Posted this in story feedback but I think this is a better place:
---edited this thanks to meg1-----
Beginning of my story:
That moment when I saw her changed all our lives forever. It had taken me a few days to piece together little snippets of talk that Andrew, my son had said over the dinner table as we ate our meals before the confused and troubled boy ran next door to continue “playing” with his best friend Jake.
The questions a twelve year old boy asked while we ate our meals where on subjects that no child should be asking.
“What is a clitoris?”
“How can pain be enjoyable?”
“Why are all girls whores?”
Ginny, my wife’s face dropped each time he asked a question. I asked him where he heard these things and he just muttered, “Around.”
After he would be excused, Ginny and I would talk about the disturbing turn in topics that our son was interested in. A few times I wondered if his friend next door, Jake was filling his head with these things.
Jake was the same age as Andrew, and as far as we could tell, he was a good innocent boy just like Andrew. That summer, the two of them had been inseparable, riding their bikes together, going to the park and fishing at the pond together, and just hanging our together.
Jakes family seemed to be okay as well. Ginny was friendly with Gertrude, Jakes mother and I waved to Fred each time I saw him outside. Jake had an older brother named Jeff, who I suspected was the one who was putting these thoughts into Andrew’s head, but wasn’t sure how to address the issue, short of banning Andrew from seeing his best friend all summer long.
Gertrude’s niece was staying with them. Her name was Melanie. Her parents had died in an accident a few months ago and Melanie came to live with Gertrude and her family. Melanie was a small blonde haired girl. She was (maybe eighteen?) and she always seemed sad. She had become friendly with Andrew and Jake, and had avoided Jeff as far as I could see.
As I pondered over the last meal, before Andrew had left to go over to the house next door, I wondered what his last cryptic words to me meant.
“Dad, if you had a secret and knew that it was wrong, would it be okay to break the secret, even if you got into trouble yourself?”
These words gave me pause. I kept my face straight and looked at him. He couldn’t meet my eyes.
“I think it would be your duty to break that secret if it was wrong.” I said.
I paused to let him talk. He was not forthcoming. I prodded him.
“Is there some secret you need to tell me?” I asked.
His face flushed and he shook his head no.
He quickly excused himself and asked to go next door.
Ginny and I were upset. Something was wrong.
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I'm working on a story and I'm worried. I'm thirteen pages in and am just getting to the start of the story. The first thirteen pages set up the story and background and relationships and I feel that it's important to have that backstory, actually integral, but I'm doing a hell of a lot of telling instead of showing and am afraid that people will not read that far to get to the meat of the story.
Anyone want to do a read through and give me their opinions?
The story is basically a romance as a man tries to heal a broken woman. There is some brutality in it so it is not for the faint of heart, but there is healing and love here.
P.S. I'm not sure if terms and conditions will allow me to post that the trauma happens when she was seventeen...
---edited this thanks to meg1-----
Beginning of my story:
That moment when I saw her changed all our lives forever. It had taken me a few days to piece together little snippets of talk that Andrew, my son had said over the dinner table as we ate our meals before the confused and troubled boy ran next door to continue “playing” with his best friend Jake.
The questions a twelve year old boy asked while we ate our meals where on subjects that no child should be asking.
“What is a clitoris?”
“How can pain be enjoyable?”
“Why are all girls whores?”
Ginny, my wife’s face dropped each time he asked a question. I asked him where he heard these things and he just muttered, “Around.”
After he would be excused, Ginny and I would talk about the disturbing turn in topics that our son was interested in. A few times I wondered if his friend next door, Jake was filling his head with these things.
Jake was the same age as Andrew, and as far as we could tell, he was a good innocent boy just like Andrew. That summer, the two of them had been inseparable, riding their bikes together, going to the park and fishing at the pond together, and just hanging our together.
Jakes family seemed to be okay as well. Ginny was friendly with Gertrude, Jakes mother and I waved to Fred each time I saw him outside. Jake had an older brother named Jeff, who I suspected was the one who was putting these thoughts into Andrew’s head, but wasn’t sure how to address the issue, short of banning Andrew from seeing his best friend all summer long.
Gertrude’s niece was staying with them. Her name was Melanie. Her parents had died in an accident a few months ago and Melanie came to live with Gertrude and her family. Melanie was a small blonde haired girl. She was (maybe eighteen?) and she always seemed sad. She had become friendly with Andrew and Jake, and had avoided Jeff as far as I could see.
As I pondered over the last meal, before Andrew had left to go over to the house next door, I wondered what his last cryptic words to me meant.
“Dad, if you had a secret and knew that it was wrong, would it be okay to break the secret, even if you got into trouble yourself?”
These words gave me pause. I kept my face straight and looked at him. He couldn’t meet my eyes.
“I think it would be your duty to break that secret if it was wrong.” I said.
I paused to let him talk. He was not forthcoming. I prodded him.
“Is there some secret you need to tell me?” I asked.
His face flushed and he shook his head no.
He quickly excused himself and asked to go next door.
Ginny and I were upset. Something was wrong.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm working on a story and I'm worried. I'm thirteen pages in and am just getting to the start of the story. The first thirteen pages set up the story and background and relationships and I feel that it's important to have that backstory, actually integral, but I'm doing a hell of a lot of telling instead of showing and am afraid that people will not read that far to get to the meat of the story.
Anyone want to do a read through and give me their opinions?
The story is basically a romance as a man tries to heal a broken woman. There is some brutality in it so it is not for the faint of heart, but there is healing and love here.
P.S. I'm not sure if terms and conditions will allow me to post that the trauma happens when she was seventeen...
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