i need some advice

[Guest]

Dear Literotica Forum i need some advice on a matter, im a young man who was born with a disability called spina bifida and i use a wheelchair to get around. Because of the disability women tend to ignore me what can i do to make myself more attractive to women any and all advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated sincerely and respectfully mg357

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Dear Literotica Forum i need some advice on a matter, im a young man who was born disabled and i use a wheelchair to get around. Because of the disability women tend to ignore me what can i do to make myself more attractive to women any and all advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated sincerely and respectfully mg357

Perhaps you should look for women who are also disabled, and more likely to be understanding of your circumstance. There must be web sites, or groups on the Internet that focus on situations such as yours. If not, create a web site of your own. There are a lot of places like Yahoo and MSN where you can create your own group for free.

 

[SweetErika]

Did you read this thread that I posted in your last thread on this topic? If not, I'd suggest starting there.

Women will be much more likely to overlook your disability if you have an outstanding personality and confidence. From your posts here, it seems like you need to work on both, since you come across as somewhat desperate and whiny (neither of which are attractive to women).

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

To mg357

Did you read this thread that I posted in your last thread on this topic? If not, I'd suggest starting there.

Women will be much more likely to overlook your disability if you have an outstanding personality and confidence. From your posts here, it seems like you need to work on both, since you come across as somewhat desperate and whiny (neither of which are attractive to women).

SweetErica illustrates my point vividly. People who have been fortunate of never having to suffer the emotional pain of a permanent disability, are usually intolerant of those who have. She reveals her intolerance with the Freudian slip, “overlook your disability”, rather saying, “accept your disability”. There is a difference. People who are tolerant, “accept” people as they are, not just overlook their short-comings.

This is why I suggested that it might be easier to find someone who has experienced, (and understands), the emotional pain that goes with permanent disability. Certainly, continue posting here, it is an interesting forum; however, I think you will find most of the women here intolerant of anyone different from themselves.

 

[unregistered]

 

[fuckmeat]

If you have a chip on your shoulder where women are concerned, you need to get over that.

For example, sometimes people who have been cheated on take that bitterness into their next relationship and mistrust their new partner, despite having no justification. They expect their loved one to account for their whereabouts at all times, even dress more modestly and shun any friends that make their partner feel threatened. The upshot of all that, time and again, is that the new relationship fails because of the paranoia of the person who'd been cheated on.

What I'm trying to say here is that if you believe absolutely that your disability is always going to be an issue where women are concerned, it will be.

Obviously, you need to look at yourself objectively as a package deal. Make the best of your good qualities and talents. Make the best of yourself physically, have pride in your appearance and be approachable. If a woman looks at you, smile. Smile just like any regular guy would on making eye contact with a girl. Go out of your way to show that you're not touchy about your disability. Don't be afraid to discuss it frankly with anyone interested enough to ask.

At all times in social situations, keep these things in mind: -

Nobody is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you are.

People will pity you but mostly in direct proportion to how much you pity yourself.

Sure, you'll probably strike out more than Mr Average would but that doesn't mean Mrs Right isn't around the next corner. View failed attempts as practice and experience because believe me, most guys do.

Find venues where you're going to meet people you actually want to date. If your health condition has a charity, getting involved in fundraising is a great way to meet new people (healthy or with the same issues) who can genuinely empathise with you.

If you don't mind, we could maybe offer more specific insight if you would tell us the nature of your health problem and the extent to which it affects you.

 

[Que]

i agree with erica that women do not like desperation...i don't necessarily agree that you for certain are projecting that in so called real life but given the constant rejection most likely you are...

I had a broken leg and I learned something interesting from the experience.

well besides the fact that pain hurts.

I was on crutches for 6 months...they had shaved the bone to prevent a possible infection.. it wouldnt knit...i was able to hobble around because of a steel rod holding it all together and supporting (barely) my weight. so for the next two years I was on a cane.

the difference was remarkable...

this wasnt women specific but it applies to your situation.

On crutches random strangers would ask me "how'd you do it?'

THE DAY i proudly was able to walk in public on a cane NO ONE met my eye. Even more so i would say women. NO one wanted to "stare at the cripple".

I pushed the point. Hard.

I would smile and say hello to every damn even reasonably attractive woman i met. They'd almost always get a deer in the headlight look. As children we are taught its not polite to stare at peoples misfortunes..so we avoid eye contact altogether.

