I need some female advice!! I want to get a brilliant but reserved girl

[TBOZ]

Dear Lit Community, I know you girls are brutally honest on here so I'd like your feedback on my dilemna.

I have become friends with something of a bombshell. I have a gorgeous girlfriend (for now...), but for some reason I am absolutely attracted to another girl that I'll be around for about another month. I admire her thinking and she's irresistably good-looking. I am a fan of hard-bodies and have never seen anything like this - Also, she knows of a girlfriend in the picture but never asks.

So far I've been emailing back and forth (maybe half dozen a day) and had one perfect evening out with drinks and great music.

My question is 1) whether any of you ladies have been in a situation like this from the female perspective and what you expected/regret; 2) what are my chances; and 3) What's the best way to proceed if I can't help but throw caution to the wind and try to give bombshell a whirl??

Thanks!

 

[Goey]

The fact you've already asked what your chances are means that you've thrown your current relationship in the bin already. If your current girlfriend isn't working, sort that out before going on a flight of fancy.

At least then you can end that and have a foundation to stand on.

Then things can go either way. The new girl could loose interest in you rapidly because your no longer forbidden fruit, have only met for a SINGLE evening, and your now-ex can have a laugh with her girls and move onto better things.

Or maybe it'll work and something can actually become of it because you sorted out your current relationship before jumping in.

 

[LadyVer]

Ditto to Goey.

 

[TBOZ]

It's so hard to just let my white-whale swim away! Thank you for the input though - I agree with your reasoning I just want this girl if that makes sense.

 

[Flybigirlsea]

The fact you've already asked what your chances are means that you've thrown your current relationship in the bin already. If your current girlfriend isn't working, sort that out before going on a flight of fancy.

At least then you can end that and have a foundation to stand on.

Then things can go either way. The new girl could loose interest in you rapidly because your no longer forbidden fruit, have only met for a SINGLE evening, and your now-ex can have a laugh with her girls and move onto better things.

Or maybe it'll work and something can actually become of it because you sorted out your current relationship before jumping in.

You are right on Goey

 

[Goey]

It's so hard to just let my white-whale swim away! Thank you for the input though - I agree with your reasoning I just want this girl if that makes sense.

A man wanting to put his penis in something? Not often you see that...

 

[njlauren]

If you think you really fancy the new girl then I recommend breaking up with current GF and going for it. Trying to have your cake (your old GF) to fall back on while pursuing new girl is bound to fail, for a number of reasons (including that new GF will sense the hesitancy and you won't have the motivation to put the full court press on new GF if you have old gf to fall back on)....It is kind of like Cortez burning his ships when he reached the new world, to give his troops motivation to make a go.... Plus most women in the position of new GF don't want to be the 'other women', they want to see commitment and even fairly cold, vain people know when they are cutting in on other person's territory....

It is a good test, if you can't break up with current GF you probably don't fancy new girl all that much....

 

[Goldeniangel]

Chances are you're just lusting after the forbidden, something you want but you can't have. And right now you're investing more energy in lusting after her than you are in enjoying your current girlfriend.

Why aren't you taking your girlfriend out for a perfect evening with drinks and music? Why are you spending your time emailing with this other chick? Are you telling her things that you're not telling your girlfriend?

You're pretty much already emotionally cheating on your girlfriend by denying her these parts of yourself and you're attention that you're giving to this other girl. If you really think that you have a better connection with this other girl and you want to see if something can go somewhere, then man up and let your current girlfriend go before trying to start something new.

If you're just looking for a quick lay before you can go back to your girlfriend and your regular life, then you still need to break up with your girlfriend so that she can find someone who actually deserves her.

If you realize, reading through this, how unfair you're being to your girlfriend, how much you love her and how much you really want to make THAT relationship work, then you make the conscious decision to stop flirting with this other chick and be faithful to the relationship that truly fulfills you and makes you happy.

 

[TBOZ]

Excellent point! I am officially a fan of your optimism and motivational-forum-posting ability.

I am not sure I am in the market for a second girlfriend - just a one month fling until we part ways. I don't even know if I can sleep with the new girl in that amount of time - but I damned sure want to put my cards on the table (along with her) and see where the cookie crumbles (hopefully on my face as I light a ship on fire).

