I need someone to look at this

[Messhaller]

I thought at one time there was a forum to post new stories but this is as close as I could get to the correct place to post this I belive... I have a story that I would like you guys and gals to read. This is my first story and please by all means help me out I don't usually do stories but thought it might challenge me in a way that I usually don't express myself.




Chat Room Love
A fictional Story with an Adult twist!


This conversation is fictional all characters are made up and not taken from actual events.

Wetsnatch55: Heh anyone want to play around? 21 Female 36 B breasts 5'7 with blonde hair and blue eyes
if your interested send me a PM.

Hardcock4U: Emmm you sound delicious and I am very interested.

Wetsnatch55: Good I'm glad I got your attention my pussy is in need of attention it just wants to explode!

Wetsnatch55: Can you help me out? (lifting my shirt so you can see my full breasts)

Hardcock4U: Well I can definatley try. Your breasts are amazing come here and sit next to me so I can take a
closer look.

Wetsnatch55: (walks over to hardcock and sits down on the bed next to him pushing her breasts out so he can
take a good look)

Wetsnatch55: Here let me get the nipples hard (twisting my nipples making them as hard as rocks,just standing
at attention wating for you)

Wetsnatch55: Do you like?

Hardcock4U: Oh yeah baby! Your making my cock so hard. I love it when you play with your breasts let me sit back
and I'll watch you play.

Wetsnatch55: OK, let me pleasure your cock with out even having to touch it.

Wetsnatch55: I lightly touch my breasts,tickling the nipples as I graze ove the top of them. Probing my mouth
with my finger to get it wet I start to rubb my nipples. The wet finger sends shivers down my spine it feels
wonderful.

Hardcock4U: Baby, keep going

Wetsnatch55 I will, don't worry. I slip a hand down my panties pulling them off slowly teasing you as I do. One leg
then the other and I toss them to the side. My pussy lips are swolen with anticipation, aching for touch as I
tease around the lips. I can see you watching me closley so I take my index finger and lick the tip with my tounge
licking it like I would lick your cock. Up and down, just teasing the tip emmmm yes.

Hardcock4U: Wow I want to fuck that tight pussy of yours my dick is so hard with just those words please let me
fuck you.

Wetsnatch55: **giggle** nope not yet! I am not done teasing.

Hardcock4U: Just remember I'm next!

Wetsnatch55: That's good im counting on it!

Wetsnatch55: Now just watch for a bit

Wetsnatch55: My pussy aches for contact of some sort. So I reach over to the the night stand and open the
drawer. There sits my favorite toy, a dildo with balls. I put it in my mouth pretending it's your cock. Licking
around the base of the head and lightly flicking the head with my tounge. I take the whole 7inches in my mouth
swirling my tounge around the hard shaft. (I love to suck cocks and then massage the balls emm makes me hot just
thinking about it) I slowly spread my legs exposing my wet pussy to the cold air and push the hard plastic cock in
my pussy. Its so big I need to spread my lips to get it in. I start to pump it in and out of my pussy slowly as to
not make myself cum, I want you to have that pleasure.

Hardcock4U: Oh God yes this is amazing .... please let me fuck you now!

Wetsnatch55: I supose! But first I want you to play with me now that I am juicy!

Hardcock4U: With pleasure. Bringing your pussy closer to my mouth

Hardcock4U: Now my turn sit back and enjoy

Hardcock4U: I slowly put a finger in your pussy and rub lightly on your G-Spot....You moaning tells me Im in the
right spot. I lower my mouth to your hard bud and suck it. So sweet I am licking and sucking both your clit and your
pussy I just can't get enough! I ravage your pussy with my mouth lapping up every last delicious drop. I want to
try something I have never done before but not sure if you would like it, so taking a risk and putting my pinkie in
your ass.

Wetsnatch55: OH wow this is amazing! Keep going your getting me very VERY horny!

Hardcock4U: Moving both fingers in and out of your holes I lower my mouth to your clit and hungerly lap up all your
juices getting it all over my face. I have to get my dick in your pussy it's about ready to expode and I want to feel

you cum on my dick. The conctractions of your pussy wall on my hard cock will dive me to excasay!

Wetsnatch55: Fuck my hot hole baby make me scream your name I want to feel your hot cum in my pussy deep
down in side.

Hardcock4U: Slipping my cock in your pussy. It goes in so easy your so wet. Pumping in and out of your deep pussy.
raming my dick far inside.

Wetsnatch55: Yes, Fuck me Emm god I can't get enough Fuck me I want to cum!

Hardcock4U: Yes baby, I want to cum too do you want it in side or in your face?

Wetsnatch55: Inside I want to feel your hot ropes of cum in me

Hardcock4U: Ok here it comes!!!! ARGGGGG UHHHH YESSS

Wetsnatch55: Oh yes baby cum in my hot wet pussy .... I can feel the ropes of cum shooting in to my pussy !

EMMM YESSSS Feel my pussy contract let me milk your cock for all it has.

[Long pause]


Hardcock4U: Thank you very much. Perhaps we can do this in RL sometime, I would love to fuck you in real life!

Wetsnatch55: Sounds good I will send you my phone number and we can get tother some time. I will talk to you

later. Oh and thanks for the fuck it was excellent!

Hardcock4U: Your welcome hope to hear from you soon

Wetsnatch55: Trust me you will.....***poof***


So that's my story let me know what you think
Thanks again

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hi, MH, and welcome to Lit. That was a very hot story. There were a few typos but not enough to detract from the hotness of the story.

The actual way to submit a story is to go to the home page, after you have signed in. Click on "Submissions" and then on "Submit". The next prompt will be "Story or poem". This is a story. It probably belongs in the "Letters" category, but I'm not sure. Try it there and see what happens. Good luck with it.

 

[wishfulthinking]

I thought it was Fab!!

There are some mistakes that can easily be fixed, but you have an enthusiam and enjoyment about your writing, which is great to see. I see a lot stories here that write about the subject with too much seriousness to it [and I am guilty of this too] that is sometimes off-putting.

 

[Messhaller]

So you suggest just running it though a spell checker? Wondering how I would go about that seeing how I used the all so lovely Notepad in windows LOL.....Thanks for the feed back I realy apprciate it...


Messhaller

 

[Hotcappucino]

Nice little short story. I'm not sure that spell checking is necessary. In fact, I would think it would appear more authentic with the spelling errors. That is, how many cybersex participants are that concerned w/ spelling & grammar, much less capitalization, when they're busy trying to type & get off at the same time?

The only suggestion that I would have is to put the "Long pause" in square brackets to set it off more distinctly from the "dialog":

[Long pause]

 

[Boxlicker101]

So you suggest just running it though a spell checker? Wondering how I would go about that seeing how I used the all so lovely Notepad in windows LOL.....Thanks for the feed back I realy apprciate it...


Messhaller

Running it through a spellchecker would help, if you can do it but you also need to proofread it. Spellcheckers do not catch all errors: lead/led; their/there; to/too/two; steak/stake, etc. It will, however, catch most typos, such as "apprciate".

In this specific case, HC is right about typos being part of the story. As long as the meanings are clear.

 

[Messhaller]

Ok great I set that long pause off with brackets and im going to run it though a spell checker just to get some of the little words I got mis spelled taken care of ....Thanks for the advice

Laura