I need some other peoples perspectives on a situation

[Guest]

I am sure the others involved in this situation will immediately recognize what I am writing as we all play on the boards. I am hoping not to create a bigger issue with my b/f, but I need some perspective on this situation from people not involved.

I talked to some friends, but of course their loyalties lie with me. I need honest input without any bias towards people. On one hand I think my feelings are unreasonable but on the other I think I am being more than reasonable and already was being too understanding.

***************************************

I met a man online 3-4months ago strictly for casual dating/sex "bed buddies". He was also seeing another "bed buddy" and I was casually dating others. Neither of us were looking for a committed or exclusive relationship. We were both leary of relationships as he was going though a divorce and looking to make new friends and have some sexual gratification. I had my heart ripped out and had not been with a man sexually or in a relationship for years and looking for the same thing "simple gratification"

Things had surprisingly changed quickly and we fell in love. He told the other "bed buddy" that he could no longer date her or have sex as our relationship had intensified. (We both knew about each other and had no problems, we were even considering a threesome). Before the love feelings were there I even thought we could be friendly as she seemed like a very nice girl.

We have a very wonderful relationship, I trust him totally and completely (which is rare for me--I have major trust issues), We are compatible in most all aspects sexual and nonsexual. He is one of the most kind-hearted, honest men. We are both very sexual/sensual people and flirt and play on the bulletin boards and have no problems with each other flirting with members, and people know we are both involved monogamously. He is very patient and understanding with my trust issues and we openly talk about our feelings, desires, fears, and insecurities and just everything with each other. Our communication level is 200%. He is also extremely perceptive to my feelings. I couldnt have dreamed up a better relationship.

We both have friends of the opposite sex that we socialize with and have no problems with that. However these are people we have not had intimate relations with.

His ex-lover is much younger (about 15yrs younger) and is only in the area for college. He has stayed on a friendly level with "bed buddy 1"via email. Prior to our commitment to one another he promised to take her to the airport (about a 4hour roundtrip travel time) to go home for winter break. I wasnt crazy about the idea of that, but dealt with it as he had made the plans before our relationship. The day he took her to the airport we had some romantic plans for when he got home around noontime. Well, he got home around 230 as she forgot her plane tickets, had to backtrack to home...missed her flight...had to be taken to another airport. I wasnt happy sitting alone at his house (he had my car) wondering what was taking him so long, our plans ruined. Of course feeling rather emotional, disappointed, upset and just plain not good. Well he got home and explained what happened and we talked about it & we were ok.

A while after that I did something very bad and that I didnt like about myself. He mentioned he emailed her about her holiday and I went into his mail (we had given each other our passwords and said we could see each others mail--even though I felt I would never read his personal/private stuff).

Well, there was a message asking how her holiday was, telling her what he got for Christmas (excluding what I got him and any mention of me at all) and he mentioned how her avatar was "mmmmmmmm". This upset me so much. I felt it was a very intimate thing to say to an ex-lover while he has a g/f and I felt he wasnt even acknowledging he had a g/f. I figured I got what I deserved for snooping, and that I was being insecure and tried to work through it rationally. That evening he kept asking what was wrong but I just said I was tired...I didnt want to throw every insecurity I have at him when I was emotional without first trying to rationally work thru them and be able to discuss without reacting.

I had insomnia that night and got on the computer and he had his mail opened and on and I noticed another messeage to "bed buddy 1" he had offered to pick her up at the airport when she comes back from winterbreak. I have a problem with this and it hurt me terribly. I talked to him about everything starting with the email I read and how hurt I felt and I felt she should make other arrangements. He said he would tell her to make other arrangements and apologized for not realizing he/it would hurt me. I just dont want him to start having resentment towards me because I asked him not to pick her up. We discussed why he felt the need to say how yummy she was and act as if I didnt exist. He said he really doesnt know why. I myself think he was going through a kind of scared moment as we are getting more and more committed with each other and talking about long range future plans, and we never really planned to have any feelings nonetheless love for anyone in our new "casual relationships". I am also having these scared feelings. This type of good love stuff is so new to me and I dont want to mess it up or lose it. I know it probably seems silly and childish.

