I Need To Forget Him

[the_pet]

Please feel free to ignore me.....

It's been a long time now since i was set free (or cut loose as it more feels like). I still miss my former Master terribly. We haven't communicated in any form for also quite some time now. He said it hurts him too much to talk to me and he doesn't even go look at my pictures because it's too upsetting. Anyhoo.... i went somewhere recently (wasn't expecting to run into him) and ran into him. We barely had time to exchange pleasantries from the shock of the encounter when up comes this girl and CALLS HIM SIR! I was crushed. I tried to act like it didn't hurt but it did. I got the hell out of there quick. He fumbled with some words trying to dilute what just happened. I was so upset, mad that i saw him and didn't get a chance to just soak him in, so many things i wanted say.... but instead scurried out shocked. I wanted to tell him how much i loved him, how much i missed him, i wanted to beg him... please don't shut me out..... but it didn't happen.

I didn't expect him to shrivel up and die without me but it still hurts to know that he has moved on. It hurt to see someone else call him Sir.

He told me a long time ago that he was not saying, "goodbye" but instead, "until we meet again". I feel like i'm fucked anyway because i know that even if i show him that i am my own person he will probably say i did it for him and not for myself.

I just need to forget him (tears)

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I'm sorry to hear it... if you need to vent, my PM box is open.

 

[the_pet]

Thank you.

I'm just angry, mad, sad, hurt, crushed, lost....

my behavior probably proves his point


pet

 

[graceanne]

Oh, honey. *hugs* I wish I had that magical wand that I could *poof* and make you feel a lot better. Or knew the right words, but I don't. If you wanna chat, just PM me and I'll send you my IM addy. *huggles*

 

[CutieMouse]

He told me a long time ago that he was not saying, "goodbye" but instead, "until we meet again".

I just need to forget him (tears)

I know this may not help, but the above phrase ("until we meet again") should be chiseled in stone above the doorway of the Fucktard Hall of Fame.

It leaves a ray of hope that the door might open again, and can easily rob one of closure on the relationship.

It is appropriate to use if one is going on vacation for a few weeks; it is appropriate to say if one is "taking a break" within a defined timeline; it is appropriate to say if one is 100% sure there will be a reunion. It is not appropriate to say if there is a possibility the relationship will end. He may very well have been a wonderful guy, but that romantic/Casablanca-esque/martyred love thing is nothing more than the act of a selfish ego and prideful heart.

You deserve someone who doesn't treat you like that.

 

[wenchhh]

awwwww hon. I am so sorry you're going thru this hurt. I can imagine it quite well. I dont' have any comforting words, especially since this is the first time we've "met" but I wanted to know that I can sense your pain in your post, and I wish you peace.
hugs

Please feel free to ignore me.....

It's been a long time now since i was set free (or cut loose as it more feels like). I still miss my former Master terribly. We haven't communicated in any form for also quite some time now. He said it hurts him too much to talk to me and he doesn't even go look at my pictures because it's too upsetting. Anyhoo.... i went somewhere recently (wasn't expecting to run into him) and ran into him. We barely had time to exchange pleasantries from the shock of the encounter when up comes this girl and CALLS HIM SIR! I was crushed. I tried to act like it didn't hurt but it did. I got the hell out of there quick. He fumbled with some words trying to dilute what just happened. I was so upset, mad that i saw him and didn't get a chance to just soak him in, so many things i wanted say.... but instead scurried out shocked. I wanted to tell him how much i loved him, how much i missed him, i wanted to beg him... please don't shut me out..... but it didn't happen.

I didn't expect him to shrivel up and die without me but it still hurts to know that he has moved on. It hurt to see someone else call him Sir.

He told me a long time ago that he was not saying, "goodbye" but instead, "until we meet again". I feel like i'm fucked anyway because i know that even if i show him that i am my own person he will probably say i did it for him and not for myself.

I just need to forget him (tears)

 

[the_pet]

Oh, honey. *hugs* I wish I had that magical wand that I could *poof* and make you feel a lot better. Or knew the right words, but I don't. If you wanna chat, just PM me and I'll send you my IM addy. *huggles*

Thank you "Your Royal Chocolateness".

 

[the_pet]

I know this may not help, but the above phrase ("until we meet again") should be chiseled in stone above the doorway of the Fucktard Hall of Fame.