 

[nayia]

I'm with Goey, pick one or the other but don't try to have both. And no matter who you choose give her your full romantic attention. Unless you and the current gf talk about it and she's okay with you having a fling, and the other girl is okay with being a fling. And if you are sure you can keep the other girl a fling and no more.

 

[TBOZ]

Chances are you're just lusting after the forbidden, something you want but you can't have. And right now you're investing more energy in lusting after her than you are in enjoying your current girlfriend.

Why aren't you taking your girlfriend out for a perfect evening with drinks and music? Why are you spending your time emailing with this other chick? Are you telling her things that you're not telling your girlfriend?

You're pretty much already emotionally cheating on your girlfriend by denying her these parts of yourself and you're attention that you're giving to this other girl. If you really think that you have a better connection with this other girl and you want to see if something can go somewhere, then man up and let your current girlfriend go before trying to start something new.

If you're just looking for a quick lay before you can go back to your girlfriend and your regular life, then you still need to break up with your girlfriend so that she can find someone who actually deserves her.

If you realize, reading through this, how unfair you're being to your girlfriend, how much you love her and how much you really want to make THAT relationship work, then you make the conscious decision to stop flirting with this other chick and be faithful to the relationship that truly fulfills you and makes you happy.

You're assuming I have this new girl barking at me already! We went out and ended up having some unplanned fun + lively banter. I'll marinate on the lust/like thing but I'm afraid i'm attracted to her by more than her nice butt. Lookswise the current g/f may be better anyway. Too hard for me to compare but it's definitely not a purely physical choice on my part.

 

[chipcarver]

If you're looking then you're not happy with your current situation. Man up and do what's right by your current GF. Spend your time and energy making her happy. Or tell her it's not working and take your chances elsewhere.

I could almost guarantee if you have this fling your current GF will find out. Hopefully it won't be by going to the doctor and finding out you have given her something. Although it would serve you right.

 

[Goey]

Chances are you're just lusting after the forbidden, something you want but you can't have. And right now you're investing more energy in lusting after her than you are in enjoying your current girlfriend.

Why aren't you taking your girlfriend out for a perfect evening with drinks and music? Why are you spending your time emailing with this other chick? Are you telling her things that you're not telling your girlfriend?

You're pretty much already emotionally cheating on your girlfriend by denying her these parts of yourself and you're attention that you're giving to this other girl. If you really think that you have a better connection with this other girl and you want to see if something can go somewhere, then man up and let your current girlfriend go before trying to start something new.

If you're just looking for a quick lay before you can go back to your girlfriend and your regular life, then you still need to break up with your girlfriend so that she can find someone who actually deserves her.

If you realize, reading through this, how unfair you're being to your girlfriend, how much you love her and how much you really want to make THAT relationship work, then you make the conscious decision to stop flirting with this other chick and be faithful to the relationship that truly fulfills you and makes you happy.

I think this post says everything that needs to be said.
Emotional cheating may not be as "bad" as sleeping with someone else to you but it's a much more dangerous road and one that will hurt your current gf a lot more f you choose to go down it in secret.

If you feel you can communicate better with this new girl than your partner then your current relationship is defiantly something you need to seriously think about.

I'm not going to say choose because your current one will find out anyway, statistically you have a good chance of getting away with it. Nor am I going to tell you to choose to be a "man" because to me being a man just means your the male sex.

But you should either end it or talk to your current partner because it's simply the right thing to do.

 

[PhilGarlic]

why asking

Mate, why are you asking for a womans input?

If you can get bombshell in bed great, if you can get bombshell in bed with girlfriend even better. If you can get into bed with bombshell and girlfriend.......

but if either of them wont play, you in big trouble.

 

[Goey]

Mate, why are you asking for a womans input?

If you can get bombshell in bed great, if you can get bombshell in bed with girlfriend even better. If you can get into bed with bombshell and girlfriend.......

but if either of them wont play, you in big trouble.

I would say I feel sorry for you gf, but with that attitude she's probably already cheating on you anyway.

 

[PhilGarlic]

you

I would say I feel sorry for you gf, but with that attitude she's probably already cheating on you anyway.

You only know the half of it, long time married, and faithful, with two daughters to put me in line every time I say or do something sexist. I sometimes have to let go, get it out my system.

And my wife assures me she has always been faithful.