I know he is 100% trustworthy, but I just have these issues with him and this ex-lover. I dont want to be and am not the type of person to say you cant be friends or hang out with another, but I just feel that with them being recent "ex-lovers" they shouldnt be actively in each others lives. I dont like feeling this way, but I really cant help it. I dont think he really understands (I know I dont understand) why if I trust him I am having such a hard time with this. Being the honest and trustworthy type of person he is he doesnt look at this as anything but being friends. I cant seem to get "lover" out of my head though.

Am I being unreasonable? I dont know if it is insecurity, jealousy, or what. I dont feel jealous, but I am insecure about someone loving me for the long haul due to past bad experiences. Please give me some unbiased input...my head is just so jumbled and I feel crazy. Thanks

 

[patient1]

INMHO

If you have a 200% communication level it shouldn't be impossible to work out. I'd take the confess & forgive approach, but that's a 2-way street.
It wouldn't be fair for him to forgive & forget the looking-over-his-shoulder thing after you confessed, & have him confess something like he kissed her goodbye at the airport, only to have you beat him over the head with it every time you're displeased with him. Maybe you really don't want to go there.
As far as the future, why not make her your friend as a couple?
No visits unless both of you are there. No private communications. Bulletin board is fine. PM is not. E-mail her jointly, or not at all.Probably better to delete her from the virtual address book. No phone calls unless you're both on the line.
That should seperate the innocent from the questionable. That's not too much to ask, considering they were bed buddies. This way, if anything interesting happens, you'll be included. But do try to become friends & not their parole officer.

...for what it's worth.

 

[SweetBrat73]

Maybe he should read what you posted??? Sometimes it's easier to convey thoughts thru written words. I know when I talk to my SO about something I just don't get it out right...so I email him and let him know I did and to go read it right now LoL I can't think and talk at the same time I reckon

Anyhow...I see nothing wrong with the way you are feeling...being new to love myself again after over 6 years it's really tough seeing your SO with an ex lover I'm sure...I trust my SO too...I wouldn't be able to trust any of his exs though...your SO should understand or be able to try and understand where you're coming from if you explain it too him...let him know you're insecure about his relationship with her and ask him not to see her alone or talk to her alone...I don't know about you but I couldn't take patient1's advice...I don't want to know my SO's ex none of them...and I don't want to be friends with them...they have been intimate(sp?) with him and I don't want that brought up at all to me while around that person...oh and if they were to flirt I just couldn't be friends with a person that has been sexually involved with him...

Ok I'm rambling now...hope this helped but I doubt it Good luck to you!!!

 

[Aaron26]

.....

 

[Guest]

Thank you all for your opinioins

Thank you all for giving me different views and perceptions, I feel less crazy. And I talked to my b/f and showed him the post. He understands where I am coming from. We had such a good talk, cry, hug, and all is good with us. Well, actually much better than good. I am glad we talked.


Yes he is an extremely friendly person and I have no doubts that he is just being kind to "bed buddy1".
No I dont think we could all be friends as I just cant. I have no ill feelings towards this girl and think she is rather a nice person, but thats as far as I can take it. I cant be friends with my loves ex-lover. Too awkward, too odd and just too stressful.

Thank you again, I appreciate it very much.

 

[Guest]

other peoples perspectives

Sorry, but this guy is full of b/s. Think about it. He made a commitment to a bed buddy before you two got together. I bet this bed buddy doesn't know anything about you.

Two and a half hours late? What could have been done in two and a half hours!! Sure...Traffic...forgot the tickets...uh huh...different airport...Bull s___! More like BJ, Creamy pie, 69, doggie, Missionary, horny monkey...Yes I think!!!

This is a guy...a male species of the human race. You already admitted you are both sensual beings. Now use you common sense!!! Don't be fooled by this person.

An unconditional relationship...200% comunication...A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!!! If given a chance, any man would do it. He knew going into this you would understand.

