I need help

I thought it was fantastic. Especialy the part where she is teasing her husband with the fantacy. It is by far the climax of the story. Unfortunatly it was over too soon, i think you could have expanded it a lot. It would also have given you the opportunity to develop her character a bit more.

The way it is written she seems to jump awfully quickly from loving wife who doesnt seem to want to cheat to talking about the stud she is going to fuck. If you expanded the fantacy part a little, maby including some more dialogue with her husband explaining why she is now turned on by the idea, it would add a lot to the story. Especialy since that seems to be the major conflict of the piece.

I too am a little worried about the characters, i liked them both and am a little concerned i will end up hateing one or both of them. but thats my problem not yours

cheers
spyro
 
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