It leaves a ray of hope that the door might open again, and can easily rob one of closure on the relationship.

It is appropriate to use if one is going on vacation for a few weeks; it is appropriate to say if one is "taking a break" within a defined timeline; it is appropriate to say if one is 100% sure there will be a reunion. It is not appropriate to say if there is a possibility the relationship will end. He may very well have been a wonderful guy, but that romantic/Casablanca-esque/martyred love thing is nothing more than the act of a selfish ego and prideful heart.

You deserve someone who doesn't treat you like that.

Your right on all counts.... i just wish i could get my heart in agreement....

 

[graceanne]

Thank you "Your Royal Chocolateness".

You need chocolate. YOu can have one of my e-chocolate, but you also should buy yourself some real chocolate. Nothing can't be cured with chocolate. And nail polish.

 

[the_pet]

awwwww hon. I am so sorry you're going thru this hurt. I can imagine it quite well. I dont' have any comforting words, especially since this is the first time we've "met" but I wanted to know that I can sense your pain in your post, and I wish you peace.
hugs

Thank you... a little peace would be refreshing.

 

[the_pet]

You need chocolate. YOu can have one of my e-chocolate, but you also should buy yourself some real chocolate. Nothing can't be cured with chocolate. And nail polish.

... and shoes

 

[the_pet]

... and it pisses me off that he says i need to be free, that no one should ever own me again, that i need to learn to be my own person, with my own opinion, with my own goals, with my own perferences, with my own life and that "one" day, when i have truly lived as an individual, he knows i will be back, and he and Alpha will be waiting for me....

but if he wants me to do all these things "then" he'll have me isn't that the same thing he says i need to stop doing

he says i don't need live by anyone else's rules anymore but isn't he doing the same thing?

 

[ecstaticsub]

... and shoes

Oh yes!! Go out try on lots of shoes, buy a pair and eat some chocolate! Big hugs from me, too.

 

[graceanne]

... and it pisses me off that he says i need to be free, that no one should ever own me again, that i need to learn to be my own person, with my own opinion, with my own goals, with my own perferences, with my own life and that "one" day, when i have truly lived as an individual, he knows i will be back, and he and Alpha will be waiting for me....

but if he wants me to do all these things "then" he'll have me isn't that the same thing he says i need to stop doing

he says i don't need live by anyone else's rules anymore but isn't he doing the same thing?

This reminds me of a pam tillis song. The chorus goes:

Don't tell me what to do
You've already said we are through
I'm a page that you have turned
I'm no longer your concern
So don't tell me what to do
I'll love you forever if I want to

 

[zuzub]

Well said Cutie, you're the bomb. <smile>

Poor you, pet. Broken hearts suck ass. Did you know that red wine goes beautifully with chocolate? Just an aside.

Sigh. Try not to drown in words, my friend. I know what it's like to be stuck on the mental spin cycle. Sometimes to simplify things, I 'turn off the volume' and just watch the action. When there's a Grand Canyon size gulf between words & deeds, there's a problem.

From the outside looking in, it appears that this man wanted to terminate the relationship (for whatever reason) and didn't have the guts to own it.

I know it's hard when the person you adore suddenly only feels so so about you. It's easy to turn that pain & anger inward. Don't do it. Try to practise a little self love, if you can. Try to do one nice thing for yourself every day.
Get someone who smells good to give you a hug.

Love to you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

... and it pisses me off that he says i need to be free, that no one should ever own me again, that i need to learn to be my own person, with my own opinion, with my own goals, with my own perferences, with my own life and that "one" day, when i have truly lived as an individual, he knows i will be back, and he and Alpha will be waiting for me....

but if he wants me to do all these things "then" he'll have me isn't that the same thing he says i need to stop doing

Not really. If that is what he said, what he might be trying to say is you have to own you, be in charge and control of your own destiny and life before you are in the position to give it to another in submission. If you do not own yourself, in a sense you cannot give yourself to another and are likely to be more prone to fall into the trap of looking for someone to tell you who you are, take care of you, than to discover that for yourself and have to do for yourself. While it may seem OK to do it that way, it puts a lot of responsibility on the PYL, puts you in a position of vulnerability should something happen to them, and often provides the pyl with lots of unrealistic expectations about what submission and Dominance are.