You catching his messages proves what? If you are the light of his life...there is no one he wouldn't want to share this with...nobody!!

Please see the light...unless you are happy in the dark.

 

[TennBabe]

Perhaps it would help if you explained that while you totally trust him, your feelings of insecurity about their relationship comes from your own past experiences... and it's difficult for you to ignore the signs you've experienced before.

 

[J.B.]

Re: other peoples perspectives

WOW! Hun I have no clue what I can tell you to make you feel better... I doubt there's anything anyone can tell you that would make you feel better...
When I started reading your post it was like "wow. I'm looking @ another me" right down to the having other buddies & everything... & I also found an email from an old "bed buddy" in his mail... not only that I got a IM from her -thinking I was him saying "hey sexy"
Did I go nuts? Did I throw a fit? Did I cry for hours?

H*** YES!!!
I'm human aren't I??
I replied "uh sorry not him I'm his Fiancé"
& then contimplated pulling a Lorena Bobbit...
Then I sat there thinking...
Who's the one who's shareing his life?
Who's the one who he wants to share his with?
ME
These online chicks are just that online... we all read & look for porn online so...
I also know he has a huge adversion to cheating on his partner so...
I did tell him that if I ever found out anything more happened I would pull a "Bobbit" on him
But you know that's just me

as far as this...

Sorry, but this guy is full of b/s. Think about it. He made a commitment to a bed buddy before you two got together. I bet this bed buddy doesn't know anything about you.

you might want to add that in to concideration too... we can't all base ourselves on the thoughts & experiences of others....

The best thing is to follow your own instincts
nothing is better than that.. we just never pay close enough attention to it...

 

[Guest]

Other unregistered

I feel the need to respond to you as your post seems so unhappy. Its hard to say if you are male or female, but the post sounds like a female who has been very burned. I can relate to that because I have been lied to and cheated on ALMOST my whole dating life. In my younger years I always went for the wrong type of guys. Your post is so anti-man and I hope you can get past it because there are some very great guys out there. Just as there are great guys there are asshole guys. And just as there are great girls and asshole girls.
-------------------------------------
You said "Sorry, but this guy is full of b/s. Think about it. He made a commitment to a bed buddy before you two got together. I bet this bed buddy doesn't know anything about you."

--He didnt make a commitment to a bed buddy, he was bed buddies with both of us, both of us knowing (and emailing each other--and she posts here regularly as we all do) and all of us were looking for the same thing "sexual gratification & casual dates" nothing more. We both know about each other.
----------------------------------------
You also said "This is a guy...a male species of the human race. You already admitted you are both sensual beings. Now use you common sense!!! Don't be fooled by this person."

--Yes we are sensual beings, but we certainly arent dogs in heat. Its not like we are humping anypne that walks by. Because i made bad choices in the past and I will admit I ALLOWED myself to be in a position to be hurt/used to "not rock the boat", I cant bash ALL men for that.
-------------------------------------------------
You said "An unconditional relationship...200% comunication...A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!!! If given a chance, any man would do it. He knew going into this you would understand.
You catching his messages proves what? If you are the light of his life...there is no one he wouldn't want to share this with...nobody!! "

--I never said a perfect relationship. Just a great relationship where we talk openly even about the things that might "rock the boat" per se. Or things that might be scary or unpleasant as well as the good stuff. I do not believe "every man would cheat". I do believe in temptation and maybe that is why I am so apprehensive about the whole thing, because I dont think I am very pretty even though he thinks I am.

--We have been in our "exclusive" relationship for only 2 mos and have been having a "bed buddy" relationship for the month prior to that. So we are looking at about 3 mos of knowing each other, and our relationship taking us by surprise (and by storm) and changing to something neither of us thought we wanted or expected. He is coming out of a very unhappy marriage/divorce, I havent opened my heart to a man in so many years due to some deep scars. We are both, wary, afraid, cautious, but we are at the same time the happiest we ever have been, like 15year olds in love for the first time, very very compatible, fulfilled.