 

[Goey]

Sexism is best enjoyed within the company and privacy of friends.
If a man wants to drink and make sexist jokes I'm fine with that. A joke is a joke, it's nothing to be taken serious.

But responding to a topic where someone is seeking advice with "bang them both" is defiantly not the place for it.

 

[PhilGarlic]

hmmm

Sexism is best enjoyed within the company and privacy of friends.
If a man wants to drink and make sexist jokes I'm fine with that. A joke is a joke, it's nothing to be taken serious.

But responding to a topic where someone is seeking advice with "bang them both" is defiantly not the place for it.

I think your opinion may be valid, but if you cant have a bit of humor in a reply on here where can you. The bottom line in my reply is that he will end up in trouble if you try for both.
And some of the best sexist jokes or put downs have come from my eldest daughter, even without drink.

 

[wicked woman]

She's way out of your league. Really, how on earth do we know what your chances are?

As another option, since you just want a fling, try being honest with them. Tell gf you want an open relationship, making it clear she can go for someone else too. Get her to agree and discuss any boundaries required. Then go tell brilliant bombshell you're in an open relationship and would love to have sex with her. There are people that are quite fine with both situations, as long as there is honesty around it. If these women aren't then you know where you stand.

 

[Goldeniangel]

You're assuming I have this new girl barking at me already! We went out and ended up having some unplanned fun + lively banter. I'll marinate on the lust/like thing but I'm afraid i'm attracted to her by more than her nice butt. Lookswise the current g/f may be better anyway. Too hard for me to compare but it's definitely not a purely physical choice on my part.

It sounds to me like you need to let your current G.F. go. You mention that you want a one month fling with this other chick? Then go for it. But do yourself and your gf the favor of letting her free so that she can find someone who wants to commit whole hearted to her.

I'm giving this advice based on your questions, which make it sound like you're asking permission to go after new girl while keeping your current g.f. And no dude... no matter how you spin it, that's not right. If you want to play around and then get back together with your current, then she needs to have the same opportunity.

Who knows. Maybe there's a guy she's playing "what if" with too and she'll appreciate the opportunity to be single for a little bit with the understanding that you still care about her and want to remain in touch. Of course, she might just never want to see you again, but I can guarantee that being honest with her is better than lying to her and cheating on her.

 

[TBOZ]

Tail b/w the legs!

Based on the female input - my prospective ladyfriend will really think I'm a scumbag for trying unless I am single. I'll feel it out and not make ambitious moves until I talk with her; then if it's time to shake up the relationships I'll know from there. It's very hard for me to let an opportunity sail by but I'm sure females are used to it since it's so easy to get laid and, as a guy, I should learn to do the same.

Also hilarious is the split in male/female opinion. The two ambitious gents voted for: 1) burn the ships and charge it; and/or 2) try for a 3Bee.

I'll keep you all posted! I'm thankful for this problem (Is there a better problem to have in the world?) and to you all for advice.

 

[LadyVer]

Why did you ask for opinions? Sounds like you're going to do what you want to do anyway as it's so easy to get laid.

 

[Goey]

I'm sensing "feeling it out" in this case means "Drag the GF along until new girl defiantly wants me and then dump her because I'm a coward"

 

[LadyVer]

I'm sensing "feeling it out" in this case means "Drag the GF along until new girl defiantly wants me and then dump her because I'm a coward"

Bingo.

 

[Goldeniangel]

Based on the female input - my prospective ladyfriend will really think I'm a scumbag for trying unless I am single. I'll feel it out and not make ambitious moves until I talk with her; then if it's time to shake up the relationships I'll know from there. It's very hard for me to let an opportunity sail by but I'm sure females are used to it since it's so easy to get laid and, as a guy, I should learn to do the same.

Also hilarious is the split in male/female opinion. The two ambitious gents voted for: 1) burn the ships and charge it; and/or 2) try for a 3Bee.

I'll keep you all posted! I'm thankful for this problem (Is there a better problem to have in the world?) and to you all for advice.

Wow... that's really low. So you're going to keep your current G.F. hanging while you see if you can get something "better"? There's a reason your prospective lady friend would think you're scum if you try to get together with her while you're in a relationship. It's because guys who do that ARE scum. Both your prospective lady friend and your g.f. deserve a heck of a lot better than half your attention, or really ANY of your attention if you're really a guy that would do that.

Guys like you are what give men a bad name.