I need more signs

[SeaCat]

I wish I could afford to make a bunch of those "I'm Stupid" signs. I could hand them out on a daily basis.

Today was a good case in point.

Earlier in the week I took the bike out for a ride and when we got back it was once again not running correctly. At least this time it waited until we pulled into the parking area before it quit. It has two problems, One I know about and started working on today. (The Front Brake failed again.) The other is what shut down the engine and I'm not sure what that's going to be. (And people wonder why I'm saving up for a new bike? I'm getting tired of constantly working on this bike.)

So this morning I wander out to the bike hauling one of my tool boxes and start working on the front brakes. (A dual disk system.) I drain the entire system, take apart the Master Cylinder and clean everything up before putting it back together.

Then I start on the calipers themselves.

I had just removed the Calipers and Pads when my neighbor who had been watching me work comes walking over. He stands there for a minute looking at the parts layed out around me then asks that fateful question.

"Having problems with the brakes?"

Damn it, I was biting my tongue not to fire back a wiseassed reply. It took me a minute before I could tell him that I was indeed having problems with my brakes. (Oh for a sign to give him.)

Thankfully for me this was the only one today and it certainly isn't near the best of those I have encountered over the years.

Anyone out there have some signs?

Cat

 

[Stella_Omega]

"No, what made you think that?."

 

[Handley_Page]

"No, I'm practising for my Mechanic's exam"

 

[SeaCat]

"No, what made you think that?."

I was thinking of telling I was just trying to figure out how to break them.

Cat

 

[Katyusha]

"'Nope, just thought I'd see if they had enough dirt in them.' Here's your sign."

 

[TE999]

"I'm bored, so I thought I'd take this thing apart for fun. Here's your sign."

I always enjoyed this one:

"Choppin' wood, Zeb?"

"No Luther, I'm carving a bowl of soup."

 

[SeaCat]

One of my favorites happened a while back when I was still on the Fire Department.

It was truly early in the morning when my pager went off for a house fire. I responded as was usual for me by rolling out of bed and into my Bunker Gear before thudding off to the car.

As soon as I fired up the engine I hit the strobes and took off for the station. I make it about half way to the station when I'm surprised by blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. You have got to be kidding right?

Well I pull over and sure enough he pulls in behind me. Okay now I'm getting irritated.

So here I am sitting on the side of the road. I have red strobes flashing on my dashboard. I'm wearing a heavy set of bunker gear with my helmet sitting beside me. On the back of my car is the Department Sticker. Oh and there is no way I was speeding. (I'm driving an old Ford Escort and had been on the road all of half a mile.)

This cop comes walking up to my car, shines his light around the inside of the car then asks me, (I'm not kidding you on this.) "Where's the Fire?"

Right after he asks this the engine rolls past lights flashing and siren wailing. I look up at the cop and without thinking told him: "Where they're going asswipe."

Needless to say I got a ticket and needless to say the Chief was pissed when he found out. (I didn't have to pay the ticket either.)

Cat

 

[Katyusha]

This cop comes walking up to my car, shines his light around the inside of the car then asks me, (I'm not kidding you on this.) "Where's the Fire?"

Right after he asks this the engine rolls past lights flashing and siren wailing. I look up at the cop and without thinking told him: "Where they're going asswipe."

Needless to say I got a ticket and needless to say the Chief was pissed when he found out. (I didn't have to pay the ticket either.)

Cat

Sounds like what I would've said.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

"Nope, just checkin' the brake dust level, the light keeps coming on when I stop."

 

[EmeraldKitten]

I wish, for one day, where I could just fire off that smart ass comment.
All day long, to everyone who needs it. I do it to my friends now. But oh, to do it to strangers...

However, I fear that by the end of the day, my smart-assy little mind would be exhuasted.
I bet I would run out of witty things to come back with.
There aren't enough hours in the day.

Love it, Seacat.

 

[SeaCat]

Today in work one of my R.N.'s insisted that one of her and my patients be walked in the hall. I protested this because of the patients condition and the possibility of an embarrasing moment for the patient. The R.N., (Not the brightest bulb in the box,) insisted and informed me that I would be written up for negligence if I didn't walk the patient. She said this in front of the patient mind you.

A short time later the patient and I were walking in the hallway. Now this patient has a tumor impacting against nerves near the base of her spine. This causes pain as well as loss of muscle control. Her pain is controled with Morphine.

Sure enough as we walked down the hall the lack of muscle control as well as the side effects of the narcotics became evident. Behind herself she was leaving a trail of rabbit pellets. One every foot or so.

The R.N. coming out of a room saw this and came running up to us. In a rather loud voice she asked me:

"Is she having a bowel movement?"

I couldn't help myself.

"Nope, we're just leaving a trail of crumbs so we can find our way back to her room."

This got the patient laughing and the R.N. confused. She didn't understand the answer.

She spent the next half hour cleaning up the mess while I got the patient back into her room.

I'm sure I'll have a complaint lodged against me by the R.N. but the patient has already promised that she will not only be lodging a complaint against the R.N. but giving my boss an earful about how I treated her.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

I wish, for one day, where I could just fire off that smart ass comment.
All day long, to everyone who needs it. I do it to my friends now. But oh, to do it to strangers...

However, I fear that by the end of the day, my smart-assy little mind would be exhuasted.
I bet I would run out of witty things to come back with.
There aren't enough hours in the day.

Love it, Seacat.

I never run out of replies, unfortunately.

I say unfortunately because I often get in trouble with them.

Cat

 

[EmeraldKitten]

I never run out of replies, unfortunately.

I say unfortunately because I often get in trouble with them.

Cat

You? In trouble?? Never! lol.

P.S. like the new story too.

 

[Moonlight1027]

I work as a waitress at a restaurant that only has highchairs that clip onto the side of the table. Often when I bring one out to a table that has asked for a highchair they will look at me and ask if we have any of the freestanding ones. I have even had people ask if I'm sure, usually in a very condescending manner. There are sometimes it is so hard for me not to just look at them and say, "Yeah we have the other kind of highchairs I just like bringing this one out for fun."