That aside, I am sorry for your heartache. It is never easy and it seems like many with an over inflated ego, he is quite getting off on the idea of your pining for him while he has gone on without a second glance over his shoulder, or thought of you. He does not have your best interests at heart, nor does it seem he really cares beyond how any outcomes might reflect on his reputation and image. Small comfort, and sad for the new girl is she will likely go through the same experience as you are now when he feels a need to have a new toy to make himself feel good...and pathetically, he will likely feed her the same reason for why he is cutting her loose, while still maintaining an invisible leash to her heart to make him feel good. Hard as it is, try to see him for who he is, not who you thought he was, and the hurt will begin to roll away and you will be free to reclaim yourself and eventually find someone who appreciates you and all you are willing to offer.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

Pet, I know it's not much of a consolation, but I know exactly what you're going through. I'm in pretty much the same boat right now. I came to B. with some concerns about our relationship, and he disappeared. I haven't heard from him in three weeks. I figure that his other girl found my email and gave him a "you can never speak to her again" ultimatum, and the bastard hasn't thought enough about my feelings to even tell me to fuck off, even though I've tried to contact him on multiple occasions.

How am I getting through it? By surrounding myself with friends who won't let me feel sorry for myself, for one thing. Yeah, I'm partying too hard and maybe drinking a little too much, but I'm still in the "distracting myself" stage. I'm going to let myself act wild one more time this weekend, and then I'm going to stop. What else am I doing? Telling myself that he's suffering for this just as much as I am. Making sure that for all the websites that I'm on that he has access to, I don't look like I'm sitting at home pining for him. New pictures up of the latest party I went to. New blogs about all the awesome things I've done with my awesome friends. And I cry a lot at night, when I'm here by myself, and my girlfriend is asleep.

I feel like I die a bit more inside every day, but I have to believe that he feels the same way, or my life wouldn't seem worth living.

You have my sympathies, Pet. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never felt this way about anyone before, but I will get through it, even if for no other reason than to spite him and his other girl. Our paths will cross again one day, and he'll be kicking himself over how badly he fucked up.

 

[neonflux]

Please feel free to ignore me.....

It's been a long time now since i was set free (or cut loose as it more feels like). I still miss my former Master terribly. We haven't communicated in any form for also quite some time now. He said it hurts him too much to talk to me and he doesn't even go look at my pictures because it's too upsetting. Anyhoo.... i went somewhere recently (wasn't expecting to run into him) and ran into him. We barely had time to exchange pleasantries from the shock of the encounter when up comes this girl and CALLS HIM SIR! I was crushed. I tried to act like it didn't hurt but it did. I got the hell out of there quick. He fumbled with some words trying to dilute what just happened. I was so upset, mad that i saw him and didn't get a chance to just soak him in, so many things i wanted say.... but instead scurried out shocked. I wanted to tell him how much i loved him, how much i missed him, i wanted to beg him... please don't shut me out..... but it didn't happen.

I didn't expect him to shrivel up and die without me but it still hurts to know that he has moved on. It hurt to see someone else call him Sir.

He told me a long time ago that he was not saying, "goodbye" but instead, "until we meet again". I feel like i'm fucked anyway because i know that even if i show him that i am my own person he will probably say i did it for him and not for myself.

I just need to forget him (tears)

I am so, so sorry - I agree with CutieMouse that leaving a crack in the door like that is pretty lousy - has everything to do with him wanting to feel less guilty and it's extremely thoughtless. It's even harder, of course, when you know that you're going to run into him. I hate it when people try to blame their own stuff on the other person. It shows a lack in him, not you!

Lots of 's.

~ Neon

P.S., I know that you've already heard this, but it bears saying again - you deserve to become your own person for you, not for anyone else... When you're ready, of course...

 

[the_pet]

Wise words from all.... thank you VERY much.

I am guilty of seeing him how i want to as opposed to how he is. What do they call that... rose colored glasses? ... and it DOES feel like he has an invisible leash to my heart (anybody got a pair of scissors)

.....

 

[Alt]

(anybody got a pair of scissors)

How about an electric hedge trimmer?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

... and it DOES feel like he has an invisible leash to my heart (anybody got a pair of scissors)

.....

