri Jul 30,10:07 AM ET
Add Oddly Enough - Reuters to My Yahoo!

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German truck driver beat up a motorist he believed was driving too slowly in a case of 'road rage' in a country famous for having no limits on stretches of its motorways.



The trucker got in a fight with a car driver who had been slowing him down by observing a 30 km-an-hour (18 mph) speed limit in a built-up area.

Police in the western town of Bochum said the truck driver told them he felt provoked by the motorist "because he was actually driving 30 kph in a 30 kph area." The trucker faces an investigation and may lose his driving license.
 
Duh....

HONG KONG (AFP) - An adult movie-making company's advertisement for new pornography stars at a youth job fair in Hong Kong was removed quickly after organisers deemed it unsuitable.

The Sun Power Production Company ad had asked for actors aged 18 to 38 to apply for roles in adult movies. Although no experience was required, the actors should be ready to "strip naked", the South China Morning Post reported.

The ad, which was deemend unsuitable, was removed 90 minutes after the fair opened.

"We respect every kind of occupation. However, we think it is inappropriate to have such jobs available at this fair."

Wong hoped to recruit local actors to develop the pornographic movie industry in Hong Kong as there were many talented producers with scripts ready for production, the Oriental Daily reported.
 
ATLANTA (AP) - An airline passenger wearing only a pair of pyjama bottoms stole a baggage tractor at Atlanta's main airport and drove it onto an active runway early Wednesday, police said.

Police said Robert Buzzell, 31, walked out an exit door that had an alarm at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.

Flights were not affected by the incident, which took place before 6 a.m. local time, airport officials said.

The man was stopped by mechanics who asked him for an employee identification card. When he could not provide one, they escorted him to an office and called police.

Authorities said the man appeared mentally unstable.


YA THINK?????
 
Wheeeeew .....Thank Goodness !

YANGON, Myanmar - A fashionable repast for kings in medieval times, peacock is off the menu now as two poachers here learned when they were recently imprisoned for eating two of the showy fowl.

The men were sentenced to three years in prison each for killing and eating two peacocks stolen in February from a wildlife reserve, a weekly journal reported Wednesday.


Win Naing and Moe Htike were found guilty and sentenced on July 7 for killing the birds at the Hlawga Wildlife Park just north of Yangon, the magazine 7 Days reported.


Under Myanmar Forestry Law peacocks are protected species and killing one draws a penalty of up to 7 years in prison and a fine of no more than $833 at the official rate of exchange, or $5.18 at the more commonly used black market rate.


Aside from being rare and beautiful, peacocks — which are native to the area — have long served as one of Myanmar's national symbols.

 
We All Scream for Ice Cream

Wed Aug 4, 2004 09:34 AM ET

OKLAHOMA CITY (Reuters) - An Oklahoma ice cream man opened fire on a customer after a summer ice cream sale turned sour, police said on Tuesday.

Police in Enid, about 75 miles north of Oklahoma City, said they arrested Markus Miller, 29, an ice cream truck driver for Summer Song, on Sunday on two misdemeanor charges as well as a felony charge of pointing a firearm.

If convicted, Miller could receive up to 10 years in jail on the felony charge.

According to police, an 18-year-old woman approached Miller's ice cream truck and the conversation degenerated into a heated argument.

Miller is suspected of taking out a pistol and firing two shots at the feet of the woman. She was struck on the collarbone-area by either a bullet fragment or debris from the shots, police said.

Miller was arrested in his ice cream truck a short distance from the incident and police recovered a hand gun from the vehicle, they said.

"It is not a normal or legal thing, anywhere in the country to carry a handgun without a permit while selling ice cream," said Sgt. Eric Holtzclaw, a spokesman with the Enid Police Department.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

© Copyright Reuters 2004.
 
UNIONTOWN, Pa. - Something smelled rotten when Michael Hanczyk showed up in court to fight a drunken driving charge. Authorities say it was the booze on his breath.



A judge stopped a hearing Tuesday and ordered the 42-year-old Hanczyk to take a field sobriety test after he and others said they smelled alcohol on Hanczyk's breath.


"Everyone smelled him," said district attorney Nancy Vernon.


A breath test indicated that Hanczyk had a blood alcohol content of 0.296 percent, more than three times the state's legal limit, Vernon said.
 
I'm having Seinfeld flashbacks of George on the scooter...


Buggy Racing for the Elderly


Wednesday, July 28, 2004 8:49 a.m. ET

ZANDVOORT, Netherlands (Reuters) - A team led by an 82-year-old pensioner won the first Dutch championship for battery-powered electric scooter racing.

The race Tuesday across an obstacle course in rear-wheel-drive buggies, fitted with comfortable seats, armrests, handlebars and shopping baskets, was all about skilful maneuvering, with top speeds of just 7.5 miles per hour.

The Nationaal Fonds Ouderenhulp, a foundation for the elderly, organized the race for people in their 70s and 80s to promote mobility and to fight loneliness in retirement and nursing homes.

A team of Rotterdam pensioners took the checkered flag at Zandvoort motor racing circuit, beating 12 rival nursing homes over the 250-yard course of speed bumps, wooden ramps and plastic slalom cones.

"I'm 88. In the end my (buggy's) battery was running out. It was very frustrating," said contestant Wilhelmus Souren.

In a country that has one of the highest life expectancies in the world and is home to the world's oldest woman, demand for electric scooters is high with up to 75,000 people owning one.
 
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