I need your help

[Chicklet]

Everyone here is great and I respect your opinions. I really want to make this latest story of mine a success, both for myself and for my readers. Please, please, please look at it for me and give me your opinions. I plan on making a lot of changes tomorrow morning, so now's the last chance to make notes on it.

Workshop

 

[Vixandra]

I rather like it. One thing- I tend to get confused with over five lines of dialog that don't have she said or something like that thrown in. I tend to use things like that for when there's mass confusion in my writting.
Otherwise very good and quite powerful.

 

[Icingsugar]

I rather like it. One thing- I tend to get confused with over five lines of dialog that don't have she said or something like that thrown in. I tend to use things like that for when there's mass confusion in my writting.
Otherwise very good and quite powerful.

I haven't read the whole thing yeyt, just clanced it over. I'm a real sucker for dialouge, and the idea of lengthy conversation blocks seems promising. As far as I'm concerned, too much of the good old said/she said tends to get in the way, unless if has a purpose, like. "she said with a quick glance in my direction", or "Chicklet said, giggling hysterically". I like the idea of letting the lines speak for themselves sometimes.