--Also, as far as the message. He gave me his password, he openly reads his mail here in front of me. If he wants to hide things from me he would have her email his other mail accounts as we both have numerous email addresses. Also, he wouldnt have told me he emailed her. With all that said I had no business reading his email...it was wrong. All I had to do is ask him if I could see what he emailed her, he would show me and it wouldnt have been sneeky. I totally believe he did all this out of a fear of our relationship moving so quickly and intensely, as well as his offer of a ride from the airport as a kind gesture. He is extremely kind and thoughtful like that, and would do any favor for anyone he knows.
------------------------------------------------------
Do I trust him? YES absolutely. I agree with TENNBABE, it is MY past experience that causes these insecurities in ME. I know that and am working on it.

If I am not perfect, how could I possibly expect him to be perfect and never make errors in judgement. We are human. As long as our lines of communication remain open and we respect each other, it will strengthen our love and trust. We both have trust issues from our past, and we just have to work on them together.

Even though I dont agree, I thank you for the time you took to give your perspective. I hope you can also get past whatever hurt or lies makes you so untrusting. I lived that way for years, and until I met and fell in love with my guy, I never knew what I was missing out on and how much happier I could be.

 

[Guest]

jailbait

I think you do understand best. Wow.

Yes, after we talked about things, see things a little clearer, we are in a better place. We got past a little stretch of fear about our feelings being so strong so fast. We got past the misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

A good relationship is so new for both of us and we just have to sometimes be there for each other when our fears and insecurities get in the way. My instincts have been screaming at me from the beginning that "he is the one" "he loves me" and "I love him". So I am going with that.

Not to say we wont have rough roads, or situations that will take alot of work. But we both feel our relationship is worth the efforts because it seems that we are right for each other, that we found the love we have always wanted but never had.

Thank you so much for your sharing your experience. I definitely dont feel alone in feeling this way. Sometimes thats the scariest part, the "this can only happen to me" feeling.

Good luck with your guy too, sounds like you have a great thing going also.

 

[DriveSouth]

My Opinion -

And as they say - Opinions and Armpits - everyone's got'em and most stink!


He's sleeping with both of you...


Still...

 

[J.B.]

Re: jailbait

My instincts have been screaming at me from the beginning that "he is the one" "he loves me" and "I love him". So I am going with that.

Then go with that for now... until (if) they change...

But we both feel our relationship is worth the efforts because it seems that we are right for each other, that we found the love we have always wanted but never had.
Thank you so much for your sharing your experience. I definitely dont feel alone in feeling this way. Sometimes thats the scariest part, the "this can only happen to me" feeling.

Good luck PM me if you register eventually & want to talk some more....

 

[Guest]

love stinks

You know it sucks when you find out someone is with someone else when you are now"Commited" to each other. I also have a trust issue but now I have learned to protect mysef no matter what..because who counts...you do! Look if it means snooping around to make yourself feel better then do it, dont feel insecure ESPECIALLY if he has given you access to it. If he ends up cheating on you now then you will feel worse but if you catch it before it gets any worse or better then you have control. You need to take control of the relationship because you have been hurt and you dont want to be the victim again...do you??
HE MIGHT NOT BE DOING ANYTHING>>>MEN FLIRT AS MUCH AS WOMEN DO>>VICE VERSE>>BUT LOVE STINKS WHEN YOU CANT TRUST.
GOOD LUCK DEAR...

 

[WhiteRose]

I hope this all works out for you and your sweetie

A similar thing happened to me in that my ex supposedly broke up with a girl he'd been seeing before me but wanted to remain friends with her. I, trying to be the understanding new gf, said that was fine. Three months after we got together, I found out that he was still seeing her (yes, he'd conveniently "forgotten" to tell her about ME). We had a fight, he thought about it for a week and said he'd chosen me, that he loved me and wouldn't see her at all even as friends. I forgave him and we continued on (I know, maybe this was a stupid move, but I was in the middle of a bad emotional time when this happened).

