I need some help...

[Mel123]

Hi everyone.

I am a recent college graduate who has had a lot of success at this point in my life. I begin graduate school in the fall, so I still have a bit of school to go. So I really do not have any complaints or problems with my education and professional life.

However, my problem is with my social/personal life. While it may not seem as such to those who know me, I am very very very shy. Needless to say, it has seriously damaged my dating life. I just cannot get the nerve to talk to any females. Sure, I go out to the bars with my friends and such, but I usually just hang around with them and any females that catch my eye, I just cannot get the nerve to talk with.

Even not in a social (bar) setting, I just don't have the nerve to talk with girls. Do I have a fear of rejection? Probably. I have never had much success when it comes to dating, so that also probably plays a part in that...

I would love to hear from any female who might have some suggestions for me. Reply here or send me a PM if you could...I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks in advance!

 

[may-]

Suck it up and be confident. Totally sexy. If you end up looking like a dork, hey, it could be adorably cute. Never know 'til ya try right.



Lol... Meant in the nicest way.

 

[Mel123]

Suck it up and be confident. Totally sexy. If you end up looking like a dork, hey, it could be adorably cute. Never know 'til ya try right.



Lol... Meant in the nicest way.

Ha ha...thank you. I have heard about that before, but I don't know how successful it has been before. Maybe it is worthwhile to give it a shot...

 

[sunandshadow]

Matchmaking? In any community there's usually some friendly person who knows everybody's relationship status and likes to play matchmaker, find one and ask them to set you up with somebody.

 

[Mel123]

Matchmaking? In any community there's usually some friendly person who knows everybody's relationship status and likes to play matchmaker, find one and ask them to set you up with somebody.

While not discrediting matchmaking, I have so far had no luck at all with it. I am up to give it a shot if the opportunity were to arise...

 

[Mel123]

Thank you everyone for your reply so far. Please keep them coming.

Just a quick reminder, while I appreciate your input, I am not interested in guys at all. I am not looking to pick up men at all...thanks!

 

[ABigSexyBlonde]

Have you tried using your women friends?

To sorta "pimp" you out? I have found that the more women friends you have, the more likely you are of them knowing the perfect gal for you. I do this for my single friends all the time...some with success, others not...but, you never know 'til you try!

Good luck!

 

[Mel123]

To sorta "pimp" you out? I have found that the more women friends you have, the more likely you are of them knowing the perfect gal for you. I do this for my single friends all the time...some with success, others not...but, you never know 'til you try!

Good luck!

Not really. Granted, some of them have tried to hook me up with their friends, but that has really not provided much success...

..btw, do you have any single female friends...?

 

[ABigSexyBlonde]

I do, yes...but, the long distance thing never works...

 

[Mel123]

I do, yes...but, the long distance thing never works...

Ah...I missed that you are from North Carolina...thank you for your help!

 

[ABigSexyBlonde]

Not much of a help, but you're quite welcome.

 

[Mel123]

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

 

[Guttergoddess]

Ah...I missed that you are from North Carolina...thank you for your help!

where in PA, Mel?

 

[homeboy84u]

A Suggestion

Mel,
Think of conversaton as a game of Ping Pong. The object of the game is to return the ball back to the other person. If you don't the volley or, in this case, the conversation, has to start all over again. A simple "Hi, how are you?" is a good serve. It puts the ball (conversation) on their side of the net. Just be ready to return it to them when they say something to you. Asking questions is good. People like to talk about themselves. Just don't overdo the questions.
Hope this helps.

 

[Eilan]

If a lack of self-confidence is an issue, sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. It's worked for me in the past.

 

[Exciteher]

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Most cities of any size at all have various inexpensive alternative adult education options, extension classes, etc.

One type of "class" that is all the rage now is about how to flirt. Take one. Take two! Hell, take them all! I know a gal that took one and she really had a blast... and she was a pretty good flirt to start with, I suspect she was just after cheap or limitless thrills.

Seems like the classes would do a few good things...one, is you learn to flirt! Duh!

Another thing is, you are sort of "forced" into a situation where silence is not an option, and since it is "not really flirting"... because it is a class, hey...it will not seem so awkward.

