Chimney Sweep
Kind of a big deal
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2003
- Posts
- 114
Howdy!
I started a new story the other day and I've reached a turning point. Only a page and a half, but I need to decide now where to take this, and that's where you guys come in.
Please read the beginning (below) and give me your opinion on the following: Do I go hot wild monkey sex or a slow romantic burn? Or something else? Opinions wanted! Thanx!
Carolyn stays late at the office.
Carolyn dropped her glasses on her blouse, the slight silver chain on the ends keeping it in place, as she rubbed her eyes. She sighed and slumped into her chair away from the glowing PC screen. Reams of paper lay strewn around her crowded cubicle, reports and reports about reports, numbers without end. She was tired. More than just body tired, more than just mentally drained, she was exhausted in her soul.
Her husband had left 5 years ago and her only son was away at college for his freshman year. The house was so empty she dreaded it and spent much of her free time at work putting in extra hours. Not that it was much of an improvement but at least she was getting something done. Wasn’t she?
She stood and stretched her tiny frame, all 5 feet of it. She shuffled off to the ladies room in her frumpy, comfy shoes to relieve herself, bowed by weariness. The numbers never end, she thought. There are always more numbers to crunch. Killing time lets time kill you, and crunching numbers lets the numbers crunch you eventually. She chuckled inwardly at her play on words, then immediately soured on how little it took to amuse her now.
As she left the ladies room she paused to look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t understand. She was almost 50 but she didn’t look it. She was still petite, still had her good looks, still had most of her figure, even if her butt was slowly widening from all it’s time in that damn seat. Her red hair was well styled and pretty, she thought.
“So why am I alone?”
There were lines on her face, a slight sag to the skin under her chin, and gravity was wining a few limited skirmishes around her body.
“Still…I’m not hideous. Am I?”
Depressed even further, she walked slowly back to her isolation chamber, back to the numbers. She was half a foot shorter than the cubicle walls and always felt like she was lost in a maze. Fortunately it was late enough that her coworkers were gone and not able to bowl her over as they rounded the corners without seeing her. She recognized how sad it was that she actually enjoyed those collisions. For one brief moment she could prove she still existed, that she could be touched.
No such encounters met her this time. She returned to her cubicle without incident and settled back into her butt-numbing chair in front of her mind-numbing computer at her soul-numbing job. Again she sighed deeply, and again she rubbed her eyes, wondering if she were at the beginning or the end of some monotonous cycle of inaction.
“Hey, no sleeping on the job!”
Carolyn jumped, startled at the sudden intrusion into her dismal reverie. Danny was making his rounds of the paperwork boxes, looking for last-minute jobs left by late-workers, and had stopped by to chat. He knew she worked late and often dropped in for a few minutes.
“Hi, Danny,” she said, turning her chair to face him, still standing in the doorway. She liked Danny. Probably too much. He was tall, very tall to her, and had an affable quality that made him easy to talk to. Plus, he looked damn good in a tight pair of blue jeans.
“Why are you always here?” he asked.
“I guess it’s just what I do,” she replied. She swiveled her chair to face him and crossed her legs. Her dress was fairly long and for a moment she wished she had worn something shorter, perhaps something that might catch Danny’s attention. But of course that was ridiculous. Danny was half her age.
“I think you need a new hobby. You are the only person left on this floor.”
“I know. I like the quiet but it does get lonely.” She tried to be subtle but she couldn’t help letting her eyes linger a bit on his frame. He was a strongly built man, tall and wide-shouldered, and as always he wore tight blue jeans that made her think improper things. She picked up her glasses and placed them on her face, trying to shield her guilty gaze from his notice.
“There is no need for you to be lonely, Carolyn.” What was that in his voice? Reassurance? Sympathy?
“I feel the same way but it never seems to change.” He stood there in the doorway, leaning against the partition wall, and she could smell his cologne. He smelled good and she breathed him in deeply.
“Would you like it to change?” he asked. Again with that tone. What was he getting at?
“What do you mean?” she asked, perplexed.
I started a new story the other day and I've reached a turning point. Only a page and a half, but I need to decide now where to take this, and that's where you guys come in.