Six months later, she found out from a mutual friend that he and I were together and was quite surprised since she was under the impression THEY were still together, invited him over and had her way with him. That night, after I'd spent the evening with him and he'd left to get some sleep, she came and told me about their little rendezvous. I called him on it the next day, he told me it would never happen again and that I should just forget it since (for him) it was already in the past and we needed to just on with our life together. um...

Heh, and you wonder why women need reassurance

But, I'm still hopeful that relationships can work out and that guys CAN be faithful, so I wish the two of you the very best. Be good to each other and keep the lines of communication very open.

 

[Guest]

maybe..

maybe the problem is that your relationship IS moving too fast. you're engaged after only 2 months of an "exclusive" relationship?? why would you marry someone you're not even totally sure you can trust? give it some time and dont invest so much in him or you'll just get hurt even more when/if you find out the truth.

--my 2

 

[ovalhed]

I read your original post and found myself wondering if you'd actually sat down and discussed your insecurities about former bedbuddy to any length or detail. You state that you've got a major trust issue. OK. Don't we all at some point?

If this man is someone you communicate with 200%, it seems to me he'll be open to conversation with you. You mentioned that you gave each other your email passwords and that there are no secrets.

It can be awkward to write an email to a recent ex-bedbuddy about holiday gifts. Particularly when there is a new and permanent partner in place. I know. I speak from my own experience in a similar situation. Old bedbuddy knew me to be a person with a long history of having extra-marital partners for long term relationships while still married. After years of remaining in a bad marriage, I finally met someone that I found myself at last in a place that monogomy was appealing as a concept and then satisfying to experience. Particularly after leaving bad relationship with ex-spouse to establish new life with the special someone. First time talking with other past bedbuddies was awkward for me---ex bedbuddies couldn't imagine I really wanted and liked being monogomous with the special someone.

Three years later monogomy is still working for me on day to day living. Lover is aware of my surfing the net and activities such as these. I still don't have the urge to go and play again. I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact I had bedbuddies for 18 years and am finally satisfied. And the fact that we talk to each other about our perceptions and expectations of each other.

From your statements it doesn't seem to me that your man is trying to deliberately hide anything from you. Leaving the email window open on his computer and giving you the passwords doesn't sound like someone with a hiding agenda. And believe it from someone who is a master at hiding things---if he doesn't want you to know, you won't know. Period.

Going from an untrusting relationship to a relationship that has trust can feel surreal and scary. It's the same as going from unhealthy to healthy. The tendency to re-create your previous untrusting relationship in your current relationship is a phenomena that there are many books already written about. Also happens in second marriages. For me, making the transition from an untrusting relationship with ex-spouse to the current trusting relationship was difficult. At first I was used to being an untrusting person and knew how to deal with the world and bedbuddy/lover from that perspective and tended to try to re-create it in my new relationship, even though that's not what I wanted. I didn't know how to consistently trust someone else. After a long time practicing being a trusting person, and receiving positive feedback from another person with the stated position of living life as a trusting/trusted person, the transition has occured for me to looking at the world from a trusting perspective. It took a lot of dedication and communication to succeed.

Yes, I occassionally get burned for having trusted more than I should have, however, in the long term I've found that the circle of people around me has changed to those that look at the world from a trusting perspective rather than the untrusting, cynical perspective of my former self. Like attracts like, health attracts health.

My final comment to you is to keep the lines of communication between yourselves open and engage in conversations to work out solutions that work for both of you as a couple. Maybe including the ex-bedbuddy as a friend for both of you may work at some point in the future, but from the sound of it, right now that doesn't seem to work for you. So let it be and move to another place in the relationship that encourages and continues to support open dialog between you and your man. I believe with continued open dialog you will find your trust level to continue to grow and remain solid. And life will be good.

Good luck.

 

[ovalhed]

I read your original post and found myself wondering if you'd actually sat down and discussed your insecurities about former bedbuddy to any length or detail. You state that you've got a major trust issue. OK. Don't we all at some point?

If this man is someone you communicate with 200%, it seems to me he'll be open to conversation with you. You mentioned that you gave each other your email passwords and that there are no secrets.