Of course... it is really flirting...but just forget I said that.

Also, since guys do not like to read directions, go to any classes, etc, and especially any girly sounding classes like this, women are often over-represented. You do the math. Might even meet someone you click with!

 

[shy14u]

Just a Thought

Both Homeboy and Eilan have good ideas. To help you fake it remember the word "FOR". F= Friends or Family O= Organization or Occupation R = Recreation. Out of those topics you should be able to find something to talk about. Believe it or not, some of the ladies are as shy as you. Good Luck!

 

[Mel123]

where in PA, Mel?

I am just outside of Erie...and yourself?

 

[Mel123]

Mel,
Think of conversaton as a game of Ping Pong. The object of the game is to return the ball back to the other person. If you don't the volley or, in this case, the conversation, has to start all over again. A simple "Hi, how are you?" is a good serve. It puts the ball (conversation) on their side of the net. Just be ready to return it to them when they say something to you. Asking questions is good. People like to talk about themselves. Just don't overdo the questions.
Hope this helps.

Ah, but it is so hard for me to gather the guts to initiate the conversation...I just don't know what it is or why I am like that. The internet thing is not hard, because there is some level of anonominity there, but in person, it is a completely different ballgame...

 

[Mel123]

Most cities of any size at all have various inexpensive alternative adult education options, extension classes, etc.

One type of "class" that is all the rage now is about how to flirt. Take one. Take two! Hell, take them all! I know a gal that took one and she really had a blast... and she was a pretty good flirt to start with, I suspect she was just after cheap or limitless thrills.

Seems like the classes would do a few good things...one, is you learn to flirt! Duh!

Another thing is, you are sort of "forced" into a situation where silence is not an option, and since it is "not really flirting"... because it is a class, hey...it will not seem so awkward.

Of course... it is really flirting...but just forget I said that.

Also, since guys do not like to read directions, go to any classes, etc, and especially any girly sounding classes like this, women are often over-represented. You do the math. Might even meet someone you click with!

This sounds interesting. I have never even heard of it. However, for now, I am tired of taking classes of anykind, but I will certainly keep it in mind if it is something that I might need once I am done with school...thanks for the suggestion!

 

[Mel123]

Both Homeboy and Eilan have good ideas. To help you fake it remember the word "FOR". F= Friends or Family O= Organization or Occupation R = Recreation. Out of those topics you should be able to find something to talk about. Believe it or not, some of the ladies are as shy as you. Good Luck!

Hmmm...interesting. It's worth remembering and giving a shot if I get the chance...

 

[Guttergoddess]

You don't have to gather a flock of girls...it only takes one....

I'm down in Reading....but I know there are other members in Erie.

 

[RocknRoll]

A method that has worked for me on one or two occasions, which is very simple

1) get a drink
2) look over the local "wildlife"
3) select "target" - whether your going for a one night stand then the "middle" range girls in looks are better to go for.. the "best" looking girls are useally mobbed by men. - though it should be noted that who I often think is the best looking is often not agreed with by mates... either way, the "hot" ones are useally covered with men, don't bother, its hard to get a word in edge ways. Best for small groups or by themsleves.
4) wait until a good moment, walk over, smile and say hi
5) chat normally, bit of slight flirting and see how she takes it, add more or less as nesscary
6) offer to buy her a drink
7) walk her over to the bar and order her a drink and get one of yourself, carry on talking
8) if possible find a seat to chat at while you finish your drink

Generally the best results come from not trying to hard and just being friendly

Prepare yourself for allot of knock backs, and dont give up too quickly. Every time you are knocked down just get back up again

 

[Mel123]

You don't have to gather a flock of girls...it only takes one....

I'm down in Reading....but I know there are other members in Erie.

Oh, I know it only takes one, and not a flock of girls. I'm not exactly looking for a 'flock'...I don't know what I would do with myself at that point...lol.

I am sure there are other members in the Erie area...however (as I am sure it is an issue in a lot of places), the only people that are on here that I ever really see are males. I never see any females from my area on here...maybe they just need to be coaxed out of their corners or something...lol...

 

[Canadian169]

Your not alone in the world pal. Keep your chin up.