Please read the beginning (below) and give me your opinion on the following: Do I go hot wild monkey sex or a slow romantic burn? Or something else? Opinions wanted! Thanx!
Carolyn stays late at the office.
Carolyn dropped her glasses on her blouse, the slight silver chain on the ends keeping it in place, as she rubbed her eyes. She sighed and slumped into her chair away from the glowing PC screen. Reams of paper lay strewn around her crowded cubicle, reports and reports about reports, numbers without end. She was tired. More than just body tired, more than just mentally drained, she was exhausted in her soul.
Her husband had left 5 years ago and her only son was away at college for his freshman year. The house was so empty she dreaded it and spent much of her free time at work putting in extra hours. Not that it was much of an improvement but at least she was getting something done. Wasn’t she?
She stood and stretched her tiny frame, all 5 feet of it. She shuffled off to the ladies room in her frumpy, comfy shoes to relieve herself, bowed by weariness. The numbers never end, she thought. There are always more numbers to crunch. Killing time lets time kill you, and crunching numbers lets the numbers crunch you eventually. She chuckled inwardly at her play on words, then immediately soured on how little it took to amuse her now.
As she left the ladies room she paused to look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t understand. She was almost 50 but she didn’t look it. She was still petite, still had her good looks, still had most of her figure, even if her butt was slowly widening from all it’s time in that damn seat. Her red hair was well styled and pretty, she thought.
“So why am I alone?”
There were lines on her face, a slight sag to the skin under her chin, and gravity was wining a few limited skirmishes around her body.
“Still…I’m not hideous. Am I?”
Depressed even further, she walked slowly back to her isolation chamber, back to the numbers. She was half a foot shorter than the cubicle walls and always felt like she was lost in a maze. Fortunately it was late enough that her coworkers were gone and not able to bowl her over as they rounded the corners without seeing her. She recognized how sad it was that she actually enjoyed those collisions. For one brief moment she could prove she still existed, that she could be touched.
No such encounters met her this time. She returned to her cubicle without incident and settled back into her butt-numbing chair in front of her mind-numbing computer at her soul-numbing job. Again she sighed deeply, and again she rubbed her eyes, wondering if she were at the beginning or the end of some monotonous cycle of inaction.
“Hey, no sleeping on the job!”
Carolyn jumped, startled at the sudden intrusion into her dismal reverie. Danny was making his rounds of the paperwork boxes, looking for last-minute jobs left by late-workers, and had stopped by to chat. He knew she worked late and often dropped in for a few minutes.
“Hi, Danny,” she said, turning her chair to face him, still standing in the doorway. She liked Danny. Probably too much. He was tall, very tall to her, and had an affable quality that made him easy to talk to. Plus, he looked damn good in a tight pair of blue jeans.
“Why are you always here?” he asked.
“I guess it’s just what I do,” she replied. She swiveled her chair to face him and crossed her legs. Her dress was fairly long and for a moment she wished she had worn something shorter, perhaps something that might catch Danny’s attention. But of course that was ridiculous. Danny was half her age.
“I think you need a new hobby. You are the only person left on this floor.”
“I know. I like the quiet but it does get lonely.” She tried to be subtle but she couldn’t help letting her eyes linger a bit on his frame. He was a strongly built man, tall and wide-shouldered, and as always he wore tight blue jeans that made her think improper things. She picked up her glasses and placed them on her face, trying to shield her guilty gaze from his notice.
“There is no need for you to be lonely, Carolyn.” What was that in his voice? Reassurance? Sympathy?
“I feel the same way but it never seems to change.” He stood there in the doorway, leaning against the partition wall, and she could smell his cologne. He smelled good and she breathed him in deeply.
“Would you like it to change?” he asked. Again with that tone. What was he getting at?
“What do you mean?” she asked, perplexed.
Instead of having them drop to the floor right there, have him take her out of the office and to a restaurant. There slowly seduce her until she's putty in his arms and he takes her to his place for lots of sensual lovemaking. 
Why not play with that? It makes it human and humorous where this poor woman is lost and lonely. Let me feel her face burn from that embarrassment and her heart pound because he shows her the smallest affection. Yummy..
So passionate that they see nothing but each other and have no care in the world!