It can be awkward to write an email to a recent ex-bedbuddy about holiday gifts. Particularly when there is a new and permanent partner in place. I know. I speak from my own experience in a similar situation. Old bedbuddy knew me to be a person with a long history of having extra-marital partners for long term relationships while still married. After years of remaining in a bad marriage, I finally met someone that I found myself at last in a place that monogomy was appealing as a concept and then satisfying to experience. Particularly after leaving bad relationship with ex-spouse to establish new life with the special someone. First time talking with other past bedbuddies was awkward for me---ex bedbuddies couldn't imagine I really wanted and liked being monogomous with the special someone.

Three years later monogomy is still working for me on day to day living. Lover is aware of my surfing the net and activities such as these. I still don't have the urge to go and play again. I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact I had bedbuddies for 18 years and am finally satisfied. And the fact that we talk to each other about our perceptions and expectations of each other.

From your statements it doesn't seem to me that your man is trying to deliberately hide anything from you. Leaving the email window open on his computer and giving you the passwords doesn't sound like someone with a hiding agenda. And believe it from someone who is a master at hiding things---if he doesn't want you to know, you won't know. Period.

Going from an untrusting relationship to a relationship that has trust can feel surreal and scary. It's the same as going from unhealthy to healthy. The tendency to re-create your previous untrusting relationship in your current relationship is a phenomena that there are many books already written about. Also happens in second marriages. For me, making the transition from an untrusting relationship with ex-spouse to the current trusting relationship was difficult. At first I was used to being an untrusting person and knew how to deal with the world and bedbuddy/lover from that perspective and tended to try to re-create it in my new relationship, even though that's not what I wanted. I didn't know how to consistently trust someone else. After a long time practicing being a trusting person, and receiving positive feedback from another person with the stated position of living life as a trusting/trusted person, the transition has occured for me to looking at the world from a trusting perspective. It took a lot of dedication and communication to succeed.

Yes, I occassionally get burned for having trusted more than I should have, however, in the long term I've found that the circle of people around me has changed to those that look at the world from a trusting perspective rather than the untrusting, cynical perspective of my former self. Like attracts like, health attracts health.

My final comment to you is to keep the lines of communication between yourselves open and engage in conversations to work out solutions that work for both of you as a couple. Maybe including the ex-bedbuddy as a friend for both of you may work at some point in the future, but from the sound of it, right now that doesn't seem to work for you. So let it be and move to another place in the relationship that encourages and continues to support open dialog between you and your man. I believe with continued open dialog you will find your trust level to continue to grow and remain solid. And life will be good.

Good luck.

 

[Guest]

Thank you all for all the comments and points of view

We have talked alot (cried a little). He understands he hurt me, and we are doing very well. I still dont think he truly "understands
why it hurts so much because he really is a nice guy and has no desire to be with someone else, and he consideres "bedbuddy1" just a friend he slept with.

I guess I dont really know how to explain it (maybe its a girl thing), I really dont mind him being friends with any female or even thinking that some of the women here are pretty/sexy or flirting with them. But I cant get past its someone he was intimate with. And it never really bothered me too much (a little yes) when he emailed her, just when I saw him telling her she is "mmmmm" and then offering her a ride without even mentioning to me he was going to and knowing the tension the first ride caused because of the messed up plans. Then not even mentioning me at all in the emails they exchanged. It was if he was coming across as "available". I think for the most part it isnt that I dont trust him, as much as maybe I dont trust her, and that by him wanting to keep her in his life it kinda indicates that he isnt ready to move onto a relationship with me and is keeping her around "just in case it doesnt work with us". Atleast I think those are the biggest reasons its an issue. And I guess my past relationship history has instilled those feelings/reactions in me. He has always been aware of my general insecurities and always very patient with them and he for the most part tries to make me feel secure with him.