The thing is you CAN use this to your advantage. Milk it. just say hi...and stare. they are stuck...what do they do not say hi back..they will feel they cant disengage without being rude...take it as long as you can stand it then dismiss them...have them hold a door or whatever...tell them well. ive got to be going.

For no reason at all when they are struck dumb...(apologies in advance to those that are mute.) just announce (briefly) why it is you are in the chair, or how long you have been there AS IF THEY HAD asked.

it works.

come to think of now that im single and able boddied, fuck it im going to go get me a cane.

edit interesting read this post on the thread erica mentioned same exact thing when the cast is off..when the cast is of you should go forth and be healed like Christ raising Lazerus presumedly...

 

[SweetErika]

To mg357

SweetErica illustrates my point vividly. People who have been fortunate of never having to suffer the emotional pain of a permanent disability, are usually intolerant of those who have. She reveals her intolerance with the Freudian slip, “overlook your disability”, rather saying, “accept your disability”. There is a difference. People who are tolerant, “accept” people as they are, not just overlook their short-comings.

This is why I suggested that it might be easier to find someone who has experienced, (and understands), the emotional pain that goes with permanent disability. Certainly, continue posting here, it is an interesting forum; however, I think you will find most of the women here intolerant of anyone different from themselves.

Oh, FFS. You don't know me, or what disabilities I do or do not have. Yet instead of asking me to clarify, you've attacked me over one fucking word.

 

[Adrraiya]

Dear Literotica Forum i need some advice on a matter, im a young man who was born with a disability called spina bifida and i use a wheelchair to get around. Because of the disability women tend to ignore me what can i do to make myself more attractive to women any and all advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated sincerely and respectfully mg357

mg357

I am more fortunate than most in that I have met some of the most incredible wheelchair-bound people in the US... Birmingham, AL has a US Olympic training facility for ParaOlympic athletes..... I am not talking Special Olympics... I am talking rough & tough Real Olympics for people who happen to be paraplegics or quadraplegics

There was a movie made about the US ParaOlympic Wheelchair Rugby Team..... the name of the movie is Murderball.... it is a highly regarded documentary movie

US ParaOlympic Sports: http://usparalympics.org/

Murderball movie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murderball_(film)

The men in this movie talk about every part of their life & how it is affected by living in a wheelchair... including dating & sex.... they also talk about self-confidence & being "the best person you can be" regardless of the limits of wheelchairs

I rented it from Netflix several years ago, perhaps they still have it available for rental.

I personally think that the movie Murderball should be required viewing for all High School Seniors... I believe that it would inspire many & I also think it would challenge the paradigms of how folks view disabled people... in essence, help generate a paradigm shift while also inspiring youth to be confident in who they are as well as challenging them to be the best person they can be



I have had the privileged and the honor of meeting many of the men in that movie as well as many folks training in Wheelchair Rugby (Olympic hopefuls) as well as other ParaOlympic sports.... because of my own disabilities, I also use the facilities at Lakeshore Foundation and have met them while they are in training.


You might be surprised when I tell you that there are several that I have met that I would give my eye-teeth to have a date with (when I was single).... but... I was the one without the confidence.... I will never know if any one of those guys who I found intriguing (and sizzling hot, I should add) would have ever gone out with me because I never pushed beyond general conversation & while they are at Lakeshore, they don't have much time to sit around & chat

You might not even know that you are someone that some woman (or women) find attractive... and you won't know until you pursue at least a conversation

 

[satindesire]

Oh, FFS. You don't know me, or what disabilities I do or do not have. Yet instead of asking me to clarify, you've attacked me over one fucking word.

Yet again, showing how much of a hypocrit he is by complaining that all he ever gets here is negativity and hatefulness.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika, don't stress about nasty deeds. everyone with 2 brain cells to rub together knows he's just a garden variety attention whore.

ed

 

[subwannabe]

All I would ad is that maybe you need to talk to a counselor. Having said that, my other best advice is to maybe get to know someone first, like over the internet, and then after you get to know them better let them know that you are in a wheelchair. There's no way around the fact that many may dump you just because of that, that's just the hard reality. If however, you can show someone a great personality who isn't desperate or whiney, you will eventually find some who are willing to look over your disabilities and have some kind of relationship with you. And, there are some women out there who aren't whores that might find it a little bit of a turn on to help you ought, so to speak, and it may also give them a good feeling knowing that they put a smile on someone's face that day. Good luck and have reasonable expectations for your situation.