I need some advice...

[katherine]

Hi, everyone! I've been lurking awhile, and now I really need some help! My husband and I have talked for awhile with friends about swinging. I'm totally into it, and I thought he was too, but last night my best friend and I started to get some "dirty talk" going on instant message and involve our men. Well, DH wasn't really into it, so I ran with the keyboard and started talking with my friend's husband. After a few minutes, I had to stop because DH was NOT liking it one bit. Part of it was that I picked the REALLY wrong night to try this, but part of it is that he gets really jealous. How can I get him to be more open to this? I think we'd have a fabulous time if he could loosen up, but he's really not the type to express himself too much. I'd still like to play with our friends on the instant messenger, he works late, so he'd never know, but I'm not sure if that would be right. I'm really confused!!! What do you all think? Thanks -- Katherine

 

[Juliet]

Swinging

Jealousy is completely a normal thing in any relationship but letting it get out of control can also destroy any relationship.

My husband and I started out somewhat like the two of you chatting on-line. But there were several times when he would become extremely jealous of the attention I received on-line. After many nights of pillow talk and some rather heated discussions, we both felt that we were ready to take the plung of meeting in real life with a man we had been chatting with on-line. When we did finally meet him we were both ok with the situation until after my husband had an orgasm. At that point his "little green monster" took over and I knew that if the guy touched me one more time he would kill him. Once the third was gone, we were able to talk through things and reassure each other that even though we had shared my body my heart was still in the same place. Just remember there is a fine line between jealousy and eroticism and once the two of you can come to terms with that it can be an enjoyable experience.

Now more than a year later we have found sharing with other select people can be a very fascinating and exciting experience for both of us. We have managed through trial and error to work through the jealousy but even now it comes out from time to time.

I personally don't recommend doing anything with the other husband behind his back because it could only make for tension between the four of you should you ever get together. Communication is very important in this lifestyle and if you start keeping secrets early on it will only make it more difficult to be open and honest with your spouse later on. Also know that for some, the fantasy of seeing your spouse with someone else is just that....a fantasy, and can be a very uncomfortable experience when the fantasy becomes reality. For most once you realize you can have your cake and eat it too, it can be one of the most exciting experiences of your life.