I do trust him. I have given this so much thought the past couple weeks, trying to sort out my feelings, see all sides to the situation and trying to be accepting. I dont think I could EVER be friends with her or accept him having a relationship with bedbuddy1. I think its mostly because by them sleeping together it made them "MORE" than just friends. And with the "mmmmm" comment he made implies to me he still has an attraction of some sort. I think that will lead to far too much temptation if we are in a vulnerable spot in our relationship even for the most trustworthy person. He will just have to choose 1 of us or the other. I hate even saying that because I dont like to be the type of person that is like that. But I wont be able to stay in the relationship if he spends time with or wants to be with her. It will hurt me too much and I wont be able to feel secure with him no matter how much I trust him. And I love him alot and I cant imagine my life without him. I have never felt that way about anyone before and that scares me too. I just cant help how I feel about this. The whole situation did effect me that I have pulled back just a little (dont know if thats good or bad) and I am trying to put some walls around my heart in case he decides he cant/doesnt want to be with me. Not to say it wont rip my heart out anyways if that happens, but I have to try to put some self-protection up to ease the pain even if a miniscule amount.

Your sharing your experience has helped a great deal thank you so much. So far we are good, we talk alot, and he does atleast accept not having her actively in his life and having me as a girlfriend at the same time.

Oh, and unregistered...yes I think we moved too fast (kinda didnt realize it though till we already felt deeply for each other), but we are NOT engaged--I cant even see that far ahead. He will be divorced any day now (on paper), but has been separated from his ex-wife since August and he feels the marriage was "emotionally" over about a year prior to that. He has is own insecurities and fears about us moving so fast, and thinking again he found "the one" and maybe being wrong again, and wanting to be sure he isnt totally on the rebound. We are both scared about so many things and trying to guide each other through our fears, doubts, deep feelings to a secure ground. Sometimes there are just some roadblocks we have to work past.

Thanks again, all of you.

 

[J.B.]

Unregistered... Hun...

Here's an update un my life...
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=63904
I would hate for you to go through what I'm going through... So while following your own instincs throw in some of that advise everyone on this board is giving you...

 

[Guest]

Other unregistered

I would like to tell you, firstly (?), I am a heterosexual Male. I am not anti-man. I just know how men think. I understand about nice guys and not so nice guys as well as girls. There is definately a chance this is a legitamate nice guy who just got caught in a bad lookiing situation...but I doubt it.

I understand you were bed buddies at the same time. But did she know you two made the jump to "exclusive"? I doubt that too.

Sensual beings. Dogs in heat. Almost the same. Only wolves mate for life. She is not just anybody walking by. She is someone he had past sexual history with. Physically attractive and satisfying. Even if she knew he was in an "exclusive" relationship with someone else, do you know her well enough to trust she will accept this and forgo the "sexual gratification"? Do you know HIM well enough?

Perfect relationship. I know you never said it was perfect. But to me, what you described to us, all factors into a perfect relationship. Although you have only had a relationship for 3 mos., it is possible he has changed. Be warned...Old habits are hard to break. Especially cold turkey. Every man has his break point. Even the best of us. Sexuality often lowers this breaking point.

Message. She obviously didn't know you had the password. It was not wrong for you to read his e-mail. The idiot gave you permission by giving you his password. He just didn't cover his tracks. Or maybe, due to his fear, he left this hoping you would find it. Consciously (SP?) or sub consciously (SP?).

If you trust him, why the cry for help? You know deep in your heart and mind what really happened. The question is, what will you do about it? Ignore the fact that you, again, are in a relationship with a loser to satisfy your need of acceptace. Or cut your losses and wait for the next deal.

If you really love him, as so stated, and trust he feels the same for you, by all means, this alone dictates you give this relationship another chance.

Don't be stupid. Accept the fact he has cheated on you and go on from there.

For every point I gave you, you had an excuse to defend him. Love is blind, not deaf and dumb. You must be in love.

Please, just be smart about it.

 

[submissive~pet~]

wow gone with the wind didn't take me this long to read.

Sorry for the funning.
thats a lot of writing there.

It's hard to really know what others think.
Talk it out with him.

I am not a dear abby,or even close to being one.
If its true love,he will stop seeing the other person.

Not all males are the same,beleive it or not.
If i am with a person,I don't stray.

Just talk with him,and use some of the advice posted here,and i believe things will work out for the best.