I need feedback please

[Freakalicious]

The first story I have ever published on here only has 3 comments. I would like some ideas on how to inprove my writing please.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=460295

its My Lost Date in the gay male section.
Thanks all

 

[sr71plt]

It wasn't a story, really--and this is a case where I would have been embarrassed to be mentioned as the editor, as it wasn't edited very well. The category confuses. Is the narrator a woman or a transvestite man? It was put in GM, which left the impression they were all male. If the narrator is female, this is very shallow, because there isn't a hint of reaction from her in seeing two men going at it when she was showing up for a date with one of them. Sort of a juvenile piece, sorry.

Might also note that three comments is pretty good for the GM category. GM readers are more prone to just reading and leaving, without either voting or commenting, than readers in most other categories are.

 

[newman9800]

I read on your story.That' fine,Thank's for sharing.
_______________________________________________
Credit Card Debt
Remortgage Deals

 

[Freakalicious]

It wasn't a story, really--and this is a case where I would have been embarrassed to be mentioned as the editor, as it wasn't edited very well. The category confuses. Is the narrator a woman or a transvestite man? It was put in GM, which left the impression they were all male. If the narrator is female, this is very shallow, because there isn't a hint of reaction from her in seeing two men going at it when she was showing up for a date with one of them. Sort of a juvenile piece, sorry.

Might also note that three comments is pretty good for the GM category. GM readers are more prone to just reading and leaving, without either voting or commenting, than readers in most other categories are.

thanks for your imout, I will act upon your suggestions.