Take your pick.
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/scissors.jpg

And on a more serious note:

It's been a long time now since i was set free (or cut loose as it more feels like). I still miss my former Master terribly. We haven't communicated in any form for also quite some time now.
...when up comes this girl and CALLS HIM SIR! I was crushed. I tried to act like it didn't hurt but it did. I got the hell out of there quick.
... I wanted to tell him how much i loved him, how much i missed him, i wanted to beg him... please don't shut me out..... but it didn't happen.

I didn't expect him to shrivel up and die without me but it still hurts to know that he has moved on. It hurt to see someone else call him Sir.

He told me a long time ago that he was not saying, "goodbye" but instead, "until we meet again". I feel like i'm fucked anyway because i know that even if i show him that i am my own person he will probably say i did it for him and not for myself.

I just need to forget him (tears)

He's shown by his behavior that despite the BS he fed you - "until we meet again" - (1) he's moved on, (2) he was too chickenshit to tell you the truth - that he, for whatever reason (or lack of one) didn't want to maintain a relationship with you, and (3) he's a major league loser, not a PYL, because he otherwise would have told you the truth.

Your last sentence, however, disturbs me a bit, at least if it were meant in the literal sense. Forgetting him is the last thing you need to do. You need to remember him, and his behavior, and LEARN from the experience. Cat offered some good advice/opinion in her post - read and re-read that. The Mouse and zuzub and BiBunny also posted some wise words to take into your heart and mind.

I wish you the best in dealing with this heartache, and feel strongly that with the help of your friends here combined with your inherent strength and desire, you will be able to overcome this, find and center yourself and your life, and find what you need in your life.

 

[zuzub]

Take your pick.
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/scissors.jpg

And on a more serious note:

He's shown by his behavior that despite the BS he fed you - "until we meet again" - (1) he's moved on, (2) he was too chickenshit to tell you the truth - that he, for whatever reason (or lack of one) didn't want to maintain a relationship with you, and (3) he's a major league loser, not a PYL, because he otherwise would have told you the truth.

Your last sentence, however, disturbs me a bit, at least if it were meant in the literal sense. Forgetting him is the last thing you need to do. You need to remember him, and his behavior, and LEARN from the experience. Cat offered some good advice/opinion in her post - read and re-read that. The Mouse and zuzub and BiBunny also posted some wise words to take into your heart and mind.

I wish you the best in dealing with this heartache, and feel strongly that with the help of your friends here combined with your inherent strength and desire, you will be able to overcome this, find and center yourself and your life, and find what you need in your life.

You're a pretty nice guy for a meanie. <smile>

How are you today, pet? You probably need some ice cream.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

You're a pretty nice guy for a meanie. <smile>

How are you today, pet? You probably need some ice cream.

[Brief hijack]Don't be fooled. Just because a person likes welts and bruises and things (on others) in a consensual relationship doesn't mean he can't empathize with and offer moral support to someone who has been cut loose by a self-proclaimed PYL who's too chickenshit to come out and say their relationship isn't working for him, but if she were to do a, b, and/or c, then maybe there would be a chance that she could come back for more of his crap.[/brief hijack]

And for the_pet,
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/img_1613a.jpg

 

[ima6uldv8]

I am so very sorry. I know a bit of what you're feeling, though for a totally different reason I, too, need closure but can't get it. My Master got very ill last October. He refuses to take anyone's calls now. I'm on east coast and he's on the west coast. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. He'll always have part of my heart.

 

[Bandit58]

I am so very sorry. I know a bit of what you're feeling, though for a totally different reason I, too, need closure but can't get it. My Master got very ill last October. He refuses to take anyone's calls now. I'm on east coast and he's on the west coast. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. He'll always have part of my heart.

I'm sorry to hear that ima It sounds like he didn't give you the choice of whether to stay in the relationship or not....he made the decision for you

Master Gil was already ill when we met. He was very honest about everything, and I had the option to say whether or not I wanted to continue in the relationship. I decided He was worth it and we have been together now for almost 3 1/2 years.

People react to illness in many different ways. It sounds like yours has decided to cut himself off from everyone....that to me is so sad. Hugs to you

Back on topic - I too had someone who dumped me but who wanted to "keep his options open". He kept me hoping for several weeks, until I discovered he was chatting to someone else in his town and telling her he loved her He is now well and truly out of my life, we don't even email anymore after he had the cheek to say that if I ever came back to NZ he hoped we could continue where we left off