I may be asking for it (No pun intended) I have questions.

[VeronicaSexie]

I keep looking at the BDSM threads and have chatted with a few men from other sites about being a subbie. I guess my main question is can you do this within limits, or does it have to be totally controlled by your master?

However, it is like at times, I am turned on by the whole concept, and on the other hand I do not like certain aspects of it. Such as the gagging and collars, cages. Severe pain is definitely not something I like. I do like the idea of soft silk scarves, being tied to a bed and used sexually. At one time I thought I would never look at anything to do with it again, but I keep coming back, reading RP and stories that do get me hot.

Is it a deep hidden desire of mine or just curiosity. I know you cannot read my mind, I am just a little confused and don't want to start something with a Dom and then regret it or get into a situation where I would be terrified or hurt.

Please be nice. I am just a little naive about the whole thing. I do love a dominate man.

Thanks,

Veronica

 

[FFOTS4Life]

I keep looking at the BDSM threads and have chatted with a few men from other sites about being a subbie. I guess my main question is can you do this within limits, or does it have to be totally controlled by your master?

However, it is like at times, I am turned on by the whole concept, and on the other hand I do not like certain aspects of it. Such as the gagging and collars, cages. Severe pain is definitely not something I like. I do like the idea of soft silk scarves, being tied to a bed and used sexually. At one time I thought I would never look at anything to do with it again, but I keep coming back, reading RP and stories that do get me hot.

Is it a deep hidden desire of mine or just curiosity. I know you cannot read my mind, I am just a little confused and don't want to start something with a Dom and then regret it or get into a situation where I would be terrified or hurt.

Please be nice. I am just a little naive about the whole thing. I do love a dominate man.

Thanks,

Veronica

Hey Veronica,

Welcome to the BDSM Board!

I would say that limits are whatever you want them to be. Just because collars and gags are right for one person doesn't mean that they are right for someone else.

BDSM is such a broad term...it in compasses so much. I think for everyone who lives and practices within this lifestyle, their likes and dislikes are different. For you it is finding someone who can accept your limits.

I personally am not in a 24/7 M/s relationship...I don't think it would work for me right now...but obviously many others around here find that it works well for them.

It's all about what's right for you. It depends on what you are looking for. Do you want to start out with an OL dom? Or maybe you feel you are ready for a RL experience - perhaps looking for a local munch would be a good place to start.

Whatever it maybe make sure you explore in a safe place...and remember that it is your body...you need to set limits and make sure your partner understands those limits.

Good Luck - Fotsie

 

[Harmony_1985]

Like Fotsie said, its all about finding what you're comfortable with.

Being submissive isn't about what makes you happy going out the window to please a dominant. The both of you should discuss what you are and are not wanting to do out of what you do and make sure that you're both happy and safe in what you're doing.

Try different things out. Check out the BDSM Library in the main forum and do some reading before you try things and find out what you think you'll like and dislike then try them out. You may find afterwards you didn't like it but thats ok. I'm really new to all of this too, but I'm learning loads from talking to different people.

A good dom will always listen to what you want.

Talking to people on here I've found is one of the best ways to explore if you don't have a munch nearby (which I don't, closest is over 45 miles away!) because there's such a spectrum of experience here.

And don't be afraid to ask questions, its one of teh ways you learn!

Good luck honey.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi VeronicaSexie

Just as there are lots of pyls (pick your label - subs, slaves, bottoms, masochists etc) who want different things, so too there are loads of PYLs (Pick Your Label - doms, masters, tops, sadists etc) who are seeking very different things in a partner. With a bit of time and discernment you'll find a guy whose needs and wants complement yours. No genuine dominant wants to do anything against a pyl's will so even if you made a mistake regarding compatibility, a simple safeword or otherwise calling a halt to things should be more than enough for any decent, self respecting guy to stop whatever he's doing and re-negotiate boundaries with you. A BDSM checklist is a handy tool and you can google for one with minimal effort. They tell you what things a person has first hand experience of and what things they're interested in trying out.

We often say here that BDSM is a buffet of activities and you just take the things you want from it and leave the rest. Every PYL knows that regardless of how much they desire to serve, a pyl gets into BDSM because of deep seated needs that they have themselves. Your needs are no less important than your partner's, which is why you should stick to your guns and select one carefully.

There are no stupid questions really. We've all been newbies at one time or another. I hope you find what you seek.

 

[Primalex]

Is it a deep hidden desire of mine or just curiosity. I know you cannot read my mind, I am just a little confused and don't want to start something with a Dom and then regret it or get into a situation where I would be terrified or hurt.

You like kinky sex. This is fine. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with being a submissive. Find someone who enjoys kinky sex, too, and live happily with him. Limiting your search to Doms will disappoint you - and the Doms. There are zillions of guys out there who will match better than the average Dom.

 

[Sir Victor]

I keep looking at the BDSM threads and have chatted with a few men from other sites about being a subbie. I guess my main question is can you do this within limits, or does it have to be totally controlled by your master?

However, it is like at times, I am turned on by the whole concept, and on the other hand I do not like certain aspects of it. Such as the gagging and collars, cages. Severe pain is definitely not something I like. I do like the idea of soft silk scarves, being tied to a bed and used sexually. At one time I thought I would never look at anything to do with it again, but I keep coming back, reading RP and stories that do get me hot.

Is it a deep hidden desire of mine or just curiosity. I know you cannot read my mind, I am just a little confused and don't want to start something with a Dom and then regret it or get into a situation where I would be terrified or hurt.

Please be nice. I am just a little naive about the whole thing. I do love a dominate man.

Thanks,

Veronica

Have you looked into the difference between a sub and a slave? You might want to fill out a limits check list after you learn a bit more.

 

[graceanne]

I didn't look at anyone else's response, so my apologies if I repeat information.

First off, not everyone likes the same thing. BDSM is rather fluid, with everyone having different 'limits'. (A limit is what we call something we're unwilling to do. A soft limit is something we're wiling to consider or be persuaded to do.)

The idea is to find someone who has compatable limits. To do that you want to fill out checklists (both you and your perspective SO). A checklist is a list that has ALL the fetishes on them. It gives you an good idea of limits, and you can find out the limits of your perspective SO. You can find a list of checklists here.

And good luck!

 

[daddiespet]

I keep looking at the BDSM threads and have chatted with a few men from other sites about being a subbie. I guess my main question is can you do this within limits, or does it have to be totally controlled by your master?

However, it is like at times, I am turned on by the whole concept, and on the other hand I do not like certain aspects of it. Such as the gagging and collars, cages. Severe pain is definitely not something I like. I do like the idea of soft silk scarves, being tied to a bed and used sexually. At one time I thought I would never look at anything to do with it again, but I keep coming back, reading RP and stories that do get me hot.

Is it a deep hidden desire of mine or just curiosity. I know you cannot read my mind, I am just a little confused and don't want to start something with a Dom and then regret it or get into a situation where I would be terrified or hurt.

Please be nice. I am just a little naive about the whole thing. I do love a dominate man.

Thanks,

Veronica

Like with all sexuality, BDSM is a spectrum. Some people want it 24/7, a TPE type situation and others only enjoy it as a part time thing. There is no right/wrong just make sure you and your PYL are on the same page.