I popped my Literotica cherry.....

[Kitte]

Ok I got up the nerve finally... and submitted a story... I appreciate all the feedback I can get... I know my grammer and punctuation stink but as a story... what do ya think?

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=39088

 

[LivingUnicorn]

Kitte,

I read your story, and, while I'm very new to this and I'm not sure how meaningful my feedback to you will be, I will try because I know how starved for feedback I am.

In your story, you set up the main character very well. I really felt like I got to know her as I read the story, however I didn't get a real sense of dramatic change in her from the start to finish. Yes she started out in a convent, but even the mother superior knew she was unsuited for that and so they sent her away. She was inexperienced at the start and by the end had become VERY experienced but still I didn't feel a dramatic change in her. I think this is the hardest part of writing a story and I know I failed in it with my story too. But it is something to strive for.

I was surprised by the sudden gay elements at the end but wish that their lovemaking could have been described a little more fully. The ending to me seemed rushed as though you had become tired of the story and just wanted it to end.

Overall I enjoyed reading this story and I voted it a 5 because I have seen how even a 4 vote can trash a stories rating and I didn't want to do that to your story. I wish I could have voted a 4.8 because I think that is where your story is. A very good story, but with just a few minor things that could have made it better.

Well I really hope that this helps.

LU

 

[Garylad]

My two cents

Hi Kitte

Thought i'd offer you my opinion.

The story itself is fine; it's a nice concept and pretty well worked through for a piece that length.

One or two niggles though:

1. "I was thin all over and my breasts were small for my age. I was barely a B cup but I had large nipples."

The large nipples thing really grated, especially as you didn't seem to introduce the fact for any real reason. Had you played on this fact you may have got away with it. As it stands it just jarrs.

2. Some of your paragraphs are very long. This isn't always bad but in this medium people seem to get bored with long paragraphs.

3. I know you acknowledge the spelling and grammar issue but it does stand out. Try using the volunteer editors, most of whom will be happy to proofread and correct without criticising style and content if you ask them too.

Other than that I was pretty impressed. Keep writing and enjoy.

 

[Kitte]

I appreciate all your feedback! Believe it or not that line seemed to grate on me too, I just didnt know what to do with it. I have submitted one other very short story and I am currently re editing another and I am working in some of the feedback I have gotten. I am thinking of trying a volunteer editor!

Thanks Again

¤Kitte¤

 

[Guest]

Hi Kitte,
I liked your writing very much indeed - it flowed, and was easy and enjoyable to read. And of course, successful in its erotic purpose!
Education, Need, and Teacher's Pet were all of a high standard - strong stories, each in their own way. As you say, punctuation is a weakness, and I would encourage you to seek the help of others to polish those errors away.
Then, I would have rated all 3 as a 5, rather than a 4. (Not that work should be judged so crudely, but you did ask me to vote)

Best wishes, Ted (Manchester, UK)