I need to feel Silly...
- Thread starter Kitte
- Start date
But all jokes are appreciated!
H'venlee
Wickedly Teasing Wench
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2002
- Posts
- 11,976
claude_moveml
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2002
- Posts
- 654
Here's a picture of a silly ciggie I just rolled. I'll smoke it in a silly way just for you.
Sillyman
Clearence INFRARED
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2001
- Posts
- 11,143
Wow! Well, I can sure as hell try I suppose. I normally prefer to try to play off other people, or at least play off myself. Maybe I do that a tad too much. I could juggle balls for you. Well, I could juggle my own balls at least.
Ever pull up to the gas station and realize you are too far from the pump? Then you try to back up, and you end up hitting a cement pole? And then you go "Oh shit!" and drive forward and scrape your car along the side of the pump? Then you try to back up and do it again? And then when you finally get the car aligned, you get the nozzle stuck in the gas tank so you can't get it out? So you yank on it and end up spraying gas all over yourself?
Ever pull up to the gas station and realize you are too far from the pump? Then you try to back up, and you end up hitting a cement pole? And then you go "Oh shit!" and drive forward and scrape your car along the side of the pump? Then you try to back up and do it again? And then when you finally get the car aligned, you get the nozzle stuck in the gas tank so you can't get it out? So you yank on it and end up spraying gas all over yourself?
G
Guest
Guest
You want silly--I got silly!
I'm a newbie to Literotica, but I got a few dozen for you. Are you ready? The subject is:
"Things You Will NEVER Hear a GUY Say”
1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker!
2. No, I told you I don't want a second beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. Hairy butts and arms are really sexy.
4. Don’t you think her tits are just too big?
5. Sometimes, I just want to be held and to cuddle--especially after sex.
6. That chick on “Murder She Wrote” reruns gives me a woody!
7. Sure. I’ll go to the drugstore--right now. I love wearing a condom!
8. We haven't been to the mall in days. Let’s go now! I’ll hold your purse while you window shop!
9. Fuck “Monday Night Football”! Let's watch “Melrose Place”. Pass the nuts and ante up! Who’s deal is it anyway?
10. Honey, I’m lost. I’ll pull over right now and ask for directions.
11. You know, it's getting late, it’s a Saturday night with all that nasty traffic--better put your clothes back on so I can take you home.
12. Hey dear, I'm off to the market--need more tampons?
13. I wonder what happened to my old “Nancy Drew” books?
14. Do these stone-washed jeans come in lavender?
15. I like jogging with you dear, but I just can't keep up. You go on ahead.
16. This shower curtain just doesn't have enough of those frilly pink things on the top border. Got a needle and thread?
17. Damn! Too bad this pickup truck isn't four-cylinder.
18. Don't lie, it's true. I know my butt and belly are too big.
19. That's okay dear. I really don’t mind sleeping on the wet spot.
20. I know you just blew me, but I really need a kiss right now.
21. I'm tired of whiskey and ice! Give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist. Up!
22. Your mother is going to spend the entire summer with us again? Great! So much to do! I’ll get started right now by preparing the sofa-sleeper and den for us, and our bedroom for her.
23. I wonder if my gorgeous, young, just-married neighbor knows that her bedroom and bathroom drapes are always open. I’d better tell her!
24. No way! You weeded the garden last week-MY turn to weed the yard.
25. I understand.
26. This movie has too much nudity and adult situations. I’ll go rent another one--“Sound of Music” OK?
27. Damn, we're late for church.
28. No, I don't want your sister to show me her tits.
29. Where’s the clicker (sob)? DAMN those onions (sniff)! Please pass me the Kleenex.
30. Honey, that is a really great idea! I wish I’d though of that.
31. I better get rid of those old Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler magazines. With all them piled in huge stacks in the back corner of my basement toolroom, they could become a fire hazard!
32. For crying out loud Miss! Please put some panties on!
I'm a newbie to Literotica, but I got a few dozen for you. Are you ready? The subject is:
"Things You Will NEVER Hear a GUY Say”
1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker!
2. No, I told you I don't want a second beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. Hairy butts and arms are really sexy.
