I published my first story

[Mathilda1]

I wrote a 2 part story. It's called Punishing a Cheater. The first part is about punishment for a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and is in BDSM category. The second part is about celebrating the victory in punishment and is in Lesbian category.

Some feed back might help me improve my future works.

Here are my stories:

http://literotica.com/s/punishing-a-cheater-pt-01
http://literotica.com/s/punishing-a-cheater-pt-02

 

[PBAnnie]

This is what I can say about the first story: It's a good first attempt at writing erotic literature, the story was imaginative, and the scenaro was believable.

However, the retelling of events felt empty. It seemed like a plot summary at best, and many writers might consider it just an outline. We were introduced to four people, Mathilda, Lena, Kai, and Kai's unnamed mistress, but we don't know anything about them, except that Kai cheated on Lena. Why should we care? Sure, cheating is wrong, but we don't have any emotion invested in Lena, so why should we care? Was she special? Do we know that Lena didn't cheat on Kai? We could be more connected to the scorned Lena if we knew more about her background, her dreams, her desires, her fears and vulnerabilities. Give the readers a reason why they should have positive feelings about Lena.

You'll probably get additional critique about grammar and punctuation; these are things that should improve as you write more and as you read more. One area you should focus on is the mixing of tenses; there was at least one sentence where you used past, present, and future tenses to describe something that happened in the past. This makes it difficult to read. If the reader has to put in extra effort to understand the sentence structure then they're not focusing on the actual story.

Keep up with the writing, it gets easier and better the more you do it.

 

[Mathilda1]

This is what I can say about the first story: It's a good first attempt at writing erotic literature, the story was imaginative, and the scenaro was believable.

However, the retelling of events felt empty. It seemed like a plot summary at best, and many writers might consider it just an outline. We were introduced to four people, Mathilda, Lena, Kai, and Kai's unnamed mistress, but we don't know anything about them, except that Kai cheated on Lena. Why should we care? Sure, cheating is wrong, but we don't have any emotion invested in Lena, so why should we care? Was she special? Do we know that Lena didn't cheat on Kai? We could be more connected to the scorned Lena if we knew more about her background, her dreams, her desires, her fears and vulnerabilities. Give the readers a reason why they should have positive feelings about Lena.

You'll probably get additional critique about grammar and punctuation; these are things that should improve as you write more and as you read more. One area you should focus on is the mixing of tenses; there was at least one sentence where you used past, present, and future tenses to describe something that happened in the past. This makes it difficult to read. If the reader has to put in extra effort to understand the sentence structure then they're not focusing on the actual story.

Keep up with the writing, it gets easier and better the more you do it.

Thanks. Since it was a short story, I thought there is no need to develop the characters further. Maybe I overdid it, but giving a full description of the characters and details of relationships to the extent that you suggest requires writing a book, not a short sex story. That's beyond my ability and I don't think the readers are interested in that. I think the reader can have a general idea of each character's personality and can fill the gaps using imagination or life experiences.

I agree about the grammar. English is not my first language. In fact, one of the main reasons I write in English is improving my language. I can easily understand English or translate materials from English, but I have trouble when I try to do vice versa. I'll try to improve that.

 

[jarigi]

write from the heart

I'm new to writing, not just erotic stories but i feel with each story i write I am becoming more imaginative, and my stories are becoming longer and more involved. I suggest write what you feel, you will develop naturally and don't be too concerned what others think. Ultimately you will know if the stories are any good. Unless you are a commercial writer or write novels to pay the mortgage, write to make you happy and satisfy your creative urge. Why else are we here?
Good luck!

 

[PBAnnie]

I agree about the grammar. English is not my first language. In fact, one of the main reasons I write in English is improving my language. I can easily understand English or translate materials from English, but I have trouble when I try to do vice versa. I'll try to improve that.

Consider it a compliment that I had no idea that you were writing in a second language. Your English is much better than a lot of the stories here that were written by native English speakers. You're doing the right thing to practice your language skills using material that you enjoy and makes you really want to do more of it. It's much better than repeating "Wo ist das Telefon?" "Das Telefon ist auf dem Tisch." a thousand times. I think I would have paid more attention in German class if we had more enjoyable material.

 

[Mathilda1]

I published another story, "Kelly's fantasy":

https://literotica.com/s/kellys-fantasy-1

It's different from my previous stories. I put Kelly (she is a real person who I met on another site) in a certain situation and asked what would she do in this scenario, and wrote the story based on her answers. For example, when she said she is okay with getting pregnant and even welcomes it, I modified her character's behavior according to her wish. I hope you enjoy this story.

 

[PBAnnie]

I published another story, "Kelly's fantasy":

https://literotica.com/s/kellys-fantasy-1

It's different from my previous stories. I put Kelly (she is a real person who I met on another site) in a certain situation and asked what would she do in this scenario, and wrote the story based on her answers. For example, when she said she is okay with getting pregnant and even welcomes it, I modified her character's behavior according to her wish. I hope you enjoy this story.

That was good, I enjoyed it. This one had much better character development than the first stories and I think the readers have a good reason to like Kelly and to feel some empathy for Billy. It was nice to see both of the main characters change their attitudes and grow. I also think there are readers who will like Kelly's pregnancy fantasy, if you write another story about Kelly you might want to explore that fantasy a bit more.

I'll look forward to your next story.

 

[Mathilda1]

I published my forth story, "Teaching Manners to a Jerk":

https://literotica.com/s/teaching-manners-to-a-jerk

It's pretty much like the first part of "Punishing a Cheater". There is not much character development or conversation in it. It's in BDSM category as well.