4. Don’t you think her tits are just too big?
5. Sometimes, I just want to be held and to cuddle--especially after sex.
6. That chick on “Murder She Wrote” reruns gives me a woody!
7. Sure. I’ll go to the drugstore--right now. I love wearing a condom!
8. We haven't been to the mall in days. Let’s go now! I’ll hold your purse while you window shop!
9. Fuck “Monday Night Football”! Let's watch “Melrose Place”. Pass the nuts and ante up! Who’s deal is it anyway?
10. Honey, I’m lost. I’ll pull over right now and ask for directions.
11. You know, it's getting late, it’s a Saturday night with all that nasty traffic--better put your clothes back on so I can take you home.
12. Hey dear, I'm off to the market--need more tampons?
13. I wonder what happened to my old “Nancy Drew” books?
14. Do these stone-washed jeans come in lavender?
15. I like jogging with you dear, but I just can't keep up. You go on ahead.
16. This shower curtain just doesn't have enough of those frilly pink things on the top border. Got a needle and thread?
17. Damn! Too bad this pickup truck isn't four-cylinder.
18. Don't lie, it's true. I know my butt and belly are too big.
19. That's okay dear. I really don’t mind sleeping on the wet spot.
20. I know you just blew me, but I really need a kiss right now.
21. I'm tired of whiskey and ice! Give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist. Up!
22. Your mother is going to spend the entire summer with us again? Great! So much to do! I’ll get started right now by preparing the sofa-sleeper and den for us, and our bedroom for her.
23. I wonder if my gorgeous, young, just-married neighbor knows that her bedroom and bathroom drapes are always open. I’d better tell her!
24. No way! You weeded the garden last week-MY turn to weed the yard.
25. I understand.
26. This movie has too much nudity and adult situations. I’ll go rent another one--“Sound of Music” OK?
27. Damn, we're late for church.
28. No, I don't want your sister to show me her tits.
29. Where’s the clicker (sob)? DAMN those onions (sniff)! Please pass me the Kleenex.
30. Honey, that is a really great idea! I wish I’d though of that.
31. I better get rid of those old Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler magazines. With all them piled in huge stacks in the back corner of my basement toolroom, they could become a fire hazard!
32. For crying out loud Miss! Please put some panties on!
Last edited by a moderator:
claude_moveml
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2002
- Posts
- 654
ProofreadManx - I've said one of those (not telling which one though 
)
Welcome to Lit.
)Welcome to Lit.
G
Guest
Guest
Thanks Mona and Claude.
Thanks Mona and Claude. Hope to be posting a story or two soon. Great fun! Going to bed now--too much laughter--need to prepare for wet dreams!
Thanks Mona and Claude. Hope to be posting a story or two soon. Great fun! Going to bed now--too much laughter--need to prepare for wet dreams!
G
Guest
Guest
You wanna some jokes? I got some jokes!
Three cowboys, one from Louisiana, one from Arkansas,
and the other from Texas are sitting around a campfire,
out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for
which they are famous. A night of tall tales begins...
The guy from Louisiana says, "I must be the meanest,
toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull
got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled
it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."
The guy from Arkansas can't stand to bested. "Why I
was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot
rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me.
I grabbed that snake with my bare hands and bit its head
off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm
still here today!"
The Texan remained silent, slowly stirring the coals
with his penis.
WARNING, NEXT JOKE IS MALE BASHING
This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er...features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis.......AND a brain?"
This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on September 7, 1999.
Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were =
headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there
came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so
she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic =
and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another =
sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her =
sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the =
first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing...
A whole new definition of being "pissed off".
Moon
Three cowboys, one from Louisiana, one from Arkansas,
and the other from Texas are sitting around a campfire,
out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for
which they are famous. A night of tall tales begins...
The guy from Louisiana says, "I must be the meanest,
toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull
got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled
it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."
The guy from Arkansas can't stand to bested. "Why I
was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot
rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me.
I grabbed that snake with my bare hands and bit its head
off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm
still here today!"
The Texan remained silent, slowly stirring the coals
with his penis.
WARNING, NEXT JOKE IS MALE BASHING
This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er...features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis.......AND a brain?"
This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on September 7, 1999.
Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were =
headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there
came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so
she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic =
and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another =
sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her =
sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the =
first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing...
A whole new definition of being "pissed off".
Moon
superlittlegirl
Polymorphous Perverse
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2002
- Posts
- 6,690
*poof*
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